helped needed following trauma

[Tessie28]

Hi everyone,

I was doing really well, just mornings were the thing. However, something happened on Friday and finding it hard to cope with thoughts.

I came back home to find my neighbour [only 40, has cancer, Mum to 4 under 17s] collapsed outside. My husband was phoning the ambulance, her husband was on the floor looking after her. 3 kids were also there. I tried to help her - she couldn't breathe and her lips were blue but wasn't in pain as such. When the first paramedic arrived I took the kids to our house so they couldn't see what was happening. By then we were all in a state of shock. I rang 999 again as the paramedic was needing back up and it hadn't come yet.

Her dear husband was doing the chest comprehsions [sp] , mine was working the mask and the paramedic was doing everything she could. But I could feel the life draining out of her. The defib was present but it said "do not use paddles" so they didn't. I think this has something to do with the wrong heart rhythem[sp].

Anyway the 2nd ambulance came and they took Michelle and Phil away while we looked after the children and rang her Mum. When the first paramedic came back for her car I went to see her to thank her - she was very upset it was clear that Michelle was dead.

Anyway I held on to that information until Phil got back from the hospital to confirm what had happened but tried at the same time to prepare her Mum for the worst.

Well that is my story - you couldn't have made it up really. Of course I am upset for the family, grieving some as well but selfishly I'm having real problems with thoughts - like it confirms what you know - people die. That then escalates my worries [I know selfish again].

Anyone got any words of wisdom out there? I'm usually full of them myself :blush: Teresa

[SarahH]

That is so sad and terrible for all concerned.....INCLUDING YOU!

It is shock to be involved in a trauma, I know I am a retired Police Officer so have seen some pretty awful things.

You have just seen someone die who you knew you will be in shock and as she was so young this will make you think even more about how fragile "life" is. But in time this feeling will pass. It is not selfish to think the way you are thinking it is perfectly normal under the circumstances.

Take care

Sarah

[Tessie28]

Thanks for your words of wisdom Sarah, I bet you have seen some things in your time. As for me still not right yet - you are quite correct it just confirms how fragile life is - and we have to live with that knowledge. I've got to stop thinking "What if?" Because at the end of the day [stupid saying that] it would only have been more traumatic for the kids if we hadn't been there, doesn't bare thinking about. Teresa

[Edie]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. And sorry too that you witnessed such a traumatic event. Something like that is bound to shake you up. It's not selfish to feel the way you do.

Your feelings sound a very normal and healthy reaction to something so very upsetting. It's obviously going to interact with any pre-existing mental health issue, but I think the main issue is the shocking and upsetting loss you have witnessed, and I think it will pass in time. Keep talking about it if it helps - sometimes it helps more to just be quiet with your thoughts, in which case, do that instead.

What a lovely thing you did for the children, and your neighbour's mother. It will mean a lot to them.

Many hugs to you xxx