Physciatatrist's Appointment This Morning

[Edward_1980]

Ok,

So I made my appointment despite the little mishap with the bus, but I made it all the same.

Today we talked about how to prevent me from presenting at A&E with anxiety and depression. My new Doctor, Dr. Natasha, who is taking over while Dr. Kirrane is away, asked me what my worst symptom was and I had to honestly answer with "Anger". We talked about this, with regular interruptions from Aeneas, who had once again decided to join us (I noticed today how rugged and attractive he looked, but that could have been my mind scanning for something to concentrate on and stop the anxiety. It worked, but as usual I didn't pay him too much attention). This is where it got scary though.

Because I'm Borderline, and one of the main symptoms of that disorder is Anger, they talked about me possibly getting Anger Management. I honestly didn't know which way to look when Dr. Natasha suggested it, with an occasional nod from Aeneas. OK, I get verbally aggressive with Mark sometimes, but to suggest I need AM seemed atrocious to me. I was asked to reflect upon it today so I'll be doing a lot of thinking by myself this evening.

Now for the good news (At least I think it's good news). After much discussion and notes from the medical Doctor from A&E on Saturday, I am allowed to discontinue the Prozac and be anti depressant free for a trial period. This is where Aeneas comes into it. Because I am allowed to come off of them for the first time in years, Aeneas has been asked to keep an eye on me over the next few weeks along with Mark in case I become depressed (They know from my history that if it does happen I will hide it and pretend it's not happening) again. I can say that I am very happy. True, Aeneas will now be a thorn in my side, but I'm willing to put up with that to become anti depressant free. The only thing that I'm a bit worried about is that they didn't prescribe me anything to help come off them. Because I am only on them a few weeks Dr. Natasha informed me that I wouldn't feel that much anxiety symptoms.

That was about all we talked about for today because I was in there already for 30mins. I think I like Dr. Natasha and look forward to seeing her again. So, :yesyes: I'm anti Depressant free, Guys, pray it works out for me and that I won't need to go back on them again. Right. I've said enough for today. Keep praying guys:yesyes:

[Edie]

I'm glad it mostly went well for you. I hope it goes well for you coming off the Prozac.

I guess the doctor suggested anger management because you felt it was your worst symptom. Personally I'd say it can't do any harm to give it a go. It could help you learn techniques to deal with things before they lead to anger, and that might make your mood more steady all round.

Whatever you decide, I hope this new doctor will lead to you getting the treatment you need to improve things for you.

[Annie0904]

I agree with Edie, it cannot do you any harm so I would give the anger management a go as it may have some techniques that you can use in various situations that will help you to remain calm (Even if you are not really an angry person).
I am pleased today went well and you like the new doctor. :hugs:

[Magic]

I too, agree with the above posts Edward. Personally I think anger has something to do with depression. Anyway I hope you go on ok. Keep us posted and Take care.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[bernie1977]

I hope they're weaning you off the Prozac and not just stopping it altogether as this may give you withdrawal symptoms. I'd take up their offer of anger management as you've nothing to lose by going :)

[Edward_1980]

I did a lot of reflecting last night, and I am happy to say that I am going for Anger Management. Beef burger Aeneas is helping me for once. I'm not a person who lashes out physically, I just get verbally abusive every now and then. But, I am now taking steps to deal with that.

Bernie, they just stopped the Prozac and didn't give me anything to smooth it over, which I found strange. She actually said that I may have stomach craps and heightened anxiety for a few days, but that should be about it. I hope it will be OK. I haven't taken once since Friday and I don't feel anything yet. Here's hoping it will be a smooth ride from here.

The Anxiety:

We talked about that for at least 15mins yesterday. I told her I sometimes see a lump in my wrist and can't feel the bone in my hand and she told me it is the Anxiety making me think all those weird things. A chuckle from Aeneas. He really doesn't do his best to hide his amusement at my suffering. There's a CBT group starting up in a few weeks in Blanchardstown and she asked me how I felt about that and I told her that I didn't think I was ready for group therapy just yet. A yawn from Aeneas. Was it a weekend on the tear? I will do CBT in the future, but I'm just not ready yet.

[Edie]

Sounds like a really good decision Edward. Anger is an emotion, but people's reactions to it are all different. Some people lash out physically, some verbally, and some sit quietly and stew. Either way it's not a nice way to feel and I hope the anger management helps you.

I'm glad you're doing OK without the Prozac. I think you'd be experiencing discontinuation symptoms by now if there were going to be any. I hope it continues to go well.

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Edie. Aeneas is helping me too. He's been very good now I have to say.

[Edward_1980]

Update:

Today's visit went absolutely wonderful. We talked about mindfulness and anxiety and how to take a break from the panic to concentrate on something like a raisin or even your breathing. It was kind of hard to follow because I am very new to this, but basically she said to concentrate on the raisin for one minute. Study it. It will be the most bland and boring looking thing you have ever seen, but if you look at it and study it for a minute you will be taking your mind off the anxiety and panic.

To replace the Prozac, I have been put on Cymbalta 60mg to help cope with the Anxiety and depression. This was a decision made by both myself and the Psychiatrist and it was lovely to see us interacting and discussing medication in a way that suited us both. I was delighted with the decision.

I am off Haloperidol and the Seroquel has been reduced to 200mg, so I am slowly coming off the hard medication. I am happy with this decision. By the time they are finished the only thing I will be taking is the Cymbalta, Lyrica and the Clopixol injection. Again, I am happy with that.

Ciaran wasn't there himself today so it was Aeneas (Beef Burger) who gave me my injection. We actually talked while he was preparing it and he is a nice person after all. I guess I spent too much time hating him to ever talk to him properly. We even shared a joke, which is very unusual for us two because we are usually roaring and shouting at each other and busy being at each other's throats in disagreement.

All I can say is that I am positively glowing today. Is that wrong? I'm asking because usually I am panic and anxiety ridden and beside myself that it doesn't feel the same. I am on cloud nine today and so happy with the progress that I am making. For once I have a Doctor who isn't drugging me up on Haloperidol, but getting to the bottom of things by talking. I am so happy today that no one can bring me down.

[bernie1977]

So glad for you that your appointment went well. Maybe it was the Prozac that made you feel so agitated and increased your anxiety.

Good luck with the new medication I really hope it works out for you. Are you starting on 60mg on building up to that dose? When I tried duloxetine/cymbalta I started at 20mg. Keeping my fingers crossed for you :)

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Bernie :)

I'd say it was the Prozac that did it to me. I'm so glad I am off of that horrid stuff. I was immediately started on 60mg Bernie. She said that 20mg and 30mg are basically test dosages and was happy to go with the 60mg right away.

[bernie1977]

Ok, fingers crossed this med works for you

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Game friend :)

[Edward_1980]

Update:

I am positivity glowing after this morning's visit. The first good thing was that there was no sign of Aeneas (Beef Burger). Today we talked about Mindfulness and the DBT book I ordered from Amazon. Apparently it will help me a lot with Anxiety as well as treating the Borderline Personality Disorder. Dr. Natasha gave me one example of how the book works. She told me to hold a raisin in the palm of my hand and study it. She said it will probably be the most boring thing in the world to look at, but to continue looking for a minute at it's texture. Small, wrinkled and boring. But in that minute that you study it, you will have drawn your mind away from Anxiety and Panic. I'm hoping this works for me. Dr. Natasha did a course on Mindfulness and assured me that it really works. I will have to wait and see.

The delightful and very pleasant Ciaran gave me my Depot this morning as Beef Burger Aeneas was away in Techport. I was delighted. I really like Ciaran and like I said in the What's On Your Mind thread, I always have a smile for him. Today we chatted about him going to Waterford for the hurling championships and how almost everyone in that town is related to you. I came away feeling positive and happy.

No sign of panic or anxiety so far today and I'm hoping it stays that way. That's the update for today's session. :)

[bernie1977]

That's great news Edward.

It seems this Aeneas (how many vowels can you fit in one name!) is a source of anxiety for you. Is there anyone else who could take over his role in your care?

Which DBT book did you order? It sounds interesting I might give it a try myself

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Bernie :)

I'm afraid I'm stuck with Aeneas for the time being. I wish Ciaran was a nurse and taking care of me.

I ordered this book Bernie. It's designed for people with BPD, but it's great for anxiety and panic too, which is why I was asked to get it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1572245131/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE

[Eyji1]

Best of luck. Wish you all the very best in your recovery.

[bernie1977]

I'm going to order that Edward as it says it's also useful for people with out of control emotions, that describes me quite well! Thanks for the link

[Edward_1980]

You are very welcome Bernie. Perhaps we could do some of the exercises here together on the Forum?

[bernie1977]

That's a good idea I'll let you know when mine comes

[Edward_1980]

That's it. I want Aeneas out of my life for good.

I'm really not able. I'm up since 3am this morning and had a panic attack at 6am because I'm so stressed.

I went to my usual appointment to see the Doctor and get my Mood Stabilizer and the whole thing blew up in my face. Dr. Natasha and Kirrane were delayed and I had to see a new Doctor. I went in and immediately felt the panic coming on. I began breathing heavily, scratching at my neck and I was so hot. I started babbling about the four self help books that I bought and she could see that I wasn't coping. She got me a glass of water and said it was OK to wait for Dr. Natasha.

Aeneas came along and told me that Dr. Kirrane herself wanted to see me and I went full of rage and accused her of abandoning me for months on end and letting me see all different Doctors when she wasn't around. I told her how hard it was for me to open up to her again after all this time. I was fuming and she said it was my Borderline Personality Disorder taking over. I was fit to drop. I once again demanded to see Dr. Natasha. Dr. Kirrane was allowing me until Aeneas opened his mouth and said "Absolutely not" and then Dr. Kiranne thought twice and agreed with him.

I stormed out in a fit of rage and phoned Mark to collect me. I'm since after having two mini panic attacks and now I didn't get my mood stabilizer or my script for my medication.

Guys,

I'm just not able to cope with everything. Mark is so sick with a temperature of 39 degrees and is in bed, I'm worried out of my head, I didn't get my injection or my medication and I'm having panic attacks. I just can't cope.

[bernie1977]

I don't know what to say Edward. Is it the BPD that causes you to lash out and get so angry? I can understand why your situation frustrates you as I've experienced similar myself. You do need continuity of care, seeing different psychiatrists and having to explain everything over and over must be very frustrating. Maybe you could write a letter to the manager and explain how being passed from pillow to post is not helping your illness and it's hindering your recovery. Explain due to the complex issues of your illness you feel it would benefit you a great deal to see the same Doctor. Even say you'll be flexible with appointment times to accommodate this as you feel it is so important.

After reading all your posts it would seem this Aeneas guy has a very negative impact on you. It might be an idea to ask for a meeting with him so you can tell him how you feel and see if things can change if not you could ask if there's anyone else you could see.

You need to try and calm down and ring and speak to someone as you need your medication, don't lose your temper you must resolve this as you'll be ill without yor meds. You can do this I know you can.

Is Mark ok after going out to pick you up? Make sure he gets some paracetomol or ibuprofen every 4 hours to try and get his temperature down and plenty of water to drink.

Let us know how you get on Edward x

[Edward_1980]

I don't know what to say Edward. Is it the BPD that causes you to lash out and get so angry? I can understand why your situation frustrates you as I've experienced similar myself. You do need continuity of care, seeing different psychiatrists and having to explain everything over and over must be very frustrating. Maybe you could write a letter to the manager and explain how being passed from pillow to post is not helping your illness and it's hindering your recovery. Explain due to the complex issues of your illness you feel it would benefit you a great deal to see the same Doctor. Even say you'll be flexible with appointment times to accommodate this as you feel it is so important.

After reading all your posts it would seem this Aeneas guy has a very negative impact on you. It might be an idea to ask for a meeting with him so you can tell him how you feel and see if things can change if not you could ask if there's anyone else you could see.

You need to try and calm down and ring and speak to someone as you need your medication, don't lose your temper you must resolve this as you'll be ill without yor meds. You can do this I know you can.

Is Mark ok after going out to pick you up? Make sure he gets some paracetomol or ibuprofen every 4 hours to try and get his temperature down and plenty of water to drink.

Let us know how you get on Edward x

Bernie,

I've rang my GP and he is sorting out my medication. I just don't know what I'll do about the mood stabilizer.

Mark is really bad. TEmp went up to 39. I just gave him paracetamol ang refreshed his water jug. He really isn't well.

That, combined with my Dad and then Aeneas today tipped me over the endge and I had a full blown attack and had to take a Lexaton and a Zimovane just to slow down and relax.:hugs:

[bernie1977]

Glad you've got your medication sorted by the GP. Try and relax today then see how you are tommorow as you need the mood stabiliser.

Hope Mark feels better soon x

[Edward_1980]

Thanks Bernie. We'll see how this meeting goes first.

Mark's temp went up to 39, so I gave him Paracetamol and plenty of water and he's dozed off on the couch. I'm up since 3am having panic attacks and now I'm crying because I can't cope with it all. I'm in so much emotional pain, and that combined with the attacks is just too much to handle.

[Edward_1980]

Update:

I have to say that I am still buzzing. I saw the one and only Dr. Kirrane today and I finally ended Aeneas' reign of terror over me. I told her everything. How he stopped my medication at the pharmacy, how he dismissed me when I thought I was having a stroke and a breakdown. I also told her that he hasn't been out to visit me in months. She wasn't happy and knew that there was no trust in the relationship, so she assigned the lovely Christine to me. I get on so much better with her. Aeneas is finally gone.

After talking for 30mins and going over the last five days Dr. Kirrane diagnosed an acute episode of mania associated with my Mood Disorder. I was still coming down and very agitated so Christine gave me a shot of 200mg Clopixol and said that it should bring me down. After not sleeping for five days that was just what I wanted. My mood leveled out and I am gone from manic to depressed to anxious to normal again.

After going over the symptoms of Borderline Personality and ticking the boxes again Dr. Kirrane and Christine thought it was a good idea that I start the new Mindfulness course that is starting in November. I am happy to do that because I have the book on it and it is something that I would like to do. It helps you live in the here and now and teaches basic skills for both BPD and Anxiety.