Feeling so low again.

[Sar89]

So sad and tired of feeling like this. Iv been fighting it for years I'm tired of it and can't seem to see the end... The only end I can see is when I die which I feel will happen soon something will get me. I will leave my child motherless and will go to hell for bad things iv done. My stepfather they think has stomach cancer after a very difficult relationship with him as a child I felt like I hated him for yrs now I have forgave him an we have a sort of truce. I didn't think I would feel so upset about his potential death but it has raised a lot of questions about life with him not there plus some pretty painful memories that I'm now questioning are they real or have I imagined them? ... My hearts been palpatating most unpleasantly for a few weeks now and particularly tonight ! It's doing them really horrible fluttery beat skipping that makes you jump up ! Feel like calling an ambulance.. Is tonight the night then that I die ! I don't want to die but sometimes I can't bear life like this and I can't see a way out

[Speranza]

Hi Sweetheart, you are very very anxious, and that's ok.

There must be someone in your life you can talk to about your memories. It may be that they trigger the anxiety. Personally I think becoming very anxious is like your foot hurting when you have a stone in your shoe; the feeling is there to alert you that something needs to be done.

If you could talk to your GP they would be able to arrange for you to see someone - ask about IAPT. It would mean someone making an assessment of your mental health needs and might lead to them offering you counselling for a few weeks.