Last Night....

[GirlAfraid23]

So I turned up at the work do last night.

It was awkward in every way. The "clique" was worse than ever, I went to sit down at one of the tables and some of the Teachers and T.As had bags on the chair next to them saving the seats.
So I couldn't sit there and had to sit on a table of people I didn't know very well.

I was completely left out and despite there being people there of my age, they didn't socialise with me at all. I found out that most of them have each other on Facebook and it isn't anything to do with being "new" as I thought because one of the T.As that started at the same time as me is very much in the clique.

I don't know what I've done and why people are like this with me.
I am seriously considering finding another job and starting again.
I don't think I started off on the wrong foot, I'm trying I rack my brains as I know first impressions count. I tried my best from day one to be friendly.

[aggiecuttler]

i have done this so many times, and feel on the outside, but do you know what if people can not see you for who you are then they are loosing out, you should not feel pressured into changing your job, there are times when we feel more vunrable, next time go in with the attitude that you are as good as everyone else and you have as much right to be there as everyone else, we are all here welcoming you to our table so dont feel bad blessings

[Dazza123]

I would have picked up a bag and chucked it on the floor then sat down, chairs are for people, not bags, and I wouldnt let someone prevent me from sitting down because they decided their bag needed to keep the seat warm for someone else. If you allow people to treat you like this then they will, so dont let them.

[Speranza]

I'm sorry about that, but well done for going.

All I can think of is that you may give some impression with body language which you are unaware of? You were certainly very anxious about going to the do, perhaps you were very anxious at school on your first day? Lots of people unfortunatly interpret shyness as people not wanting to talk.

Having said that, I am a really sociable person and nobody would ever guess how painfully shy I feel on first meetings. I am going to a 'Stress Control Group' today for the first time and part of me is dreading it - but I already know I will come across as really relaxed and friendly. That is the result of decades of work and trusting myself that I will cope.

I'd give yourself a time frame. If by Christmas you still feel this way, then consider leaving. But finding a job isn't easy, so don't leave unless you are happy that you have somewhere to go. In my current school I thought I would never get to know the cliquey people, but I got there in the end. It was about remembering they didn't actually owe it to me to be my friend, and not resenting the ones who made it effortlessly into the clique (how do they do that??)

Good luck! And well done for going! You rock! :hugs:

[GirlAfraid23]

Thanks for the helpful replies guys as always.

I just feel really deflated and embarrassed. I have 5 weeks away from them now but dreading going back and seeing them all :(

I do have anxious body language but does that mean people don't want to speak to you?

[Speranza]

It can mean that people think you don't want them to speak to you, yes. Body language is a huge part of our communication. Much more than what we say. But I wouldn't worry that it's your fault, that isn't at all what I was saying. Believe me, by September nobody will be thinking about last night. Except possibly you. ;) x

[bagpuss75]

Honestly, if they're like that, then they're not worth knowing anyway. I hate cliques.
I worked in 2 schools which were like that, my face didn't fit and it wasn't nice. And I am very much like Speranza in that people very rarely see what's under the cheerful, bubbly exterior.
I'm now in a school where I am very happy and my face does fit. In fact our department is lovely and not cliquey at all - my type of people. So it's not you, it's them.
And they will have forgotten it by September.

[Col]

I would have picked up a bag and chucked it on the floor then sat down, chairs are for people, not bags, and I wouldnt let someone prevent me from sitting down because they decided their bag needed to keep the seat warm for someone else. If you allow people to treat you like this then they will, so dont let them.

Here , here, completely agree with this. Though what worries me is being teachers and TA's , they obviously look after children & with behaviour like this - V/Worrying!