Terror of loneliness/isolation

[star2sparkle]

I'm sorry, I'm back again...I just can't seem to get anywhere so have returned with still hope in my heart :).
I am still struggling to leave my husband who I don't love anymore. He is a recovering alcoholic with depression. I suffer from phobic anxiety with agoraphobia. My husband knew I wanted to leave and is now making an extra effort, but I simply don't love him. Our relationship has always been co-dependent too because of how we both are.
I get as much help as I possibly can in my area, even a private counsellor too. I am very resourceful and mentally very strong but I'm despairing that I really will be trapped forever.
I don't have friends. Just the odd female friend that states she is there for me and then I don't hear from her for days! Or a male friend who encourages me to leave and then says that if his wife left him, he'd be found with a needle in his arm! I am very gregarious, I'm not a loner, I'm the opposite. Apart from my work, which is all at home, that's all I have. I don't have any close friends. I do have things/groups to join end of August/September but my own degree in psychology states that a support network is essential, and family (without ne, people can be come very depressed/anxious, even suicidal)...and this I do not have, and to try and create one (when because community has broken down so much, I have really failed before, many times) with anxiety too, feels like a massive massive thing. Not to mention leaving devastation behind. Is this really possible? This is what I ask myself everyday.
Please help...

[EnoughAlready]

Slightly similar to you Sparkle, Back in May I buried my Nan who was like a Dad to me as she bought me up - I had been living with my wife for a good few years almost as friends rather than lovers, no physical contact was had for months on end, but we got on ok and because we both suffer from worry and OCD ( and anxiousness - although I didn't realise I did at the time ) we were like a crutch for each other. We used to argue ocassionally maninly about the physical stuff not being there etc but always stayed together even though I knew we should have been apart, it's just that neither of us had the bottle to do something about it and admit it. Neither of us wanted to be the one that finished it.

Anyway on the day we got back from my nan's funeral my wife said we are finished aren't we and this time maybe because I was at a low ebb I said yes we are and we went our separate ways. I have since suffered anxiety - I think because I have stopped drinking so much and do not have her to rely on - however I am coming through the worst of it and the anxiety has eased and in my clear moments I know we both made the right decision. We have both now had some time to heal and are slowly realising there's more to life than being with someone and it not being as fulfilling as it could or should be. Cliche I know but life is too short and it is there for living. Splitting up may seem huge and like you'll never get through it and coupled with your anxt makes it worse but you willl get through it and you may find that without that stress you will feel better and have less anxiety ? Brett

[star2sparkle]

Thank you Brett. Your words have really helped :)