pickycricky
07-08-13, 19:51
Hey…just wanted to offer some words of encouragement. Quick background, I’ve had anxiety probably all my life but first noticed it being an issue my senior year of high school. Went to a bunch of doctors for like 12 years and no one ever gave me a very good answer about what I had…just kind of made me feel crazy and gave me pills. Well 5 ½ years ago I almost had a nervous breakdown, finally went to a dr that gave me more than meds. I’m one of those who doesn’t like to stay on meds so I’ve been on and off them 3 different times in the last 5 ½ years. Last year I finally figured out that the main problem was I wasn’t doing anything to fix the issues once the meds calmed me down. I went through a cbt program last year and thought…ok finally I am cured! Wrong! After some bad stuff at work happened last week…I lost it again…a week ago tonight actually. It was very disheartening. I kinda figured I was back to square one and was all down and depressed about it! I figured….well my life is gonna suck for the next 6-8 weeks! *The first 2 times it was a looooong process. I’d start having major panic attacks, have to go to the dr and get meds and then it would take me weeks to be back to normal again. Fortunately, so far anyway, I was wrong. Oh the first couple of days were horrendous…the anxiety and the meds tear my stomach up, plus the overwhelming feeling of dread that comes w/panic, headaches, floaters, feeling like I’m gonna have a heart attack, chest feels like it’s going to explode, not to mention not sleeping. I’ve had every anxiety symptom known to man. And there always seems to be a new symptom each bout w/anxiety so there’s something new to scare me!! The thing I did different though is I didn’t give into it and just go to bed! I forced myself to get out a little each day even though I really didn’t want to. I went and stayed w/my dad and stepmom so I wasn’t alone and depressed. They were great too! They kinda forced me out the first couple of days when I didn’t really want to go. I also forced myself to eat a little something even though everything tasted like cardboard and made me gag! Things did not go great after I started going out either! I went to the store w/them and had to have dad take me home because I thought I was going to be sick. I went for a car ride w/them and….after a fight….had to have dad take me home cause I was going stir crazy! I went to the mall to pay a bill and almost had a panic attack…the cashier was soooo slow I had to stop myself from jumping over the counter and doing it myself! However, even when things didn’t go swimmingly I still went out the next day. I made sure I did something everyday just so I got out. I also made sure I drove by myself everyday so I didn’t get use to having someone cart me around. Fast fwd to yesterday morning…5 days after my relapse, 4 days on meds…and I slept all night, 8 hours, and woke up w/out my heart racing! I had a little bit of nerves a couple of times during the day but not enough to write home about. Last night I didn’t sleep as good but I never got upset about it or started to panic. This morning I was a little anxious but when I got up and started working that went away too. My stomach has started to feel normal again….even though food still doesn’t taste great and the best thing is my head is clear again and I can think. I couldn’t even watch toy story over the weekend cause I was too anxious and my head raced too much! I know this is long but I wanted to share w/you guys that are in the midst of tremendous anxiety that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel and it doesn’t have to take months and months. The meds clear my head but I’ve been on them before and never started feeling better this quickly. It’s not the meds, it’s me! I didn’t give into this time like I SO wanted to do and like I’ve done every other time before! It didn’t feel good…it sucked frankly but I did it and less than a week later I’m 75% better!!! Wouldn’t have thought that last week! I’m not out of the woods yet and still have more anxiety than normal but the hours of clarity and somewhat restful sleep help me cope better! I’m very hopeful this time will be different…it already it!!! So whatever you do…whatever you are going through…get out of the house! Even if you are just walking down the street a little ways! Keep moving, keep forcing yourself to do things! Go out w/someone you trust that will bring you home if things get too rough. It’s worth it and you’ll feel much better faster!!! Good luck!!!