Forensic psychiatrist

[shotokansho]

Hello everyone.

My psychiatrist has referred me to a forensic psychiatrist. Please don't judge me for what I say, I'm not a bad person. I suffer with very disturbing intrusive thoughts. They are very violent and upset me greatly. I have also had lots of fights with the police, shop lifted and set a fire to a bin. All these incidents have been when I have been 'someone else' and not myself, It's like it's not me doing it and I rarely remember anything when I am 'back to normal'.
After the incident is over I am mortified and extremely sorry, as I am just not like that. Then I start putting myself down and punishing myself with self harm. I have constant criminal activity thoughts...I think it's because I have got it into my head that if I am in prison I can't upset anyone else and stop being a pain for my family.
Anyway, I went to see the Doctor in question and she was nice but it was a horrible experience. The hospital I had to go to was a medium secure unit for mental health patients that have broke the law, the hospital was exactly like a prison. It really scared me. Talking about what I have been going through and being honest with my thoughts and behaviour was the hardest thing ever, the doctor had to really help me along to get through the assesment. Then she told me that she had double booked by accident and that she could only see me for 30 minutes, this means I have to go back again to complete the assessment. I really don't want to go back, the place is intimidating and scary and I will have to open up to her again. The worse thing is that none of my family or friends know about this part of my illness, so I have no one to share this with. I couldn't tell them this too.
Anyone else ever had to see a forensic Psychiatrist?

Kez

[Elen]

Hi Shot

I don't have any relevant experience to help you but just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

I know from our chats that you are not a bad person in fact I enjoy your company.

Such a shame you don't have anyone to go with you, I think that it would really help me if I had a trusted friend with me.

Have you some music or a book that calms you down while you are waiting?

Do you know when the next appointment will be? The anticipation usually is the worst part. So bad that they had double booked but guess that they are only human as well.

I really hope that someone who knows a bit more about forensic psychiatrists comes along and can give you more info.

tc

Elen

[LollyPolly]

hi kez i'm really sorry to hear that you rae going through a rough patch....

i'm not an expert, but i think going through with the assessment and being honest about what you experiencing is very important. especially the way you feel, having to constantly keep all of this inside you cannot be good, it creates a lot of stress which you might not be able to 'unload' in any other way but doing things that are unusual for you.

plus, is very difficult to help if they don't know the full extent of the problem...

as for the hospital, i can only imagine how scary it must be, but you will be alright, you'll go through it. perhaps telling a friend what is going on will help as you could bring someone with you for support.

although i understand the stigma attached and i myself hide my problems from a lot of people, i feel that maybe telling a few people you trust would help a little... it may make it easier to feel that you have someone to turn to need be, even if it is only for a few kind and reassuring words.

have faith in you, you will be ok. i wish you luck.

[shotokansho]

Thanks guys for the replies. I had my care coordinater with me for the first appointment but she is on leave from the beginning of August so I don't know who they will allocate for my second visit there. I know what your saying about telling someone, it's really getting me down this whole thing. I feel flat and low and am hardly eating because I feel sick. I don't know weather I feel ashamed or frightened or what, I know these thoughts bother me because they are relatively new. Usually my intrusive thoughts are about self harm...I mean they were bad enough!
Sharing this with someone would be massive for me, I am only just starting to open up to my mum after years of being ill. There are other things too. Last month I was up in court for not having a TV liscence, I got fined for that. But next month I am in court again for not paying council tax, I just couldn't afford it at the time. At the beginning of this month I went to Majorca and get robbed, my nana almost died in hospital after a series of heart attacks and I recently had to visit a food bank cos I didn't get paid!
Ggrrr I feel so frustrated and lonely, even though there are people around me that care about me and love me, I still feel so alone...Is this possible? I feel drained and tired and just want to sleep all the time.

[Tessar]

The therapist I saw just happened to be a forensic psychologist. She was really amazing. Once I got past being in awe of her qualifications & feeling totally overshadowed by her presence (this was all in my head) i realised she was a person, just like anyone else, and I relaxed and learned to trust her....things went very well. I haven't seen her in 7 years but the experience was so healing for me that I carry her (& the things I learned tat helped me) around in my heart and head everywhere I go.
These people (therapists, counsellors) are really great. Best thing to do is ignore labels. See her as health professional who is going to help u overcome the current difficulties in your life. You could also think of your compulsions like an addiction. Addicts have help. Many, many people on NMP have had help. You really are amongst friends here, shotokansho.
Most importantly, you are doing everything in your power to overcome your difficulties. That takes guts & determination, not to mention strength. I admire your resolve. Big hugs & hang in there. It is entirely possible for you to overcome these issues and come out the other side to a better and more fulfilling life. I look forward to meeting you in that happier place. Again Big hugs.

[shotokansho]

Thank you Tessar, means a lot to me. She really was a nice person, I think it's the environment I saw her in that frightened me. It really was like a prison. And I just kept thinking that if I was honest with her or carried out my thoughts I could end up in a place like this. I saw some of the patients come in and out and they seemed like normal people too, even though they have at some point broken the law.
It also worries me that if I have to have regular appointments with her it's miles away from where I live and out in the sticks, I would have to have someone take me every time.
Your psychologist puts me in mind of a social worker I once had, 13 years ago. She was called Maggie and helped me so much, she really was a blessing. I found it very hard to let go of her when our work was done, but I have never forgotten her and the goodness she brought.