I Did Better Than I Expected

[Rain]

I have had agoraphobia and extreme social anxiety for twelve years. I rarely leave the house; only for the odd short trip out as a passenger in the car, a little walk up the lane at the crack of dawn when no one is about with my partner and dogs, or to the dentist.

I hadn’t left the house in at least six weeks so yesterday evening my partner and I decided to drive ten miles up the road to the shop to get an ice cream. We live in the middle of nowhere, miles from shops. I never get out of the car at the shop. I just sit anxiously waiting in the car while my partner goes in.

So we set off last evening and I was quite enjoying being out and about when – bang! – a tyre blew out. Luckily we were able to stop the car safely but we were forced to pull in at a farm gate where a couple were feeding some sheep.

This was now an agoraphobic’s worst nightmare as I knew I HAD to get out of the car as my partner can’t jack it up with me inside adding to the weight. It was the passenger front wheel and we have no seats in the back. So I had to get out and stand with these two people who started chatting to me, asking about the car etc. They had no idea I had not spoken to anyone except my partner for months.

The people helped but the fourth wheel bolt could not be loosened so we had to leave the car there and get a lift home from the couple. The car was seen to and retrieved by a garage man this morning. All in all I was standing by the road for at least an hour as traffic roared past, knowing I was trapped with these people and wasn’t able to escape.

The thing is, I didn’t panic during the whole episode I coped better than I would ever have dreamed I would. This nasty illness- agoraphobia – is all about anticipation. It is a bully who lies to us that we won’t cope when in fact we can.

I was actually a bit amazed standing there chatting to the people. My partner said I looked calm and relaxed. It made me realize I have missed the world and the folk in it. I’m going to try harder.

[bernie1977]

Well done Rain. I agree it is the anticipation that controls us. I've been agoraphobic for several years and housebound for the last two. I too suffer with social anxiety and only see my partner and won't have anyone in the house.

You did really well to speak to the couple and not feel any fear, that's a massive achievement. Like you say it wasn't planned so there's no built up fear.

I have a dentists appointment booked for a week on Friday. Panicking already!! The last two years he's done a check up in my home but he really wants me to try and get to surgery to do some x- rays. I don't know what scares me the most, having to leave the safety of my home or the fear of having a panic attack in front of the dentist and his assistant. I'm so silly to get like this but it's how I am. I'm determind to go though so we'll see.

I hope you do manage to do more things and I'll look forward to reading about it :)

[bluesparkle]

well done rain :yesyes:
this really made me smile
you did brilliantly
rach
x

[Tessar]

Quite simply...... Brilliant!!!!

[AuntieMoosie]

Quite simply...... Brilliant!!!!

I second that :yesyes:

You sound the same as me. It's always the anticipation that is much worse that the doing.

Just take it slowly and at your own pace and your confidence will grow and grow :hugs:

[flossie]

:yesyes: you can be amazing when you give yourself the chance.
Well done Rain. I know you can do it.
Did you get your ice cream btw?

[Rain]

:) Thanks folks. No, I never did get that Ice cream, but we have a brand new tyre now, so maybe we can go again this evening.

Good luck at the dentist, Bernie. I go every 6 months for deep cleaning. It's one place we can be sure that everyone is preoccupied with their own worries and not bothered about staring at us!

Having said that, I do get nervous when it comes around but when it's over for another 6 months I feel absolutely great!

[flossie]

I think you deserve to have a flake in your ice cream as a reward.
Or maybe two flakes seeing as you will have made 2 journeys :D

[BobbyDog]

Well done, it's the fear of fear that holds us back, until we realise that we had nothing to fear in the first place, and were just wasting valuable time worrying about what might never happen. Now time to get on with living your life to the full. Excellent to hear success stories like this, hopefully it will give others the push they need.x

[cat85pink]

Well done, im so pleased for you,

Ive suffered from agoraphobia for 11 years, and have been able to go out now & then locally for 3 years,

But like you say its definitely the fear of what might happen, I hate having plans, I worry myself sick for weeks,

I see my friends maybes twice a month, and I suffer with ibs/upset stomach at the anticipation, then afters im quite happy, & normally have enjoyed myself,

Also I go to the dentist every 6 months, after id gone 8 years not being able to get there, I dont mind it as much now as I go when its quiet, feeling stressed & sick, have a five minute appointment & practically skip out thats its over and done with & I can relax for 5 month,

Trying CBT again now, but im scared its too much, as we'd like to be parents this time next year & we have so many hospital appointments!

Cat xx