Feeling really sick and anxious... [Archive]

Speranza

31-07-13, 12:35

Hi,
long story short, I have spent literally weeks thinking about what to write in order to blow the whistle on my workplace. Yesterday I posted a thick envelope containing an unembroidered account of workplace bullying of myself and others, which was almost 6 pages long. All I have put is the barest details. There were 11 incidents personal to me and about double that pertaining to other people - many of them far worse-treated than I have been. The whole place is running in a climate of fear, that is not an exaggeration. I also included my diary with certain parts highlighted in red, and a copy of the Grievance I submitted in April which has never been addressed.

There is nothing for me to return to so I consider I have nothing to lose, whereas my colleagues are too frightened to say anything, which is what the managers are relying on.

I've just seen online that my letter has been delivered - I sent it right to The Top Guy - and now I feel sick!! I'm glad I did it though. There is an electronic copy of his signature and it lookes remarkably like a head rolling down a hill so I'm hoping that is a good omen...

vicky23

31-07-13, 14:42

oh wow well done you! I really hope that you and your colleagues get some justice!

Spot-the-frog

31-07-13, 14:43

Well done that was very brave! Hopefully something will come of your account and maybe the bullying will be addressed.

:hugs:

Speranza

31-07-13, 15:04

Thank you... I don't know why I feel so anxious now! I've been fine since I wrote it. It really isn't as though I have anything to lose. They even took my specialist subject off the timetable! :shrug:

Edward_1980

31-07-13, 15:15

Well done.

Kim51

31-07-13, 18:00

Good for you, only one person spoke up in the college where I teach and she lost at the tribunal, these establishments and management are very clever at coming out on top unfortunately:).

Speranza

31-07-13, 18:04

Well they have changed the rules this week and it would cost a lot of money to go to a tribunal now but I don't flipping care as long as this gets heard. I don't really want the added stress of a court case anyway, and I want to let the nastiness of the situation go and be in my past, not fan the flames and keep it as a living issue in my life.

But I simply cannot stand by and watch the utter misery. One woman told me her husband now has to drive her to work because she literally cannot drive in the direction of school. On the one hand I feel 'weak' because I went off sick and yet all these people stayed (although others went off before me) - on the other, if I hadn't, I would be a lot more ill and not in a position to whistle blow.

Thank you for all the support. It is amazing how terrifying it is when it comes to it. I have always hoped I'd have the courage to do this if ever I needed, and it feels great that I managed - but scary too! I can now understand those situations where people ask, "Why did nobody DO anything???"

Edie

31-07-13, 18:36

Wow, well done! You are very brave.

AuntieMoosie

01-08-13, 01:54

Well done you for making a stand, that was a very brave thing to do but also the right thing to do Speranza :)

I truly understand you're feeling anxious now, but just rest your mind with the fact that what you needed to do, had to be done :)

There's far too much of this bullying at work and I can't bear bullying of any sort no matter where it occurs. People should be able to work feeling safe and secure.

So you hold your head up high hun, you've done the very best thing that you could have, not only to help yourself, but to help others too :) :hugs:

Speranza

01-08-13, 08:52

Thank you! I am under no illusions, cos I don't know how far up the corruption spreads, but I sent it to the very top person. It's out of my hands now. I am like Auntie Moosie. In fact bullying of school staff particularly disgusts me - you see it a lot - because they have such allegedly stringent anti-bullting protocols in place.

I do feel astonishingly worried about whether I've done the right thing, and I know I did, and thought about it for months first - so thank you very much for all the positive comments. xx

Annie0904

01-08-13, 13:48

Well done, I wish I had, had the courage to do the same.

Speranza

09-08-13, 23:00

UPDATE: Got home from a few days away to find a letter which shows I have been taken very seriously. It is now under investigation and I know that they have picked the right person to do that, because the department they are in is one which colleagues have already had dealings with, so I am feeling pretty hopeful - not necessarily about my own situation in particular, but that the evil goings-on might eventually be exposed.

Speranza

19-09-13, 16:58

Update on the update - they have of course batted it all back to me (and I batted it back). This was a couple of weeks ago. I have come down to London to stay with my brother's g/f while he is over from the States, and have just received an email telling me when my Grievance meeting is.

Obviously this has to be done - but it is with two people I have never met, one a School Governor - and I now have the usual struggle to engage my ***** Union Rep. At least if he attends I shall finally have met him!

It's supposed to be happening three days before my Occy Health appointment.

I know this is a normal reaction but I feel sick and horrid. :(

I have replied to everyone and copied people in and done all I need, and in fact that leaves me nothing to do but sit and wait now. I have emailed Union Guy and told him if I don't hear from him by tomorrow, I shall pass on his number so they can talk directly to him about whether he can make the date, as I am NOT 'doing' phones at the moment.

I know it is all ok (well I shall lose my job but it all has to be drawn to an end doesn#t it!) but UUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH.

The good thing is it looks as though I am finally going to be offered the counselling which school 'forgot' to offer me in March.

Hugs would be nice!

:)

Catherine84

19-09-13, 18:01

Sending lots of :hugs: your way, Speranza <3

It sounds like you have had to put up with so much. Behaviour of that sort is unacceptable, and there should be far more safeguards in place to protect against workplace bullying. It takes a huge amount of courage to stand up to it, as you have done.

I hope everything goes as well as it can, and that you are able to get something out of the counselling.

Thinking of you,
Catherine x

Speranza

19-09-13, 23:13

Thank you so much Catherine. Like everyone else here, I am so so so grateful for the support I am getting. Lots of love to you. x

Speranza

21-09-13, 07:38

Woke this morning actually saying the words, "She's got in that deep pond!" as in my dream I watched helplessly from a window as a little cat began to drown.

I have had more dealings with the LEA this week and this has heightened my anxiety. I think although I woke speaking urgently, I was maybe also having one of those anxiety sleep breathing things. It's only ever happened to me about three times and until now I thought it must be occasional Sleep Apnoea, but having read people's accounts I think it's more likely they are kind of mini panic attacks. I am having trouble catching my breath this morning. Interestingly whilst at my brother's I decided to try a glass or two of wine as I knew I was safe there whatever the side effects - and I am sure it has indeed had the effect of making me more anxious (ie lessening the Prozac effect I guess). I remain happier off alcohol.

Are these sleep-breathing things often associated with nightmares for people?

Speranza

23-09-13, 23:28

Arrived home to a thick letter about how my Sick Pay will be cut at the end of October. Then got an email 'reinding' me about a meeting I had already requested be postponed until my Union Rep can be there. I had a mild panic attack and then couldn't get my breath for about two hours. :(

Bleurgh :(

AuntieMoosie

24-09-13, 01:00

Aww Speranza I'm so sorry you're going through all of this really rotten stuff, especially since you're only doing the right thing hun!!

I think it's a disgrace that this is what happens when people try to get things put right, it makes me mad :mad:

I can truly understand how it's making your anxiety go through the roof, it's horrible having this sort of thing hanging over your head.

Just be really kind to yourself hun, you're the good person in all of this and don't you forget it :)

If you get any more bother, send Edna in, she'll sort em out!!! :winks:

Sending you loads of hugs

:hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs:

Speranza

24-09-13, 04:23

Thank you Moosie, I am SERIOUSLY considering going to my meeting as Edna and telling them I have developed Multiple Personality Disorder... :D

Then again - maybe I have... :unsure: :winks:

Woke abruptly at 4.10 so I've just come online to see if anybody is around and needing a chat. I feel ok in myself. Ish. But obviously I am very anxious at the moment. Never mind... it will pass. Yesterday I bought some accessories for Edna's long-lost American cousin and tried her out on the young shop assistants, and they were in hysterics so I am hopeful she will be as lovable as Edna. ;)

AuntieMoosie

24-09-13, 14:02

I'll be they were hun :D

Are we getting to meet Edna's long-lost American cousin?? She sounds like she's going to be a whole bunch of fun :D

Yeah, go as Edna, then confuse them all by saying "are you speaking to Edna or to me"!!!! :ohmy:.... :winks:.... :roflmao:

:hugs:

Speranza

09-10-13, 08:30

Kim51

09-10-13, 08:46

GAH! Lost my reply.

It went pretty well yesterday but I'm paying with panic this morning. A small price though if I was heard - which I think I was by the Governor, although HR advised me to try to care less about my colleagues. :mad: Anyway I have asked some searching questions and at the very least, even if the Head lies through her teeth, she is going to have a much more awkward meeting than mine. I need to go back unfortunately as my query about procedure was taken up and I am further back in the process than they had realised. But I have refused to meet with the Head at this point.

Meanwhile - mild heart attack and gasping for air, anybody? :winks::unsure:
Sorry to hear you have panic this morning, you have nothing to panic about you are not in the wrong. It is a shame that you have to go through this process, rather than just coming to a compromise agreement, it is not fair to put you through this when the job affected your health in the first place. Try to relax today, deep breath and best foot forward. You will get through this xx

daisydaisy

09-10-13, 10:04

GAH! Lost my reply.

It went pretty well yesterday but I'm paying with panic this morning. A small price though if I was heard - which I think I was by the Governor, although HR advised me to try to care less about my colleagues. :mad: Anyway I have asked some searching questions and at the very least, even if the Head lies through her teeth, she is going to have a much more awkward meeting than mine. I need to go back unfortunately as my query about procedure was taken up and I am further back in the process than they had realised. But I have refused to meet with the Head at this point.

Meanwhile - mild heart attack and gasping for air, anybody? :winks::unsure:

Hi Speranza, I replied on your other thread. I am so sorry that you do not feel good today. I think it's inevitable as it's all the emotions and obviously now you know more about the procedure ahead of you it's the anticipation. I'm not too clear on all the polices etc but I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. :hugs: xx

Speranza

09-10-13, 10:22

Thanks ladies! I am fine really - I was bound to react today. I'm going to go out somewhere lovely for coffee with my sister and a friend. :)

I don't want a Compromise Agreement, that would include a gagging clause... :mad:

Andria24

10-10-13, 12:13

Hey Speranza - bloody well done you for standing by your convictions. Bullying in the work place is a huge problem and the amount of people that suffer anxiety and ill-health through adults bullying adults is horrifying.

To think your work place is full of children, and that part of being a professional (in any capacity) within a school setting requires that you're a good role model well ... says it all.

All being well what needs to happen will happen. Best of everything and I hope you're feeling a bit better the now :)