So unhappy and scared

[Ats666]

Am I ever going to feel normal again? I want to live a life where I am not worrying about every single thing.
I'm so scared of dying and because of this I am not living my life and my kids and husband are suffering.
It's had got to the point now where I can't go far from home unless I know there is a hospital near. Yesterday I spend all day sticking needles in myself checking for sensations, because I have convinced myself I will have a stroke or a bleed on the brain.
I started Cbt about 2 months ago had two sessions then the therapist said she was transferring so I would have to wait until the beginning if August again, but I feel like I'm beyond help. I really don't know what to do with myself :(

[Speranza]

First thing you need is a big big :hugs:.

You truly are NOT beyond help. I know you can't believe this right now, but believe that I can believe it for you.

I would estimate that 90% of people here would put 'scared of dying' as their major concern. And yet we all will. Many many years ago I realised I was going to have to make my peace with it, and I began to look at the older people I knew who were living full and happy lives, and thought about all the people who#ve gone whom I remember vividly as though they were still here.

Dying and leaving people is a scary thought but all the more reason to pack as many happy moments into life as you can so that you will be remembered for ever. My daughter (27) said to me the other week, "You know, it's a funny thing - Grandpa died when I was 9 and we lived abroad most of the time, but I remember him so well because he is still talked about, such a big presence..."

And that is because, despite a HUGE fear of death, my Dad packed so much into his life and the lives of those around him.

The truth? We will all die.

What can we do about it?

LIVE!!!

[mummyanxious]

I feel exactly like you Hun. I don't do the needles thing mind you but I get myself worked up about enjoyable days out etc and end up spoiling it for myself. I hide it well from others but inside I feel awful. It's truly hideous and I hope you find a way to help yourself x

[Ats666]

Can anxiety cause funny sensations in just the right hand side of your body? Like a tingly tingly tightness in face arm and leg. I'm worrying sick :(

[Darbysa]

Yes it can. In fact anxiety can cause all manner of physical symptoms. In some ways I think if it was an actual illness rather than the mind doing this ( and I'm not saying its all in your mind because I know too well that if feels very real) it might be easier to deal with.
That said, as Speranza has said, it's just learning to accept and carry on making the most of every day because one day we will all have to face the end, hopefully after a long and happy life! Every day giving in to the fear is a waste of a day. I know that's hard to accept and it's not something I can always do but I do try. Keep on going, do the things you want to with your family. Don't feel guilty when you can't manage it but do celebrate when you can.
Take care
Sal

[Female healthanxiety]

Hello Atts66

I feel your pain! I have just posted a new thread.

HA has got to be one of the worst things to live with, it can go away for years, like me and then taps you on your shoulder again and comes back with a vengeance.

I too have the same thoughts about strokes, and am convinced that I will have one even though my DR practically laughs and tells me to enjoy life, but it's hard. The mind is a powerful thing and if only we could put as much energy and thought into something positive we would be very successful!!!

My advice would be to just relax. I am going to try and take up some form of meditation, even though that will take me a lot to be able to e in that frame of mind. Have you considered yoga or similar?

Please feel free to PM me

K x

[toria]

Hi ats66 I wanted to reply as I feel the same as you so anxious but my fear is brain tumour it is ruining mylife I have 2 kids and just want be ok for there sakes, I akso have the tingling in my hands and feet abd other parts and it is mainly right sided it really scares me as well as loads if other symptoms which in ny head all point to brain tumour, I hate anxiety for making us feel like this hope you start to feel better soon x

[Ats666]

And now my husband is telling me to pull myself together and I'm being stupid, thanks that has really helped. I've had enough

[Breezy]

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is not very understanding with regards to your worries. In my experience it can make it worse, as not only do you have the HA but also the rejection and judgement of someone that you love :( Mix 'em all up and you've got a cocktail of feeling really horrid!

Distraction (something you have to really concentrate on) like knitting (counting the stitches), counting other items or cleaning out a kitchen cupboard. All these are practical things help me. I know it doesn't sound much, but each little thing you do can build up to feeling better. Take care, B x

[mummyanxious]

I agree with breezy, my ex husband was terribly unsupportive of my anxiety which made me a lot worse. As soon as he left my troubles lifted! It's only since a showdown with him that its reared its ugly head again.

[roxy90]

Hey. Like many others I just wanted to say I know.exactly how you feel, I could have written your post. My health anxiety has blown out of all proportion over the last month since I.started to.have a number of unexplained symptoms. Ive been.told theres nothing wrong but I'm constantly getting new symptoms that I cant believe I'm.okay.

I constantly check.and time my pulse,.check the colour.of.my skin.and fingers, check the size of my pupils , my.temperature etc. I constantly poke.and prod myself just to see if it still hurts, its completely exhausting. Im so terrified of dying that I've stopped living

My partner was.supporting at first but.now.he isn't, my whole family are.sick of.me.and.think.I.want the attention,.theyve been.really.horrible and I.feel so alone.

I know this doesn't.help you and im sorry, but I want you to know.I.understand.x

[Ats666]

It helps to know I'm not alone so thank you for sharing your personal feelings xx

[roxy90]

You certainly aren't alone. After.weeks of my family saying im mental, totally barking, a drama queen and a piss taker (amongst other things) its nice to talk to people who actually understand what we're going through xx

[backfromthebrink]

To be fair, it is hard to live with someone with HA. We are very self-obsessed and focussed narrowly on whatever it is we think is a threat at that point in time. That means our ability to engage with life and to give to others is limited and reduced. Leading to further isolation for us, which makes anxiety worse. And so on. I feel really sorry for my partner often.

[Ats666]

I know it's hard to live with someone with HA, I work with people with HA amongst other physical and health conditions. I apologise to my husband and family all the time for the way I am but unfortunately we can't help the way we are :( xx

[almamatters]

You are not alone , I get told regularly to pull myself together, do people think we want to be like this!! Hope you are feeling better soon. :hugs:xxx

[Ats666]

Well I woke up at 4 this morning grabbed a drink off bedside table and went to put it back but I couldn't lift my arm up properly it felt numb, it lasted about 7-10 secs could it be that I had just been lying on it? I feel so scared I wake up every day feeling sick and anxious. Stopped all my meds about 3 months ago due to it affecting my blood results. I'm trying to stop myself going to gp, someone please help :weep:

---------- Post added at 09:18 ---------- Previous post was at 07:15 ----------

Anyone :(

[Darbysa]

Hi there
I think it is more than likely that you had been sleeping on it. 7 - 10 seconds sounds about right for the blood to get flowing. Did you taper off your mess with support or just go it alone? It may be that which is adding to your anxiety.
Sal

[Ats666]

I'm now getting chest ache I'm so scared. I don't know what to do, whether to go to A&E, or gp I really am a mess.
I tapered off the meds I didn't just stop them. :weep:

[Ats666]

Now my palpitations and heart thuds are increasing, I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm so tired now!!!!