lofwyr
23-07-13, 01:58
So I finally did it. I made my third appt with my GP Doc for the stomach thing I am having, and a couple other things I am not freaked over. But after I make the appointment, every time, I feel shame, like why the hell am I going to the doctor again. He will tell me it is nothing, the tests always come back clean, and I feel like a fool. Sometimes I find myself looking for real reasons to go to the doctor, like a physical or to change up meds, so that I can talk to him about the problem I am obsessing about.
And worse still, every time I go to the doctor, there are no symptoms. Usually the day before the appointment they vanish, and then I am at the doc, and feel even more a fool.
My stomach really does hurt, not bad, but the pain recurs in the same place (above and to the left of my navel a couple inches) and has been for about a year. I will go days sometimes with little or no pain, but it always comes back for visits. Two appointments yielded nothing, neither did changes in diet. I tell myself that it is nothing, but I don't believe that. I am *sure* it is something lurking, waiting to kill me.
But when I walk out of the doc's office, it will start all over again. Real pain, even if it is anxiety causing it. I am just so sick of crying wolf, that I feel like a fool. But then in my mind it will be the one time I blow it off that a year later they tell me "you would have been fine if we had caught this earlier."
I have no fear of seeing doctors, but embarrassment and shame do seem to follow me. Anyone else ride this fence like I do?
And worse still, every time I go to the doctor, there are no symptoms. Usually the day before the appointment they vanish, and then I am at the doc, and feel even more a fool.
My stomach really does hurt, not bad, but the pain recurs in the same place (above and to the left of my navel a couple inches) and has been for about a year. I will go days sometimes with little or no pain, but it always comes back for visits. Two appointments yielded nothing, neither did changes in diet. I tell myself that it is nothing, but I don't believe that. I am *sure* it is something lurking, waiting to kill me.
But when I walk out of the doc's office, it will start all over again. Real pain, even if it is anxiety causing it. I am just so sick of crying wolf, that I feel like a fool. But then in my mind it will be the one time I blow it off that a year later they tell me "you would have been fine if we had caught this earlier."
I have no fear of seeing doctors, but embarrassment and shame do seem to follow me. Anyone else ride this fence like I do?