New and don't know where to turn :(

[laurab4]

Hello,

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for about 15 years, sometimes one more than the other. I'm now approaching 30 and feeling as though I have no way out.

I have recently received a letter saying that my ESA is going to end because it is contributions based and the 12 months are over. I haven't attended an Atos appointment because my anxiety is too bad and I panic and rearrange. Apparently because my partner is a student and receives a loan I do not qualify for income based ESA :(

I tried to put in a claim for JSA but withdrew it as I cannot attend the job centre let alone interviews.

I cannot even attend my doctors at the moment, as I ran out of medication in May and have not been back since because I absolutely hate going. It's a new practice (we moved here last September) and each time I have to see a different doctor and they quiz me from the beginning and only give me a 28 day prescription when previous I have been given a 6 month repeat. So I've been off my meds since May and obviously things have really gone downhill since then. I'm not agoraphobic, because I can go to places that I know with my partner, but I absolutely cannot go to new places on my own and therefore cannot attend CBT appointments.

Previously I was referred to the CMHT and a CPN came to me, but that was a different region and about 8 years ago - it seems they don't do that around here now.

I'm just at a loss where to turn :(

We don't have enough money to live on and I'm terrified we'l end up homeless. I can't look for a full time job because I'm far too anxious, and I can't go back to my GP because they'll humiliate me because I know it was stupid to not go to my CBT appointments and to just stop taking my meds but I didn't know what else to do at the time. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry :(

I don't even know why I'm posting here because it's not going to help - I'm just reaching out for someone...anyone...who might've been in a similar situation and come out the other side...

[Rain]

Hello Laura,

I am in a similar situation as yourself. I have had agoraphobia and acute social anxiety for twelve years but I have never received a penny in benefits because my partner works. She hasn’t had a pay rise since January 2008 and we struggle so badly to make ends meet. We are not in danger of becoming homeless as the mortgage gets absolute priority and we have never fallen behind. However, heating is a luxury we can rarely afford. I am alone for 10 hours every day and many a winter I have sat here in coat, hat, scarf and gloves. Our electricity has also been cut off for three days at one point. We eat a lot of toast.

I have learned to accept our situation and not get angry at it any more. We cut back on everything we can and continue to make cuts so we can survive. I feel lucky that we have each other.

I am on anti-psychotics (following a breakdown 10 years ago) and my partner collects my meds once a month. I have a thing called a medical card which gives me free meds. However, the system has changed and my card expires in a year. After that I will have to pay about 120 euro a month for my meds. This is a joke and I have no hope of paying. We will appeal but if I am unsuccessful I will simply have to come off the meds.

We still spend money doing the lotto because that is our only hope of living a normal life. My total dream is to get a job from home. If I just earned the minimum wage our lives would change enormously. I would happily stuff envelopes but jobs like that don’t seem to exist anymore.

I haven’t seen the mental health people since 2007 because I have to go to them. It’s a tiny waiting room, always packed, and they keep us waiting there for over an hour every time. I just can’t cope with it.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and help your situation. However, there is always hope that things will change; that some opportunity will come along. So never give up hope. Every day of your life is precious so try to get the most out of it as best you can, despite the difficult situation. Maybe when your partner starts working in the future, after college things will improve. Sit tight and keep believing things will get better.

[bernie1977]

Hi Laura I've replied to your previous post about benefits. With regards to the doctors and medication I would ring them and explain to the receptionist that you have anxiety issues and cannot get to surgery so you require a telephone appointment or an home visit, they do have a duty to accommodate you. I haven't bee to my surgery in over 3years, I have telephone appointments or a home visit if it's something that can't be dealt with on the phone.

Hopefully the doctor will be able to get you referred to your local mental health team for help.

Please let us know how you get on

[laurab4]

Hi Laura I've replied to your previous post about benefits. With regards to the doctors and medication I would ring them and explain to the receptionist that you have anxiety issues and cannot get to surgery so you require a telephone appointment or an home visit, they do have a duty to accommodate you. I haven't bee to my surgery in over 3years, I have telephone appointments or a home visit if it's something that can't be dealt with on the phone.

Hopefully the doctor will be able to get you referred to your local mental health team for help.

Please let us know how you get on

I have read a few posts about people having telephone consultations but I don't think that would be suitable for me as I cannot use the telephone. Luckily my surgery has an appointment booking facility online, but there is no way of requesting a home visit that way - I'd have to ring! It all seems such a mess.

People presume that if you don't attend appointments then you don't need them any more and you get discharged when in reality you're struggling more than ever and can't actually attend.

I might write my GP a letter. I'm not sure what good that would do but at least if I do manage to make and attend an appointment, she'll be aware of how bad it is without me having to speak.

[bernie1977]

Could someone not ring for you and ask for an home visit? You really need to let the doctor know what's going on and get help

[ankietyjoe]

If you're off medication and you're able to go places that you know, then that's a good thing.

If you can do that, you can go to new places. You'll just feel like crap until you get home again, but so what? Next time you do it it'll be a lot easier.

Be strong, it really makes a difference. First step will be to go to CBT. I was in exactly the same situation as you when I started CBT and I was living alone at the time. I remember the car journey like it was yesterday, I remember the initial interview (where the therapist was clearly concerned about what I looked like and how I was acting) and I remember the 'aftershock' for a couple of days. The thing was it was easier the following week, and so on and so on......

Push yourself, you won't regret it.

[Edie]

Hi Laura, and welcome. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

An advocacy organisation may be able to help you with an ESA claim. They know how the system works and what you are entitled to. They may also be able to support you with getting to see a doctor about getting more meds. Google "advocacy" and your town or county, and hopefully you should find some organisations which can help.

The doctor will not humiliate you. Their job is to help people. You need to explain and be totally honest about your situation. An advocate may be able to attend a dr appointment with you (mine did), or maybe your partner. You could also try writing a list of things and give it to the doctor.

Your situation is really hard, but it's not hopeless. Find an advocate, they will help you fight to make things better.