I'm being irrational - advice needed :(

[EmilyK83]

My anxiety's causing massive problems in my relationship :( My boyfriend (who I've been with for just over a year) doesn't understand it at all - despite me sending him loads of information to read and websites to look at.

He lied to me at the start of our relationship, and because of my anxiety I just can't help wondering if he still is. I get so paranoid a lot of the time - especially in the mornings when he seems really cold and not very affectionate, he claims it's just because he's tired but he still doesn't really seem to make an effort even when he knows I'm worried about it.

He's headed out this morning after a blazing row - the lack of affection was there again this morning, he said it's just because he was tired, then he straight away got ready to head out of the flat to go to the library to write his business plan and said he's not going to be back for about 4 hours.

He could easily do the work here, and it's a business we're going to be involved in together, so that immediately set alarm bells ringing thanks to the anxiety. Which then ended up with me in tears, him getting frustrated and a massive argument as a result.

Has anyone else had their anxiety lead to major rows within a relationship? And has anyone got any tips for dealing with it? I'm so sick of feeling down about arguments on top of the normal anxiety issues, I can't cope with it anymore :(

[aggiecuttler]

hi its quite obvious that partners will get irritated and you will fall out, can i take it then you are not on meds for this, i would see your dr and get some help why struggle on when you dont need to, by seeing the dr could save your relationship before its too late best wishes and blessings

[Bellablue]

Hi Emily.

I can understand your situation as I've been through something similar. I'd convinced myself that my other half was messaging other women because he was sick of dealing with my anxiety and I believed he no longer wanted me. He didn't seem affectionate and spent a lot of time on his computer, this of course exacerbated the situation. Things came to a head and we had a huge argument. Later we had a chat, I was convinced he was going to end the relationship, but he explained that he had felt stressed about work and rather than being fed up of my anxious behaviour he was actually really worried and felt helpless not being able to make things better for me. He hadn't been messaging any women, turns out he'd been emailing hotels trying to get a good deal because he felt we needed a break.

CBT has helped me a little with my anxiety and irrational thoughts. If I find a paranoid thought pops into my head I immediately ask myself 'is there really only one explanation to why he's behaving like this?'. I've come to realise that if I don't get affection it's most likely is down to stress and tiredness.

Could you arrange to doing something together- a walk or a meal perhaps - something which would give you the opportunity to spend a bit of time with each other, relax and talk?

Bella :)