View Full Version : Troublesome thoughts; 50 next week & dreading it.....
On Monday I'm going to hit 50 & it's bothering me quite a lot. I think the trouble is that probably like everyone else "I never thought I'd get this old". For the last couple of years I have struggled to stop myself with looking too far into the future. I must admit, it's pretty scary when I do. I try not to but there seem to be reminders all over the place.
Everyone keeps telling me "it's just a number" or "you are never 50". It's nice to hear their reactions but it still bothers me. I hate the fact that I cant do anything to change the passing of time. It does scare me. I have noticed my body ageing. Whether it's the skin under my neck being more wrinkly. My face being more wrinkly. My joints aching more than they used to. My recovery time from aches & pains being longer.
My stamina? Well, I still do have that at least. After a year of depression I have finally started to get out in the garden, to cycle & walk. I have noticed that this has helped alot. It's just this damned age thing, I cant seem to get it out of my mind. Perhaps I should just be grateful I am still fit & healthy.... I do try not to think about it.
Even though I am trying to make the most of every day, instead of wasting it being depressed or indeed obsessed about things I cant change, I dont want to be old but I feel like it's coming. It's there in the back of my mind. I cant shut it up. I get plagued by all sorts of stupid thoughts as well. Even though I know these things arent true they come into my mind (I'm unclean, not desirable, look untidy at work, lazy at work). You name it, at some point every day these type of thoughts go through my mind. I do what I can to combat them but dont win much of the time.
I'm meant to be looking into Mindfulness (I have a book that my counsellor recommended).
I did read this some months ago but was so busy sorting out the crap in my head, I didnt really take it in.
Any suggestions that might help me finally get rid of this unwanted thoughts?
Spot-the-frog
26-07-13, 15:26
It never bothered me when I was 50 (now 56) but just recently I have been thinking about aging. Having anxiety and depression makes me feel that I am wasting time, it is like I am wasting time trying to get better instead of living in the moment and enjoying each day as it comes. I have just started reading a book on mindfulness and there is an 8 week course to do alongside it with audios to help. I am going to start this as soon as I have read the intro etc. I think we spend too much time in the past and future and don't appreciate what we have now.
I think mindfulness will help you with the thoughts, and help you to accept that they are just thoughts, they are not you.
Enjoy everyday whether you are 50 or 95!
:hugs:
ElizabethJane
26-07-13, 16:06
Hi Tessar congratulations on turning fifty or nearly. I am fifty two in a few weeks. Reaching your fiftieth birthday is definitely a milestone and I set myself some mini goals that I wanted to achieve. We cannot stop the ageing process but in my case I wanted to be well and fifty.I have tried to lose a little weight and also to continue with having my hair cut and coloured regularly. I also decided that I wanted to have a holiday on my own again (I did that last year too) I also try to swim regularly and keep up with my music. I also go to a chiropodist and try to wear fashionable clothes. These things are important to me. My hair is a big problem because without the highlights I would probably be very grey but I am vain so have it coloured. Try not to become preoccupied by a number which is all it is. I worry about my own death and mortality too but there is not much apart from trying to stay healthy that we can do about that.EJ. Also want to do an OU course.
Big hugs Tessar. I kind of relate to what you're saying but I'm finding more that as I approach 40 in a few weeks, that a new positive chapter in my life is emerging. It bothered me more when I turned 39 because my reaction was 'OMG - this is the last year ever that I will be 30-something'! I couldn't believe how quick the years went between 30-39 and I could see my life passing right in front of me. It suddenly dawned on that I could very well be more than half way through my life and judging by how quick the last 39 years have gone..... :huh:!
Just recently I've taken a good look at the people around me, all different ages, and the majority of them (especially the older ones) are embracing life, getting out there and living for the moment. Even now at my age, I feel fed up with the rat race that my life has become and I want to try new challenges. I used to laugh at people who told me that life begins at 40 but I'm starting to think they may be right. I don't want to get to 50 and think 'I wish I'd done ????'! Won't it be wonderful to look back when I am 50 and have 10 years of awesome memories and experiences and not have regrets. My plans may not work out but I won't know until I try.
As for looks; I think certainly every woman worries about about lines, wrinkles and grey hair..... even some men. I'm no exception but there's nothing I can do. I think it's more important to feel comfortable in your own skin and make the most of what you have. Stay as fit and healthy as you possibly can but indulge a little :D! Happy 50th for Monday Tessar - ENJOY! :hugs: xx
As a 55 year old I am thinking my next big birthday will be 60! I thought 50 seemed old but now I have got to 55 it really does not botherme and I am still having fun and enjoying life. 50 is not old at all and we have many good years ahead of us. Life is what you make it whatever your age. My dad is 83 and still enjoys life and acts like a teenager! Look forward to and make sure you enjoy your 50's and start by enjoying your birthday :)
---------- Post added at 19:36 ---------- Previous post was at 19:19 ----------
My parents will be celebrating their Diamond wedding next year (60) my dad said they are going to celebrate by going planking then doing an extreme sport like going over a mine field on a pogo stick! So you see life gets more interesting the older you get!
Tessar I am 51, my 50th birthday was the best I ever had, yes the body may be ageing but I feel no older than I did in my 40's. we have to believe in life and grab it by the b--ls what ever age we are, although I don't feel like that today, I know that I am ONLY in my 50's and once I get over my blip that there is still a good life out there. Hope you have a wonderful birthday xxxx:hugs:
Sparkle1984
26-07-13, 20:47
I have a similar sort of worry, but in my case the dreaded age is 30! I turn 30 next year and so for the last few months I've sometimes felt a bit sad that this is the last year of my 20s. It's almost as if I'm mourning the end of my youth!
For me, the fear is also related to the passing of time and the fact that we have no control over it. I think my fear of ageing is mostly related to my underlying fear of death and dying. I worry about the finality of death and whether there's an afterlife. Then I worry that if I'm this scared about turning 30, how on earth will I cope with turning 40, 50, 60, 70 or even 80! Sometimes I worry if when I'm in my late 70s or 80s, will I constantly be worried about whether I'll suddenly drop dead one day! So in a way, I'm worried about worrying!
Sometimes when I see people who are in their late teens or early twenties, I feel sad that I can never be that young again. When I was 21 I had the best year of my life - it was the year I graduated from university, my mum and stepdad got married, I got my first full time job, I went on a nice weekend break to the seaside and I went on my first fortnight's holiday to the Lake District. It also seems that the media glamorises being 21 as the "ideal age" and that anyone who's much older than 25 is deemed as "past it"!
Then I have to remind myself that there is nothing we can do about ageing, and that even the younger people of today will one day be 30 as well. Plus, the people who are 21 probably have worries of their own about reaching adulthood. When I look at people who are much older than me, they still appear to be happy and relaxed.
Thankfully the worries I've listed above haven't been anywhere near as bad since I've been on medication and done CBT, but they still enter my mind occasionally.
I've also just bought a book about mindfulness which includes an 8 week course (it could well be the same book that Spot-the-frog has), so I'm hoping that will help me as well.
Waaahhhn thanku everybody. I feel all emotional now. For good reason and that is because you have all been very kind but also I like the variety of your reflections too.
I guess I am already doing all sorts of things that do help me. Like tonight a long & exhausting bike ride. It did feel like a milestone since it is the first time I have
had the enthusiasm since I became depressed again a couple of years ago.
It is true about making the most of every day. Reading other peoples posts & threads on here has really made me see that. I will do everything I can to focus on making the most of every day.
I felt the need to post about this as I'd been pushing the thoughts away rather than opening up and dealing with them. Well, I have til Monday to get my mind more positive & I am determined to do it, not least because of all the encouragement you have given me.
40 was a big deal to me. At that point I was really depressed & my life just seemed to stop.but I saw a therapist & did CBT. I really cannot believe that was 10 years ago but if I think about it realistically then I definitely can. In that time I have pushed myself. I conquered my fear of flying enough to do transatlantic holidays. I've even been on helicopter flights even though I said I never would. I stopped people from bullying me. I've given blood. had a civil partnership & can now talk openly to colleagues & friends about my same-sex relationship (without worrying about rejection). Oh and more recently I let out & have started to let go of the emotions & hang-ups left over from my childhood. and the icing on the cake? being a member of NMP!!!
Hmmm,on reflection, I suppose the last decade has been quite a big deal really. And a busy time. even though I still have negative thoughts about about myself & my appearance, I am loads better than I have been. I am not going back on that. No way.
So thank you all for your posts & for listening. I really appreciate it.
Oh and also I don't ever want to grow up, not completely. I think acting like a big kid sometimes is really great.
My 50th was one of my best birthdays ever! I had a cocktail evening in a bar and we all glammed up and had canapes and laughed and chatted.
Every decade is a decade better in terms of self-knowledge and being comfortable in your skin as far as I'm concerned. I love getting older! I plan to be a beautiful old lady with lots of happy wrinkles!
The oldest woman I ever knew was 107, I think that put age into perspective for me for ever... Enjoy being 50, in many societies we would be honoured for getting to this age. Who wants a boring face that doesn't show who you are and where you've been? Bring on the character! ;) xx
Hi hun :D:hugs:
You have had some GREAT reply's :yesyes:
So I just want to say, :birthday:
I am going to join you next year.
I will be 50 years YOUNG.........:roflmao::grouphug:
TAKE CARE :hugs::flowers::flowers:
LOVE JILL XXX
Thanku 4 the birthday wishes Jill. Thanku everyone for your replies. Must admit I was feeling a bit tearful earlier about all this, i dont really know why. i have taken on board what everyone's said. So one day left of my forties. I shall be busy in the garden hopefully. Work as usual on Monday then a meal with friends in the evening. I have never been one for a fuss. My family, or should I say my father, doesn't do birthdays. We were never shown how to celebrate & enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I can't do it now. I do feel better about myself as each year goes by. It's hard work getting there but I will keep at it.
so............... i made it. today is the day. i am trying hard to be happy & not dwell. no point really even though it's tempting. fabulous fifites? I am one of the gang and I'm here to stay.
WELCOME! :) I started a blog on my 50th birthday. That might be a good idea..?
Spot-the-frog
29-07-13, 20:46
Welcome to the the fabby, fantastic, flirty fifties!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAVE A GREAT DAY
:hugs::yahoo:
I hope you've had a lovely birthday!
Happy Birthday Tessar.
Hope you had a wonderful day.
Wait until you near your 60th as I am and then start worrying:D
Some of us do get worries and concerns when another year is added to our age, but as someone pointed out to me, what is the alternative ? :)
Cheers everybody. I Had a really good evening!!!!!!
Strange isnt it...... this whole thing back three months ago scared the hell out of me. Now its like a distant memory. I try not to focus on my exact age & just get on with it. I suppose milestone birthdays just bring it home to us where we are at in life. I'm quite happy not to be reminded of those things..... but we just have to get on with it because the passing of time is something we cannot change. But like someone said to me a while back, make the most of every day. That's what I try to do.
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