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simone
30-06-04, 13:06
I was on medication about 3 years ago (cipramil), which did help slightly in the respect that i wasnt thinking about everything i was about to do or where i was going. If those bad negative fears did enter my head it was easier to overcome them and be more positive.

I was weaned off cipramil about 18 months ago as i told my OLD GP i didnt want to have to depend on medication i wanted to overcome this myself and i was obviously in control and coping very well at that point.
I still had bad days but i was able to cope and overcome all the obstacles. Obstacles for me is going out shopping, mixing with other people, pubs, restaurants, public transport etc. I am able to drive on my own no problem. The house and my car are very much my SAFE place.
Its been like this for me for about 10 years and obviously its got worse over the years. Different scary situations that are scary to me i've forced myself to do which alot of the time i've ended up hating what i'm doing and wanting to go home. Once i'm home i burst into uncontrollable tears, its such a relief to be in my SAFE place.

The time i was weaned off of cipramil my personal life was going really well i had moved in with my boyfriend, i was enjoying and coping with work for once. 6 months later engaged making all sorts of plans and then 3 weeks ago after 18months of finally be happy and leading a some what nornal not perfect life it all stopped, through no fault of my own. I had the biggest blow i found out that my fiance had been unfaithful.
Which is therefore the reason everything and all those fears and anxiety and bad feelings have come flooding back.

I back at home with my parents, i have lots to sort out in my personal life aswell as overcoming all these fears and anxiety/panic attacks.

I wasnt offered any counselling of any kind or any help until this happened and i went to my NEW GP 3 weeks ago who straight away didnt mention anything about medication but to go for counselling, but this i think is generally to cope with whats happened in my personal life.

Theres so much more i could say about my attacks past and present and how i feel but i have gone on for far too long already.

All i know is that i have so many emotions and feelings going on at the mo.
I'm doing my very best to keep positive.
Reading everyones experiences and advice really helps a great deal too.
Seeing the counsellor tom night.
Back to work next wednesday.

Take care all

Simone.x.
P.s I've got that date aswell tonight, i want to go as i need some enjoyment and fun. Fingers crossed!

nomorepanic
30-06-04, 13:12
Thanks Simone. If you like I can add it to the website under the Personal Stories section - www.nomorepanic.co.uk/stories.htm

Let me know ok?

Nicola

simone
30-06-04, 13:22
Yes nicola, thats fine no problem with that.

Can you advise on anything else i could be doing in regards of more counselling/ therapy etc that you think may help?

Many thanks

Simone

simone
07-07-04, 18:34
Hi,

Not been very good last couple of days been on a low and negative thoughts are too strong to overcome .
I couldn't face work today, was in a right state this morning. Felt like it was my first day at school.
I hate these feelings and i get so angry with myself.

Why cant i just lead a normal life and cope!

I went to see a therapist today, she called this morning as she had a cancellation and it was my first visit, i wasn't going to go just wanted to curl up and stay indoors, didn't even want to wash and get ready. I went with my mum, who waited outside and explained everything to the therapist about whats just happened in my personal life and about the panic and anxiety attacks. I'm now going to get some CBT which i'm positive about and i've been booked in for the next 6 weeks a session a week.
I should have had this years ago.

I dont know when i'm going to be able to get back to work, i so want to go as staying at home wont help me either, but i'm not strong enough at the mo to face it and everyone.

I forgot to ask the therapist but does anyone know if i/we are entitled to any financial help whilst i'm not at work?
I've already been off for 3 weeks and although they are understanding i'm not entitled to sick pay as i haven't been there long enough.

I can never plan anything as i dont know how i'm going to feel from one day to the next. I'm so fed up of feeling up and down all the time.
I feel guilty if i'm having a good day as i feel i should be at work. (does that make sense?)
I know i'm on the right road to feel better, but i feel under pressure to get back to work. Dont want to lose my job as i like it.

Sorry to go on,

Hope everyone is not too bad?
Thanks so much for reading this.
Take care simone.x.