View Full Version : Please help me
I cant cope with this any more, I dont know what to do. My anxiety and depression have been really bad for a while now due to the fact that Im under a great deal of stress. There are lots of life events happening at the moment that are making things almost too much to bear. That in itself is getting too much to cope with but now my health anxiety has kicked in big time. I have had an upset stomach for 2 and a half weeks, have no appetite and have lost weight. I have convinced myself that I have a serious illness (cant even bring myself to say the word). Yesterday morning I was in such a state that I stumbled round to the gp, they had to sit me in the staff room as I was feeling faint from hyperventilating. I have been prescribed a different AD, diazepam and propranalol to try and calm me down. They have said that if the upset stomach carries on then it will mean having a camera down my throat to see what is going on so they obviously think there could be something nasty going on.
Every night when I go to bed I am already getting myself in a panic about the morning as, as soon as I wake up, I start shaking, sweating, heart racing and then having to run to the toilet.
I cant take any more, I am at my wits end and now Ive started to feel like Im not really here, like Im in a dream state and nothing is real.
Im so scared that Im going to find out that I have a terminal illness that everyday life has gone out of the window.
Please can anyone relate and help me see a way through my terror.
Sorry its so long, thank you to anyone to reads this. xx
I can't get you through the terror but I can assure you that what you are feeling is certainly not 'just you'.
The camera does NOT mean they are looking for anything awful. I would imagine they will start by looking for acid reflux-type stuff, which is all treatable and very common with anxiety.
Other people on here know far more about the drugs side of things than I do, but it is probably possible that they are contributing to your anxiety at the moment.
Please hang in there and keep telling us how you feel - and if you can't stop panicking, at least know I am not worried that you have anything awful. x
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have nobody to talk to about this so am driving myself to distraction. I have suffered with anxiety for years but this is by far the worst I have ever been. The problem is that I have no appetite and if I make myself eat something it just goes straight through (sorry if its too much information). The weight loss is worrying me sick as well. I dont feel well at all and just want to lie down all day under a blanket. I feel so stupid but just cant stop feeling this way.
Hope you are feeling a bit better. This anxiety thing is truly horrible! It causes all sorts of symptoms. I've also had lots of horrid life events recently and my anxiety is all over the place. My husband is fed up with hearing me say I don't feel well! I've lost weight too, and the more I worry about it, the less I eat, the more I worry etc etc etc. Everyone says its stress and anxiety but it's hard to believe it ..... That's anxiety for you! Take care and be kind to yourself x
Anxiety gave me an upset stomach. I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy which confirmed that everything was fine and it was the anxiety casing the problems.
Anxiety can definitely cause this. I'm not sure what it's called but there's a drink people can get when theyccan't eat its relatively high in calories and has nutrients in.
I would say your weight loss is absolutely nothing to worry about as you say you have little appetite and food goes straight through you too. If you were eating ridiculous amounts and losing weight that's another story. The meds will take effect soon and you will probably gain those lbs back.
Good luck
Youre such lovely people and I cant tell you how grateful I am for your replies. I have such a dread of the mornings when I wake up as I know I will lose the plot. Hopefully the meds will start to calm me down enough to stop the panic.
Of course I hope that, if I have to have the tests, then it will turn out to be down to anxiety but because of various things I dont think it can just be that.
When I am hopefully over this bout of illness I fully intend to help others on here as its so important to have someone to talk to when you cant cope.
Thank you
if im having a very anxious day, everything I eat goes straight through me too. I think its quite a common symptom of anxiety. I know its easier said then done, but try not to let it worry you too much. when I first started on citalopram, that is how I woke up every morning too. its really scary, but please don't think you are alone.x
Hiya.. so much of what you describe is, as has already been said, typical high anxiety. Lots of people say that worry, stress, emotional upset etc goes straight to their stomachs, and it really is true.
If you can't face proper food, then just snack on your favourite junk food, whatever it is.. chocolate, crisps, sweets.. at least you'd be getting something into you. The build-up drinks mentioned above are a great idea, there's one brand called Ensure which do loads of different flavours, & you can chill them so they're more enjoyable.
The diazepam should have a pretty quick effect, the other drugs may take longer before you notice a difference, but hang on in there.. better days are ahead of you now, and your GP has seen you at your worst, so he/she knows how things really are for you at the moment.
Is there anyone around for a chat? I dont know what to do, I am pacing the floor, sweating and cant slow my breathing down. I just know that my stomach problems are down to something awful, it has overtaken my life. I cant go on like this, anything is better than this. I cant think straight. The thought of food repels me and I just know that I am completely losing the plot. What am I going to do?
Yep. I have had an upset stomach for about a month now - anxiety anxiety anxiety. Especially the "dream-like" state. I had a camera put into my stomach because they wanted to check for acid reflux. Of course, I thought they must think it is bad if they are putting me through all these tests and just don`t want to tell me it is cancer! But they do these tests for all sorts of things, a very small proportion of which turn out to be cancer. I am certain there is nothing wrong with you except horrendous stress!
hi Marin, Dont know how to put this so it doesnt come across the wrong way. It helps to know Im not the only one but Im so sorry youre suffering as well. Wouldnt wish this on anyone. As well as the constant D every time I eat I am just as worried about the weight loss but then I havent eaten much because of the regular trips to the toilet. Normal people would just deal with it but I just cant, I feel so pathetic. Im sure I keep repeating myself in my posts for which Im sorry. I appreciate your reply so much, I am so desperate for people to talk to. Thank you
its probably your medication putting you off your food, I was off my food for a few weeks when I started mine...which in turn made me think there was something wrong.
If you can I would strongly recommend getting Dr Claire Weekes Self Help for Your Nerves book. She explains in detail how ALL the symptoms you have described are caused by anxiety. Her method of recovery is to not fight the anxious feelings - let them drift past you, let yourself float through the anxiety instead of resisting it.
The dream like state thing is called disassociation - you feel like you aren't a part of things, like you are watching a film. Its a very common symptom of stress and anxiety.
There is a great free app called Insight Timer which has FREE guided meditations on it. They have helped me calm down.
Anxietynetwork.com has lots of good advice on anxiety too. HTH.
hadenough i read your post you could be me your anxiety state and the reason are so similar to mine I have a terrible fear of that awful disease the one we wont mention i have had cameras down four times i have cried myself to sleep many night thinking about what will happen to my kids once i was so ill i had a complete break down and lost two stone couldnt eat for 8 weeks and was totally convinced i had it but i didnt and despite worries ive had a few times since thankfully ive been ok it is fairly rare in people not over 60 im so sorry for you cos i know how i feel when it starts try your best to realise your losing weight cos your not eating your not eating cos your anxiety and fear has put you off food its a vicious circle and round and round it goes i used to weigh myself every day if id lost an ounce i used to freak out but like some consultant once said you can lose a pound having a good poo SORRY TMI but you know what i mean good luck and if im online when you are we can chat takecare
I know how you feel- I've got such an upset stomach today and its scaring the living daylights out of me. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a happy day or at least a day where I didn't feel like I was dying of bowel cancer. If it wasn't for my son I strongly feel that this wouldn't be worth it, as awful as that sounds. I'm only 31 and can't see a way out. How dreadful is that?
So you aren't alone and I know the state you're in- I've been there. There isn't much anyone can say that will fully make this go away until the meds kick in but know that being on medication upsets your stomach (anti-depressants always do mine) as will anxiety (it's renowned for doing that and as long as you're anxious your stomach will be bad, it's a vicious cycle) and lack of sleep. So there are many reasons that your insides are doing this and none of them are serious. But you need help with managing your anxiety- have you been referred for CBT? X
ive had these exact feelings the last 6-8 weeks, convinced myself i have bowel/stomach/pancreatic cancer, ive had a consultation with a colorectal specialist who looked at me with a look of concern that at my age i was worried about this.......
he gave me a thorough examination and told me everything is fine, although he wants me to have a barium enema just to edge on the side of precaution,
however no matter what hes told me i still have this feeling that hes wrong and i have some terminal illness, its an awful feeling, but im trying my damndest to overcome it and not let it ruin my life..........your not alone and the people here are great for calming any situtaion with words of wisdom and comfort
Youre all such lovely people and I appreciate your replies so much. Im going to see if I can download the Claire Weekes book onto my kindle. Im willing to try anything at the moment as if I carry on feeling this way Im not sure where its going to lead. Thanks to all of you xxx
First I must apologise for the long post. I ordered the Claire Weekes books and they came today so am going to try and concentrate on reading those and hope they help. Saw the gp yesterday and told her that the D seems to have changed to only like twice a day and then not as bad as it was but obviously not normal (sorry TMI). Because I was in such a state with panic when she saw me she sent me for blood tests which are specifically for stomach/bowel/pancreatic cancer. My jaw fell to the floor when she said the word but she said shes sure it isnt any of those but feels its the only way I will accept that I havent got one of them. So Ive been for the blood test and now have an agonising wait for the results. The reason I dont believe that she only sent me for my own peace of mind is because I have never mentioned pancreatic cancer so why test me for that. I have lost so much weight hopefully just through not eating, clothes are all too big. I feel so weak, like I dont have an ounce of energy. I started taking Mirtazapine last night, slept for a couple of hours then woke up and couldnt keep still, finally fell asleep again and didnt wake up til 10 this morning. I felt like a zombie for ages. For as long as I can remember I have always had to think of the worst case scenario in all events, I reason that things couldnt be worse so if I can deal with that then I can deal with anything. Problem is worst case scenario in this instance doesnt bear thinking about. Dont suppose anything is going to improve until the blood test results are back, if then!
Hiya,
We chatted on the other thread briefly :) You said the D has gone down to only a couple of times a day, right? And before it was more than that? So you should definitely focus on that as an improvement in your symptoms - if you had anything nasty there'd be no reason to see any improvement at all, would there? I know it's hard, though, as I have people telling me exactly the same thing ("your symptoms are slowly improving so you don't have anything nasty, don't worry") and although logically I know they're right, it's so easy to get into an anxiety cycle where you convince yourself the symptoms aren't improving and then the anxiety just makes them worse.
If you're not eating much, then naturally you'll lose weight; the weight loss isn't sinister, it's just a consequence of not eating as many calories as your body needs. And I reckon 'nervous energy' probably burns off more calories as well. I know weight loss comes up as a worrying symptom of all sorts of things but that's when it's unexplained - as in, when you're eating a normal amount (or more!) and still losing weight.
As for the blood tests - well, isn't she right that you won't be satisfied that you don't have the C word until the tests show it's clear? I know you hadn't mentioned pancreatic cancer but it's quite possible that the same tests are involved (I have no idea), and in any case, I'd bet that if they didn't test for it, and your stomach/bowel tests came back clear, the next thing you'd have worried about - especially if you went anywhere near Dr Google! - would have been pancreatic cancer. When do you get the results?
Thank you for the reply Emlica, I have an appointment next Thursday 29th but its not guaranteed the results will be back by then which would mean the following Tuesday 3rd Sep. Its so hard when you try to tell yourself that things can be explained (not eating etc) but you still dont believe them. xx
Oh gosh. I am in exactly the same state. I have had terrible achy side and other stuff and convinced im ill and my gp says its probably anxiety as I have been going mad with one thing and another for months now and I too feel desperate. The mind is a powerful devil and can convince you of anything. I have to wait for an exam too for this tummy thing and my anxiety is off the scale. I try to think back to May when i felt okish! its been a roller coaster since. Advice is so helpful but seems not help when you are so desperate. It is very hard to fight the awful feelings and it is difficult when your head just will not focus away from yourself. I know I have to accept the way I am but I hate it and long to just be some kind of normal. I try so hard to put things into perspective but I know how hard this is. I have been prescribed Zoloft and some kind people have been very reassuring on the website so waiting for the weekend to start. I have tried to avoid meds but I need to calm down. Work is like hell as I want to just run away.
I tell you all this so you know you are NOT ALONE. it's a terrible thing you/me us are going through but we can get through it although time drags and waiting for this and that is even harder. feel free to email me any time. I am there with you. Hugs x
Thank you for your reply. Somehow I have to convince myself that the extreme anxiety is making everything worse but its so hard. Youre totally right, there are some really lovely people on here who really do their best to support others. It definitely helps to know Im not alone xxx
Well Ive done it again and Im so disappointed in myself. I googled the blood tests the gp sent me for and one of them is for Ovarian Cancer. She told me they were for stomach, bowel and pancreatic cancer but didnt mention ovarian. So when she was saying 'im sure nothing will come back on these' did she mean 'but something may come back on the ovarian cancer test'. This isnt the same thing as googling symptoms though is it, this was checking exactly what the tests were for so the info is right. I know Ive been really stupid. I have been repeating over and over 'I must not google anymore' and am hoping that I can stick to it.
Hello again. How have you googled the blood tests? Did she actually give you the names of the tests you were having? I'd imagine it makes sense for them to check everything rather than you having to go back and have more when you next find a new cancer to worry about. She'll have meant that she didn't expect anything to come back on any of the tests she'd ordered - there's no reason for her to be any more worried about ovarian cancer on the basis of your symptoms as you've described them.
Sorry if you've said this elsewhere, but have you spoken to the doctor about the anxiety side of things? I plucked up the courage to do this today, as I was starting to get a bit panicky that I was anaemic, or had Vit B12 deficiency, and/or coeliac disease (goodness knows where I've got that from, really). She's agreed that I can have more blood tests next week to check for those things, even though I definitely wasn't anaemic 4 weeks ago, Vit B12 deficiency would have caused irregularities in the FBC, and she thinks coeliac is very unlikely. But she said we could test for them just to cover all bases. And then I admitted how much I was worrying about it and that it was disproportionate to how unwell I actually felt, anxiety aside. She's prescribed me propranolol, which I'm a bit nervous about taking, but she says it's good for the physical symptoms of anxiety (so it should help with the racing heart and panicky breathing etc).
The names of the tests were on the slip I had to take with me to have the blood tests done. Yes, she knows how panic stricken I am which is why she said she is having the tests done - she says its the only way I will believe that I dont have it. I so wish I could believe her but my mind wont let me. I have just been put on propranalol as well, Ive been told to take it 3 times a day. Im glad that you talked to your doctor about how anxious you were and I really hope the propranalol works for you and makes it easier for you to cope. Im too scared to weigh myself any more as I know Im still losing weight, my clothes are just hanging on me. Ive really pushed myself today, I had a bowl of porridge for breakfast and 2 slices of toast for lunch. I really should eat now as I feel incredibly weak but am trying to think of something which I could actually stomach. I havent actually been to the toilet yet today but am thinking if I eat anything else then I will probably will - oh god now Im getting a phobia about going to the loo in case its the dreaded D again. Thank you for replying again, it means so much to me that you take the time to do that. xx
Yes I think the only reason my doctor has agreed that I can have these extra tests is because I won't believe I don't have those things unless I'm tested for them! Assuming they do come back clear, I think it really will help to reassure me - and I hope that works for you too.
Bizarrely just before I went to the doctor today I went to the loo and it was the most normal it had been in several weeks. Someone advised me to focus on any improvements - so in your case, surely it's an improvement that you haven't had to go to the loo yet today? Even if you do go and it's D, it's still better than having D as soon as you wake up, isn't it?
I weighed myself this morning and noticed I'd lost a bit more weight since last week. Briefly panicked, then remembered that (a) I'm overweight, it won't kill me! and (b) I'm probably only eating about three quarters of the number of calories compared to before I was ill, so of course I'm going to lose weight. I'm still eating breakfast (minimal), lunch (sandwich, not always all of it) and dinner (variable - usually probably about two thirds of what I'd usually eat), but I'm not eating the crisps after lunch, the two lattes a day, pudding, snacks, going out for ice-cream after work, cider, etc. If you're eating lots less than usual - and it sounds like you are - then that's why you're losing weight. My doctor suggested that the propranolol might help with the appetite a little bit - maybe it will for you?
Re: the blood tests. Isn't it just as likely that, knowing you have health anxiety, your GP has asked for an ovarian cancer test because she knows your mind might move onto that illness once the results come back ok for the other things? It will be cheaper to do that test along with the other ones, rather than pay for another test in a few weeks. She is just being conscientious and thorough, knowing that might also be at the back of your mind.
I think your weightloss is down to not eating enough due to anxiety - porridge and toast isnt going to be many calories. I hope you can move on once you get your results.
Thanks both of you, you talk a lot of sense, I just have to get my head round things xxx
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