what now?

[charliesanangel]

Just spent the last 30 mins in the shower, water as hot as i could bare with the antibacterial shower gel and the scrunchie just cos my brother gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he was going.
My problem has only ever affected me if its been people ive not known that have touched me.
I feel so gutted i thought i was getting better but ive actually got worse i just dont know where to go now, i really dont, i dont want this to take over anymore than it already has, but i fear it is.
At this moment in time i feel just like giving up and saying its finally beat me :o(

[Caitlyn89]

You are beating yourself up over nothing. Everybody has their bad days and good days BELIEVE ME I KNOW. You will beat this, do not give up.

[charliesanangel]

Sorry to say this caitlynn but what may sound like nothing to one means everything to another.

Dont think im being harsh here hun but what i didnt need was someone saying what i was feeling was nothing. i just think you should of thought about your reply before you posted it.

On this site everyone has one thing in common, fear! This causes different problems for each and everyone of us. We may all suffer the same symptoms like panick attacks, depression ect ect ect all our fears are different though. The reason i posted that yesterday was i was here alone my husband was at work and i needed to talk and feel like someone understood what i felt.

You have a fear of sickness and i have a fear of people 2 completly different things yeah? but dont we both need the same thing when we have those bad days? someone to try and understand how you feel, try to advise you and maybe be a shoulder to cry on.

I really do hope you understand this reply caitlynn and dont take it personal cos its not ment to be

[Meg]

Hi Charlie,

I'm sorry to hear you've had a difficult time and feel that the incident with your brother is a worsening of your OCD. Was it him or where he might have been that got to you ? You may well have been getting better but just something specific triggered this episode.

OCD is a unusually debilitating form of anxiety and it tends to worsen if you are more anxious about anything - not just about your OCD.
Perhaps think about what else may be going on with you that may have presented in this way outwardly.

Can you recall how this all started and what your original fears were..

You may already know that fear of contamination is the most common one in OCD and with sustained, persistance and determination you can overcome it. It may not seem like it today or yesterday but I assure you that you can.

It is easier if you get some specialist help and support as it is a heavy path to tread - have you had any of that help yet ?

How are you today ?

We are here to support you in any way we can.






Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[sarah]

Hiya charlie

How are you feeling today? Still as down or any better?

I dont have a fear like yours but i am a nearly recovered agoraphobic so I can totally understand your fear.

I dont want to undermine how you are feeling in any way but i do know that exposure is the only way to conquer how you are feeling (as was in my case - going out even when I was hysterical).

Do your family know about how you feel?, Did your brother just make an honest mistake or doesnt he know?

I understand you must be feeling that you are going backwards, but although it will take time and maybe therapy (have you tried any?) you will get there in the end, im sure.

I dont really know what to suggest hun, but know that we are here for you when you need us ok?

take care
love Sarah
xx


we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[charliesanangel]

Ive tried councelling (Big Mistake Thats Why Im Like This Now) and Anti depressants which i stopped because they made me doubt how i felt about my husband infact they made me empty emotionless and i couldnt make even the simplest of decisions i felt like i didnt exist when i was taking them.
I have a mental health visitor that visits me at home but its my last appointment next week cos my 6 months with her is up.
I now have to be seen by a CBT which im not looking forward too i find that if im pushed or pressured i do the oppersite of what they ask and ive already been told she is pushy.
The only person that has really ever been able to help me is my husband but he works long hours at the moment and i dont want to put any more on him. he really does have to take alot from the tears the tantrums and the last minute mind changes i know i need profesional help to beat this and i cant ignore it any longer or the next thing i will know im 50 and would of thrown away my life and my husbands too.

[sarah]

Hiya Charlie

The thing you have to remember with your CBT person is that if you dont like the way she is treating you, you dont have to settle for it. Im guessing that if you decided she wasnt for you then you would have a wait before you could be slotted in with someone else, but that is surely better that being pushed too far too quickly eh?

Best thing to do is give it a go and see how you get on and take it from there.

My husband takes a lot from me too. Excuses galore and tantrums and hysterics when he just wants us to walk 5 minutes up the road to a quiet pub!!!

You sound like you have a good husband there, thats a really good backbone to start on your road to recovery.

In the meantime, just remember we are here for you to vent anytime!!!

take care
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[charliesanangel]

The problem is even if i dont like her i cant see anyone else cos the rest in the area are men.

so looks like im stuck with her lol

[HB]

you may say that Caitly is wrong but according to my cognitive behavioural therapist, she is absolutely right- we have to attempt to think of our fears as absolutely nothing and then we begin to remind ourselves of this whewn we being to panic, trying not to think of your phobia is called an "avoidance" technique, allow yourself to think about it, try it?

H

[charliesanangel]

Its not possible for me to avoid my fear HB i have to face it everyday. Im afraid of people and them touching me

[Caz Fab Pants]

Charliesanagel - Just realised what that says, thought it said Charilesangel until now. lol I take it Charlie is your husbund?

What a shame you felt the way you did when all your brother was probably trying to do is give you some reassurance and affection. I'm sure you realised that when you had time to reflect but at the time your fears just went into overdrive. I found that really sad when I read your post.

I know a little about your condition and agree that it must be one of the hardest types of OCD to tackle. I really feel for you. However, I do know it is possible to overcome it purely because I watched a program a few years ago which was about a woman with the same problem. I remember her freaking out at the thought of touching the letters in her mail box. By the end of the program she was able to rub letters all over her sofa and even let her baby boy play with them on the lounge carpet while she smiled and chatted throughout!!

So try to keep your chin up babe and keep us posted on your progress.

Caroline
x

[charliesanangel]

No im called charlie caz my husband is called Anthony lol

[HB]

thing is, we all need to face our fears everyday but until you learnm to accept them (wihch can be the hardest thing to do), we dont start overcoming them, good luck yeah?

H

[silentcalligraph]

Charlie

I've been through such episodes as well - very embarrassing stuff and extremly painful to talk about. You probably can't hear it anymore but patience is really important and I know it's tough when you're stuck in an almost unbearable situation. There is one thing you can do to feel a bit better - try to reduce the pressure. If you just feel bad and guilty after each such incident you enter not a vicious circle but a downwards spiral. This can be very exhausting and so the fight becomes harder and harder. Try to keep things even - give yourself some room, admit the problem just as it is and try to relax. Maybe this is all you can do for a while but then you'll begin to feel a bit more positive and can tackle the situation on a more proactive basis.

[charliesanangel]

I have admitted the problem and am trying to overcome it. it just seems like everytime i take a few steps forward something or someone seems to come along and pull the rug from underneath me and puts me back to square one again.