Kenna5027
22-08-13, 18:14
I'm currently going into my senior year of college and I just am starting to feel really trapped.
I am studying speech pathology, and I really do like it, but I constantly fear that I am going to be terrible at it, or that I'm not smart enough for it.
I also have to go to graduate school in order to get a job, and I'm terrified that I'm not going to get into any graduate schools (I have to apply this fall but won't know until at least February).
To get into grad school, I have to get references from professors - and I'm shy so I fear they won't know me well enough to give me references. The rest of the girls in my major (a fairly small major) are all in sororities, so they all know each other AND are very good at sucking up to the professors. That's not me at all.
I also have to pass a test that I've been studying for, but fear I'll fail at that too.
On top of that, I was lucky enough to have a college fund that my parents set up to me, but I'm at the end of it. I'm $1000 short for this upcoming semester, so I'm probably going to have to borrow money from them and take loans out for the last semester and grad school. That's not too bad as I anticipate making a decent amount of money when I do graduate, but I fear they'll be upset with me for having to do it at all. My twin brother doesn't have to do this, partially because he still lives at home (and saves money on rent) and also because he doesn't have to pay for anything, so all the money he makes working just goes into his college account. He refs basketball games, so he makes a good amount when he works.
I had to quit my main paying job last year because my class schedule was too difficult, so I'm frantically looking for something else. I do have one job now, but it is just taking tickets at football games, so it doesn't pay an awful lot and I don't work much.
Besides that, I have had acne for at least the past 10 years. It may seem irrelevant, but it really effects my self-esteem and I think it effects my future and could be an issue when looking for jobs in the future. I have finally gotten it under control (thankfully) but I do have scarring and really need to see a dermatologist and see if anything can be done - there are treatments, but they are costly. I'm thinking I'll take a loan out for that too, since I think it would be a great investment in myself and since I am only just now having to consider loans I am in a position that I can probably do so.
I'm just really afraid that my family is going to think that I think loans are the answer to everything - they're not, and I know that -but right now I don't see many other options other than applying like crazy for jobs (which I am doing). I do think I am at a point in my life where it will be a little rocky, but if I can only get through grad school I know I'll be fine, as my future career is in high demand and is pretty well-paying as well.
I guess I just needed to vent, but words of advice are appreciated as well. I feel so trapped.
I am studying speech pathology, and I really do like it, but I constantly fear that I am going to be terrible at it, or that I'm not smart enough for it.
I also have to go to graduate school in order to get a job, and I'm terrified that I'm not going to get into any graduate schools (I have to apply this fall but won't know until at least February).
To get into grad school, I have to get references from professors - and I'm shy so I fear they won't know me well enough to give me references. The rest of the girls in my major (a fairly small major) are all in sororities, so they all know each other AND are very good at sucking up to the professors. That's not me at all.
I also have to pass a test that I've been studying for, but fear I'll fail at that too.
On top of that, I was lucky enough to have a college fund that my parents set up to me, but I'm at the end of it. I'm $1000 short for this upcoming semester, so I'm probably going to have to borrow money from them and take loans out for the last semester and grad school. That's not too bad as I anticipate making a decent amount of money when I do graduate, but I fear they'll be upset with me for having to do it at all. My twin brother doesn't have to do this, partially because he still lives at home (and saves money on rent) and also because he doesn't have to pay for anything, so all the money he makes working just goes into his college account. He refs basketball games, so he makes a good amount when he works.
I had to quit my main paying job last year because my class schedule was too difficult, so I'm frantically looking for something else. I do have one job now, but it is just taking tickets at football games, so it doesn't pay an awful lot and I don't work much.
Besides that, I have had acne for at least the past 10 years. It may seem irrelevant, but it really effects my self-esteem and I think it effects my future and could be an issue when looking for jobs in the future. I have finally gotten it under control (thankfully) but I do have scarring and really need to see a dermatologist and see if anything can be done - there are treatments, but they are costly. I'm thinking I'll take a loan out for that too, since I think it would be a great investment in myself and since I am only just now having to consider loans I am in a position that I can probably do so.
I'm just really afraid that my family is going to think that I think loans are the answer to everything - they're not, and I know that -but right now I don't see many other options other than applying like crazy for jobs (which I am doing). I do think I am at a point in my life where it will be a little rocky, but if I can only get through grad school I know I'll be fine, as my future career is in high demand and is pretty well-paying as well.
I guess I just needed to vent, but words of advice are appreciated as well. I feel so trapped.