18 months of hell

[*Fallen Angel*]

Hello

I'm so glad I found this site, it's a godsend to find other people who understand HA. About 18 months ago I started with pulsatile tinitus in my right ear and I started feeling off balance. Referred to ENT who found nothing wrong and told me to go away and live with it. So I googled it and came up with acoustic neuroma and all sorts. I went back to the GP who said he would refer me for an MRI but I got myself so wound up that I had a tumour I ended up going privately. Good news was brain was fine but a lump was found in my neck. They didn't know what it was but thought it was benign. I was then referred to Walton Neuro Centre and 2 MRIs later they still don't know what it is. The good news is it doesn't affect me and it's not grown. However since then I have had a catalogue of things.

The ringing in my ear stopped but the dizziness didn't. Back and to to the drs, kept getting prescribed different things but nothing worked. About 8 weeks ago Dr suggested a full range of blood tests. They all came back fine except ferritin and iron. I am now being treated for iron deficient anaemia. I had a repeat blood test 2 weeks ago and the iron has come up slightly but not the ferritin. I have also had a coaelic blood test that I'm waiting the results of. I have felt so unwell and honestly thought I was going to die. But slowly I started to feel better with the iron. Except about 4 weeks ago I started getting really bad period like pain. I get ovulation pain so knew it wasn't that. Of course I googled and thought I had cyst or even ovarian cancer as I was getting bloated and comparing myself to the silent killer. So back to the drs who had a good feel of my stomach and said he felt nothing untoward and throught it might be a reaction to the iron or IBS. It did actually go for about 5 days and I thought great! But now it's back:mad: It just aches all over my abdomen from navel to tops of legs. I get lower back pain and hip pan on my left hand side. I asked Dr about a cyst but he said probably not. He wants to wait the coaelic result and take it from there. Of course I keep thinking it's O cancer or bowel cancer. I do suffer from extreme anxiety so know it could be that but it's so damn uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

My whole family are totally fed up with me and me thinking I've got cancer etc. They think I want to be ill and can't understand why I keep thinking that the next illness I get will be the bad one.

It's just so relentless. Sorry for the epic.

[j2]

I am so sorry to hear you are in such a bad way. Everyone on this site is or has been there. Never google your symptoms. I will say it again, never google your symptoms. Nothing good will ever come of it. I work in IT and specialize in the type of indexing and searching that google does and I promise you that the way google works behind the scenes is not reliable when it comes to symptoms. Google has lots of knowledge but no wisdom. A doctor has both. Listen to your doctors, ask all of your concerns and follow up when needed. You can try some xanax or something like that for the short term panics and this may help with your stomach pain if you are all tied up in knots. For me it helps to do yoga and to try and distract my brain with a funny movie or to do something that fully engages my brain like a complex hobby. I am sure you will be fine. Please post here if you have questions or just want to vent and again don't google.

[Kaato]

It sucks that your family are not supporting you, I for one know that feeling all to well, I'm currently homeless because my mother doesn't want to be around me anymore because of my anxiety, funny thing is, I had only been home from uni for 1 month, and I would have been gone again this september.

Having no emotional support from those closest to you perpetuates the illness dramatically, although recovery is possible whilst under this extra distress, it's just a little harder and takes a bit longer.

As far as your health anxiety goes, try to CONSTANTLY challenge your negative "what ifs" throughout each and every day, and at the same time relax & do things that make you happy, only you are capable of releasing the tension, and I know doing that would make you feel much better.

Some people get extremely ill, chronic/terminal diseases, and have no anxiety about it, and it doesn't bother them that much, we make ourselves SO MUCH more ill with our relentless worrying, try your best to be positive, I know it's hard, but it's what you have to do.

I find laughing (internally) at myself when I have bad health worries dispels them pretty quickly, for example, last night I went out to a bar for the first time in months, and I was feeling awful for the entire night, at my worst point, I was checking my pulse, and I couldn't feel it; for a split second I thought "OH SHIT MY HEART HAS STOPPED", and a horrible wave of dread jolted through my body - and for a moment, I realised how moronic I was being, and it subsided fairly quickly.

I also used to believe I had pulsatile tinnitus (I'm not saying you don't have it, this is just a co-incidence) - it turned out that it was crickets, I used to think that crickets were tinnitus, pretty funny when you think about it, that shit plagued me and made me anxious for years....crickets.

Take care of yourself.

[HoneyLove]

Hi fallenangel, regarding the dizziness if you're still having that problem then it would be worth looking into physical therapists in your area who do vestibular rehabilitation therapy - this means they specialise in balance and vertigo issues and will be able to help you figure out what may be causing it and maybe help you treat it.

Sometimes GPs just don't know enough about vertigo to really help you. If the ENT did not find anything then that's good, but it doesn't have to be the end of getting help. There's an American website called vestibular.org that has lots of info on dizziness problems and practitioners worldwide who may be able to help.

With the stomach pains are you also getting any digestion trouble? I've just been through a bout of all over stomach pain too, but along with it I get digestion issues and constipation so I know it's probably just IBS - happens to me every few months.

[*Fallen Angel*]

Thanks for your replies guys:) Having another bad day. It's so weird, when I wake up for around 10 mins whilst lying in bed I feel absolutely fine. It's only when I get up and move about that I start feeling unwell again. I constantly search my body for feelings which I know is the worst thing you can do but I feel I have to be alert for things.

My stomach pain was awful yesterday. I do have digestive problems and had my gall bladder out in 2009. But today no stomach pain. Instead I feel dizzy and shaky. My dr did say that until my iron levels have improved I will have days when I feel like this, it's just horrible. The dizziness had gone for around 4 months and I can't understand why it's back.

I know a lot of my feelings are perpetuated by anxiety but I don't understand why some days I can feel physically fine yet I am anxious all the time. I do need to look into some anxiety meds. The dr did prescribe propanolol but it slowed my heart so much I could barely function.

Kaato, sorry to hear you are homeless, that's awful.