Modestaustin811
07-08-13, 23:51
I've been battling anxiety for 7 years now. To some this not a lot of time, to myself it feels like forever. There have been times where it has been in the background, and other times when its basically consumed my life. The past 7 months its been the latter. My anxiety problems are taking over my life and I don't know what to do.
My thought are all over the place, I have so many physical symptoms that I can't grasp that this is all due to anxiety, I feel like someone is missing something. There is so much conflicting stuff out on the internet, I obsessively read about symptoms on a daily basis. Honestly, i go on anxiety boards like this and search my symptoms and reread people dealing with similar things, still it doesn't stick. It doesn't give me ANY comfort, but I still do it.
Lately I've had this symptom that my mouth feels like I burnt it on something hot, that numb feeling, but it doesn't go away. I've read that it can be caused by anxiety, I've read testimonies from people that have gotten this symptom on anxiety forums and STILL, it doesn't give me any comfort. I feel like this symptom will be with me for rest of my life. The only thing that gives me some ****ing relief from it is chewing gum, but that gets tiring and it causes my TMJ to act up, my neck muscles are killllling me.
I also feel like I'm going to have heart attack constantly, I own a blood pressure machine for christsake, and somedays I'll check it over 50 times in a day, no exaggeration. I went on vacation last weekend, and I brought the thing and would have to hide it from my friends that I was taking my blood pressure.
I have ibs type symptoms, I don't remember the last regular bowel movement I took, seriously, its always gross. To top it all of, I have this thing where my butt leaks (tmi I know) but I can wipe my butt clean and through out the whole day I'll have to go back to the bathroom to wipe again. I've tried looking this up and the people who have this symptom have NO known cause. Doctors can't find anything wrong either, tell me to eat "more fibre"
I also can't help but think maybe its some kind of food intolerance that is causing this. Like maybe something to do with gluten? or dairy? or ****ing any food. I try going gluten free, but I don't know if I'm getting cross contaminated or something, or if even food intolerances are real?! Like I know some are, but they are rare, and a lot of what is out there is just quackery bullshit. Like I'm just fed up, ****ing leaky gut syndrome, Candida, gluten sensitivity, adrenal fatigue, ****ing bullshit, all of it. I search the internet constantly for reasons I feel the way I do, and these are the reasons that show up. TOTAL bullshit, made up crap. Search a quack report on all of them and none of them have ANY SCIENTIFIC BASIS. But here i am, feeling like shit 24/7, the only answer I get from doctors is anxiety, and I believe I have anxiety, but part of me believes its something else AHHH.
If you can't tell I'm really conflicted, drained, and pissed off due to my circumstances. If these are suppose to be the best years of my life I'm going to hate seeing the bad years. I'm 23 year old man, and I have the problems of a 60 year old menopausal woman. I've been getting depression attacks, that feel like they last forever, just can't feel happy. I don't feel like doing anything but staying in my bed and trying to find people on the internet somewhere to ****ing relate too. THIS is my existence nowadays. I'm suppose to start college finally this september, first year is already paid for. I have to move to a new city, on my own, and with all this going on its FREAKING ME OUT. Like I can't do it, but I have too. I don't have a choice.
My doctor prescribed me cipralex (also known as lexapro) and I'm too scared to take the crap. I've read shit where people died of heart complications from taking it. I'm at the end of my rope though, like **** it, if I die from taking the shit, then at least I died trying to feel better. But then again, I don't even know if it will help me. I don't KNOW. I just want to be happy, I want to feel normal like the rest of the people my age. Literally, there is so much going on in my head right now, I can write a ****ing novel about my worries. A long, boring, pointless novel. I know how this looks, the ramblings of crazed anxiety ridden 23 year old.
I can read your guys posts and know within the first couple sentences if what your dealing with is anxiety related, but for me I can't see it in myself. I'm just rambling at this point, but I'm trying to paint a clear picture of what is wrong with me ,but its hard cause I don't even know.
I just need help, I need advice, I can't keep living like this. I want to have a family one day, I want to love, I want to ****ing live, and I can't living like this. I really feel like life is either a burden or a blessing, I'm trying to figure out what it is to me.
Help me.
My thought are all over the place, I have so many physical symptoms that I can't grasp that this is all due to anxiety, I feel like someone is missing something. There is so much conflicting stuff out on the internet, I obsessively read about symptoms on a daily basis. Honestly, i go on anxiety boards like this and search my symptoms and reread people dealing with similar things, still it doesn't stick. It doesn't give me ANY comfort, but I still do it.
Lately I've had this symptom that my mouth feels like I burnt it on something hot, that numb feeling, but it doesn't go away. I've read that it can be caused by anxiety, I've read testimonies from people that have gotten this symptom on anxiety forums and STILL, it doesn't give me any comfort. I feel like this symptom will be with me for rest of my life. The only thing that gives me some ****ing relief from it is chewing gum, but that gets tiring and it causes my TMJ to act up, my neck muscles are killllling me.
I also feel like I'm going to have heart attack constantly, I own a blood pressure machine for christsake, and somedays I'll check it over 50 times in a day, no exaggeration. I went on vacation last weekend, and I brought the thing and would have to hide it from my friends that I was taking my blood pressure.
I have ibs type symptoms, I don't remember the last regular bowel movement I took, seriously, its always gross. To top it all of, I have this thing where my butt leaks (tmi I know) but I can wipe my butt clean and through out the whole day I'll have to go back to the bathroom to wipe again. I've tried looking this up and the people who have this symptom have NO known cause. Doctors can't find anything wrong either, tell me to eat "more fibre"
I also can't help but think maybe its some kind of food intolerance that is causing this. Like maybe something to do with gluten? or dairy? or ****ing any food. I try going gluten free, but I don't know if I'm getting cross contaminated or something, or if even food intolerances are real?! Like I know some are, but they are rare, and a lot of what is out there is just quackery bullshit. Like I'm just fed up, ****ing leaky gut syndrome, Candida, gluten sensitivity, adrenal fatigue, ****ing bullshit, all of it. I search the internet constantly for reasons I feel the way I do, and these are the reasons that show up. TOTAL bullshit, made up crap. Search a quack report on all of them and none of them have ANY SCIENTIFIC BASIS. But here i am, feeling like shit 24/7, the only answer I get from doctors is anxiety, and I believe I have anxiety, but part of me believes its something else AHHH.
If you can't tell I'm really conflicted, drained, and pissed off due to my circumstances. If these are suppose to be the best years of my life I'm going to hate seeing the bad years. I'm 23 year old man, and I have the problems of a 60 year old menopausal woman. I've been getting depression attacks, that feel like they last forever, just can't feel happy. I don't feel like doing anything but staying in my bed and trying to find people on the internet somewhere to ****ing relate too. THIS is my existence nowadays. I'm suppose to start college finally this september, first year is already paid for. I have to move to a new city, on my own, and with all this going on its FREAKING ME OUT. Like I can't do it, but I have too. I don't have a choice.
My doctor prescribed me cipralex (also known as lexapro) and I'm too scared to take the crap. I've read shit where people died of heart complications from taking it. I'm at the end of my rope though, like **** it, if I die from taking the shit, then at least I died trying to feel better. But then again, I don't even know if it will help me. I don't KNOW. I just want to be happy, I want to feel normal like the rest of the people my age. Literally, there is so much going on in my head right now, I can write a ****ing novel about my worries. A long, boring, pointless novel. I know how this looks, the ramblings of crazed anxiety ridden 23 year old.
I can read your guys posts and know within the first couple sentences if what your dealing with is anxiety related, but for me I can't see it in myself. I'm just rambling at this point, but I'm trying to paint a clear picture of what is wrong with me ,but its hard cause I don't even know.
I just need help, I need advice, I can't keep living like this. I want to have a family one day, I want to love, I want to ****ing live, and I can't living like this. I really feel like life is either a burden or a blessing, I'm trying to figure out what it is to me.
Help me.