Struggling

[Firewall556]

I have anxiety which provides more and more challenges every single day. But night is the absolute worst. Because of an incident involving my mother attacking me at night as a baby, I'm left with paralyzing anxiety and panic throughout the entire night.

I go 3-4 days without any sleep at all until my body just can't physically stay awake anymore. Panic attacks are common and the stress is overwhelming. I ended up having to drop out of education due to the sleep deprivation and nothing has worked. I've been attending treatment for over 2 years now and I've gotten worse.

The sleeping pills (amongst others) didn't work and the CBT course was ineffective. My doctors are also completely unreliable. They stop contacting me and arranging appointments for months on end and leave me on my own, even when I call, then see me briefly only to do nothing. I was supposed to have weekly appointments, my last one was 3 months ago. I'm seeing 3 doctors but there is one who is listed as my main one- but I've only seen her twice since I started going!! I constantly phone asking for appointments with her but she never gets back to me.

My biggest worry is that the place I'm attending now is only open to under 18s. My 18th birthday is really soon (as in really soon) and then they'll be sending me on my way worse than I was when I came to them for help!

Either way, when I complain I get labelled as 'uncooperative', 'obnoxious' and 'unresponsive' regardless of how politely and reasonably I do it. Compared to some of the people my age they deal with, I'm amazingly well-mannered and understanding. However, they've left me feeling hopeless. Trusting adults is difficult enough for me (though I force myself to do it for the sake of progress) but my school and doctors have let me down so much that I can't see myself capable of putting my trust in any professionals again.

[YoungHeart]

I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time at the moment. I know how you feel by feeling worse at night. I see that you've said it's hard to trust adults so I don't know if you will agree with my suggestion but perhaps you could consider seeing a therapist or psychologist? They are often more understanding about things like anxiety than an ordinary doctor. They might also be able to help you get into a routine for sleeping. It's always tough to trust people when you have been let down by them but the likes of a therapist is a professional who is trained to deal with these situations and probably wouldn't judge you or criticise you
I hope than you manage to get things sorted, sometimes just talking can make all the difference.

[Firewall556]

I have been through therapy twice (once around 6 and another which ended 2 years ago) both successful in there own little ways but, in terms of the bigger picture, mostly unsuccessful.

The three people I'm seeing- one is an actual doctor, another is a mental health worker and the third is a family therapist. I'm due to see a fourth in the place I'm attending but with such a small time before I get sent on my way, it seems a bit redundant.

I just feel like I've wasted the last two years with these people but the NHS keeps sending me back. I don't have any money to pay for private therapy/counselling though...