Whit97
15-08-13, 03:37
I feel like I'm going crazy!!!!
Lately my intrusive thoughts have gotten worst...I have no idea if this is OCD or not anymore...I'm afraid of everything!
I was at school today and a horrible thought came to mind "What if I kill each of these people one by one?" I was terrified and I constantly tried telling myself I wasn't going to do it, that it was a terrible thought...but it felt like my mind almost wanted to do it...or that it was planning on committing the act without my permission. Sometimes I'll have thoughts where my mind almost plans terrible acts like "When your dad gets home you will kill him." or "Any moment now you are going to run out of your room and hurt your mom".
These thoughts aren't like hearing voices..they are thoughts, but it seriously feels like I am going to commit the acts of violence whether I want to or not. It's almost as if I have to fight to control myself FROM doing these things. What makes it worst is that my parents are getting a divorce...and my Dad is sort of a jerk. My mom talks bad about him constantly and I've had thoughts like "Well I'm going to kill him and solve all our problems." Of course I would NEVER do that...but what scares me is that I am in a way angry with my father...so it's like these thoughts are using my anger against me. Also, today my mom and me had a bit of a small argument on some political views...nothing serious just a bit of a silly mishap, but my mind kept saying "she disagrees with you...go ahead and hurt her." it terrifies me to such extremes that I'm shaking while writing this!!!
I've had terrible thoughts about hurting my sister for no reason...thoughts of me losing control and harming random people...even thoughts like the world is fake and I should just kill myself. I don't think I would ever commit these acts willingly...(I'm terrified of the idea that one day I'll think these thoughts are good ideas and act upon them) I love my family to death, and even though I have quite a bit resentment to my father...I WOULD NEVER hurt him. But these thoughts are so strong it feels and seems like I will act on them...it scares me like crazy. I've had thoughts even more insane than this that I won't post...My mom called a therapist for me (she does not know how bad they are and just thinks it's a minor problem) but the therapist hasn't called back...I'm scared though, it's as if any second I'm going to go crazy or grab a knife and hurt someone. PLEASE HELP!!!!
Lately my intrusive thoughts have gotten worst...I have no idea if this is OCD or not anymore...I'm afraid of everything!
I was at school today and a horrible thought came to mind "What if I kill each of these people one by one?" I was terrified and I constantly tried telling myself I wasn't going to do it, that it was a terrible thought...but it felt like my mind almost wanted to do it...or that it was planning on committing the act without my permission. Sometimes I'll have thoughts where my mind almost plans terrible acts like "When your dad gets home you will kill him." or "Any moment now you are going to run out of your room and hurt your mom".
These thoughts aren't like hearing voices..they are thoughts, but it seriously feels like I am going to commit the acts of violence whether I want to or not. It's almost as if I have to fight to control myself FROM doing these things. What makes it worst is that my parents are getting a divorce...and my Dad is sort of a jerk. My mom talks bad about him constantly and I've had thoughts like "Well I'm going to kill him and solve all our problems." Of course I would NEVER do that...but what scares me is that I am in a way angry with my father...so it's like these thoughts are using my anger against me. Also, today my mom and me had a bit of a small argument on some political views...nothing serious just a bit of a silly mishap, but my mind kept saying "she disagrees with you...go ahead and hurt her." it terrifies me to such extremes that I'm shaking while writing this!!!
I've had terrible thoughts about hurting my sister for no reason...thoughts of me losing control and harming random people...even thoughts like the world is fake and I should just kill myself. I don't think I would ever commit these acts willingly...(I'm terrified of the idea that one day I'll think these thoughts are good ideas and act upon them) I love my family to death, and even though I have quite a bit resentment to my father...I WOULD NEVER hurt him. But these thoughts are so strong it feels and seems like I will act on them...it scares me like crazy. I've had thoughts even more insane than this that I won't post...My mom called a therapist for me (she does not know how bad they are and just thinks it's a minor problem) but the therapist hasn't called back...I'm scared though, it's as if any second I'm going to go crazy or grab a knife and hurt someone. PLEASE HELP!!!!