Went to the supermarket last night.

[jayjoe18]

Hi everyone, as the title says I managed to go to the supermarket last night, I haven't been in a supermarket to do a proper full food shop for as long as I can remember. I've occasionally popped in store just for a few bits but I've not been able to handle a full shop for a long time.

Well, it didn't go well at all and has really set me back. I managed to make it around the whole store and get back home but it was so so difficult. I thought about escaping and walking home many times. I went with my mum and was just panicking the whole time I was there, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't stop my anxiety/anxious thoughts, I couldn't stand still, I felt like I desperately needed the loo, my stomach just felt horrible (this is one of my main problems, I have toilet phobia but social anxiety is what has caused everything to begin with)

My whole reason for going was to try and get out more and challenge the anxiety but it just reconfirmed to me that it's a bad things as it reminds me of the horrible anxiety and panic and that it doesn't die down and get easier. I wanted to go to look for new healthy foods as I don't eat very well and am making a concious effort to try change my diet and get healthy, hoping this will help my anxiety if not that, just helping my overall health. It's really frustrating as I'm in a vicious cycle, I want to eat well, be healthy and excercise (which in turn would definitely help my anxiety) but I just can't get out the house because of anxiety to excercise or to find new healthy foods. I tried last night but it was a total disaster, I couldn't stand still long enough to look at anything proper or to read anything, I was literally running around like a mad woman throwing anything in the trolley. Any food that was familiar. Totally pointless. People must of thought I was on drugs or something, I was nearly knocking people over! The anxiety didn't get better either apart from when we left, it just got worse & that's no good to me. I can't go rushing through life because of panic/anxiety. Is it really truely possible to rid your anxiety by repeatedly doing things? It just feels like I never get anywhere, I have such an awful experience everytime and I just can't face it again. Maybe I pushed myself to far? I have been doing the odd little thing like popping into Asda alone, the bank, shops etc but I can only manage these because I only stay 5-10 mins. Any longer and I would be like I was last night and I physically can't do that to my body or mind everyday.

Why does it never get any easier!!!!?????

[cheshirecatqee]

Repeatedly doing things doesn't get rid of anxiety. I tried that so many times as I was told it would. What you need to do is work out what is causing the panic and accept it, only then will you start to become calmer.

This is easier said than done as the furthest I go is about 10 minutes walk to doctor but a couple of months ago I couldn't even leave my bedroom.

[jayjoe18]

Thanks cheshirecatqee, that's the problem, it's so frustrating when people say to repeatedly do things and it will get better, it doesn't work that way for me & just makes me feel horrible each time, I can't keep putting myself through that.

Sorry to hear your in the same boat, it's horrible when you get that bad you can't leave the house :( Are you taking any meds or doing therapy or anything?

[Annie0904]

Getting out and doing things in my opinion does help but don't try too much in one go. I started by going to the supermarket car park, then to the door and getting myself in for a bit longer each time. You have to know that the feelings of anxiety/panic cannot harm you. It does get easier. I think you did very well and you may not see it as an achievement because of the anxious feelings but you did it and deserve to pat yourself on the back. Don't rush it though..just little steps at a time and it will get easier.

[Spot-the-frog]

You did it, you went to the supermarket, ok you were extremely anxious but you didn't leave, you stayed until the shopping was done, that is a huge achievement.

I would say that what you did last night was probably a bit too much too soon. I am doing graded exposure, and the key is to take small steps. When I started I did a couple of things and then rushed into thinking I could do everything and I couldn't and it brought me down to earth with a bump. So I started again, and gradually have worked my way up to doing more and more. A few times I got to my destination and had to come home and thought I had failed, but then my therapist told me that I hadn't failed, I had got in my car and driven there and came back, I had tried and that is better than sitting at home doing nothing. I suggest you write a list of things that you want to achieve in the order of difficulty and start off with the easiest and work your way up. I started off with walking around the corner and buying a newspaper. Remember - little steps - and don't be so hard on yourself, you did really well last night :D

[moonspirit]

I think sometimes we forget when we have really bad anxiety that some of the things we did before where things we never did like doing and anxiety seems to take them onboard for something else that we have to do to conquer the fear ..... i hate shopping at the best of times always have done some supermarkets have there aisle so crowed in and they can be so big it feels like your in a giant sardine can and they dont have any natural light coming in. I used to like to do my shopping online, also got to find what all the bargins where and saved more money then i would if i had gone, but since anxiety im making myself go shopping!! its mad but anxiety says you need to be scared!

[shakey1961]

I just wanted to encourage everyone. I was in the same boat as you. Since I started with anxiety and panic when I was 16 to now 35 years later when I'm 51, I have had good times and bad times. While not been confined to the house I have had times when I could only just about make it down the road.

I won't go into a very detailed explanation here, but I have found out what was making me ill, I have coeliac disease and it was the gluten in wheat barley and rye that was making me ill. If you search my username, you'll find threads where I have written in more depth about coeliac.

I now avoid gluten like the plague! I consider myself cured. OK I have to build up my confidence again, but I notice I don't panic in situations that used to make me feel really bad.

I can go on a train (just a few stops, but I'm building that up), and it's quite a pleasant experience, ha, I was even at the dentist yesterday and I was totally relaxed in the chair!!! I'm even contemplating a 100 mile journey by train, even the thought doesn't scare me too much.

So keep going. You will have dark times but you will come out of it. I firmly believe everyone has a trigger. Why not try keeping off Gluten? Visit the coeliac UK website www.coeliac.org.uk/ (http://www.coeliac.org.uk/) and get reading to find out what you can and can't eat.

Better still go to Boots or another chemist and get a Coeliac test kit. Bit expensive at £20 a go, but you might be surprised. Even if you get a negative result, you could still be gluten intolerant. Don't stop eating gluten before the test though as you could get a false negative result.

Chin up everyone

[erika]

Its so refreshing to hear all the experiences of others in the same boat on here.
Im not as bad as you jayjoe18, yours sounds awful, I can manage a minute up the road in the car to the local post office or on very special ocassions furthur out if essential ( doctors, therapy sessions etc) but I get so nervous driving I just cant wait to get back ( and its also dangerous to be nervous driving as you make mistakes and cant think properly, which makes you more anxious). That feeling trapped sensation is the worst. My doc was running 40 mins late and I had to pace around the stairs cos the waiting room was too intense. I nearly left cos I got so panicked.
Like you say people are always saying to repeat, repeat, repeat and the anxiety will go down but how long are you supposed to repeat it? We learn by doing and if we have a dozen bad experiences of doing sonething we then learn that this activity is bad and should be avoided. We wouldnt force ourselves to eat, say, apples, cos they are healthy for us, if we despised the taste. 'Just keep eating it and it will taste better'. No, it doesnt. We may get more used to the taste but we still wont like it. That seems fundamentally obvious, and yet we are trying to believe this exact principle within another context, when deep down we cannot see the logic or feel the results.
Spot the frog and Annie are right and its so nice to read. Ive always been aiming too high and constantly being let down by the results, which reinforce the negative thoughts. Im always comparing what ive managed to do to what a ' normal' person can do or what i used to be able to do, and then feel useless. But as you say, even the smallest thing, like going for a walk, or even going for a drive to nowhere and back, is a huge achievement in our world, and that's whats important - to rate things in our own current world, and in no one elses.
Just reading other peoples struggles on here, some not as bad, some much worse, has already helped me to realise that small is good.
A therapist can tell you similar things but just hearing it from someone who truly knows the woe can speak a thousand words.
:)

[Lost2010]

Hi jayjoe,

I understand the frustration at people telling you things will get easier the more you do them because it doesn't always work like that and it certainly rarely feels like that! After having rarely been out in about 5 years I have recently just started being able to get to a shop (on some days). It's not like 'I've been once so now it's ok', some days are better than others and generally I get some very strange looks as I'm running around like I'm on supermarket sweep!!

However, the important part is that you went. Even if you hated every minute of it, getting there is better than not getting there. A wise friend once said to me that I won't necessarily feel any less anxious but as time goes on I'll be doing more. Maybe a few weeks ago you'd have been that anxious at the thought of going, or that anxious just driving there, this time you were anxious being in there and getting some shopping. Although I understand it felt horrendous, it's a massive achievement so don't knock yourself for finding it hard.

[jayjoe18]

Thanks everyone for your responses, really helped me. I agree I probably did set myself too high, I'm just so impatient, I just want my life back already! I'm sure you all feel the same. I don't think I've ever really enjoyed food shopping moonspirit, I hate the queing and the lighting, I just don't like it! Can't remember if I was always like that though. Erika, that's exactly how I think! I hate doing things that make me anxious, everytime they make me anxious and so I never want to do it again. My worst things is waiting too, I hate it, the anxiety and anticipation just builds and builds until the point where I want to leave, appointments are the worst, I hate the doctors and dentist as they are almost always late!! I do that too much, I look at what other people achieve and what I do just isn't enough. I can't seem to stop comparing myself and my life to others! Lost2010, really lovely to hear your able to go to the shops now, after 5 years that is such an achievement! It's awful that it can go on so long though :( I think many people thought I was on supermarket sweep, that or drugs! What your friend said is really helpful actually, that makes more sense than when people say the anxiety will go away the more you do, it doesn't, but maybe I'll feel comfortable doing more things. I actually went back to the supermarket over the weekend, this time I walked there with my little sister (I find it difficult walking to places, it makes my anxiety worse because I know it takes longer to get back) but it was actually so much easier! I did only go for 2 things but I felt more in control, I was so pleased with myself once I got back and I loved being able to get some fresh air and stretch my legs again! I hope one day I can get back to going places without worrying too much :)

[Daisy Sue]

You did well - I remember leaving a full trolley and just getting out, many times. Even though you felt horrid, it was an achievement, and somewhere deep in your subconscious, you'll have recognised that.

Maybe next time, look up on the internet which kind of foods you want to buy - just one kind - and just go straight to that aisle, get the items you need, and pay & leave. Do it bit by bit, not tackle a whole shop all in one go.

[Tessar]

Thing is, it might feel like it didn't go well but if you were to reflect on the facts and put your feelings (in particular your interpretation of your success based on emotion alone) then you will see that your efforts were fully worthwhile and did indeed include many positive aspects. Reading your original post here, I am able to see those positive achievements. It might be worth reflecting again on how things were but this time, rather than focusing on your high end anxious emotions, unpick what you did with a more factual viewpoint. Look for the things you did (regardless of how it made you feel)
Then, once you have Identified the successes, think about the emotions you experienced, but in a different light. How you survived the emotions scary though they were. Because regardless if the intensity if your feelings you did tolerate them. Indeed you CAN tolerate them again. Have a go..... Let me know where you get to on it. So, to rather than an emotional response to the experience, see what the facts are. Bye for now x