What a crap night

[DavidJames]

Feeling like poo tonight. Kind of very frustrated and fed up. It's the summer and everyone is out partying and I'm sat here at home with only meds to give me a buzz. Totally frustrated that I can’t do my web design stuff because of the side effects.


Will I ever get my career back? Not whilst I’m a zombie - the future seems grim - but I’m trying.

Why am I sat here feeling like this? I lost my job, then the plot and everything has unstitched from there. I can't believe how central money is to life. Everything fails without money. I don’t mean to patronise by that statement I just need to say it for myself.

Where would I like to be tonight? I'd love to be at some kind of party with girls and booze and loud music to dance too. I could seriously do an all nighter partying; I’d work through the meds. I don’t know the last time I partied all night until I watched the sun come up. Actually I do it was about 7 years ago at a rave up the hills in Llangollen. So much has happened since then.

I do like this forum although I'm new to it I find great comfort it visiting and reading and contributing. It takes my mind off things when it starts racing.


Felt like I needed to get that off my chest. Might have just about stopped me from crying.

Dave

[kittikat]

Sorry that you are feeling bad tonight, I am sure many of us will relate to what you are saying.

I used to have those feelings, envy that I was stuck inside four walls frightened to go anywhere and everyone around me just seemed to be getting on with living. It is part of the process though, you will get stronger and you will have those nights out again. It just doesn't seem like it now.

I guess looking at myself I just had to accept that my life was so different with anxiety. Once I came to terms with that, I had to accept that I was the only one who could pull myself through the tough times. You do have that power within you but it will take some time to move forward.

Small steps can help, start off trying to do something you feel like you could achieve to help you move forward, however small a step it may be. The side effects of the meds should wear off soon and by then you may be in a position to make some plans to help boost your confidence and take the first steps towards your recovery. CBT helped me too.

I agree that this site is a great comfort, at least you know you are not alone. And sometimes just getting things off your chest helps put things into perspective.

I am nowhere near where I want to be 20 months after my breakdown, but when I look back I have made so much progress - so there is always hope if you have the power and coping strategies to challenge the anxiety. I wish you well and hope things start to improve for you soon.

Take care, Kitti :)

[Speranza]

Aw, sorry to hear that David, but cheer up - it's the Pub Quiz tomorrow! ;)

[DavidJames]

Thanks for that guys, diazepam kicking in now so I'm kind of coming to terms with the fact I'm stuck in.

Kittikat: 20 months is a long time. It must be really difficult for you. I don't know if I could wait 20 months so I admire you for that. As for the small steps well I'm trying and struggling with my website. It's just so complicated trying to code when I'm so forgetful. I don't know what other project to do that's simpler that absorbs me so much (other than my daughter during the day of course!).

Speranza: How do you play pub quiz online? That sounds fun, what time?

Thanks both,

Dave

[Speranza]

Go to the Chat room at around 9pm. Someone will explain! They open a new room and ask questions, when everyone has answered you get to see all the answers. There aren't any scores, you just have a laugh. It's fun! :) And they always need new people to do questions, I'm just seeing how it goes for a few weeks and then I'll send some.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=138634 <----- Pub Quiz

[kittikat]

Good to hear the diazepam is kicking in :D

I understand what you mean about being forgetful, I do wonder if it's because I am not using my brain to it's full potential or the meds...probably a combination of both really lol...having your daughter around will be a great distraction for now, that's probably why the evenings that are worse, as you are tuning into yourself more (less to occupy the mind) I hope you find something to relieve the feelings you have and that is able keep you absorbed. Good luck.

[DavidJames]

Go to the Chat room at around 9pm. Someone will explain! They open a new room and ask questions, when everyone has answered you get to see all the answers. There aren't any scores, you just have a laugh. It's fun! :) And they always need new people to do questions, I'm just seeing how it goes for a few weeks and then I'll send some.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=138634 <----- Pub Quiz


Okay lol sounds good, I'll write a note so I don't forget (because I will if I dont ha!)

See you there!

---------- Post added at 00:56 ---------- Previous post was at 00:53 ----------


Good to hear the diazepam is kicking in :D

I understand what you mean about being forgetful, I do wonder if it's because I am not using my brain to it's full potential or the meds...probably a combination of both really lol...having your daughter around will be a great distraction for now, that's probably why the evenings that are worse, as you are tuning into yourself more (less to occupy the mind) I hope you find something to relieve the feelings you have and that is able keep you absorbed. Good luck.

Well I was like this last year and it took me some time to come around. It comes back eventually but the side effects of these meds may take a little longer for me to get over I'm thinking/feeling.

Thank you kittikat x