HymnSpace
21-08-13, 16:06
Hi all,
I'm a new member and will try to keep things brief. I have a history of depression/anxiety (about 12 years) and am currently on 40mg citalopram and 0.5mg clonazepam (for night twitching which keeps my partner awake at night).
For as long as I have known I am unable to live in the present and cant just 'be'. I feel no highs at all and have little excitement for anything. I have had a tough year work wise but my partner and I have now got a brilliant fresh start to look forward to which involves moving into a brand new house and we have just had our first baby (1 week old).
Despite all of this fantastic positive stuff going on in my life I constantly feel hollow and have a dull ache in my chest. I don't feel a connection with my son and have no real excitement about being a dad despite being really excited about the whole thing during my partners pregnancy.
I am so sick and tired of feeling like this, especially when I know that other peoples circumstances are worse. I just cannot live in the moment and feel flat all the time. Why cant I feel anything? Why do I not get any highs?
It has been a while since I saw a counsellor and I wondered if that would be a good idea as I really don't want this fresh start to go wrong. I also don't want to make an issue of it to anyone so that it does not worry people (this makes me feel ten times worse when others are aware).
I am the kind of person that nobody would imagine had these problems. I have started having distressing thoughts about suicide - along the lines of if it did not affect anybody around me then I would quite happily end my life. This is not right is it? New baby? Fresh start and those thoughts are milling around my head?
I don't know what to do. I am functioning through life and nobody is the wiser but I want to sort myself out quickly.
As a side note, I'm not really getting much benefit from my meds but read that going any higher than 40 mg citalopram is not a good idea?
Thanks for your replies in advance.
I'm a new member and will try to keep things brief. I have a history of depression/anxiety (about 12 years) and am currently on 40mg citalopram and 0.5mg clonazepam (for night twitching which keeps my partner awake at night).
For as long as I have known I am unable to live in the present and cant just 'be'. I feel no highs at all and have little excitement for anything. I have had a tough year work wise but my partner and I have now got a brilliant fresh start to look forward to which involves moving into a brand new house and we have just had our first baby (1 week old).
Despite all of this fantastic positive stuff going on in my life I constantly feel hollow and have a dull ache in my chest. I don't feel a connection with my son and have no real excitement about being a dad despite being really excited about the whole thing during my partners pregnancy.
I am so sick and tired of feeling like this, especially when I know that other peoples circumstances are worse. I just cannot live in the moment and feel flat all the time. Why cant I feel anything? Why do I not get any highs?
It has been a while since I saw a counsellor and I wondered if that would be a good idea as I really don't want this fresh start to go wrong. I also don't want to make an issue of it to anyone so that it does not worry people (this makes me feel ten times worse when others are aware).
I am the kind of person that nobody would imagine had these problems. I have started having distressing thoughts about suicide - along the lines of if it did not affect anybody around me then I would quite happily end my life. This is not right is it? New baby? Fresh start and those thoughts are milling around my head?
I don't know what to do. I am functioning through life and nobody is the wiser but I want to sort myself out quickly.
As a side note, I'm not really getting much benefit from my meds but read that going any higher than 40 mg citalopram is not a good idea?
Thanks for your replies in advance.