stevejd
10-08-13, 09:59
Hi, this is my first post. In a weird sort of way, I feel like I'm actually coming out of a pit of anxiety - notwithstanding it's still something of a daily chore.
I actually came here after seeing the motorway anxiety thread - as it's something I suffer with. I think some years ago I got used to a certain level of anxiety - so I'd pushed on through them. But it's not a pleasant existence. Thankfully I have an exceptionally strong desire to live.
Still that doesn't make it any easier. I began to wonder what it was like not to live in a constant state of anxiety and panic attacks. I became exceptionally good at masking it from people. But it's incredibly draining, and there's only so long you can keep going on like that.
So I decided to solve the problem by quitting my job, and resolving the problem myself. In the process I've actually started up my own tutoring business. Which is much more to my strengths, and helps me work on some of my weaknesses.
About 2 months ago I broke my toe - and in a weird sort of way it helped my anxiety. Although I've never self harmed, I can understand now why people do. Real pain does somehow cut through the mental stuff. I was actually calm for the first time for as long as I can remember because I had something that was difficult to ignore.
It was only short term however - not long after the calm, came the most extreme panic attacks I've had for a long time. I was convinced that my number was up, that I was losing complete circulation in my extremities. Of course in my rational mind I came to realise this was because I was suffering more extreme panic attacks.
I still keep thinking to myself that I'm going to lose the toe I broke because it's still not properly healed. Medical opinion doesn't seem to go with that thought thankfully - but doesn't stop my mind thinking it.
People through my life have suggested coping techniques - and very few have helped to be honest (long term anyway). The best thing I've found - and it's a relatively recent discovery - is routine. I'm not the biggest fan of rigid structures - but perhaps it's a necessary evil.
I actually came here after seeing the motorway anxiety thread - as it's something I suffer with. I think some years ago I got used to a certain level of anxiety - so I'd pushed on through them. But it's not a pleasant existence. Thankfully I have an exceptionally strong desire to live.
Still that doesn't make it any easier. I began to wonder what it was like not to live in a constant state of anxiety and panic attacks. I became exceptionally good at masking it from people. But it's incredibly draining, and there's only so long you can keep going on like that.
So I decided to solve the problem by quitting my job, and resolving the problem myself. In the process I've actually started up my own tutoring business. Which is much more to my strengths, and helps me work on some of my weaknesses.
About 2 months ago I broke my toe - and in a weird sort of way it helped my anxiety. Although I've never self harmed, I can understand now why people do. Real pain does somehow cut through the mental stuff. I was actually calm for the first time for as long as I can remember because I had something that was difficult to ignore.
It was only short term however - not long after the calm, came the most extreme panic attacks I've had for a long time. I was convinced that my number was up, that I was losing complete circulation in my extremities. Of course in my rational mind I came to realise this was because I was suffering more extreme panic attacks.
I still keep thinking to myself that I'm going to lose the toe I broke because it's still not properly healed. Medical opinion doesn't seem to go with that thought thankfully - but doesn't stop my mind thinking it.
People through my life have suggested coping techniques - and very few have helped to be honest (long term anyway). The best thing I've found - and it's a relatively recent discovery - is routine. I'm not the biggest fan of rigid structures - but perhaps it's a necessary evil.