Catherine84
04-08-13, 11:21
I have just had the worst night's sleep ever. I am due back at work tomorrow and I am a complete state and incapable of doing anything today. My breathing anxiety is worse than ever and my drinking spiralled out of control yesterday. Just the thought of being back in that office with a load of people who don't know what is wrong with me (and probably can't tell on the surface) is terrifying me. I know it is going to be a very long 6 hours if I cannot shift this constant focus on my breathing. I will just sit there in silence, as always, and my anxiety will build and build. I then will have to spend Tuesday and Thursday in the house on my own, which I only started to try while I was still signed off last week, and spent half of one day in tears. I don't know what to try any more. I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever medication I try doesn't work, and it seems that the GP has given up on me. I would just love to not exist at the moment, or run far away and escape from all this. My partner even said that my GP's attitude is probably that if I haven't got better after 5 and a half months, being off any longer is not going to make any difference. But it's not as easy as pulling myself together and pretending nothing's happened! I just feel like I have taken many steps backwards and hit rock bottom :-(.