Edmonton28
24-08-13, 04:36
Well this will probably be a long account of the last couple months, but I do appreciate anyone that takes the time to read it and has any insight.
Ever since I had a concussion 2 and a half months ago things have gone from bad to worse. For the first couple weeks after the concussion, I actually didn't feel too bad, lots of sleeping and some headaches but that was it. Then came the day that I wasn't really feeling well and lay down for a nap then all of the sudden my whole body started to feel numb. I got really scared and thought something terrible was happening, and was convinced I was about to die. I had my brother drive me to the hospital, and after seeing an ER doctor who did a basic brain function test, the same one they did after the concussion, he said I could go. He offered to do a CT scan for peace of mind, but said it probably wasn't required. I decided to trust him and though still really scared, went home. (ER VISIT #1)
Also after this visit several days later for the first time in my life, as I was drifting off to sleep my hypnic jerk woke me right up and scared me terribly. The rest of the night I didn’t sleep at all, every time I would just about fall asleep I would immediately wake up again scared. I went into the clinic the next day about this but they said it wasn’t anything to worry about.
So now it's about a week later and I'm starting physiotherapy for my neck which is still very tight and possibly the reason that I'm having tingling all down my right arm and in my hands, scalp and face. I have been worried about these symptoms but not constantly obsessing about them. Well during my first physio session I'm lying on my stomach with the electrodes on my neck and shoulders, and they are really pulsing and all of the sudden I get a pain in my chest. Not terrible, but a very uncomfortable tightness. I told the physiotherapist and he stopped the treatment and I went home. Later that night after eating dinner and going for a walk, the pain was back. Again I put it out of my mind until it was time for bed. Around bed time it was bothering me again, and I was getting pain in my right arm. I called a nurse hotline and they advised me to go into the hospital. I went into the ER and they did an ECG, chest X-Ray and blood test. All came back normal. The doctor had also planned on doing a CT and C-Spine X-Ray to rule out anything else, but I was too nervous to get that much radiation. Part of the issue was reading about CT scans and links to cancer, etc. While I was getting the tests done I started shaking and felt dizzy and like I was going to cry. I left the hospital and went back home to sleep. (ER VISIT #2) The next day I woke up and felt depressed all day, and started crying at the smallest thing, almost for no reason on and off throughout the day. However the next day the depression was pretty much gone.
After this visit I went into the clinic on base (being in the military, between 8AM-4PM M-F I have to use the base facilities, but outside of that it's basically the ER or a walk-in) and was prescribed Pantaloc to see if it stopped the chest pain. They also moved my physio from off-site to in house as the other place was causing me nothing but more problems. The doctor I saw said I was suffering from post-concussion syndrome and just needed to give things more time to heal.
Another week or two went by and I took a trip away from home for a long weekend. After my first long drive I had a bad headache behind my eyes and my eyes were watering even more than they had been since the concussion. The next couple days there I had serious vision issues, every time I tried to read something it was like it was out of focus or moving around and I would get dizzy. It would feel like someone was lightly brushing my face and hair but then it would go away. This is also when I started to get the feeling like things were surreal. I started to have thoughts that I wouldn't wake up from sleep, like something was wrong with my brain. When I got home, over the next couple days my feet started to feel really cold even when they were actually warm. Because this couldn't be attributed to the neck issues, I got even more worried. One night I couldn't stop thinking about it and after using the old Google DR, was convinced I had meningitis. I went into the ER at a different hospital as the wait time was shorter and explained all the symptoms to them, and said I wanted the CT. They did a CT scan, and a C-Spine X-Ray. Both came back normal, and the doc said it was probably just a pinched nerve somewhere. (ER VISIT #3)
---------- Post added at 21:15 ---------- Previous post was at 20:29 ----------
This went a long way to helping my fears about my head. The pantaloc seemed to get rid of the chest pain and I actually started to work out a bit again and was feeling better. My symptoms seemed to be getting better as well. I was back at work and had a ten day tasking in another part of the country. I drove out there and felt fine the first 5 or so days despite stopping the pantaloc just as i got out there. (The doc said after the initial 30 days to try to do without it) Just before I had left, a member of our unit that was 31 had just been found dead in his bed with no reason. Well a buddy called me and told me that they had found out he had a heart attack in the night after going into the clinic complaining of chest pain, vomiting, fever and they sent him home on bedrest.
Almost immediately I started dwelling on all that was wrong with me to the point where I felt some pain in my chest and I couldn't put it out of my mind. I had a friend drive me into the hospital and they did an ECG, another chest X-Ray and blood tests. Again, everything came back normal. (ER VISIT#4)
For some reason this time it didn't really help, I remained scared that the doctors had missed something and was scared to go to sleep almost every night (and still am). I drove home and on the drive back home started to really become conscious of my breathing and felt like if I didn't focus on breathing I wouldn't get enough air or I would stop breathing. I went back into the clinic on base and told them about all these new symptoms and the fact that I had also been having abdominal pains for the last week or so since stopping the Pantaloc. They did an abdominal ultrasound (came back normal) and another blood test panel for liver function and other things, (normal as well). I also did a urea breath test but do not have the results from that. I began to notice symptoms of GERD like bad taste in my mouth, burning in my throat and trouble swallowing as well as the burning and tightness in my chest that I had not noticed before the pantaloc. This obviously did not help with the other sensations I was feeling. The clinic wanted me to restart pantaloc but now I'm worried if I do get back on it either I'll be on it forever or the next time I get off it the withdrawal symptoms will be even worse.
Since the visit to the ER about my chest this time, I've also noticed that sometimes I'll feel a sensation in my chest and feel flushed an dizzy at the same time, like it comes over me in a wave for a few seconds. Also having my hypnic jerk wake me up several times before I actually get to sleep has been happening more often.
I decided it was time to see someone about this anxiety situation and went to the walk in councillor with mental health on the base. They agreed it would be good to talk about it and were to call me back with a full appointment to start sessions.
That brings me to this past Tuesday night. I was on duty at the base, and sitting in a chair when all of the sudden I felt that flushed dizzy feeling, my hands were tingling and I felt like my heart skipped a beat and beat really hard and my chest was tight. I 'knew' I was having a heart attack. I grabbed the AED off the wall and had my co worker race me to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I felt dizzy, confused, tingling in my feet and hands and was sure I was dying. My fiance met me there and I told them what I thought once at the ER. (Even talking to the nurse was hard, I was still disoriented) They did an ECG almost right away and put me in a room and put a cardiac monitor on me. They did a blood test and put an IV in, and gave me an asprin. I couldn't stop looking at the cardiac monitor screen and I felt a knot tightening in my stomach. I must have started to get sleepy and suddenly the cardiac monitor made a tone because the respiration rate had dropped to 6. Immediately (It felt like the same time as the tone) I got that flushed feeling and a sense of being spaced out. The next couple times it toned because it lost the signal temporarily same thing.
The doctor came in and it was hard to even talk to him i was so scared I was dying. He told me he was going to give me some Ativan and when the nurse brought it in, right after I took it to cardiac monitor went off again and my heart started racing up to 130bpm. My hands and feel went completely numb and I couldn't move them and my chest and abdomen felt rock tight. I felt like my chest, face and head were on fire I was sweating so badly. It was the scariest couple minutes of my life until finally I forced myself to calm down and my heartrate slowly came back down. I couldn't believe that the nurse left the room and although my fiance and brother were there I felt completely hopeless and was crying off and on. The doctor came back in and said all the test had been normal, no sign of any issues with the heart and to go home. I was so scared to leave, but the Ativan must have been having an effect because I was extremely tired. I went home and went back into the base clinic the next morning. (ER VISIT #5)
---------- Post added at 21:36 ---------- Previous post was at 21:15 ----------
When I went back in and told them about this visit, they basically said ok, well now you know it isn't your heart. As if just saying that stopped my fears. They prescribed me 10 tablets of 1mg Ativan just in case I had another 'panic attack' and said if needed I could start a daily Antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication based on talking with the folks at mental health. I also made a follow-up appointment for this coming monday.
Just today, when I woke up I felt like there was some tightness around my heart. (hard to describe) Early in the morning I felt a stabbing pain in the left side of my chest and thought I was going to have another panic attack but quickly got up and went to talk to someone and it mostly went away. However throughout the day I've felt a tightness in the upper left side of my chest that comes and goes. It bothered me so much I went into the clinic to see the doctor on duty and after listening to me with a stethoscope and looking at my file, he basically said ' look i'm not doing any more tests, they have been done to death and you need to learn to control your fears and stop coming in'.
This depressed me greatly as now I'm not only still worried about this but I feel like I've 'used up' all my visits to the doctor and the ER and I can't go in for anything, as serious as I might think it is. Depression over the last couple days since the 'panic attack' at the hospital has been a lot worse with randomly crying and feeling like the situation is more hopeless than ever, constant thoughts of dying suddenly. I just wish I could believe that this is all caused by my brain, but I can't help but think they just can't find the serious issue with my heart :( To top it all off, mental health never got back to me until I went back in today and they scheduled for next Wed - 10 days after I brought up the issue and explained how serious it was to me. It's basically all I can think about now, and it's ruining my life. How can I fix this?! I feel like if they just did a couple more tests like a Echo of my heart, and gave me the 24 hour cardiac monitor to record what it's like during the day I could finally put my fears about my heart to rest!
Observations:
1) It's worse at night and especially on the weekends. It feels like I can't readily get help at these times, and I'm still afraid going to sleep that I will die in my sleep.
2) Any little thing I feel or see on my body I immediately assume the worst and google it to see if it's a symptom of something terrible - and if you look hard enough everything is a symptom of something terrible.
3) Despite all the testing and reading online about anxiety, panic attacks, PCS and the like I just can't seem to convince myself that it isn't something terrible. Logically I can recognize how silly it is, but then it doesn't seem silly to me at all.
Ever since I had a concussion 2 and a half months ago things have gone from bad to worse. For the first couple weeks after the concussion, I actually didn't feel too bad, lots of sleeping and some headaches but that was it. Then came the day that I wasn't really feeling well and lay down for a nap then all of the sudden my whole body started to feel numb. I got really scared and thought something terrible was happening, and was convinced I was about to die. I had my brother drive me to the hospital, and after seeing an ER doctor who did a basic brain function test, the same one they did after the concussion, he said I could go. He offered to do a CT scan for peace of mind, but said it probably wasn't required. I decided to trust him and though still really scared, went home. (ER VISIT #1)
Also after this visit several days later for the first time in my life, as I was drifting off to sleep my hypnic jerk woke me right up and scared me terribly. The rest of the night I didn’t sleep at all, every time I would just about fall asleep I would immediately wake up again scared. I went into the clinic the next day about this but they said it wasn’t anything to worry about.
So now it's about a week later and I'm starting physiotherapy for my neck which is still very tight and possibly the reason that I'm having tingling all down my right arm and in my hands, scalp and face. I have been worried about these symptoms but not constantly obsessing about them. Well during my first physio session I'm lying on my stomach with the electrodes on my neck and shoulders, and they are really pulsing and all of the sudden I get a pain in my chest. Not terrible, but a very uncomfortable tightness. I told the physiotherapist and he stopped the treatment and I went home. Later that night after eating dinner and going for a walk, the pain was back. Again I put it out of my mind until it was time for bed. Around bed time it was bothering me again, and I was getting pain in my right arm. I called a nurse hotline and they advised me to go into the hospital. I went into the ER and they did an ECG, chest X-Ray and blood test. All came back normal. The doctor had also planned on doing a CT and C-Spine X-Ray to rule out anything else, but I was too nervous to get that much radiation. Part of the issue was reading about CT scans and links to cancer, etc. While I was getting the tests done I started shaking and felt dizzy and like I was going to cry. I left the hospital and went back home to sleep. (ER VISIT #2) The next day I woke up and felt depressed all day, and started crying at the smallest thing, almost for no reason on and off throughout the day. However the next day the depression was pretty much gone.
After this visit I went into the clinic on base (being in the military, between 8AM-4PM M-F I have to use the base facilities, but outside of that it's basically the ER or a walk-in) and was prescribed Pantaloc to see if it stopped the chest pain. They also moved my physio from off-site to in house as the other place was causing me nothing but more problems. The doctor I saw said I was suffering from post-concussion syndrome and just needed to give things more time to heal.
Another week or two went by and I took a trip away from home for a long weekend. After my first long drive I had a bad headache behind my eyes and my eyes were watering even more than they had been since the concussion. The next couple days there I had serious vision issues, every time I tried to read something it was like it was out of focus or moving around and I would get dizzy. It would feel like someone was lightly brushing my face and hair but then it would go away. This is also when I started to get the feeling like things were surreal. I started to have thoughts that I wouldn't wake up from sleep, like something was wrong with my brain. When I got home, over the next couple days my feet started to feel really cold even when they were actually warm. Because this couldn't be attributed to the neck issues, I got even more worried. One night I couldn't stop thinking about it and after using the old Google DR, was convinced I had meningitis. I went into the ER at a different hospital as the wait time was shorter and explained all the symptoms to them, and said I wanted the CT. They did a CT scan, and a C-Spine X-Ray. Both came back normal, and the doc said it was probably just a pinched nerve somewhere. (ER VISIT #3)
---------- Post added at 21:15 ---------- Previous post was at 20:29 ----------
This went a long way to helping my fears about my head. The pantaloc seemed to get rid of the chest pain and I actually started to work out a bit again and was feeling better. My symptoms seemed to be getting better as well. I was back at work and had a ten day tasking in another part of the country. I drove out there and felt fine the first 5 or so days despite stopping the pantaloc just as i got out there. (The doc said after the initial 30 days to try to do without it) Just before I had left, a member of our unit that was 31 had just been found dead in his bed with no reason. Well a buddy called me and told me that they had found out he had a heart attack in the night after going into the clinic complaining of chest pain, vomiting, fever and they sent him home on bedrest.
Almost immediately I started dwelling on all that was wrong with me to the point where I felt some pain in my chest and I couldn't put it out of my mind. I had a friend drive me into the hospital and they did an ECG, another chest X-Ray and blood tests. Again, everything came back normal. (ER VISIT#4)
For some reason this time it didn't really help, I remained scared that the doctors had missed something and was scared to go to sleep almost every night (and still am). I drove home and on the drive back home started to really become conscious of my breathing and felt like if I didn't focus on breathing I wouldn't get enough air or I would stop breathing. I went back into the clinic on base and told them about all these new symptoms and the fact that I had also been having abdominal pains for the last week or so since stopping the Pantaloc. They did an abdominal ultrasound (came back normal) and another blood test panel for liver function and other things, (normal as well). I also did a urea breath test but do not have the results from that. I began to notice symptoms of GERD like bad taste in my mouth, burning in my throat and trouble swallowing as well as the burning and tightness in my chest that I had not noticed before the pantaloc. This obviously did not help with the other sensations I was feeling. The clinic wanted me to restart pantaloc but now I'm worried if I do get back on it either I'll be on it forever or the next time I get off it the withdrawal symptoms will be even worse.
Since the visit to the ER about my chest this time, I've also noticed that sometimes I'll feel a sensation in my chest and feel flushed an dizzy at the same time, like it comes over me in a wave for a few seconds. Also having my hypnic jerk wake me up several times before I actually get to sleep has been happening more often.
I decided it was time to see someone about this anxiety situation and went to the walk in councillor with mental health on the base. They agreed it would be good to talk about it and were to call me back with a full appointment to start sessions.
That brings me to this past Tuesday night. I was on duty at the base, and sitting in a chair when all of the sudden I felt that flushed dizzy feeling, my hands were tingling and I felt like my heart skipped a beat and beat really hard and my chest was tight. I 'knew' I was having a heart attack. I grabbed the AED off the wall and had my co worker race me to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I felt dizzy, confused, tingling in my feet and hands and was sure I was dying. My fiance met me there and I told them what I thought once at the ER. (Even talking to the nurse was hard, I was still disoriented) They did an ECG almost right away and put me in a room and put a cardiac monitor on me. They did a blood test and put an IV in, and gave me an asprin. I couldn't stop looking at the cardiac monitor screen and I felt a knot tightening in my stomach. I must have started to get sleepy and suddenly the cardiac monitor made a tone because the respiration rate had dropped to 6. Immediately (It felt like the same time as the tone) I got that flushed feeling and a sense of being spaced out. The next couple times it toned because it lost the signal temporarily same thing.
The doctor came in and it was hard to even talk to him i was so scared I was dying. He told me he was going to give me some Ativan and when the nurse brought it in, right after I took it to cardiac monitor went off again and my heart started racing up to 130bpm. My hands and feel went completely numb and I couldn't move them and my chest and abdomen felt rock tight. I felt like my chest, face and head were on fire I was sweating so badly. It was the scariest couple minutes of my life until finally I forced myself to calm down and my heartrate slowly came back down. I couldn't believe that the nurse left the room and although my fiance and brother were there I felt completely hopeless and was crying off and on. The doctor came back in and said all the test had been normal, no sign of any issues with the heart and to go home. I was so scared to leave, but the Ativan must have been having an effect because I was extremely tired. I went home and went back into the base clinic the next morning. (ER VISIT #5)
---------- Post added at 21:36 ---------- Previous post was at 21:15 ----------
When I went back in and told them about this visit, they basically said ok, well now you know it isn't your heart. As if just saying that stopped my fears. They prescribed me 10 tablets of 1mg Ativan just in case I had another 'panic attack' and said if needed I could start a daily Antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication based on talking with the folks at mental health. I also made a follow-up appointment for this coming monday.
Just today, when I woke up I felt like there was some tightness around my heart. (hard to describe) Early in the morning I felt a stabbing pain in the left side of my chest and thought I was going to have another panic attack but quickly got up and went to talk to someone and it mostly went away. However throughout the day I've felt a tightness in the upper left side of my chest that comes and goes. It bothered me so much I went into the clinic to see the doctor on duty and after listening to me with a stethoscope and looking at my file, he basically said ' look i'm not doing any more tests, they have been done to death and you need to learn to control your fears and stop coming in'.
This depressed me greatly as now I'm not only still worried about this but I feel like I've 'used up' all my visits to the doctor and the ER and I can't go in for anything, as serious as I might think it is. Depression over the last couple days since the 'panic attack' at the hospital has been a lot worse with randomly crying and feeling like the situation is more hopeless than ever, constant thoughts of dying suddenly. I just wish I could believe that this is all caused by my brain, but I can't help but think they just can't find the serious issue with my heart :( To top it all off, mental health never got back to me until I went back in today and they scheduled for next Wed - 10 days after I brought up the issue and explained how serious it was to me. It's basically all I can think about now, and it's ruining my life. How can I fix this?! I feel like if they just did a couple more tests like a Echo of my heart, and gave me the 24 hour cardiac monitor to record what it's like during the day I could finally put my fears about my heart to rest!
Observations:
1) It's worse at night and especially on the weekends. It feels like I can't readily get help at these times, and I'm still afraid going to sleep that I will die in my sleep.
2) Any little thing I feel or see on my body I immediately assume the worst and google it to see if it's a symptom of something terrible - and if you look hard enough everything is a symptom of something terrible.
3) Despite all the testing and reading online about anxiety, panic attacks, PCS and the like I just can't seem to convince myself that it isn't something terrible. Logically I can recognize how silly it is, but then it doesn't seem silly to me at all.