Orange Lightning
21-07-13, 17:48
Please, please, please help. I've never had so many dark thoughts in my life. I'm pretty certain I have LPR (silent reflux) and it's really affecting my quality of life from the moment I wake up to the moment I (in theory) fall asleep. Food is half of anybody's quality of life, as I'm sure we all know, so having to restrict myself in what I eat is terrible.
I suffer from symptoms like a burning throat, mucus, gas stuck in the throat, a sore/raw throat and a lump in the throat. While you could attribute some of these to anxiety, the fact is I'm anxious all day, every day, wondering when my suffering is going to get worse. It all points to LPR reflux. Excercise makes me worse - even standing up makes me belch - and even on the strictest reflux diet, with alkaline water and nothing acidic at all for at least 4 months, I have yet to improve. Antidepressents, reflux medications and lifestyle changes do nothing either.
I'm only 22 - I can't go on for another potential 60+ years like this. I've been doing my best to convince my family and GP to help, but nobody believes me, in fact they're stripping me of my medication and forcing me to eat a "normal" diet, going so far as to dig through my possessions to make sure I'm not buying any medication behind their backs. Everyone thinks I'm trying to "crave attention" or that I'm "a compulsive liar." They always play the "some people suffer much more than you" card, but I have to suffer without ANY relief every day and with the potential of things developing into a terminal, incurable cancer; at least other people can ease their suffering one way or another. I refuse to suffer any longer like this, but I can't afford to pay to see a specialist in private and NHS queues are at least 4 months long. So all that keeps running through my head is how to... well, die. And that's the quickest way I could relieve my endless suffering, right?
I don't have it in me to take any life, least of all my own, but my family once caught me typing a post like this and scolded me rather than helped me. For as long as I have to watch everything I eat, drink and do in life, I can never truly be happy, especially when I have to suffer debilitating pain every day. Surely I have an excuse to end myself for this? The though scares me though...
Please help, what can I do? I'm already undergoing CBT and I can't escape the fact I'm going to suffer like this for many, many years unless it somehow can ALL be caused by anxiety. :weep:
EDIT: Even right now, when I was typing this post I got symptoms. Why me?!
I suffer from symptoms like a burning throat, mucus, gas stuck in the throat, a sore/raw throat and a lump in the throat. While you could attribute some of these to anxiety, the fact is I'm anxious all day, every day, wondering when my suffering is going to get worse. It all points to LPR reflux. Excercise makes me worse - even standing up makes me belch - and even on the strictest reflux diet, with alkaline water and nothing acidic at all for at least 4 months, I have yet to improve. Antidepressents, reflux medications and lifestyle changes do nothing either.
I'm only 22 - I can't go on for another potential 60+ years like this. I've been doing my best to convince my family and GP to help, but nobody believes me, in fact they're stripping me of my medication and forcing me to eat a "normal" diet, going so far as to dig through my possessions to make sure I'm not buying any medication behind their backs. Everyone thinks I'm trying to "crave attention" or that I'm "a compulsive liar." They always play the "some people suffer much more than you" card, but I have to suffer without ANY relief every day and with the potential of things developing into a terminal, incurable cancer; at least other people can ease their suffering one way or another. I refuse to suffer any longer like this, but I can't afford to pay to see a specialist in private and NHS queues are at least 4 months long. So all that keeps running through my head is how to... well, die. And that's the quickest way I could relieve my endless suffering, right?
I don't have it in me to take any life, least of all my own, but my family once caught me typing a post like this and scolded me rather than helped me. For as long as I have to watch everything I eat, drink and do in life, I can never truly be happy, especially when I have to suffer debilitating pain every day. Surely I have an excuse to end myself for this? The though scares me though...
Please help, what can I do? I'm already undergoing CBT and I can't escape the fact I'm going to suffer like this for many, many years unless it somehow can ALL be caused by anxiety. :weep:
EDIT: Even right now, when I was typing this post I got symptoms. Why me?!