NatureWalk
01-08-13, 02:15
Hi guys,
I had my first HIV test this week (along with one for hepatitis and syphilis at the recommendation of the nurse). I'm in my mid-twenties and although it's a good idea to get a regular screening, I didn't actually have a logical reason to rush off to an STD clinic and wait for three hours to get my blood sample taken.
I've had a couple of incidences of unprotected sex with men - one was a one night stand and I was drunk and unable to remember if he used a condom, and the other was with an old boyfriend. Stupid under any circumstances, I know. I was young and silly - and boy does my older, more mature self regret it. These incidents happened approximately six years ago, so if I do have HIV, I've been carrying it for a long time with no treatment.
Anyway, I believe I have all the classic symptoms of health anxiety. One month I'll worry that I have cancer, the next I'll be convinced that it's a brain tumour. Dr Google has become my first port of call and I can easily go through 100 search terms in a day, searching for the confirmation that I'm dying.
So recently it's been HIV. I've convinced myself that at some stage of my life I've become infected, and the more I think about it, the more sure I become.
I had bacterial pneumonia two years ago this month. I had the classic back pain symptom for days, and saw two different doctors who told me it was muscular. Soon after, i was in bed and felt like someone had stabbed me in my back; the sharp pain was incredible. I fought it at home without treatment for about three days before I eventually took myself to hospital and got IV antibiotics and was admitted for two nights because they were concerned that it was a pulmonary embolism.
Now, whilst the OTT part of my brain says that the pneumonia was a result of the HIV, the logical part of my brain reminds me that I'm a smoker and I had been under the weather soon before it took hold.
I also have a glad in my neck that seems to be permanently palpable. It's moveable and varies between the size of a pea and the size of a baked bean, but again, it sets my brain into overdrive.
I get my results on Friday (or potentially next Monday, depending on the lab) and the wait is torturing me. I did ask for a rapid test, but apparently they're only available to men who have sex with men. Not ideal!
Has anyone been through the test process and dealt with similar thoughts? How did it go in the end?
I know nobody can tell me my results - and the nurse did say that the pneumonia would have recurred by now and she'd expect that I'd be generally unwell if I had been carrying the virus for six years - but Dr Google reckons that people can feel healthy for up to twenty years before the bomb drops.
I know I should go to the doctor and let him know of my anxiety, but I can't afford to put this kind of thing on my medical records. I plan to leave the country in the next few years and immigration doesn't appear to like that sort of thing!
Perhaps my fear of diagnosis, and losing all my future plans as a result, is also making this worse.
I've rambled enough, thanks for reading! :blush:
I had my first HIV test this week (along with one for hepatitis and syphilis at the recommendation of the nurse). I'm in my mid-twenties and although it's a good idea to get a regular screening, I didn't actually have a logical reason to rush off to an STD clinic and wait for three hours to get my blood sample taken.
I've had a couple of incidences of unprotected sex with men - one was a one night stand and I was drunk and unable to remember if he used a condom, and the other was with an old boyfriend. Stupid under any circumstances, I know. I was young and silly - and boy does my older, more mature self regret it. These incidents happened approximately six years ago, so if I do have HIV, I've been carrying it for a long time with no treatment.
Anyway, I believe I have all the classic symptoms of health anxiety. One month I'll worry that I have cancer, the next I'll be convinced that it's a brain tumour. Dr Google has become my first port of call and I can easily go through 100 search terms in a day, searching for the confirmation that I'm dying.
So recently it's been HIV. I've convinced myself that at some stage of my life I've become infected, and the more I think about it, the more sure I become.
I had bacterial pneumonia two years ago this month. I had the classic back pain symptom for days, and saw two different doctors who told me it was muscular. Soon after, i was in bed and felt like someone had stabbed me in my back; the sharp pain was incredible. I fought it at home without treatment for about three days before I eventually took myself to hospital and got IV antibiotics and was admitted for two nights because they were concerned that it was a pulmonary embolism.
Now, whilst the OTT part of my brain says that the pneumonia was a result of the HIV, the logical part of my brain reminds me that I'm a smoker and I had been under the weather soon before it took hold.
I also have a glad in my neck that seems to be permanently palpable. It's moveable and varies between the size of a pea and the size of a baked bean, but again, it sets my brain into overdrive.
I get my results on Friday (or potentially next Monday, depending on the lab) and the wait is torturing me. I did ask for a rapid test, but apparently they're only available to men who have sex with men. Not ideal!
Has anyone been through the test process and dealt with similar thoughts? How did it go in the end?
I know nobody can tell me my results - and the nurse did say that the pneumonia would have recurred by now and she'd expect that I'd be generally unwell if I had been carrying the virus for six years - but Dr Google reckons that people can feel healthy for up to twenty years before the bomb drops.
I know I should go to the doctor and let him know of my anxiety, but I can't afford to put this kind of thing on my medical records. I plan to leave the country in the next few years and immigration doesn't appear to like that sort of thing!
Perhaps my fear of diagnosis, and losing all my future plans as a result, is also making this worse.
I've rambled enough, thanks for reading! :blush: