question for agoraphobics in college

[emster]

this is something i would like to ask any agoraphobics who attend college or uni or who are in any kind of education. and would be grateful for any oppinions or feedback of any kind.
At the moment i feeling really fed up and bored with my job and i would really love to retrain to do some more interesting job that suits me better, because i'm sure my quality of life would be vastly improved by being happier in my work, and it would go a long way to solving (and hopefully help prevent any further problems with) my depression and anxiety. The trouble is that even though i'd like to, the thought of going back to college terrifies me. firstly i think of the problem of how i'd get there, any course worth doing would probably mean travelling more than 20 miles or so and having to get on the bus which at the moment is an idea which seems inconceivable to me. secondly i'd have to be there on my own amongst strangers all day. thirdly all those long crowded corridoors. fourthly if i had a bad panic and couldnt handle it any more the only way home would be to get on another bus whilst already stressed. and fifthly it would be rather catastrophic for my self esteem and morale if i failed yet another course (there have already been 5 previous failed attempts) due to my psychological problems.
i would like to preferably do something whilst im still young, and i worry about time passing me by whilst i do nothing, but i dont know whether it might be a better idea to put it off until my other problems are sorted, the only problem with that being that i dont know when that will be (if ever).
what i would like to know is 1) what anyone reading this would advise me to do 2)would it be as hard as i imagine it in my head + what it is like for other people in that situation 3) how well and in what ways do other people cope.
i would be very grateful for any advice given, please be honest with me and realistic.

[NPS_Paul]

Hi emster, perhaps this may help or not. I left school at 15 before my exams. I've thought many times about retraining. I went to the top school in the area, but to be honest never tried hard and wouldn't have got good results. But the last 10 years i have read and read on the subjects that interest me (mental health and religion). I've worked in supermarkets and factories, d i y stores and the only people i have ever had sensible conversations with are top managers. In fact in a supermarket of 200 staff, i only ever had an equal conversation with the Store manager and his assistant, both degree level. It shocked them that i could discuss on their level and after we dealt with work matters they encouraged me to stay to discuss current affairs, politics and religions.
Perhaps you do require qualifications to achieve a good job. But self belief is more important. People are always telling me how bright i am and encouraging me to get qualifications. My eldest son is now 13 1/2 and i'm still correcting his work easily and educating him!
Does this make sense/ help. Perhaps on a mental level, i'll leave the college bit to younger contributors! (I'm 38)

Love to all members

[fairyclairy]

Hiya, i just wanted to reply to your post emily. Of course u can go back to college! got 4 it, live your life to the fullest! It only happens once.. i bet your wonderng 'who is she, telling me to do the one thing i am petrified of doing?' But i had first hand experiance.. i started with severe panic attacks, anxiety, angraphobia and emetaphobia (fear of being sick) when i was around 13 years of age, im 18 now. We linked it back to when i was sick on my first day of high school and it has just esculated from there really. Times have been dreadful, during high school i couldnt leave my house, i was having up to 10 panic attacks a day, i couldnt control them, i got depressed and couldnt get out of bed, lost alot of my friends because they didnt understand (who does!) and it was a real bad patch. I saw a councellor for about a year and a half and during the time i was seeing her, my life came back.. my panic attacks stopped and i thought i had my teenage years back, finally i could go shopping or to the cinema or a friends house! Thats when i met my boyfriend, it was amazing. Then something happened out of the blue and it all came back, with avengence! Whilst it was coming back i was studying childcare at college, my friends were supportive and the tutors were really supportive, 2 of my teachers had actually experianced a panic attack (its amazing how so many people have). Im now at the stage where i was when i was 13, i find it difficult going out of the house, i have around 6 panic attacks a day, even when i am at home, so i can never really escape. But im not letting it beat me this time, i have recently started a uni course doing the degree in childcare, it is on the 3rd floor of the building, away from the car, factors that terrify me! but im doing it and so can you! Iv just started CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and iv learnt that the only way to beat it is to sit through it.. not to do any coping stratgeis, no breathing exercises, no water, so running away, no distracting yourself, just to say BRING IT ON! and it is slowly working, this last week i have actually looked forward to going into college and having a panic attack and beating it!! something i thought i wouldntdo!u can achieve anything you want in life, it just depends how much you want it and how hard you want to work for it. To most people, getting A*'s at uni or having lots of money from their job is what they thinkis working hard, but for me.. Its opening my front door and being able to sit at the desk and actually stay sat for a 2 hour lesson. You can definitly do it, believe in yourself, control your panic, dont let it control you.
Claire x

[eeyorelover]

Hi hun :)
Well I have just signed up for my spring classes and thought I would post a reply to ya.
It took me a long time to get up the nerve to go in and sign up and take placement tests, meet with advisors, all the tedious things that go along with going back to college.
I told my advisor about my anxiety because I knew that it was going to be an issue for me and my advisor suggested that I take some of my classes online and so I am scheduled fulltime but I only have to go to the college for 1 math (urggggg) class two nights a week and the rest I just have to go over to the college for tests.
I don't know if that is an option for you but I thought I would throw it out just in case.
Also maybe you could carpool instead of the bus? Just a thought.
:)
xxx
Sandy

[Droo]

i can relate to claire and em quite well. i went through huge anxiety in highschool and basically stayed home for like 3 months and now (4 yrs later) ive had another huge bout with it. and the bus to class triggers alot of anxiousness. this past summer i had gone from 200 to 100 mg of zoloft. i guess i shoulda kept it there. now im back up to where it was at and i dont have full fledged attacks but still have the whole "elephant on the chest" thing like practically always lately. but i was prescribed ativan to take when im really anxious and i usually pop one in the morning before getting on the bus. it helps me through. you might want to talk to ur doctor about that if medication is a route youre willing to explore. claires right though.....the only way to beat it, is to go through it (not around it) get in there and conquer the waves of anxiety and dont let them conquer you! because lifes too short!

"tough times dont last, tough people do..."