pretty much hit me with a bang!

[zoexo]

Im zoe, im normally tough as anything! And can beat bad feelinggs and nerves and the #### life throws at you! So thats why im here.

Iv always suffered being a little paranoid or a bit flitty, in cars, if I think too much etc, normal anxiety that didnt cause a problem. But last friday it came in like a gunshot.I was helping mum at work, and on the way home I lost it, I got this hot flush all up my body, my heart started too race and things looked so far away and not real. I couldnt hear right, I couldnt see right, and I got convultions in my chest and my whole body was trembling and twitching. I was screaming in panic, I thought I was going. I was basically having a fit, the doctors wastnt far and I rushed in. My body started too calm and the doctors did routine checks, blood pressure ecg etc. Nothing. Iv had it since, and been too the doctors again yesterday. It happened twice in the saturday, rush of fear, for no reason. Uncontrolled, spasms in my chest and nothing feeling real, sounds that are normal terrify me and everything looks so strange and I loose it, I really think im dying, especially as it starts in my chest.
Iv had a hard 5 months, after loosing someone very precious and struggling through a tough job, continuous problems with work and my health, and that morning our cat was run over that was part of the family for 8 years, and I had too bury him. I was too okay with it, no crying, just shock. 3 hours later I thought I was having a heart attack. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camels back, thats what im told. its the fits that scare me the most, the feeling of myself dying and feeling my heart/chest going into a spasm, and it convulsing and fitting, and the out of body feeling. I cant take anymore.
I cant go back too work, and im terrified nothig will change. It begins as soon as I wake up in the morning, the hot flush, the depersonalisation, feeling out of body and panic and dread, and like im dying. Then it continues, It follows one after another throughout the day. Im on sertraline, diazapam for emergencys and beta blockers which they didnt want too give me anyway bcause i have very low blood pressure. Nothing feels helpful, and this has been continuous one after another since friday. I cant take much more, I find it getting better, then i get another, the worst is it happens subconciously, I think Im fine then bam. Is there anything else it could be the doctors missed? Or am I just so stuck in this im believing its worse. These are controlling my life, I don't knoe what too do. Im with my partner and his mother, as they have been through it before, but thy havent expierienced some of what im feeling, and it feels as if thier getting impatient with me, I don't blame them, it doesn't stop. the chest spasms have calmed because of the beta blockers, and my heart doesnt race as much. but the medication also gives me horrible hot flushes.
Im sorry for the long message, but im exausted, and I dont know where else too turn. Thankyou :woof

[phoenix29]

All I can say is that I feel your pain! I suffer as well.....comes right out of no where and just kicks your ass. I had one this am and ended up in the ER. It's our minds....and the ego. We need to fight that feeling with a bat. And not let it ruin our lives. Knowing that we are not alone, never will be should calm you a lil bit. I have has an anxiety disorder for most of my life....and now it has taken over my life. I am now taking steps to own my life again.....cause I deserve it. And so do you.

[Daisy Sue]

I agree with the 'straw that broke the camel's back' theory... It's like our mind has a dustbin for all the crap we normally have to deal with, but when there's too much, it overflows and we feel the physical effects of this. I think probably all the grief you've had to deal with, the work stress, and your natural anxiety, has all built up to the point where you're not in control any more.

Somehow you need to find a way to gain a little control back.. if you feel that familiar feeling of heat/dizziness, whatever the first feelings are, start saying to yourself that you know it's only anxiety, you're going to be fine.. do some deep slow belly breathing - put your hand on your tummy and concentrate on slow breaths in through your nose, out through your mouth.. and consciously relax your whole body. If you can master that bit, at least, the attacks shouldn't get to the stage they have been doing.

It's not easy, but it's do-able, & the better you get at it, the more confident you get each time.

[Speranza]

:welcome:

I had a straw that broke my camel's back after over fifty years of 'coping'. You will be fine. It sounds as though you have had an awful time, be kind to ytourself and take all the time you need to recover. Which you WILL.

Gill x

[zoexo]

Iv taken time off work too recover, I had another about an hour ago, and was in a&e with another last night. Less severe but I still believe im dying each time! Thankyou for the responses and advice, it always helps too know someone feels the same as you! Breathing helps, its just hard, that hot flush is like acid when it overwelms my head! I keep saying if it was anything else, i wouldnt be typing this!
Thankyou, really. I hope you are coping well beating yours, I wouldnt wish these awful things in anybody.