MissDVL
21-07-13, 20:47
This is my first post so first of all, hello to you all :)
I'm hoping that I can get some advice and outside perspective from some like-minded people on this site. I feel like I've exhausted every other avenue of remedies for anxiety and depression so this is my last shot!
I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 14. This worsened nearly 4 years ago when I had my son. I had post-natal depression for about 9 months, tied in with a baby who wouldn't sleep, had colic and constantly cried and brought up his milk so constantly hungry, all while being by myself as his father and I had split.
Since that period of depression lifted, I have had some serious ups and downs. My panic attacks have become a regular, almost expected, part of my life and at any given moment when I feel happy, I can never enjoy it as I know that when there is an up, there will always be a down.
My anxiety is the bane of my life at the moment. My current OH is in prison until March 2014. Although we get to see each other 3-4 times a month while he is on day release and home leave, those times in between are a killer. There is no substance in my worries, purely the fact that my mind seems to dwell on 'what ifs' and always sees the negatives in things. Our relationship is perfect in every way except for the obvious and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I only have 8 months to wait until we can have a proper relationship. I'm just scared that 'something' will happen to ruin it all, whatever that 'something' is.
My confidence in my parenting has taken a whacking, despite the fact I know I have a beautiful, intelligent and polite little boy who everyone adores. I just don't feel worthy of him sometimes. I work full time to keep a roof over our heads but constantly worry about money, but at the same time every payday comes and I buy things I don't need purely because it makes me feel better.
I've been seeing a counsellor for about 7 months, which is helping me understand where my emotional issues come from (stuff to do with how I felt alone and abandoned as a child), but in the here and now it doesn't alleviate my feelings. I was on 20mg of citalopram for nearly a year, which was upped to 30mg in June, and then switched to sertraline when I felt it wasn't working anymore. I feel like it takes the edge off things, but doesn't have me where I need to be.
I struggle with my self esteem every day, I take offence at things which others wouldn't and doubt myself, the way my son sees me as his mum, the way my boyfriend loves me. I just wish I could go back to being the confident, happy 19 year old I was 4 years ago, but don't even know where to start.
Any advice/similar experiences would be greatly appreciate...sorry for the long post :(
Dani x
I'm hoping that I can get some advice and outside perspective from some like-minded people on this site. I feel like I've exhausted every other avenue of remedies for anxiety and depression so this is my last shot!
I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 14. This worsened nearly 4 years ago when I had my son. I had post-natal depression for about 9 months, tied in with a baby who wouldn't sleep, had colic and constantly cried and brought up his milk so constantly hungry, all while being by myself as his father and I had split.
Since that period of depression lifted, I have had some serious ups and downs. My panic attacks have become a regular, almost expected, part of my life and at any given moment when I feel happy, I can never enjoy it as I know that when there is an up, there will always be a down.
My anxiety is the bane of my life at the moment. My current OH is in prison until March 2014. Although we get to see each other 3-4 times a month while he is on day release and home leave, those times in between are a killer. There is no substance in my worries, purely the fact that my mind seems to dwell on 'what ifs' and always sees the negatives in things. Our relationship is perfect in every way except for the obvious and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I only have 8 months to wait until we can have a proper relationship. I'm just scared that 'something' will happen to ruin it all, whatever that 'something' is.
My confidence in my parenting has taken a whacking, despite the fact I know I have a beautiful, intelligent and polite little boy who everyone adores. I just don't feel worthy of him sometimes. I work full time to keep a roof over our heads but constantly worry about money, but at the same time every payday comes and I buy things I don't need purely because it makes me feel better.
I've been seeing a counsellor for about 7 months, which is helping me understand where my emotional issues come from (stuff to do with how I felt alone and abandoned as a child), but in the here and now it doesn't alleviate my feelings. I was on 20mg of citalopram for nearly a year, which was upped to 30mg in June, and then switched to sertraline when I felt it wasn't working anymore. I feel like it takes the edge off things, but doesn't have me where I need to be.
I struggle with my self esteem every day, I take offence at things which others wouldn't and doubt myself, the way my son sees me as his mum, the way my boyfriend loves me. I just wish I could go back to being the confident, happy 19 year old I was 4 years ago, but don't even know where to start.
Any advice/similar experiences would be greatly appreciate...sorry for the long post :(
Dani x