Luckyduck
22-07-13, 00:19
So anxiety sucks!
Well everyone gets it. Yeh like saying that helps!.
Lets go back to when I was 20. Currently 24 now.
The summer before I started uni I went travelling.
It was amazing. During this time I felt my first panic attack.
I managed to do a very stupid thing and take some drugs.
I had a bad trip that night but recovered a few hours later and I was fine.
This was never an issue for me. (Just to give you a little background).
4months later im at uni. Moved in with some girls who I thought were really nice. Basically they turn out to be evil.
Im not going to go into any detail but lets just say if I ever saw them again.... Well.
So for 5months after quitting uni im at home with panic and anxiety not knowing what it is. As a child and even up to 20 I had never really experienced anxiety. Ok job interviews or extreme stuff but I allways like a challenge. I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie.
I eventually have my doctor do a home visit.
She puts me on citlopram.
Then I have to wait another couple of months to get seen by the local mental health people.
After a while I start getting CBT sessions. All is going well. Until I am taken off the meds and the sessions are over.The only downfall is the CBT sessions are only 12. This wasnt long enough for me and the fact that my meds were stopped at the same time. Not a good combination.
So 2months after my progress with the CBT I start to go down hill.
A year down the line I get a new batch of CBT.
Things are going great until half way through when in my mind I doom the therpy sessions as I make myself believe that the same will happen this time with what happened with my first lot of therpy.
Well I didnt finish the CBT sessions.
This put me into a depression and I further retreated into myself. I wouldnt come out of the house for just over a year.
Then a miracle happened. My psycharitrist recommeded I see a therpyist one to one. So my psyc has put me on citlopram to take the edge off. So I am able to see the therpyist.
I cant tell you how much my therpyist has helped me. I have battled with her over my beliefs of whether I will ever get better and I have been very stubbon.
I have been seeing her for a little over 1 year now.
I have gone from daily panic attacks some 5-8 a day to 1 maybe a month. If that. I still get anxious in new situations or if I go on long journeys but its still early progress.
I wouldnt leave my house.
Now today as an example I drove 30+ miles to view a car. Met people I have never met. To a place I have never been and even managed to enjoy it. Straight after that I went shopping to a big morrisons not far from home, which I have never been to and walked around the whole place and got the weekly shop.
If you told me even 5months ago that I would be doing this id tell you to F%ck off. :)
Ok so I still have down days or not so great days but I now realise that we all have them and I take it easy on myself.
Im not back into work or jetting off to Auz to bungie jump YET. But this feeling of happyness and actually relief if im honest is so comforting. I can see the "light". I believe and even if its a smaller ammount that I am and will get fully better.
I wanted to share this with you all. Just to let you know that things can work. Its effing hard and I wanted to quit about a thousand times but working hard and getting the right support will get you to where you want to be. Happyx
Well everyone gets it. Yeh like saying that helps!.
Lets go back to when I was 20. Currently 24 now.
The summer before I started uni I went travelling.
It was amazing. During this time I felt my first panic attack.
I managed to do a very stupid thing and take some drugs.
I had a bad trip that night but recovered a few hours later and I was fine.
This was never an issue for me. (Just to give you a little background).
4months later im at uni. Moved in with some girls who I thought were really nice. Basically they turn out to be evil.
Im not going to go into any detail but lets just say if I ever saw them again.... Well.
So for 5months after quitting uni im at home with panic and anxiety not knowing what it is. As a child and even up to 20 I had never really experienced anxiety. Ok job interviews or extreme stuff but I allways like a challenge. I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie.
I eventually have my doctor do a home visit.
She puts me on citlopram.
Then I have to wait another couple of months to get seen by the local mental health people.
After a while I start getting CBT sessions. All is going well. Until I am taken off the meds and the sessions are over.The only downfall is the CBT sessions are only 12. This wasnt long enough for me and the fact that my meds were stopped at the same time. Not a good combination.
So 2months after my progress with the CBT I start to go down hill.
A year down the line I get a new batch of CBT.
Things are going great until half way through when in my mind I doom the therpy sessions as I make myself believe that the same will happen this time with what happened with my first lot of therpy.
Well I didnt finish the CBT sessions.
This put me into a depression and I further retreated into myself. I wouldnt come out of the house for just over a year.
Then a miracle happened. My psycharitrist recommeded I see a therpyist one to one. So my psyc has put me on citlopram to take the edge off. So I am able to see the therpyist.
I cant tell you how much my therpyist has helped me. I have battled with her over my beliefs of whether I will ever get better and I have been very stubbon.
I have been seeing her for a little over 1 year now.
I have gone from daily panic attacks some 5-8 a day to 1 maybe a month. If that. I still get anxious in new situations or if I go on long journeys but its still early progress.
I wouldnt leave my house.
Now today as an example I drove 30+ miles to view a car. Met people I have never met. To a place I have never been and even managed to enjoy it. Straight after that I went shopping to a big morrisons not far from home, which I have never been to and walked around the whole place and got the weekly shop.
If you told me even 5months ago that I would be doing this id tell you to F%ck off. :)
Ok so I still have down days or not so great days but I now realise that we all have them and I take it easy on myself.
Im not back into work or jetting off to Auz to bungie jump YET. But this feeling of happyness and actually relief if im honest is so comforting. I can see the "light". I believe and even if its a smaller ammount that I am and will get fully better.
I wanted to share this with you all. Just to let you know that things can work. Its effing hard and I wanted to quit about a thousand times but working hard and getting the right support will get you to where you want to be. Happyx