HappyAce
07-08-13, 06:30
I don't use forums so I'm not sure if I'm using it right lol I just write stuff down up here, because writing it down makes me feel better. Plus this is a very nice and informative community. Anyway, for the past two days I've been feeling exhausted. My anxiety has been crazy and my brain is just overheated. I haven't been to a doctor but I'm 95% sure I have OCD. Pure-o to be exact. I freak out and think I'm a pedophile/serial killer/rapist/whatever so I distance myself from everyone. This is all in my head of course. I'm not actually or want to be any of these things. I have to tell myself that those people WANT to be those things. That helps, but not really. It was good for like a month, though. I was clear minded, creative, ambitious. Then, it hit hard again and the aftermath is just terrible. I still have the thoughts, but it's like attacking me when I'm down. I lack any interest in ANYTHING, I'm grumpy and irratible, tired all the time, and just really numb feeling. Because I have harm intrusive thoughts, I have really bad guilt. I can't stand be around my sister. I force myself to give her hugs and it makes me want to scream when I do. my parents can't afford a therapist or medication so that's out. I know some kids are angsty, but I shouldn't feel this old at 16. It's not fair. I've even considered pot. What do I do?