Leukaemia worries - was doing so well with HA, but back to square 1 today!

[Sophi123]

Hi,

So I've used this forum a lot in the past, but never posted before...

I have suffered from HA since I was in my early teenage years (in my late 20s now). In the past I've convinced myself I've had so many things, but I've always been ok.

Last October, I broke down at the doctors and she offered me CBT for my HA. I went along weekly for a few months and it REALLY helped. I stopped googling (which was the main problem), I stopped watching silly health programmes on tv and really began to be able to rationalise things and could get things under control without going to doctors.

Now over the weekend I went away on an activity holiday and have come back literally black and blue (not just a little, I mean like a bruise covering my whole thigh, bruises over my ribs, my knee, my shoulder, etc etc). My boyfriedn was worried when he saw them last night and suggested I went to drs this morn (as I was trying to rationalise things I reluctantly agreed, but told myself the doctor would say not to worry).

Instead, I went to the doctors this morn who said "that is NOT normal at all", then started asking me if I had have other things (e.g. achey joints, bleeding gums etc) which I realised I have, to some extent, had over the last few months. She said I should go for blood tests and when I asked if it could wait until next week she said "no, you must go today." So I went and had the tests, but since going I have been in floods of tears, cannot concentrate on anything, am feeling strong urges to google and am now feeling really achey etc.

I will get the results on Friday morning of the blood test, but I'm convinced it is leukaemia :weep: and am just feeling totally awful and catastrophizing (e.g. thinking about how I'll never get married, never have children etc etc).

Has anyone got any thoughts on a) whether my worst fears sound like they could be justified and b) any tips on how I can possibly function over next few days??

I've got a busy few days of work and just not sure how I am going to deliver anything at this rate..... xxx

[Annie0904]

Hi Sophi, it s no good telling you not to worry because I know how hard it is not too. If it was an activity holiday then it may have been easy to get the bruises. I am always covered in bruises just by doing housework! Don't jump to the worst case scenario and DO NOT google. Let us know how you get on with your results on Friday. Hopefully it will just be that you are one of the many people who just bruise easily :hugs:

[Sophi123]

Thanks Annie. I will definitely let you and others know what the doctor says about my results on Friday.

I had managed to feel a lot better last night, especially having spoken to my mum who reassured me that when she was my age she came back black and blue from a skiing holiday once.

Not feeling so great today though as got to work (giving me time to think!) and also as I seem to have developed a cold over night which is making me feel shoddy and more worried that I am actually ill :weep:.

Anyway will try and keep distracted and avoid sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring.... x