To face them or not to face them?

[puddingduck]

Hey guys, I'm hoping to get your opinions/advice on a situation. I'm a university student actively trying to work on my social anxiety and at the moment I am faced with a social dilemma.

There's a society that I'm a member of that I really want to be an active part of. About a month ago I had a run in with 3 of the main people in it because they were being extremely exclusive and rude and I called them out on it and they apologise (and all this took place online). Now they're planning a get-together that started out as a coffee social and turned into going to one of those people's house and eating/watching films. All 3 of those people will be there, and maybe 1 or 2 other people that I vaguely know. I'm feeling very anxious about facing them in person, being in one of their homes, and having it be socially awkward. Half of me wants to be the bigger person and go support the society, and the other half is terrified and never wants to see them again.

My issue is that I don't know if it's better to try to face them or to avoid the situation because it is potentially a negative one. I know that learning to face and enjoy scary social is a good thing, but is it still good if they involve specific people who give you negative feelings? What do you guys think?

[Stormsky]

Don't avoid them...don't give them that power over you.
The last issue was delt with, so go along with clean slate attitude.
Don't miss out in having some fun.

[gypcyg]

If it was dealt with amicably and with good manners then you should go and introduce yourself with a smile. If they "act up" then you can calmly tell them that you think they are out of order and leave - but I'm guessing since they apologised that they will go out of their way to make everyone feel included.

[flossie]

Have you acknowledged their apology? That actually was a lovely thing for them to do and suggests to me that they are kind people, most would have ignored it.
It might be nice on your part to thank them for their kind response and ask if the incident could now be forgotten and you move forward.
If you want to go and the meeting is being held in the home of one of those you had the run in with then go with no malice on your part. Take a gift as a peace offering, a bottle of wine and nibbles for the evening or if it's a daytime thing then maybe cream cakes, doughnuts or a box of Roses , the gesture is the important thing.
Offer them the hand of friendship, show that you bear no grudge. Be prepared for you all to feel a little awkward at first but as long as everyone is polite and respectful then that will be a good starting point to getting to know each other better and hopefully becoming friends.
Don't start anticipating and worrying about any problems that probably are not going to be happening. I have social anxiety too and very often we unwittingly put up barriers to protect ourselves from how we are feeling. This can often be interpreted by others as us being unfriendly or difficult to get to know. You could just gently say that you are feeling a bit nervous and awkward getting to know a new group of people. Apart from the few super confident people who jump straight in and want to be the centre of attention wherever they are, how they get on my nerves!, everyone feels like that and they will understand and take care to make you feel welcome.
You have the option of quietly getting up and leave if there does happen to be an unpleasant atmosphere, knowing that you have tried to put the past behind you and that this isn't the group of people for you but I am sure that everything will be OK. Enjoy your new friends.

[puddingduck]

Thanks for all of your replies, guys. I RSVPed, so here goes...

[Tessar]

Hey pudding duck. Definitely go. The longer you leave this, the bigger the problem will seem to you. Often when you get in there and do whatever it is that's bothering you, the issue can melt away quite quickly, much more quickly than you imagine, I like the sound of a clean slate. Stormsky, gypcyg & flossie have given u some great advice and I'm really pleased that you have accepted the invite. That's brilliant and is the first important step.
It doesn't feel good to be excluded but I will say that in my experience, I am really good at thinking I am being excluded when actually I am not. For me, my shyness and forever underestimating that people do actually like me is what gets in my way. Instead of just getting in there with them, I tend to hang back. Assuming I will just be pushing in, but it isn't like that. Even though I have trouble acknowledging it, people do like me. I just spent too long around other people who made me feel unwanted & were quick to put me down if I became even a little important or popular.
Now I have to remind myself that I am an ok person, if I keep doing that, things work much better. I am sure you are an ok person too. Keep reminding yourself of that coz u r worth it.
Be positive. Indeed it might feel a little awkward at first but these people did have the grace to apologise. Most likely they were mortified about what happened. Good luck and really well done. You will have to let us know how you get on.

[puddingduck]

Be positive. Indeed it might feel a little awkward at first but these people did have the grace to apologise. Most likely they were mortified about what happened. Good luck and really well done. You will have to let us know how you get on.

Thank you for the encouragement. Maybe all my fears will be in vain and they will actually be really nice to me because they feel bad? One can hope...haha.

Otherwise I will just sit there running positive affirmations through my head until I feel comfortable.