GirlAfraid23
30-07-13, 22:22
I can't paste the link to the actual blog so have copied it straight into here.
"Dr Google"
Health anxiety (HA) has always been a condition that is ridiculed. It's seen as a "hypochondriac" disorder, something that has been swept under the carpet or turned into a joke.
I first noticed my condition when I was around 12 years old. I would get a nosebleed and my mind would automatically associate this with something bad; I remember thinking: "my brain is bleeding". Being a child I quickly dismissed this and moved on to something else.
A few years later, access to the Internet became easier, I began to "Google" my symptoms during my late teens. Anything I felt or saw about myself, I had to research online; anything "out of the ordinary" set my heart racing.
Suddenly, headaches were brain tumours, palpitations were heart attacks and pains in my breasts were breast cancer.
One particular episode stays with me; it began with a rough patch on the inside of my cheek. I became obsessed with it, looking at it in the mirror, using the torch to look right inside my mouth and constantly googling symptoms. The disease that came up most was "HIV". I was absolutely convinced I had this and was slowly dying. In my almost manic like state, I dismissed every other involved symptom and focused solely on these dry, rough patches in my mouth, I wasn't thinking logically in any way whatsoever, I remember one time during this episode that seemed to go on forever, ringing my parents (I was away at university at the time). I rang them in a train station and began to cry uncontrollably in front of a busy London station, people turned to stare but I didn't care, I was asking my mum over and over again if she thought it was HIV, I was completely convinced. I had even planned ways to tell my friends I had it, it was entirely all consuming. Even seeing a mouth specialist at the hospital was not enough, I wouldn't stop.
Eventually, like all health anxiety episodes, I just woke up one day and the thoughts, anxieties and obsessions had disappeared.
A few weeks later the cycle would start up again, but with a completely different disease.
I have come to the conclusion that HA is a branch of OCD, something I also suffer from; list making, obsessive thoughts, relationship OCD etc.
HA is still quite misunderstood in my opinion, I personally believe it is becoming the most common of all anxiety disorders and this is all down to the Internet. Years ago we did not have access to such a wealth of information regarding our health and well being. The media are also very outspoken when it comes to living a "healthy" life and being aware of changes in your body. Of course this is all well and good, in some cases the Internet is a blessing, for example if you had a misshapen mole on your body. You could look up an image online, see if it could be something to be concerned about and then consult a GP therefore catching something potentially deadly within good time,
As for me, I hate being out of control of situations, by "checking" my body, I feel I have some control over my health, therefore my fate.
It isn't reasonable and I know that but I am being treated with CBT counselling in order to try and get through this and come out the other side.
"Dr Google"
Health anxiety (HA) has always been a condition that is ridiculed. It's seen as a "hypochondriac" disorder, something that has been swept under the carpet or turned into a joke.
I first noticed my condition when I was around 12 years old. I would get a nosebleed and my mind would automatically associate this with something bad; I remember thinking: "my brain is bleeding". Being a child I quickly dismissed this and moved on to something else.
A few years later, access to the Internet became easier, I began to "Google" my symptoms during my late teens. Anything I felt or saw about myself, I had to research online; anything "out of the ordinary" set my heart racing.
Suddenly, headaches were brain tumours, palpitations were heart attacks and pains in my breasts were breast cancer.
One particular episode stays with me; it began with a rough patch on the inside of my cheek. I became obsessed with it, looking at it in the mirror, using the torch to look right inside my mouth and constantly googling symptoms. The disease that came up most was "HIV". I was absolutely convinced I had this and was slowly dying. In my almost manic like state, I dismissed every other involved symptom and focused solely on these dry, rough patches in my mouth, I wasn't thinking logically in any way whatsoever, I remember one time during this episode that seemed to go on forever, ringing my parents (I was away at university at the time). I rang them in a train station and began to cry uncontrollably in front of a busy London station, people turned to stare but I didn't care, I was asking my mum over and over again if she thought it was HIV, I was completely convinced. I had even planned ways to tell my friends I had it, it was entirely all consuming. Even seeing a mouth specialist at the hospital was not enough, I wouldn't stop.
Eventually, like all health anxiety episodes, I just woke up one day and the thoughts, anxieties and obsessions had disappeared.
A few weeks later the cycle would start up again, but with a completely different disease.
I have come to the conclusion that HA is a branch of OCD, something I also suffer from; list making, obsessive thoughts, relationship OCD etc.
HA is still quite misunderstood in my opinion, I personally believe it is becoming the most common of all anxiety disorders and this is all down to the Internet. Years ago we did not have access to such a wealth of information regarding our health and well being. The media are also very outspoken when it comes to living a "healthy" life and being aware of changes in your body. Of course this is all well and good, in some cases the Internet is a blessing, for example if you had a misshapen mole on your body. You could look up an image online, see if it could be something to be concerned about and then consult a GP therefore catching something potentially deadly within good time,
As for me, I hate being out of control of situations, by "checking" my body, I feel I have some control over my health, therefore my fate.
It isn't reasonable and I know that but I am being treated with CBT counselling in order to try and get through this and come out the other side.