View Full Version : Having a downer....
I'm sure it's just a phase as I've been here before. Sometimes when you are recovering from depression it does feel like a roller coaster. I have been doing really well the last couple of months but I feel rather tired at the moment. Well if I'm honest, very tired. More mentally than physically.
Maybe it's that I'm dealing with many different things, like trying to stay assertive at work (I have a couple of colleagues that would put on me or walk all over me if I let them). Also I'm trying to help my partner be more positive & independent (& at the same time get some freedom to be myself as well). I suppose it all takes alot of effort....
Also I am trying to change habits dating back decades and some destructive habits or behaviours I've had all my life.
I keep reminding myself of what I'd say to anyone else in this situation & practice what I preach. Why is it we find it hard to take our own advice and/or be kind to ourselves?
Whatever happens I'm not going to give in, I will keep at it. Hugs to anyone who is feeling the same..... and hugs to everyone else at NMP coz you are all wonderful. Oooops now I feel tearful! Going to get my head down now & get busy at work. Distraction, distraction......
I'm sure it's just a phase as I've been here before. Sometimes when you are recovering from depression it does feel like a roller coaster. I have been doing really well the last couple of months but I feel rather tired at the moment. Well if I'm honest, very tired. More mentally than physically.
Maybe it's that I'm dealing with many different things, like trying to stay assertive at work (I have a couple of colleagues that would put on me or walk all over me if I let them). Also I'm trying to help my partner be more positive & independent (& at the same time get some freedom to be myself as well). I suppose it all takes alot of effort....
Also I am trying to change habits dating back decades and some destructive habits or behaviours I've had all my life.
I keep reminding myself of what I'd say to anyone else in this situation & practice what I preach. Why is it we find it hard to take our own advice and/or be kind to ourselves?
Whatever happens I'm not going to give in, I will keep at it. Hugs to anyone who is feeling the same..... and hugs to everyone else at NMP coz you are all wonderful. Oooops now I feel tearful! Going to get my head down now & get busy at work. Distraction, distraction......
Sorry to hear you are having a bit of a downer, it happens to us all but don't let it get you down. I have enjoyed reading your posts since I joined NMP you give excellent support and advice to others. Good for you that you are not going to give in, I have to keep saying this mantra to myself everyday, I won't let this beat me. We need to fight on Tessar and we will get there, be kind to yourself and this is only a blip. Hope you feel better soon Kim xx:bighug1:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:HUGS FOR YOU TESSAR.
and anyone else feeling low like me too today:hugs::hugs::hugs:
bernie1977
22-08-13, 12:01
You're a strong lady Tessar, you'll get through this :hugs:
I am feeling a bit low myself this week so what would I say to you, then maybe I could listen to myself :unsure:
I think everyone gets some not so good weeks, so why should we be any different to normal? Look at all your achievements Tessar, you ARE an inspiration. Make a list of all the things you have achieved this year that you couldn't have done last year. The list will be long. Maybe you just need a week of rest because all these achievements have tired you out :) Be kind to yourself this week, relax and don't push your self too far. I think that is all it is. sometimes when we are doing so well we push ourselves that little bit more and we exhaust ourselves. I know for me when I feel well I think I have to work so hard and get everything done just in case I get anxious again and can't do it! :doh:
You also need hugs, even though you are but unsure about them, you are getting lots :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:: bighug1::bighug1:
---------- Post added at 13:05 ---------- Previous post was at 13:05 ----------
2 of the hugs were naughty and escaped!
Spot-the-frog
22-08-13, 15:52
You have a lot of plates in the air at the moment, so take a little me time and perhaps slow down a little and give yourself a big pat on the back for everything you have achieved.
:bighug1:
Thank you............. you're all so kind....... it's good to know that if you're having an off few days or whatever that there are people who you can guarantee will make you feel better...... :weep: + :grouphug: = :)
AuntieMoosie
22-08-13, 20:25
I also have my down times, with me though, I think it's more Sad times as I really feel sad. I've had them all of my life, even before I started to suffer with depression.
As you say Tessar, recovery is never straight forward, it has lots of ups, down, twists and turns.
We all need to remember that these are all only temporary and we'll get through them, it's not nice and it can feel very isolating even if you have partners and family and friends, you kind of feel like your living in your own bubble and that no one can reach you.
But you have done so well Tessar, just look at all the things you've been able to achieve this year, so you are moving in the right direction hun.
Another thing that has just come to my mind, is that because we have depressive of sad spells and we are in recovery, it's pretty easy for us to become burned out, our minds can only deal with so much.
Tessar I would say use this time to really relax, chill out and do lots of what you really enjoy doing, this will help build you back up again, even though it's hard, try not to get too disheartened, keep telling yourself that you're doing well and this will pass :)
:hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1:
yvonne_uk_98
22-08-13, 21:08
thinking of you.
http://i406.photobucket.com/albums/pp142/nellielpn_2009/hugs/big_hugs_bear.gif (http://photobucket.com/images/big%20hugs)
Awwwwwwww thank you Yvonne & moosie. It's good to hear everyone's words. They are really helpful. I'm glad to say that my afternoon was better. I had a bike ride after work too and that's something that I really do enjoy, it's a total break from reality. It makes me feel free. I know you are all right. It is a passing phase. I think from time to time maybe things do build up because you are dealing with so much. I suppose each time you start to feel like you are really winning, you start to hope that all the crap has gone forever. So of course if some of these emotions return, it does feels like "here we go again". But I do know.... And thank you for reminding me that this is temporary. It's all part of working the rubbish out of your head.
So yeah I have tomorrow off and that means a 4day break. Yipeee. I will take your advice people's and chill out.
All those hugs too (even if 2 of yours did get away Annie). I am very lucky.
Oh and I will make a list of the things I have achieved as well.... :-)
Glad you are feeling better! I have also had a low couple of days - perhaps it's something in the air?!? Lots of love to you. :grouphug:
Ooh Annie, that brought a tear to my eye,
Speranza, yeah there must be something in the air!!!! Lots of love to you and everyone else too.
ElizabethJane
23-08-13, 10:24
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Hi Tessar I have felt like this many times. We begin to feel better and then wham you have a bit of a blip and feel low and down again. I have read your posts from the beginning and I know how far you have come on this journey. I still experience lows and try to do as you have done which is to get support from your friends. EJ
I actually slept last night. I have an elderly cat who wakes me at 4, 5, 6 etc... Today I managed to cuddle her to sleep and then slept til after 9. So now I feel zonked, but hopeful this MAY be the day I actually DO the housework instead of feeling guilty about it! :)
Love to Auntie Tessar :flowers::flowers::flowers::hugs: :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::emot-blink::emot-blink:
---------- Post added at 15:30 ---------- Previous post was at 15:29 ----------
Remember that sometimes when youa re helping others, you can forget to help yourself. Lots of you-time is what you need! xxx
Huge hugs Tessar :hugs:. You've always been there to respond to my posts and given great advise and support so I couldn't let this pass by. I get days like that too - more often than I'd like to admit. Me being me though, I just carry on and put on a front. I'm fast learning though that it's ok to have an off day and if I feel like being sad, tired, grumpy, having a good cry or just being lazy then so what. I know that in a day or 2 I'll pick myself up and get back to being me. Infact, I feel better for it. Feel what you feel when you feel it and just go with the flow. Sending more big hugs :hugs:. xx
Oh wow everyone, thank you for all your kind words. It makes me feel much better. Like its ok to feel down. Bit of a relief really..... Also, and I know this is crazy, but I almost feel like I didn't want to share feeling down because I do like to share positive things. But of course, you are all right, we do have off days or phases we go through. You'll be pleased to hear that I had a good day out, went to a national trust property with my partner. Walked miles round their gardens and the house. Was sunny too. Ate out as well. I feel that I am going to start feeling better son not least coz of everyone's good wishes and encouragement, love to you all xxxxxxxxxxx
Kept myself busy today, did several chores indoors, tidied up as well. Had a walk this avvie once it stopped raining, bike ride & gardening planned for tomorrow. Being busy is definitely good for me, but making sure I do enough things I like as well. Beginning to feel better now :-)
AuntieMoosie
25-08-13, 19:15
It's lovely to hear that you're starting to feel better now Tessar.
Keeping busy for me is important too, otherwise my imagination tries to take over control..........and I aint avin it!!!!! :winks:
I hope you enjoy your day tomorrow hun :hugs:
So glad you are feeling brighter Tessar :)
Thank u kim & moosie! We need to keep fighting on!!!! :-)
AuntieMoosie
25-08-13, 19:50
We do Tessar, we do :D
I think if we made an army here on NMP...........no one.........but no one.......would mess with us!!!!! :winks::roflmao:
We do Tessar, we do :D
I think if we made an army here on NMP...........no one.........but no one.......would mess with us!!!!! :winks::roflmao:
Too darned right. Especially if we were fighting for each other!!!! I am always VERY motivated when it comes for standing up for my friends!!!!
Too darned right. Especially if we were fighting for each other!!!! I am always VERY motivated when it comes for standing up for my friends!!!!
I can do it for my friends, I just can't do it for myself :doh:
AuntieMoosie
25-08-13, 20:19
I can do it for my friends, I just can't do it for myself :doh:
Same here Annie!! Although, I'm going to tempt fate by saying this now, I do believe that I'm getting better at it :)
I need to try and get the balance right, either I'm too soft and let people walk all over me, or I get too stressed and then end up acting irrationally, my poor old brain seems to work in black and white, it's either black or it's white..........I'm still trying to find the grey!!!! :wacko:
I think I am also starting to get a little better with it, through the help from my therapy and encouragement from good friends on here :D
my poor old brain seems to work in black and white, it's either black or it's white..........I'm still trying to find the grey!!!! :wacko:
Don't mention grey........ I am going greyer by the minute!!! :scared15::scared15:
---------- Post added at 21:29 ---------- Previous post was at 21:19 ----------
I think I am also starting to get a little better with it, through the help from my therapy and encouragement from good friends on here :D
You are DEFINITELY getting better at it Annie ....... There is no doubt about it :)
---------- Post added at 21:36 ---------- Previous post was at 21:29 ----------
Same here Annie!! Although, I'm going to tempt fate by saying this now, I do believe that I'm getting better at it :)
I need to try and get the balance right, either I'm too soft and let people walk all over me, or I get too stressed and then end up acting irrationally, my poor old brain seems to work in black and white, it's either black or it's white..........I'm still trying to find the grey!!!! :wacko:
Is sooooooo hard. If it's someone else I am fighting for its no issue at all. I feel strong-willed. When it comes to me, all my emotions get triggered & I worry I'll upset someone, but I am working on it.
THESE R FOR ANYONE WHO STRUGGLES WITH ASSERTIVNESS... :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
You are doing really well with it too Tessar..the more we practise the better we get :D
AuntieMoosie
26-08-13, 00:20
Tessar I'll bet you're not as grey as me!!!.......I started going grey in my mid 20's, but I usually have it dyed so it's not noticeable :)
Assertiveness is sooo hard to get just right, I'm always frightened that I'm going to come over as rude or abrupt, it's all about learning how to say things in the right way, that's what I have trouble with.
I've spent all of my working life in retail, with many an hour on the customer service desk, and I've learned to jump through hoops, stand on my head, be sworn at, shouted at and worse, and all the while, still with a smile on my face. I think that may be half my problem now, I've got so used to doing that, I kind of expect it now.
But girls and lads....................we will achieve our goal :yesyes:
Yes indeed Annie & Moosie we WILL get better with practice and achieve our goals.
Annie, thanku for the compliment... and Moosie, you keep working at it coz even if historically people have been rude or walked all over you, you definitely don't have to take it.
My counsellor said to me that when I feel I might have been rude or short with someone, because I take so much care NOT to upset anyone, it's highly unlikely I was rude at all. more so that they would have just taken what I said as normal & barely noticed that I had spoken more assertively than normal. I bet it's the same for you?
Oh, and Bizarrely even though I think I am quite grey, I have been asked before now if I dye my hair. It would be way too much effort for me (old lazybones) besides I'd worry that I would get dye in all the wrong places!!!!
AuntieMoosie
27-08-13, 00:51
The secret is........to get someone to do it for you Tessar..........have a good old pamper time, get the hairdresser round and have them do it all while you just sit there and soak it all up!!! :winks:
I'm having mine done on Wednesday, my hair dresser comes to me cos I can't handle being able to sit in a salon for a long time.
I'll let you into a secret..............nobody else is allowed to read this bit................ha! ha!!!!........caught you already!!!! lol
I'm going PINK on Wednesday!!!!!.........yep I probably have gone completely nuts, but I don't care.................PINK it is!!!! :roflmao:
Not quite that light though else I'll look like a flippin candy floss :roflmao:
Wow aunt Moosie pink you go girl very impressed bet it will great :):)
Moosie, are you PINK now??
---------- Post added at 21:56 ---------- Previous post was at 21:52 ----------
I am pleased to say that while I still feel a bit emotional at times, I am back in the "fighting spirit" (as in fight off the blues and get on with life). Two loooong walks this week and 2 bike rides as well. I'm physically exhausted from that.
I am halving my fluoxetine at the moment, I want to be able to have it there to help me through the winter, no way am I going to end up taking double. I try and come off it each summer at some point tho it leaves me open to worse pmt. I am VERY pmt t the mo. I have a VERY annoying colleague who nearly drove me insane this avvie. But instead of taking it out on me..." I channeled the anger towards energy for riding my bike. She really is a wind up merchant & if its the same on Monday I am gong to ask her politely, to calm down. One colleague moved desks to get some peace. I wish I could!!!
AuntieMoosie
31-08-13, 02:24
Nope!!!! not pink ladies.......but 2 shades of blond :)....not that yellow though!! :roflmao:
Karen told me that as I have so much natural white in my hair now that the pink would be really, really vivid!.......she said it's fine if you want to make a statement but if not, probably not such a good idea!!
So she put a darker blond on as a base colour and light blond highlights, I love it and it seems to be a hit with everyone, so I seem to have got it right!!! lol
However..................in December Karen's going to dye my hair a shade of red especially for Christmas!!!........we've already picked the red out too!!!
I'm glad you're feeling much better now Tessar. I get emotional days too, for no apparent reason.
In my jobs that I've had, there has always been at least one person who manages to get right up my nose!!!! I know just how hard it is to ignore them but, yeah I'd have a polite word in her ear :)
So you are now MELLOW YELLOW
.. This colour is apparently called "lemon chiffon"!!!
Red for Christmas..... Ooh errrrr....
Good day today, busy busy. Way to go....!
AuntieMoosie
01-09-13, 01:30
Yep lol.........Yellow Mellow it is, but not so much yellow, just a hint :)
Great going Tessar, keep them good days coming :yahoo:
Is this your new song, moosie?
"They Call me Mellow Yellow"
I had a very industrious day today. Being busy suits me :-)
AuntieMoosie
01-09-13, 23:28
Yep! that's my song now Tessar :D :winks:.........that one or "we all live in a yellow submarine"..........not that I look much like a submarine though :winks:
I quite like this one........
"tie a yellow ribbon round the old Moooooosieeeeee" :winks: :roflmao:
Good going on your day again hun........mine has been pretty industrious too and I've managed to really move in the last couple of days too, got to get this body moving now and back into action :D
yeeehaaahhhh - all this positive stuff is brill. keep at it wont you! i am going for a walk shortly.
i think the most appropriate one is ""tie a yellow ribbon round the old Moooooosieeeeee". not that i like the song but your twist on it is very funny!!. i like yellow submarine as a song. my partner doesnt so i dont get to play it often! hopefully while i'm out, i will sing yellow submarine & not the other one!!!
AuntieMoosie
03-09-13, 01:17
:roflmao:Tessar :winks:
Done more movement with a wee bit of cardiac exercise today just doing a little gardening.........now I can already feel nearly every muscle in my body aching and screaming at me "what the heck did you do that for??!!!" :wacko:
It wants to be worth it in the end that's all I've got to say..........I suppose it's a make or break situation...........either I'll be like Pamela Anderson in a years time............or I'll be pushing up the daisies :ohmy:...........place your bets now please............... :roflmao:
moosie, is your body still aching? I hope it's stopped screaming at you now! I placed my bet, you'd be like pamela only much nicer!!! hehe.
today i feel very emotional. just my hormones doing my head in. not much i can do about it except keep on going. finding everything going on around me just wants to make me cry. ridiculous. i know that. its just hormones. have to ride the storm. i know i will but what i would really like now is a big hug. not too big or i would cry. i can give myself hugs, i try to at least. be kind to myself. thats the idea :-)
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:: bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighu g1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::b ighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug 1::bighug1::bighug1:
---------- Post added at 10:59 ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 ----------
A few escaped there!
the escapees are sooooo naughty......... :whiplash::whiplash::whiplash::whiplash:
That's right Tessar...whip them into shape!
AuntieMoosie
10-09-13, 18:17
*runs quickly into thread avoiding the whips* :winks:
Aww Tessar, I get what I call sad days, they're horrible, I usually end up having a good cry as I usually feel better afterwards.
Okay!! you can stop the whipping now.......I've rounded the escapees up now..........here they are :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
And more hugs for you hun :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
---------- Post added at 18:17 ---------- Previous post was at 18:15 ----------
:ohmy:.........one got away again............................................. ...:bighug1:got ya!!!!! :winks:
I went for a bike ride to distract myself, seemed to do the trick. did my work this avvie and didn't shirk. I dunno..... who'd be a woman eh? thanks for the hugs..... got 'em all whipped into shape in the end. perhaps they were trying to get away as they felt emotional too?
AuntieMoosie
11-09-13, 18:54
Tessar I'm joining you today..........I'm having a real flunk of a day...........got brain fog...........super tired and just feel totally YUK!!!!!!.............I'm heading off for a super early night soon, I shall just lay in my bed listening to my music and then drift off..........I hate feeling like this................here's hoping that tomorrow is much better for the both of us :hugs:
Me too :( I have my pyjamas on already, I feel really yuck today. I should be out delivering my cosmetic goods (not sure if I can say the name on here but I am sure you can guess...you know ding dong :)
I hereby decree that all people feeling grumpy, yukky, out of sorts today shall be feeling much much better tomorrow
ALL YUKKYNESS IS HEREBY :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned: :banned:
AND THAT's OFFICIAL SO THERE....
There's nowt like a week's holiday to cheer the heart. Lots of walking .... coffee shops, historic buildings, great place to stay. Met up with lovely friends. What more could a girl ask for? Oh I forgot, good weather!!
I am so pleased you have had a good holiday Tessar and were able to meet up with friends :)
Meeting my friends was the best part, I'd been looking 4ward 2it for ages.
I am sure your friends were VERY happy to meet you too :)
Strange really, reading back my original post here. Depression & the journey out of it or fighting it (or life generally) definitely is a roller coaster. Back August I was feeling mentally tired. At the moment, mentally I am feeling strong & its physical tiredness I've had. Even though I have had stuff to deal with that would have really dragged me down before, I have stayed strong for myself. Not allowed negative family influences to drag me down. That's why its so important no to allow other, negative people to suck you into their mire. You stay strong & keep yourself out of it.
I am still trying to stay assertive at work, I've had mixed results on that & still have to keep working hard on it. I will get there I am sure but there is work to be done to become truly assertive. One person in particular who I need to master. But I have made some in-roads into that, a couple of times making remarks that before would have stayed firmly just as thoughts. She responded to them as well, noticing I had remarked about her. I was polite but honest. I guess these are the first steps towards being assertive with her. We all have to start somewhere.
The efforts I have made helping my partner be more positive & independent (& to gain freedom to be myself as well) are definitely working. It does all takes alot of effort but if you get stuck in then give it time & change will happen.
I'm also making progress with destructive habits/behaviours I've had all my life. I am changing these. Like I said a couple of months ago, I keep reminding myself of what I'd say to anyone else in this situation & practice what I preach. It is hard to take our own advice & be kind to ourselves but if we do it, gradually it becomes more natural. And again, whatever happens I'm not going to give in, I will keep at it.
As ever, Hugs to anyone who is feeling tired, down or maybe frustrated.
I feel rather out of sorts today; My mother is elderly & has suffered from huge problems with confusion, memory loss. She imagines people who arent there. Spoke to my father yesterday. he had to call an ambulance over the weekend as my mother fell & he couldnt get her up. Not sure what's going to happen next. They'd put her on strong painkillers which made her confusion worse. Though she's off them now, the mental problems continue as bad as ever. My father just about copes but if it gets any worse I dont think he will.
I feel confused as my family werent very kind to me as a child. I loved my mother when I was little but then it all changed after my youngest brother came along. I became the subject of everyones angst & anger, got teased & laughed at all the time. All I ever wanted was us to be a happy family but it didnt happen. Til last year I never gave up hope my mother would change, she wouldnt be that amazing, caring & warm person I longed for.
Thing is, part of me is screaming "dont get involved" because when I have alot of contact with my parents, they set me back. it feels like caring about my mother so much is betraying myself. but I cant help feeling sad. I feel confused because I hate what my family did to me but she's still my mother. I guess I need to separate the past from the present maybe? That although bad things happened, what's happening now is genuinely sad regardless of all that water under the bridge. at least she did mean something to me at one time & perhaps that is why I feel sad. Does that make sense??
It does make sense Tessar and I can see how confusing it will be with mixed emotions and feelings.
I guess the fact that you live so far away doesn't help either. You have been to visit recently though and I know that wasn't easy for you and dragged you down a little so do think about yourself in all that is going on.
I think it is going to get increasingly difficult for your Father to cope and a care home may be the option? From what you have said about your Mum, I don't think she is going to understand much of what is going on.
It is not an easy thing to separate the past from the present a you already know.
I don't know what I would do in the same circumstances. You are a naturally caring, loving person so you obviously want to support no matter what has gone on in the past. Think through this carefully as I don't want you to end up getting hurt again.
For the time being maybe a few extra calls to your Father to keep check on the situation will be sufficient.
Sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
thanks annie. you always know what to say to make me feel better. the hugs helped too. and yes you are right about me being a naturally caring, loving person. also that I want to support no matter what has gone on in the past. I dont want to get hurt either so I reckon your plan of a few extra calls to my Father will do for now. i've got brothers who can also help anyway so it's not just down to me. been trying to keep busy at work but its been quite hard. anyway; despite wanting to stuff my face with all bad things, i havent so far. might allow myself a biccie tho but not choccy or crisps.
Sending hugs to support you:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Thanku Kim.
When I left work 2nite, I was thinking (odd tho this may sound) that having problems to deal with helps you get better. I am not wishing troubles on myself but I realised this afternoon that bearing in mind visiting my parents recently was such hard work & left me stressed..... That when my brother died no wonder I felt so bad. Not because I grieved him, but that I was thrown in, literally at the deep end... Into a pool of my past. It was triggering. Just like involvement with my parents at the moment. It is triggering. But as such, it reminds me why I get stressed &anxious in life, because situations remind me of the past. So I will try to remind myself that I am now in the present & while my past does still exist & jumps up to bite me from time to time, it isn't something I can't cope with. I am determined it isn't going to beat me.
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