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View Full Version : I feel like i am on the bottom of a black pit



mila
23-07-13, 14:22
I am sorry, i always seem to write desperate posts, and long-winded... But right now i am at that place where you swera you just can't go on feeling what you do for another minute but yet there is nothing you can do about it! No where to turn either, no one is interested to hear.

I often have problem with post nasal drip, or they say that is what it is, basically i often feel congested and like there is stuff in my throat and between my throat and nose that I can't get out, and it is really uncomfortable. Sometimes i also get tight feeling in my throat and even deeper down where your voice box is, might be all the cattarh. It is very hard at night, feeling you can't breathe. I am constantly trying to swallow it ot cough it out, but it feel like i am trying to swallow my own tonsils, cause there is no relief at all.
Right now it feels worse then ever, last night I couldn't sleep, feeling like I am going to suffocate, like my whole throat is swollen inside or insulated with some stuff. Of course it is so so hard not to get panicky or not to pay attention to it, impossible. I got my PEAK flow meter, which a nurse told me I can use to show myself that I can actually breathe. I used it last night and today several times and I can blow up to 450 which is really good for me, if i have loads of cattarh and a cold it sometimes goes down to 380, but usually is 400-430, and ocassionally 450. So this is really good and normal for me. But can I still choke even if it shows I can breathe???? why do I feel so awful? I presume focusing on it must make the feeling worse but I am so scared, it also makes me feel depressed because i feel awful and can't relax, and even everyone around me noticed I am looking down and not myself.
I can't tell my partner how scared i am because he is really fed up with my contant visits to the doctor and not believing him when he tell me i am ok and gives me advice. I can't go back to my GP, they gave me steroid drops, and they did help me for a bit, i don't know why now i feel like this. And they are soon going to start banning me from getting appointments i think. I am really embarassed from going all the time, but what am I supposed to do. I wish I could just say whatever, if I am gonna suffocate let it be. Cause I just don't have the strenght anymore. Before this got worse I was already feeling really bad cause a few bad things happened and it really got to me, first i witnessed someone collaposing in the street, then a work colleague got taken into hospital from work with pulmonary embolism and we were working very closely the my friend pregnant over 20 weeks had to teminate due to some issues and now my other firend is having some infection after ectopic preganncy that is not getting better and I am really worried. All this within a week. I couldn't sleep thinking about that work colleague for couple of days after. So I am pretty depressed anyway.

I would love to escape my own body if possible. I know before I used to find it hard to breathe and it is one of the worst symptoms I ever had, i never learned to cope with it...

Has anyone felt this so bad? I really feel like my throat or the back of my tongue is swollen and huge but apparently it looks normal, and i feel so tight when breathing, i really feel like i will suffocate or choke. I am also bloated with loads of gas which does not help at all.

I am sorry for being such a wining coward....but i don't know what to do.

NotGood
23-07-13, 15:16
The peak flow meter is showing you you can breathe fine, so you really should stop worrying about it (easier said than done I know!). You won't choke!
It's very likely the worry that is causing the issue - that horrible old H.A vicious circle!!

Have you ever thought about your breathing (before you were concerned about this issue I mean) and when you do you find it difficult to try and get it right, but the other 1,000,000,000,000 breaths you have taken in your life you did fine because you weren't thinking about it. :)

mila
23-07-13, 17:02
Thank you for the reply so much.

I am trying to tell myself that. I have this friend who studied medicine, i just made him look at my throat cause i was certain it looks closed up, it feels so bad but he says it looks normal... I am just fed up.

---------- Post added at 16:59 ---------- Previous post was at 16:58 ----------

I am even making my head feel fuzzy because i am so focused on my breathing that i am maybe breathing too much...

---------- Post added at 17:02 ---------- Previous post was at 16:59 ----------

Or it could be from tension focusing on swallowing... :-(

Darbysa
23-07-13, 17:13
Hi Millie
Sorry you are feeling so bad. It's hardly surprising given what's been happening around you. Some people can just accept that these things happen and get on with it but you sound like a very caring person and your concern for others is causing you stress. I know it's no good telling yourself not to worry. It does sound like you have some sinus/catarrh problems and all this worry is probably making the symptoms feel so much worse. This weather probably isn't helping things either. I don't know about where you are but we are in the middle of a bad storm. I'm hoping this will clear the air.
Hope you feel better tonite x

mila
24-07-13, 20:44
Thank you Darbysa!!

Every reply means so much when you are scared and have no one to talk to about it. I guess everything will look scarier and worse if you just keep it i your head and got no one to pull you back to reality.

Last night I managed to feel less scared and today as well probably because i had something else to worry about today. I was feeling lightheaded then fuzzy with headache and feeling heavy and lightheaded.

Now it's back again and it's stronger than me, i can't help but feel scared when I feel like I am choking and can't breathe...

I can't seem to get a break...

mila
25-07-13, 12:24
I don't know what to do anymore. Today it feels so horrible again, i am finding it hard to brhave normal at work. Feel like i am going to suffocate but just blew 450 on my peak flow. All the forceful swallowing is making my head feel tense and fuzzy then i blame myself for making myself even worse. I aldo feel so bloated not sure if that makes it worse. I keep looking at others envying them cause they feel normal...
I know maybe everyones fed up of me moaning ... but i have no one to talk to...

Darbysa
25-07-13, 17:14
Millie
No one here is fed up of you - you are not moaning, you are suffering at the moment. I know you said you don't want to go back to the doctor but could you not go and talk about how frightened you are rather than for your throat symptoms? Sorry I haven't checked back but are you being treated for anxiety/depression at all? I do feel for you lovey. I know how bad it feels when you get yourself into such a state. I wish I could give you the answer but there is no magic overnight cure. Never feel that you can't come here for support.
Sal x

mila
25-07-13, 18:33
Sal, you can't imagine how much i appreciate your replies.

I will go tomorrow cause i dont know what is going on with me anymore. After my last post i started feeling such a bad tension feeling in my head and all over and now i started feeling sickly and like i will faint. I also have funny pains in my groin in the leg where i had my burn and then some pains as well previously. I feel like i am falling apart. And i am feeling so deoressed, i am really low and it feel hopeless. I used to get really terrible symptoms and anxiety and depression, awful, but it was a different time, i was at uni, i could behave however i wanted, stay inside for days, no responsibilities or family, it lasted for years like that, now i cant afford anything like that, my husband doesnt understand at all, feel so alone and scared and have to pretend otherwise so it's hell.

Darbysa
25-07-13, 19:08
It is hard for people who haven't been through this to understand. My hubby is great in that he's sympathetic and supportive but he admits he doesn't understand why I can't pull myself together. If only eh?!
I am guessing that you are much younger than me ( got to admit I am 50!) but I was only 23 when I had my first experience of a panic attack. I had no idea what was happening to me and luckily I had a great GP who helped me a lot though I still had the odd attack and when it happened I was convinced I was dying. Roll on a few years and it all came back with a vengeance. Looking back we had just moved house, hubby had a knee operation and I went back to work full time so may be there was some stress there but as I didn't feel stressed I went into thinking I had MS, Brain tumour, cancer, you name it I had it. Fairly typical of many people on this site. Endless trips to doctors, tests and more tests. My parents paid for private MRI. All clear but I wasn't convinced. Ended up breaking down completely. My saviour was Dr Claire Weekes along with anti depressants. Eventually recovered, came off the meds and was more or less fine for a few more years. Eight years ago I was right back again though this time I did at least recognise the symptoms. I did still need ADs and I am still on them. Sorry if this is getting a bit boring but the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes these things do come back and strike us down but you shouldn't give up. You will get better. You did before and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Try and write down what you want to say to your doctor. Show him/her these posts if you can. Let me know how you get on.
Take care
Sal x

mila
26-07-13, 11:08
Sal, it wasnt boring at all! Thank you for that.

I am 33. Have been suffering since I was 20, for years i was always scared, it was hard getting out especially by myself. For the past few years it's been so much better apart from ocassional periods of health anxiety, but not crippling.

I dont know what is going on with me now but i feel crippled. I am in town and i want to run away, i feel like i will collapse plus i have been having this groin pain and now it's adding to the faintness and my legs feel so heavy like they cant carry me. I look at myself and got dark vircles and just scares me more...i got dr appointment today and cant wait for it.