Rain
14-08-13, 16:15
I have had agoraphobia and extreme social anxiety for twelve years. I rarely leave the house; only for the odd short trip out as a passenger in the car, a little walk up the lane at the crack of dawn when no one is about with my partner and dogs, or to the dentist.
I hadn’t left the house in at least six weeks so yesterday evening my partner and I decided to drive ten miles up the road to the shop to get an ice cream. We live in the middle of nowhere, miles from shops. I never get out of the car at the shop. I just sit anxiously waiting in the car while my partner goes in.
So we set off last evening and I was quite enjoying being out and about when – bang! – a tyre blew out. Luckily we were able to stop the car safely but we were forced to pull in at a farm gate where a couple were feeding some sheep.
This was now an agoraphobic’s worst nightmare as I knew I HAD to get out of the car as my partner can’t jack it up with me inside adding to the weight. It was the passenger front wheel and we have no seats in the back. So I had to get out and stand with these two people who started chatting to me, asking about the car etc. They had no idea I had not spoken to anyone except my partner for months.
The people helped but the fourth wheel bolt could not be loosened so we had to leave the car there and get a lift home from the couple. The car was seen to and retrieved by a garage man this morning. All in all I was standing by the road for at least an hour as traffic roared past, knowing I was trapped with these people and wasn’t able to escape.
The thing is, I didn’t panic during the whole episode I coped better than I would ever have dreamed I would. This nasty illness- agoraphobia – is all about anticipation. It is a bully who lies to us that we won’t cope when in fact we can.
I was actually a bit amazed standing there chatting to the people. My partner said I looked calm and relaxed. It made me realize I have missed the world and the folk in it. I’m going to try harder.
I hadn’t left the house in at least six weeks so yesterday evening my partner and I decided to drive ten miles up the road to the shop to get an ice cream. We live in the middle of nowhere, miles from shops. I never get out of the car at the shop. I just sit anxiously waiting in the car while my partner goes in.
So we set off last evening and I was quite enjoying being out and about when – bang! – a tyre blew out. Luckily we were able to stop the car safely but we were forced to pull in at a farm gate where a couple were feeding some sheep.
This was now an agoraphobic’s worst nightmare as I knew I HAD to get out of the car as my partner can’t jack it up with me inside adding to the weight. It was the passenger front wheel and we have no seats in the back. So I had to get out and stand with these two people who started chatting to me, asking about the car etc. They had no idea I had not spoken to anyone except my partner for months.
The people helped but the fourth wheel bolt could not be loosened so we had to leave the car there and get a lift home from the couple. The car was seen to and retrieved by a garage man this morning. All in all I was standing by the road for at least an hour as traffic roared past, knowing I was trapped with these people and wasn’t able to escape.
The thing is, I didn’t panic during the whole episode I coped better than I would ever have dreamed I would. This nasty illness- agoraphobia – is all about anticipation. It is a bully who lies to us that we won’t cope when in fact we can.
I was actually a bit amazed standing there chatting to the people. My partner said I looked calm and relaxed. It made me realize I have missed the world and the folk in it. I’m going to try harder.