ThinMint
22-08-13, 16:35
(Just so you know; Male, 25 generally healthy with secure up bringing)
Hello,
I apologise in advance if this is a recurring post, or that this might not be the right place to put this post but after reading every article, thread, journal, post and anything else available to me it just seems the next natural step to take is to talk to people who are going through similar things (I have a very supportive soon to be wife who I love very much who is aware of my situation but I tend not to tell her everything as I don’t want it to cause anything between us)
I’ll try make this as quick as possible . . .
Approx 18 months/2 years ago I started hearing these inexplicable noises and catching figures out of the corner of my eye. This quickly progressed into audible voices (as if in the room next to me) and a single recurring figure (which my mind recognised as male) it was so clear that to begin with I would open the front door to it or go running out into my garden to tell this stranger to get out just for it to disappear in a blink of an hour and for me to realise there was nothing there in the first place.
It got to the point that it happened that often that I got used to it/became comfortable with the situation – passing the voices of as someone arguing next door and seeing the figure as you would a friend’s cat, you know it’s going to be there but you barely acknowledge it and it keeps its distance. Then one day this “man” blocked me from leaving my house. It stood in the door way face to face with me and I physically could just not move to get by. It then said “Your world is going to end” or words to that effect I can’t quite recall then casually walked away. After that it all went away, no more seeing this figure and the “voices next door” went too.
After a short time though things started happening again in 2 distinct ways;
I hear a voice, very clearly which I actually recognise as myself if though it is a very different personality. Sometimes it’ll be a passing comment which I will just brush off but when it goes on for more than a sentence I get this strange hollow feeling come over me. It’s really difficult for me to describe it’s like i’m behind my eyeballs looking at to what is real but i’m a “step back”. I recently described it to my partner that it’s like i’m a Power Ranger in the Megazord, driving an unfamiliar car in a city you don’t know or like i’m watching an episode of The Peep Show – that I know it’s me but i’m not quite in control (to add confusion I am aware I am in control though it just a sense of being alien in myself)
I hate to say it the things that get said or “discussed” tend to be violence related and to an extreme level. I also see things as if they were physically in front of my again unfortunately violence related (I remember having to explain to my partner I could see a severed head on a shoe stand in River Island about a year ago) A trend I have noticed after reading posts and articles about violent thoughts is that they all say they are repulsed by these thoughts and hate that they have them and a lot of them say they have never even been in a violent situation and that this is considered “normal/ok” I on the other hand am perfectly comfortable with the thoughts. They don’t repulse me nor do they upset me, what upsets me is that I know it’s wrong to think like this. Also when I was younger I did used to get into fights (self defence mainly) last proper one was probably about 4 years ago when I was working in a different city for the evening and ended up being started on by a few guys and there dog. Cut a story short 2 ran off and I beat up the third to the extent that I had to call an ambulance and after going home with my hands covered in blood broke down to my partner which resulted in her calling my parents for assistance and a trip to the police station, voluntarily. (I got upset because I thought I would get into serious trouble but nothing came of it)
The other part is I get these periods of severe confusion where I can’t understand anything or take anything on board. For example if I was to put a clothes wash on I’d see the instructions as being in another language (even though normally I could do it with my eyes closed) and before I know it an hour has passed and i’m still no closer to putting it on. This makes it a struggle to remembering things, pay attention or even care about whatever the situation I may be in. It makes me feel very vulnerable, scared (almost paranoid)and I become very dismissive. Most recently it happened at the local supermarket where i had been feeling “odd” for 10 mins or so and then while standing in the bread aisle I just burst out crying, thankfully I had my wonderful partner there who helped me through it as best she could (I very rarely cry, not by choice I just never really get to that stage) and if i’m honest i’ve been on the verge of tears every day since then. I’ve even had to write this out 3 times as I keep forgetting what it says and can’t work out what it means when I try to read it back – this is only during a mild episode as well.
I do have support from my partner an she is great in a lot of situation but I know it affects our relationship badly as you would expect. This means I try to keep a lot of it hidden from her as not to potentially add even more stress on to things (she knows about the violent thoughts/voice but I don’t think she realises it happens as often as it does.
Please any help, advice or even just tales of your previous experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Hello,
I apologise in advance if this is a recurring post, or that this might not be the right place to put this post but after reading every article, thread, journal, post and anything else available to me it just seems the next natural step to take is to talk to people who are going through similar things (I have a very supportive soon to be wife who I love very much who is aware of my situation but I tend not to tell her everything as I don’t want it to cause anything between us)
I’ll try make this as quick as possible . . .
Approx 18 months/2 years ago I started hearing these inexplicable noises and catching figures out of the corner of my eye. This quickly progressed into audible voices (as if in the room next to me) and a single recurring figure (which my mind recognised as male) it was so clear that to begin with I would open the front door to it or go running out into my garden to tell this stranger to get out just for it to disappear in a blink of an hour and for me to realise there was nothing there in the first place.
It got to the point that it happened that often that I got used to it/became comfortable with the situation – passing the voices of as someone arguing next door and seeing the figure as you would a friend’s cat, you know it’s going to be there but you barely acknowledge it and it keeps its distance. Then one day this “man” blocked me from leaving my house. It stood in the door way face to face with me and I physically could just not move to get by. It then said “Your world is going to end” or words to that effect I can’t quite recall then casually walked away. After that it all went away, no more seeing this figure and the “voices next door” went too.
After a short time though things started happening again in 2 distinct ways;
I hear a voice, very clearly which I actually recognise as myself if though it is a very different personality. Sometimes it’ll be a passing comment which I will just brush off but when it goes on for more than a sentence I get this strange hollow feeling come over me. It’s really difficult for me to describe it’s like i’m behind my eyeballs looking at to what is real but i’m a “step back”. I recently described it to my partner that it’s like i’m a Power Ranger in the Megazord, driving an unfamiliar car in a city you don’t know or like i’m watching an episode of The Peep Show – that I know it’s me but i’m not quite in control (to add confusion I am aware I am in control though it just a sense of being alien in myself)
I hate to say it the things that get said or “discussed” tend to be violence related and to an extreme level. I also see things as if they were physically in front of my again unfortunately violence related (I remember having to explain to my partner I could see a severed head on a shoe stand in River Island about a year ago) A trend I have noticed after reading posts and articles about violent thoughts is that they all say they are repulsed by these thoughts and hate that they have them and a lot of them say they have never even been in a violent situation and that this is considered “normal/ok” I on the other hand am perfectly comfortable with the thoughts. They don’t repulse me nor do they upset me, what upsets me is that I know it’s wrong to think like this. Also when I was younger I did used to get into fights (self defence mainly) last proper one was probably about 4 years ago when I was working in a different city for the evening and ended up being started on by a few guys and there dog. Cut a story short 2 ran off and I beat up the third to the extent that I had to call an ambulance and after going home with my hands covered in blood broke down to my partner which resulted in her calling my parents for assistance and a trip to the police station, voluntarily. (I got upset because I thought I would get into serious trouble but nothing came of it)
The other part is I get these periods of severe confusion where I can’t understand anything or take anything on board. For example if I was to put a clothes wash on I’d see the instructions as being in another language (even though normally I could do it with my eyes closed) and before I know it an hour has passed and i’m still no closer to putting it on. This makes it a struggle to remembering things, pay attention or even care about whatever the situation I may be in. It makes me feel very vulnerable, scared (almost paranoid)and I become very dismissive. Most recently it happened at the local supermarket where i had been feeling “odd” for 10 mins or so and then while standing in the bread aisle I just burst out crying, thankfully I had my wonderful partner there who helped me through it as best she could (I very rarely cry, not by choice I just never really get to that stage) and if i’m honest i’ve been on the verge of tears every day since then. I’ve even had to write this out 3 times as I keep forgetting what it says and can’t work out what it means when I try to read it back – this is only during a mild episode as well.
I do have support from my partner an she is great in a lot of situation but I know it affects our relationship badly as you would expect. This means I try to keep a lot of it hidden from her as not to potentially add even more stress on to things (she knows about the violent thoughts/voice but I don’t think she realises it happens as often as it does.
Please any help, advice or even just tales of your previous experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.