Jonboi26
26-07-13, 00:41
Hi I'm relatively new to the forum, however, I have been on here a few times and found a lot of comfort in reading people's experiences which have been so similar to mine. I apologise as this may be a long read! As briefly as possible I want to explain my current journey with health anxiety!
I'm currently going through my second bout of health anxiety, the bout started in early 2009! I can't really remember how I did it but after a year or so the symptoms disappeared and life seemed a lot better, at this point I didn't know I had anxiety and got through with support of my family. Around September last year I was going through a depression episode due to my sheer hatred of my job! I work in a call centre and angry customers (who tend to be angry from things out of my control) would make me come home feeling depressed, anxious and regretful of what I had done in regards to my university studies. During this time I had planned to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and quite rightly was a bit anxious and stressed about arranging it and what she would say. Any we went to Italy, I asked her, she said yes! which was amazing, however, as we started relaxing and enjoying our holiday, I kept getting these feelings of breathlessness! Until one morning I got really stressed out coz I couldn't find a shop that sold my favourite tobacco, I then started getting very breathless and had a full blow panic attack! During this I was absolutely terrified I was going to die. Fortunately, my fiancé realised i was having a panic attack and helped me calm down (she had suffered with OCD).
After this event though, I was sure there was something wrong with heart and lungs and would religiously check my pulse and consciously breath to make sure I was "ready" for if this happens again! As the weeks went on I convinced myself I had a heart problem, lung problems,and that my body was shutting down as i could not tolerate eating as I would throw up alot or just got so anxious every time I sat down to eat. I became so scared to leave my flat as I thought one these things would happen if I did. Eventually, those dreaded anxiety feeling got so bad that I got signed off work and was diagnosed with health Anxiety/panic disorder and depression.
I am very fortunate for the support I have received from my dad and my fiancée during the time that followed. They helped me find a supportive and patient GP and also I started having CBT. At first I really struggled with therapy as all the time she was telling me to do things that I thought wouldn't help! I.e. she asked me to start going back to work (which I can assure u, had me in tears), start going out for walks with my dad (which he had already forced me to do) and gradually tempt me out of the safety of my flat for longer periods of time! I must add that before this had begun the only time I felt relaxed and safe was in the bath, I use to have two or three a day!
At first I was very sceptical and didn't believe that any of her techniques would work, in fact I would of jacked it in, if I hadn't seen personally what It did for my fiancée when she had really bad OCD. So, I continued after new year still feeling awful and trying to battle on with what she told me to do with no improvement. In February of this year I felt so lost, trapped and depressed, honestly if I wasn't scared of death so much I think suicide could of been possible! So I was left with this weird dilemma, I decided well, I feel so awful, I don't have the guts to kill myself, and my health anxiety was making my life such a misery that I might as well go along with what the therapist was saying. The choice was live the rest of my life scaring myself every single day or roll the dice and put everything I had into the therapy and face my fears head on!
I'm not going to say it has been easy, sometimes the depression in me wanted to give up! But slowly and gradually things have improved and a quality of life is returning! I still relapse and think I'm going to stop breathing, or I'm going to have a heart attack, but I try my hardest to push through the fear! Last month I went for my first holiday since this started happening! We went to Scotland where every year we walk up the summit of the 6th largest mountain in the uk! Still believing I may have a heart condition, on the day of this trek the anxiety was awful! But from the technique of driving through the fear I managed it (bloody scary at times) and made it to the top of the mountain! This was something back in September last year I thought I would never do again, and I was so happy :D. I begun living life for the first time as care free and nothing but some minor setbacks would stop me.
FATIGUE AND TIREDNESS WORRY:
However, we have come to the present day and one of my major triggers "stress" has resurfaced as I'm worried about being best man at my mates wedding In a week, and if my anxiety will bugger it up! Ironically, this has progressed enough to bring my breathlessness back and heart palpitations, I refuse to let my brain start believing in heart attack and lung diseases etc. However, as I see with many of you who post on here it has focused the worry on something else! This being FATIGUE and TIREDNESS, I'm trying to hold back my mind from going nuts but even after a good night sleep I feel so knackered, I'm just lacking so much energy! So, after the l last few days the breathlessness is back and when I'm at work I struggle to hold back all the worry that the tiredness could be related to my heart/lungs, which I am managing to control! Or if there I something else wrong with me! I'm trying to tell myself that it's the stress of the wedding and the fact I'm getting bad anxiety again that is causing this, but it such a new sensation I'm not sure....I don't want to relapse and fall into old habits so I'm hoping to nip it in the bud! I'm wondering, does any one else suffer from extreme fatigue, even if they have uninterrupted sleep and can u make yourself feel even more tired by focussing on feeling tired? The same as if when I use to worry about my heart it would beat so fast even when I got up from a sitting position.
I'm sorry for the long post, I hope my journey with health anxiety may help people battle this awful disorder! I believe you have to push through the hard times and retrain your brain to think differently, it's a long road but I believe I can do it and so can everyone! In addition, any help or similar experiences into my current fear would be appreciated too :D thanks Jon
I'm currently going through my second bout of health anxiety, the bout started in early 2009! I can't really remember how I did it but after a year or so the symptoms disappeared and life seemed a lot better, at this point I didn't know I had anxiety and got through with support of my family. Around September last year I was going through a depression episode due to my sheer hatred of my job! I work in a call centre and angry customers (who tend to be angry from things out of my control) would make me come home feeling depressed, anxious and regretful of what I had done in regards to my university studies. During this time I had planned to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and quite rightly was a bit anxious and stressed about arranging it and what she would say. Any we went to Italy, I asked her, she said yes! which was amazing, however, as we started relaxing and enjoying our holiday, I kept getting these feelings of breathlessness! Until one morning I got really stressed out coz I couldn't find a shop that sold my favourite tobacco, I then started getting very breathless and had a full blow panic attack! During this I was absolutely terrified I was going to die. Fortunately, my fiancé realised i was having a panic attack and helped me calm down (she had suffered with OCD).
After this event though, I was sure there was something wrong with heart and lungs and would religiously check my pulse and consciously breath to make sure I was "ready" for if this happens again! As the weeks went on I convinced myself I had a heart problem, lung problems,and that my body was shutting down as i could not tolerate eating as I would throw up alot or just got so anxious every time I sat down to eat. I became so scared to leave my flat as I thought one these things would happen if I did. Eventually, those dreaded anxiety feeling got so bad that I got signed off work and was diagnosed with health Anxiety/panic disorder and depression.
I am very fortunate for the support I have received from my dad and my fiancée during the time that followed. They helped me find a supportive and patient GP and also I started having CBT. At first I really struggled with therapy as all the time she was telling me to do things that I thought wouldn't help! I.e. she asked me to start going back to work (which I can assure u, had me in tears), start going out for walks with my dad (which he had already forced me to do) and gradually tempt me out of the safety of my flat for longer periods of time! I must add that before this had begun the only time I felt relaxed and safe was in the bath, I use to have two or three a day!
At first I was very sceptical and didn't believe that any of her techniques would work, in fact I would of jacked it in, if I hadn't seen personally what It did for my fiancée when she had really bad OCD. So, I continued after new year still feeling awful and trying to battle on with what she told me to do with no improvement. In February of this year I felt so lost, trapped and depressed, honestly if I wasn't scared of death so much I think suicide could of been possible! So I was left with this weird dilemma, I decided well, I feel so awful, I don't have the guts to kill myself, and my health anxiety was making my life such a misery that I might as well go along with what the therapist was saying. The choice was live the rest of my life scaring myself every single day or roll the dice and put everything I had into the therapy and face my fears head on!
I'm not going to say it has been easy, sometimes the depression in me wanted to give up! But slowly and gradually things have improved and a quality of life is returning! I still relapse and think I'm going to stop breathing, or I'm going to have a heart attack, but I try my hardest to push through the fear! Last month I went for my first holiday since this started happening! We went to Scotland where every year we walk up the summit of the 6th largest mountain in the uk! Still believing I may have a heart condition, on the day of this trek the anxiety was awful! But from the technique of driving through the fear I managed it (bloody scary at times) and made it to the top of the mountain! This was something back in September last year I thought I would never do again, and I was so happy :D. I begun living life for the first time as care free and nothing but some minor setbacks would stop me.
FATIGUE AND TIREDNESS WORRY:
However, we have come to the present day and one of my major triggers "stress" has resurfaced as I'm worried about being best man at my mates wedding In a week, and if my anxiety will bugger it up! Ironically, this has progressed enough to bring my breathlessness back and heart palpitations, I refuse to let my brain start believing in heart attack and lung diseases etc. However, as I see with many of you who post on here it has focused the worry on something else! This being FATIGUE and TIREDNESS, I'm trying to hold back my mind from going nuts but even after a good night sleep I feel so knackered, I'm just lacking so much energy! So, after the l last few days the breathlessness is back and when I'm at work I struggle to hold back all the worry that the tiredness could be related to my heart/lungs, which I am managing to control! Or if there I something else wrong with me! I'm trying to tell myself that it's the stress of the wedding and the fact I'm getting bad anxiety again that is causing this, but it such a new sensation I'm not sure....I don't want to relapse and fall into old habits so I'm hoping to nip it in the bud! I'm wondering, does any one else suffer from extreme fatigue, even if they have uninterrupted sleep and can u make yourself feel even more tired by focussing on feeling tired? The same as if when I use to worry about my heart it would beat so fast even when I got up from a sitting position.
I'm sorry for the long post, I hope my journey with health anxiety may help people battle this awful disorder! I believe you have to push through the hard times and retrain your brain to think differently, it's a long road but I believe I can do it and so can everyone! In addition, any help or similar experiences into my current fear would be appreciated too :D thanks Jon