Please Help

[moonspirit]

Hi All
Im feeling very anxious and shakey again today its my 12th day in a row feeling like this its got me totally exhausted and i feel numb inside. Im scared i will never feel love happiness or joy again. Ive been with my partner 9yrs and hes been great with me through this but i just cant feel any love towrds him and im really scared i drive him away, sometimes i wish i just wasnt here causing all this heartache to my partner and family, my mum and dad are really worried about me and i know if i pretend everything is ok they all know im lying but ive got to the point where im finding it really hard to keep saying im no better and i wish i could just feel ok again just so i can say im feeling better today and take the pressure of worry of them.

[phil6]

Hi Moonspirit,
Sorry to hear you are suffering so much today.
You and your family need to understand what is happening and how you are getting yourself increasingly anxious about the way you feel.
It is simply the anxiety trap we can all easily slip into. We feel anxious, and then we start to take the feelings, which are actually harmless, seriously, and start to fear them and struggle to get rid if them. It is this added fear and fighting with the way you are at this moment that feeds the anxiety and you end up in a nasty vicious circle.
You are simply frightening yourself.
The feelings and thoughts are indeed very uncomfortable, and can feel very intense, but you need to try and stop fighting them and stop fearing them. Let them come, and they will go eventually. But you have to be really ready to accept them for the time being and let your mind and body calm down. Patience is required, and a little courage. Nothing bad is going to happen, and you will not lose control if you stop trying and fretting.
Also when we are like this, our minds become obsessed and dominated by the anxiety. This is why you find it so difficult to feel anything else other than the anxiety. Don't worry, this is all temporary....
Hope that helps a bit....
It will pass.
Phil

[moonspirit]

Thanks Phil

That has helped im going to try and just allow these feelings and stop worrying about why im feeling the way i do, easier said than done but i guess if i dont try my hardest then it will just hang in for longer, i suppose it just has me that tired now i just dont have much fight left in me its been 12 constant days of this and i wake with it everyday ... im normally a very positive and outgoing person and i just cant find one positive about this at the moment tooo much of an obsession of the anxiety as you said.

thanks again x

[phil6]

No problem....
The only thing I would add is when you say you must try harder, or use the term "fight", this is the opposite to what I am suggesting.
The best way to understand is the you will not recover until you stop trying to recover. It is odd but it is our instinct to try and cure ourselves. Whenever we get a problem in life, we think about it, come up with a solution and fix or avoid the problem. While this works fine with normal external problems, it is the worst thing to do with internal problems - problems in the mind. You cannot cure yourself, or stop thinking. What you can do is change your attitude to the anxiety. It's not nice (understatement) and we want it to go away, but if we allow it to be there for now, then as a by product it will get better. Your body is waiting to recover if you just stand aside.
I know this works because I have recovered many times in the past from periods of extreme anxiety and depression... I still fell into the same trap again this year.... So don't blame yourself.
I am getting there ....slowly.
Phil

[moonspirit]

Thanks again Phil

So what you are saying is allow it to be part of me for the time being its going to be hard but i will try. Hope you feel better soon too:)

[phil6]

Remember, it's even harder doing what you are doing now.... Trying to cure yourself...
Phil

[moonspirit]

Hi Phil

thanks again yes im trying to cure it instead of accepting im looking for all the reasons this has happen to me and just about sending myself potty with all the whys ive decided its too easy to look for someone to blame im continually on edge it just doesnt leave me sometimes i wish i could just have a panic attack and get over it but its the constant anxiety.

[phil6]

Agreed, GAD is what I class my anxiety as. It can become constant worrying, and constantly trying to work things out. It is almost an urge to do this.
But the point is, you haven't come up with a solution have you. You cannot fix your own mind, that's the problem.
Have you tried using a " worry period" ... I have found it useful sometimes.

Phil

[gregcool]

Moon.you are very lucky your partner is suportive towards you.mine after 10 years of me being unwell with anxiety depresion,had enough of me and we split after a 15 year relationship...stay strong and speek to your partner it sounds like you have suport

[moonspirit]

Thanks both i do have support but doesnt really understand .. i felt i had to go out with him today to go shopping but it made me feel so bad because i didnt want to be there and im sure he would have liked to have had more time but i just couldnt wait to get out the panic and anxiety was awful but the thing is i dont feel any better now im home! i dont have any solutions to why im like this but i do think its been a build up over the past few months but i really thought i was in a good place and coping with everything and now i cant cope with anything my days are just full of the dam anxiety i want to run but i dont know where to and i know where ever i go it will be coming with me i feel for everyone that has to go through this and its really sad when your relationship breaks down because of it ... im hoping that wont happen with mine but i do feel myself pushing him away