Shame about Dr. Visits

[lofwyr]

So I finally did it. I made my third appt with my GP Doc for the stomach thing I am having, and a couple other things I am not freaked over. But after I make the appointment, every time, I feel shame, like why the hell am I going to the doctor again. He will tell me it is nothing, the tests always come back clean, and I feel like a fool. Sometimes I find myself looking for real reasons to go to the doctor, like a physical or to change up meds, so that I can talk to him about the problem I am obsessing about.

And worse still, every time I go to the doctor, there are no symptoms. Usually the day before the appointment they vanish, and then I am at the doc, and feel even more a fool.

My stomach really does hurt, not bad, but the pain recurs in the same place (above and to the left of my navel a couple inches) and has been for about a year. I will go days sometimes with little or no pain, but it always comes back for visits. Two appointments yielded nothing, neither did changes in diet. I tell myself that it is nothing, but I don't believe that. I am *sure* it is something lurking, waiting to kill me.

But when I walk out of the doc's office, it will start all over again. Real pain, even if it is anxiety causing it. I am just so sick of crying wolf, that I feel like a fool. But then in my mind it will be the one time I blow it off that a year later they tell me "you would have been fine if we had caught this earlier."

I have no fear of seeing doctors, but embarrassment and shame do seem to follow me. Anyone else ride this fence like I do?

[aggiecuttler]

dont feel bad drs are there for a reason to help you with medical matters, so there is no need to feel foolish at all, your stomach pain does sound anxiety related and come on when you are stressed out and i would not have said you are crying wolf blessings

[backfromthebrink]

I can relate to a lot of what you say lofwyr. I've had this slight pain at the top of my voice box for about 7wks now. I've been trying to ignore it and tell myself it is nothing and will go away. Finally, last week I made an appointment with my doctor for this Friday. And recently I've been thinking 'oh, it's nothing really, is it, in fact it's hardly there now' - and wondering if I should cancel the appointment. Or I tell myself that I'll go and say that I'm there to get some more of the contraceptive pill, but could he just take a look at this… so I sound less anxious about it.

A lot of my anxiety comes from making decisions about at what point I should go to the doctor and stop telling myself it's nothing, whether I should then cancel the appointment, what exactly I should say to the doctor when I'm there - how to describe my symptoms in the most accurate way to best help the doctor so I don't leave and realise I haven't told him some crucial thing which could change what he advises - and so on. These decisions themselves create so much anxiety for me.

I don't feel shame or embarrassment, but I do have a real fear that I won't get taken seriously or get the care I need when there IS something wrong, simply because I've been there so much with other things. I think that's why I try to stop myself going there and tell myself things are nothing. But I'm not a doctor, so I can't reassure myself too well.