W.I.F.T.S.
13-10-06, 08:53
I'm feeling really fed up today cos I came in from dropping my gf off at work (not feeling great anyway) and my gran chased me into the kitchen:
"what are you doing about work?"
"there's nothing wrong with you"
"you can't live like this"
"that's no good"
"...so you don't like your job. get on with it"
I tried to explain to her that I'm taking some time off because I've been feeling especially depressed, exhausted and anxious and that I need the rest, the time to look for another job and the flexibility to be able to take time off for interviews, psychological assessments and training courses.
It makes me so angry that she can come in and try and be really bossy and aggressive with me and undermine my confidence like that. My course starts at the begiining of december and it's only for 4 days, after which I'll be able to work in football coaching. So, it's perfectly reasonable for me to temp for 6 weeks. But, she makes me feel under that much pressure to do what she wants me to do that I dare not fail with what I want to do.
She's not all there herself! I really feel like giving it her back big time, but she wouldn't take in what I said, she'd probabaly sling me out or make me feel worse. The worst of it is that I went to Uni to get as far away from my family as possible and I came home because I wasn't well and I needed to feel in a safe place- but being here with my gran and my dad has almost certainly made me worse. I'm 30 and I get told to tody me room! And they're always bitching about me behind my back, my dad stirring it with my gran. Sometimes i really hate the ****ing lot of them!!
My dad'd had a heart attack and now he's found out that he's got diabetes too and he still eats chips, pies, pate, bacon, sausages, he's out drinking lots and he's smoking. I really feel like giving up on them because worrying about them and trying to please them is one of the biggest things that has made me ill.
I'd move out, but I couldn't afford it and I still don't feel well enough for such a big step.
Atleast my mum and my bro try and help a bit, but they're forever talking behind my back too. Why can't people just be nice to me and try and support me? I don't want to fall out with them. I've made huge efforts to build bridges with them and I've gone out of my way to help them. Why do they have to constantly be so negative and critical? It honestly feels like they don't like me. I know that my bro got it when he lived here and that it really did his head in too.
I really just feel like I need some sanctuary where nobody has a go at me and where I'm popular, respected, loved. It is so easy to feel depressed and that situations like this have to be endured because there is no alternative. [V]
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
"what are you doing about work?"
"there's nothing wrong with you"
"you can't live like this"
"that's no good"
"...so you don't like your job. get on with it"
I tried to explain to her that I'm taking some time off because I've been feeling especially depressed, exhausted and anxious and that I need the rest, the time to look for another job and the flexibility to be able to take time off for interviews, psychological assessments and training courses.
It makes me so angry that she can come in and try and be really bossy and aggressive with me and undermine my confidence like that. My course starts at the begiining of december and it's only for 4 days, after which I'll be able to work in football coaching. So, it's perfectly reasonable for me to temp for 6 weeks. But, she makes me feel under that much pressure to do what she wants me to do that I dare not fail with what I want to do.
She's not all there herself! I really feel like giving it her back big time, but she wouldn't take in what I said, she'd probabaly sling me out or make me feel worse. The worst of it is that I went to Uni to get as far away from my family as possible and I came home because I wasn't well and I needed to feel in a safe place- but being here with my gran and my dad has almost certainly made me worse. I'm 30 and I get told to tody me room! And they're always bitching about me behind my back, my dad stirring it with my gran. Sometimes i really hate the ****ing lot of them!!
My dad'd had a heart attack and now he's found out that he's got diabetes too and he still eats chips, pies, pate, bacon, sausages, he's out drinking lots and he's smoking. I really feel like giving up on them because worrying about them and trying to please them is one of the biggest things that has made me ill.
I'd move out, but I couldn't afford it and I still don't feel well enough for such a big step.
Atleast my mum and my bro try and help a bit, but they're forever talking behind my back too. Why can't people just be nice to me and try and support me? I don't want to fall out with them. I've made huge efforts to build bridges with them and I've gone out of my way to help them. Why do they have to constantly be so negative and critical? It honestly feels like they don't like me. I know that my bro got it when he lived here and that it really did his head in too.
I really just feel like I need some sanctuary where nobody has a go at me and where I'm popular, respected, loved. It is so easy to feel depressed and that situations like this have to be endured because there is no alternative. [V]
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.