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ruthless
24-03-13, 11:53
Hey Tufty

Hope you are feeling ok today

Sertraline has been a good medicine for me. I am just over 7 weeks on it now. Started on 50mg, then went up to 100mg after a few weeks.
I found the first few weeks a bit rocky, but I was very anxious anyway, so it may not all have been side effects. The last few weeks have been better. My mood has improved, and although depression wasn't a major issue, the anxiety was bringing me down at times.
The anxiety is much better too, still have the odd blip in the morning, but nothing as bad as I was. I feel every day I take it I am improving bit by bit. This medicine takes a while to kick in completely.

Stick with it and I'm sure it will be beneficial for you. x

Tufty
24-03-13, 16:03
Hello Karen, Hello Little Wren, Hello Ruthless and Ahoy Stevie boy,

Thank you for all your good wishes x

Yes the idea is to come off the Pregabalin and just take the Sertraline, I thought it would help the start up of another SSRI. I'm now down to 250mg of Pregabalin and taking 17.5mg of Sertraline and so far so good. Nothing dramatic, just plodding on. A little anxious, with surges of panic every now and then, my mood is low most of the time and I'm irritable not helped by the headaches but I'm carrying on as normal. I'm taking 150mg Pregab at night so I still sleep well and wake without panic which is helping enormously. I aim to go up to 25mg of Sertraline in a week and hopefully I'll notice a difference in mood then. I normally make the mistake of increasing SSRI's too quickly and suffer horrible side effects so this time it's slowly, slowly all the way. I find this frustrating, especially when I know the blurb says the therapeutic dose is 50mg but I'm determined to stick with it and be kind to myself at the same time.

Sam

clio51
24-03-13, 19:20
Hi Sam.

You really do test yourself, don't know where you find the energy from.
Like you say do it slower this time round,time will tell if its right for you.

I keep having waves off feeling down,and then the thoughts arrive vicious circle. I keep saying relax and accept

We need some rest from this now hun it's had its time and needs to .... off.

Take care. Xx:):hugs:

Tufty
25-03-13, 11:06
Bloomin heck, I was fine until about 5pm yesterday and then the wobbles set in. I've had 18 hours of high anxiety, nausea, shaking, palpitations, feeling scared witless - questioning whether to stick with the meds, have I increased too much, am I allergic to them - etc etc etc.
I did drink quite a bit of coffee yesterday which won't of helped but I think it is the Sertraline doing it's stuff, I had hoped on such a low dose with the Pregabalin to sedate me that I wouldn't go through this again but no I am not to be spared. I think it's the 6th time in the past 12 months I've had these major wobbles for no reason apart from medication, I had it with each increase of Prozac and with the Escitalopram. I guess knowing its from the medication gives me some understanding and acceptance but that makes it self inflicted and makes me want to remove the cause. That would be the easiest thing to do, stop taking the meds but I know that if I can sit this out in 3-4 weeks time I'll be feeling OK again. 3-4 weeks sounds an impossible amount of time at the moment, I'm back on the Propanolol and Diazepam is at hand, yesterday I wrote that I was sleeping fine and guess what? Yep I didn't sleep last night :mad: so the Zopiclone might be coming out the cupboard too.

I still don't really understand why SSRI's make you worse before they make you better, I can accept that they increase your serotonin so you may get increased anxiety to start with but I get very depressed on them after a couple of weeks too - I know it's my brain adjusting but why increase depression??

Anyway, luckily I'm off for 2 weeks leave now, good timing on my part or not I suppose, the last time I had leave and was well was August last year.

Today I have tingling lips, a twitchy eyelid, numb areas on my face, palpitations, heavy legs - I feel like I've done a long run, jaw clenching, nausea, diarrhoea, the shakes, feeling hot and then cold and that stomach lurching terror feeling, all of which I am trying to ignore and get on with my day. I don't feel like doing much, if I could stay in bed for the day I would.

Sam

clio51
25-03-13, 15:30
Awh Sam feel for you, think it fate your on holiday. You must be so fed up off all those symptoms don't know how you manage or cope? Two steps forward three back.
God I hope you get some restbite soon from this hell.

I'm still not there, 20 mths on, 5 mths on 150mg ven, hope this week is better than last felt really down. Today not bad, just when I wake up I get the dreaded down feeling and thoughts what am I going to do today instead off just taking it as it comes. It like its becoming a habit, I never used to bother just did what I wanted now I'm questioning what time I get up, I'm I lazy?, should I be ready my now? Questioning myself about what I should be doing crazy

Hope some of your symptoms have subsided, and you have coped ok.

:hugs::flowers:

karenp
25-03-13, 17:17
Awww Sam, you poor love. I totally feel for you. SSRI's are so so horrible to start up. I know, I never can understand why they make you more depressed, in fact I don't exactly suffer with depression, it's anxiety and panic attacks with me but pills make me feel depressed when I start them too. When I was under the crisis team last year, this guy told me we feel worse before better because of the chemicals all being unbalanced in our brains as we adapt to a new drug. I really hope you settle quickly and this ONE is the one that gets you well again as you have suffered so much. I'm still having bad blips on the Escitalopram but do get really great days too but I'm having to go up as I am like you Brenda, I wake up feeling really flat or anxious just not looking forward to the day ahead until I am actually up and I usually end up ok. I'll know I am finally better once those feelings go.
Anyhow thinking of you Sam xxxxx

karenp
26-03-13, 10:33
How are you today Sam??? :hugs:

little wren
27-03-13, 07:40
Hi sam - sorry to hear you are having the horrid ssri start up effects. Is the pregabalin helping take the edge of them or do you think it is withdrawal from pregabalin too as you are reducing dosage? I have no idea if there are withdrawal affects from pregab. or not but it may be worth considering - perhaps reducing pregab at a slower rate?

I thought all anti-depressants made you feel worse before feeling better (a cruel twist of the tail). It is horrible 'playing around' with brain chemistry but if it gets you better in the end it will be worth it.
little wren xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tufty
27-03-13, 09:26
I am fed up, fed up with feeling horrible, fed up with questioning whether the drugs will work or make me worse, fed up with being me :weep:

After a couple of bad days I increased the Pregab again, only to 300mg - like you suggested little wren it may be the decrease in that that was causing the problem. However I had reduced from 450mg to 300mg without any problems, but dropping down to 250mg was maybe a step to far at the moment. It seemed to make a slight difference yesterday and I felt a bit better late afternoon than I had for the two days before but I couldn't sleep last night and took a Zopiclone, which is the first one since stopping the Escitalopram 9 weeks ago.

I'm still only taking 17.5-20mg of Sertraline a day so you wouldn't think it would have any affect on me, I thought by starting it low and increasing it very slowly it would minimise the side effects but I feel more anxious, depressed and hopeless now than I have since being on the Escitalopram.

I could kick myself and feel like jacking the Sertraline in, I was OK on the Pregabalin at 450mg - minimal anxiety and low depression but I was gaining weight, worried that it would poop out as I'd had to keep increasing the doses and I just didn't feel it was the long term drug for me :doh:

Today I feel crap, my skin is tingling, I feel nauseas, depressed, panicky - I don't know what to do with myself. If I could be sure that the Sertraline will work if I give it 8 weeks I would feel better and stick it out, but after the 6 weeks on Escitalopram I'm questioning if it's all worth it. What to do, what to do?

I've taken my concoction of meds for this morning - 75mg Pregabalin, 40mg Propanolol, 10mg Sertraline, 1g Paracetamol (constant headache) and am thinking of adding 2mg Diazepam just to get me through the next hour.

Anyone got any words of wisdom?
Should I increase the Sertraline to 25mg tomorrow as planned - it will be 2 weeks and the starting dose should be 25mg?
Should I increase the Pregabalin again as it works wonders for the anxiety?
Or should I take Diazepam and leave the Pregabalin dose down?
I'll give my GP a ring but I'm very doubtful he'll know what to suggest

steveo
27-03-13, 10:15
You're in the worst of positions right now Sam! It's sort of a state I've been in for a long time of medication changes!

Every single change in dose or medication is going to wreck havoc on your system... I've been swapping, chopping and changing for nearly 3 months..... nothing seemed to work.

You're going to be uncomfortable from the introducing of Sertraline to the system, the lowering of Pregabalin etc.

I think from my personal experience is to get yourself some Diazepam, get yourself on the SSRI and get yourself off the Pregabalin. I know from talking to you for a long time now, that you don't want to be on the Pregabalin for ages, it's making you gain weight that your not overly happy about, and it's only really scraping the edges off the anxiety. I know from talking to you that you still don't have a quality of life that you want and deserve.

You also know the medication changes I've been through in the last 3 months and you know the absolute hell I've been through of reintroducing the meds, changing doses, starting and stopping pregabalin.

I'm now 15 days into Escitalopram and it's the best I've felt so far. I think it's because I just left a medication to settle in my system for a while without changing doses alot. I'm FAR from anywhere close to well but I'm better than I have been.

My personal opinion is to get yourself on that SSRI, you know it's not going to be pleasant getting on it and increasing doses. The feelings you are experiencing is the medication, not you. It's your body trying to adapt to the changes in Serotonin. Nothing is going to change until the medication has been on a steady dose and settled for a while. Diazepam was the only thing that got me through that and still is.

SSRI's also seem to not work as quick and as easy the second time round we're introduced to them. As you know, the Citalopram worked so good for me for 11 years, but coming back on it, it destroyed me for 2 and a half months! Then had to go through the hell of changing to Escitalopram getting worse before I got better.

I was in the 'fortunate' position to put my life on hold, move back with my dad, and be looked after, I know you don't really have that option.

I really hope that you can get up to the recommended dose of Sertraline and be off the Pregabalin and be comfortable and that the medication meets you half way.

Get diazepam to assist you.

Stay positive Sam! If all else fails we can swap lives for a bit!!

xxxxxxxx

Tufty
27-03-13, 12:37
Thanks Steven, I've got some Diazepam ready but I was hoping by taking it slowly that it could be avoided. It's the easter hols now too and I really wanted to try and be 'normal' for the kids, it's starting to affect them more me being a complete fruit loop :wacko:

What dose of Escit. did you start on? I started on 5mg and worked myself up to 10mg over 3 weeks and still didn't feel better at 6, with hindsight I wish I'd waited just one more week.

I know you're probably right, I should take 50mg of Sertraline and ride out the consequences but I'm scared, petrified to be honest - my experiences with SSRI's have taught me to be very cautious. Right now I feel crap, but at least I'm not shaking, sweating, white faced and wide eyed, running around because I can't sit still and going to the loo every 10 minutes - it's too terrifying for words and I can't do it. So I'll continue with my slow introduction, I'll up it to 25mg on Friday.

Interestingly since reducing the Pregab and starting the Sert I have lost 3lbs, I'm not hungry - well I actually feel a little nauseas and I'm pooing a lot more :ohmy:

Oh and I can't swap lives with you, I cannot bear Complan - yuk and I would get very frustrated with airfix as I am famous for sticking my fingers together whenever left in charge of glue.

Right off for a haircut to try to diguise my thinning locks, twice in 5 weeks steveo - see I told you last time I went I had a uncut - I'm sure she didn't cut anything off. Things can't be too bad can they if I'm worried about my locks?
Love Sam

karenp
27-03-13, 14:51
Sam once again I will just say that I hope you are soon feeling so much better my love. SSRI's are horrible, truly horrible and I remember everything you are going through and don't envy you at all. I am by no means perfect yet myself after 4 months on Escitalopram but a million times better than I was before I went on it. I know it is so hard and I quit Venlafaxine after only 5 days last year and Trazodone after a fortnight because of how bad I was feeling but in the end decided if I am ever to get better, I need to stick on this medication now and hope like Citalopram eventually did, it will help get me 100% better one of these days. I think the leaflets that say you may not feel better for 2 weeks are totally laughable though as with me it has always been more like you may feel much better but still horrible first thing for a long long time and will get blips and panic attacks from time to time until one day I just go ok again! ie.It took me a good 6 months or so on Citalopram all 3 times I was on it and Escitalopram is no different except it's been easier to tolerate or I've had doctors how have let me take the benzo's to help with the side effects this time around. But the fact that from 10am today I have been perfect is good enough for me that my SSRI is gonna get me there in the end so hang on in there you because fingers crossed, you are going to get better on Sert (:

clio51
27-03-13, 22:13
Hi Sam,

Hope they haven't scalped you this time, after little hair of last time we women if our hairs ok then that makes us feel bit better, bad hair day are a no no. Having said that when I was really really bad I couldn't of given a stuff what it looked liked.

your not getting any rest bite from your symptom, that's why your feeling depressed who wouldn't. Is the sert recommended for anxiety or depression? Or both, I don't know much about.

As the afternoon gone any better for you? You know your doing really well despite all your symptoms, your appetite is still there,your managing to get out and if you weren't on holiday you prob manage work.

Your kids will understand more than you think they do, they probably picked up on it from a young age so don't worry about them. Teenagers are more interested in their mates boy/girl friends Facebook and Xbox, so there occupied and not focused on you like you think they are.

Give them time this time Sam, I get exactly what you say about being scared of meds as I too am exactly the same. We want to be normal but with the smallest amount of meds.

Thinking of you,take care hun. Xx

Tufty
28-03-13, 09:34
Thank you for your kind words Karen and Brenda,

Yesterday did get better, I had my hair cut and no I wasn't 100% happy with it but it's OK - maybe it's me being picky, not explaining to the hairdresser right or my hair is just not right, who knows? But by later yesterday afternoon and during the evening I felt better, not anxious, not elated but OK.

It took a while to get to sleep but then I slept OK and woke feeling OK, did what I had to do and then came back to bed and started worrying :doh:. We've got a 21st birthday to go to in 3 weeks time, it's 250miles away but somewhere we've been plenty of times without a hitch but because of how I've been this last 6 months I'm worrying I won't cope etc. I now feel low, like crying, am panicking and just feel crap.

Before I started the Sertraline I was having an occasional panic attack and feeling low at times but nothing like this. That's why I'm going to stick at 25mg for 2 weeks, give my brain time to adjust, I know everyone says 50mg is the therapeutic dose but if it makes me feel this crap at 25mg I'm not increasing it quickly.

Right I've got to take the dog to the vets for her yearly injection, sort out the washing and remove all the knickers drying on radiators as my daughters boyfriend is coming round after school, go to my husbands shop to print to end of month envelopes for invoices and try to look and act normal and not like the crazed, tormented woman I feel.

Love Sam
(I'll write again tonight because hopefully I'll feel better again and then I can look back tomorrow morning and recognise that the afternoon and evenings are getting better)

karenp
28-03-13, 12:22
Oh Sam you sound to be doing so well all in all, not just laying around feeling sorry for yourself. It's good that at least some of your despite feeling panicky when you wrote last but your side effect symptoms are at least not there all day long now, so that's a good sign that you had an anxiety free afternoon and night, hopefully you will start getting more and more good hours now.
I never wake up feeling ok, it's when I wake up that I am at my worst and then go fine, though I feel a it flat today, just tired fed up kind of thing, nothing serious. But we've booked a day trip to Blackpool during the school hols and I am worried over how I will cope with that, so I can totally identify with how you are feeling about your trip and it's such a really days for you on your new AD. The last time I went further than the local shops or into one of the neighbouring cities was to Morecambe last August and I really struggled at first, we went in a pub and I couldn't eat the meal I had so much anxiety but I took a diazepam with me and took it and started to come round a little and ended up being fine by mid afternoon. It is hard but you can do it and I am certain if we're not snowed off for Blackpool I will be nothing like that this time but my Lorazepam is coming with me in case, I cold actually do with not wanting to eat as now much of my anxiety has gone my appetite has finally come back and I haven't got a sunk in tummy anymore, I've got a a bit of wobbly one coming back, ha ha!
Any how, I hope you have another BETTER afternoon and evening, that's always how SSSRI's work for me Sam, mornings if-y and then afternoons and evenings start to come good until I am ok earlier and earlier (:
Hugs Karen xxxxxx

karenp
29-03-13, 10:18
Sammy how are you darl????? Any better?

Tufty
29-03-13, 11:23
Ahh thanks Karen, I'm kinda managing best I can :huh:, having some hard moments and wobbles but some easier hours too - I'm trying to make myself believe this anyway.

This is just like when I started the Escit. but without the nausea, it's exactly the same, I feel anxious, no motivation, loss of confidence, low mood and miserable - it must be something with how the SSRI's work with me - they knock the stuffing out of me and make me feel very, very low. I then have to pick myself up again and rebuild myself when my mood hopefully improves in 4-6 weeks time, it's a bloody nightmare but I'm 15 days in and still here :shades:.

I know you'd like to give the Pregabalin a try Karen, it did work well on its own for anxiety but did little for my underlying depression, maybe if I'd stuck at it for a few more months it might of lifted it but I found it difficult to take it 3 times a day, it sometimes made me forget words and I couldn't remember things (but anxiety does this to me anyway) and I was eating as much as a small elephant and starting to look like one too. Since starting the Sertraline I've lost 4lbs and I don't feel as bloated, I gained 7lbs on the Pregabalin and was looking pregnant as it was all round my middle. I'm still taking the Pregabalin and hope to start reducing it again in a week when the Sertraline anxiety settles down.
I hope you enjoy Blackpool, you deserve to have some good times after what you've been through over this last year.

Love Sam

Emphyrio
29-03-13, 16:29
I've been taking 25mg sertraline for 8 days now.

The good news - no issues with libido/sexual functioning. Even slightly improved from when I was on no meds. Generally more tolerable than prozac was - the intrusive thoughts aren't too bad on it (I was expecting them to be worse to be honest).

Bad news - feel even more depressed since I started taking them, feel dizzy, can't concentrate, weak, had a few days insomnia, and now I seem to need 10 hrs of sleep a night. I hope these side effects go away soon.

Tufty
30-03-13, 10:20
Yep those side effects sound familiar Emphy - I'm a little dizzy, feel weak and achy and have insomnia although when I do get to sleep I have problems waking up in the morning. Last night I couldn't settle after a couple of hours so I took a sedating antihistamine so now, 10 hours later I feel like I've drank 4 shots :doh: (but without the headache)

Day 16 Sertaline 25mg and Pregabalin 300mg (also Propanolol 40mg x 2 a day)

I don't think the Pregabalin is doing diddly squat now but I'll start winding it down next week after I'm more settled on the Sertraline. Apart from the aching and weakness mentioned above the main symptom from the Sert is insomnia and a tight chested feeling. It's like something is sat on my chest, crushing me - I know I've written about it before and I think that was when starting Escit so it must be the way SSRI's work with me.

Mood wise I'm fair to middling - I feel low, with little motivation and simmering anxiety. I don't feel happy and content much but I don't feel suicidally distressed either, I'm not climbing the walls with anxiety but I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I continue to analyse how I feel much of the time. But, this is progress - after only 2 weeks on Sert this is pretty good, I want to feel 100% now but I know this doesn't happen with antidepressants and this low, unhappy, anxious feeling is tolerable, I certainly don't want to feel like this for long but it's OK for now.

Love Sam

Tufty
31-03-13, 17:01
Day 17

Same old, bloomin miserable, can't even be bothered to try to smile and hide how crap I feel - I think if you rewound 3 months to when I started Escit. - I wrote the same thing. Hearts in my mouth, tingling lips, everythings an effort, what's the point. I so don't deserve to feel this rubbish, where has the light gone at the end of the tunnel?
Sam

nicola1980
31-03-13, 18:57
Hi Sam, that lights there hun but you just can't see it at the moment :hugs: the start up of any AD is absolutely horrific but remember it does get better, you so deserve to feel better and i promise you you will, keep going hun and stay strong remember you can do this, sending lots of love x x x x

ruthless
31-03-13, 20:30
Hi Sam
I'm sure you will feel better soon. I had practically every symptom you have mentioned, and I felt awful when I started Sertraline. Thought I was never going to feel normal again. It's 8 weeks now and I feel so much better - some days I even feel like the old 'me' again

I know we don't all react the same to AD's and their doses during the first weeks, and it can be really tough to stick with them, but it's a good med for anxiety once your serotonin levels have evened out. It just takes time

Hope you are feeling better now. I think you are doing really well so far and you will feel so much better soon

clio51
31-03-13, 21:16
Sam.

It's going to be a waiting game unfortunately,it's the crap start up effects. You've had them all before,it's just your peeded off having them all again no rest because you started New with sertraline.

It's still only just over 2weeks hun, but seems forever to you. Dont be hard on yourself for not being happy,how can you possibly be with all your symptoms nobody would. Just do what you feel like doing and rest when you feel you need too.

Have some Easter egg, and a cuppa, chocolate good when you feeling down.

Take care xx

Tufty
31-03-13, 21:30
Thanks guys,

Today's been really tough, the toughest yet since starting Sertraline - when my son said it was 9 o'clock I thought thank goodness for that I've survived today and it's nearly bed time. I've done little all day, as a runner in my sane days I can honestly say that it feels like my legs have run a marathon but I've not walked more than a mile all day and have been laid down for most of it.

Another crap Easter, I was poorly last Easter and Christmas, and Bonfire night come to think of it :mad:, I guess I'm just feeling down and sorry for myself, tomorrow's another day

Love Sam

karenp
01-04-13, 10:17
Onwards and upwards Sammy, things can only get better hopefully darl!! I think holidays can be especially hard, especially when you are just starting out on a new AD too. If it's any consolation, I was poorly last Easter too and can def identify with what you are saying, I found Bonfire night last year very hard as I'd just come off Mirtazapine and was due to start my Escitalopram the following week, so I was an anxious wreck trying to enjoy this fire work display with the kids but just remember, there are 100's of more special days when you get well and will enjoy!! Hopefully this time next yea you will be sat scoffing Toblerones like I was yesterday, well trying to resist scoffing an whole one and failed miserably by 9pm!
Maybe the Sertraline is peaking now too do you think and then the side effects will begin to finally ease off, have you gone any higher yet as I know you have to always taper up with ssri's when you suffer with anxiety especially. And I know you mentioned you was thinking of going higher soon. Sam you don't know how brave you are as I was supposed to up my Escitalopram a fortnight ago and still haven't. I had a terrible blip and my doctor advised getting up to full max and my mornings are never quite perfect even when I aren't blipping!
Thinking of you as always Kaz xxx

Tufty
01-04-13, 10:40
Thanks Kaz,

Day 18 Sertraline 25mg, Pregabalin 250mg, Propanolol 40mg x 2

Sometimes it just breaks you doesn't it and it's done it again. I feel I am at my lowest ebb, stop the world I want to get off now. I couldn't settle last night, probably as I hadn't done much and I normally walk the dog for at least 3 miles daily, so I took an antihistamine and an hour later I was still tossing and turning. So I took 2mg of Diazepam and that did the trick. Today I feel a bit spaced out but depressed and anxious at the same time. I've had enough of today already and want to fast forward 4 or 5 days to when I may be feeling a little better again.

I sound like a broken record to myself but I don't know if I can continue with the Sertraline, why does it make me feel so crap? I know from previous experience with the Fluoxetine and Escitalopram if I stopped taking it I would feel so much better by Thursday, it seems like the wrong thing to do to keep taking something that makes you feel so ill. I have diarrhoea, the shakes, clenched jaw, tingling skin, very low mood, panic waves - it can't be good for me :ohmy:

I can't even think about tomorrow or the rest of this week, I don't know how I'm going to get to the end of today in one piece. After being here so many times before you'd think I would of built up some resilience but I haven't, if anything I'm more distressed and despondant than ever.

Drugs - can't live with them, can't live without them - it's an impossible situation

Sam

karenp
03-04-13, 11:29
Oh Sam, you poor love!! Everything you are saying reminds me of when I was starting up an SSRI. Is it worse than the Escitalopram looking back?? 2mg's of Diazepam really isn't much to help get you through these first few weeks and I found Prop never helped me at all when I tried that. I totally get everything you are saying, I used to just wish it was bed time and long to be asleep as I just wanted to sleep through the first few weeks as being asleep was the only time I had relief from how terrible anxiety and depression is, topped by even worse side effects that just make you miles more poorly until you get used to the medication. Walking is really good if you can take that doglet of your out, my doctor back in Cleethorpes used to say walking was the best medicine, I walked my socks off last year when I was on Mirtazapine and it was making me so poorly as it really did help my anxiety and my horrible low moods. It's hard with the kids of school hey to do your normal stuff though but at least you aren't at work this week so hopefully you should start to settle a little, hopefully a lot by the time you do have to go back.
Just remember we are all here for you so if it helps to come on here and just write everything down do it and there will always be someone online to reply even if it's to say we understand and this will all pass, You aren't going to feel like this forever. It's horrible, no one who hasn't suffered can ever begin to know how horrible but you are going to get well again (:

clio51
03-04-13, 14:29
Ditto what Karen said, you will get there just takes time unfortunately. I would say mine took months really, I still have not good morning and also waves of feeling frighten come on out of the blue which bring on the question syndrome what that all about!! Why did that happen!!

Try to stick this one out for longer, were all different you might be like me not weeks to get settled but months.

The symptoms stink and make us feel so down, that's why we can't see the light because they seem so never ending. I remember them sooo well!, and still now have a few of them, but I try now not to panic and accept(when possible)

Take care xx

karenp
03-04-13, 14:59
I'm just the same, even though I feel so much better now it will probs take another couple or so months before I am able to quit the Lorazepam and sleeping pills and be totally back to normal. AD's take a long time to truly work on me so Brenda is right Sammy, try and stick it out if you can, you will know if there are any signs of improvement soon enough. I was on Mirtazapine 7 months and it was just asking me worse and worse but listened to doctors saying give it longer, when my own body was saying it was the wrong drug for me, where as I know Escitalopram is doing something good!! I'm just not quite there yet....all the very best Sammy xxx

karenp
04-04-13, 16:14
Sam how are you???? :hugs:

Tufty
04-04-13, 18:58
Thanks guys,

Day 21 Sertraline 25mg Pregabalin 200mg Propanolol 40mg

I had two better days, less depressed but still anxious but it's different. I think anxious but I don't feel it physically as much, I think after so long of feeling anxious using CBT is not enough to change to anxious thinking - I am trying but because I feel ill I'm not giving it 100%. So two days were better, I felt hopeful and physically better. But last night I couldn't sleep - I felt OK but just couldn't settle so I took a Telfast - a sedating antihistamine and slept well but today I've felt very low. I took one on Sunday too and was depressed on Monday, it may be coincidence but I've felt tired, more achy and not with it at all today. So I won't use those again for a week or two and see if it is related to that.

So today I feel depressed, can't be bothered with anything, keep thinking 'what is the point', 'I'll always be like this', 'I've never really been happy it was all pretend' and on and on my head goes with all this rubbish. Rationally I know this isn't true but it's very powerful, the depressed mind is destructive and relentless. I feel tired of it all and am longing for bedtime.

Sam

clio51
05-04-13, 10:53
Awh Sam,

Can totally relate to this honestly.

It's funny you saying that about not never being happy, as I've been told that no matter what happens or what even if I won the lottery would I be happy.
Do you think it's to do with showing emotions? As I've been told I don't show emotion!

Because you and I are long term suffers, when this comes back it's a long term thing
Months not weeks. You probably forgot exactly what you were like last time, and that's why it hits us like a blot of of the blue.

Wish I could say yer you'll be feeling fine in xxx but it will happen. Mine took months just to stop the heaving alone. I still have shite days, but I try to say to myself I'm just a bit flat today and not question why I feel like this I do!

It's the most debilitating illness ever, I truly hate it with passion.

Never heard of those antihistamines, they must really sedate you, bet that's why you feel flat,can't be bothered etc. It takes a while to come round, when I had days like that I didn't come round till 3ish.

Take care, thinking of you. Xx

karenp
06-04-13, 09:07
I'm the same Brenda, when this thing hits me too it's never better within weeks, it's always months even though I get to a stage where I have more good hours in the day than bad but it's always early mornings with me that take forever to come right again.
SO Sam, how are you darling? These side effects hopefully should be easing off now I hope and giving you a few more hours relief. Really hope you are ok and that you are feeling a bit better too Brenda after not being so good when I last heard from you xx

Tufty
06-04-13, 09:34
Thank you Kaz and Brenda I know it's early days but it feels like it's going on forever. I am normally a happy person though, I see the bright side of things and good in everyone so to be so bloody negative and flat is shocking to me.

Day 23,

I've not taken anything to sleep or sedate me since Wednesday night and I don't feel quite as low and flat but I'm more anxious and generally very fed up. My arms and legs ache - like when you have flu and I have no appetite but no other physical symptoms.

I feel like all I'm doing is surviving the days, I think thank god that ones over and I can chalk it on the survival wall as another one down. I'm not looking forward to anything at all, I have no motivation, it's like this drug has torn the spirit out of me, before starting it I was feeling down but nothing like this. Things can only get better :). It was the same with the Prozac, it's like it has to strip you down to nothing, to the bottom of your being and then build you up again.

I do stuff everyday, yesterday I drove 200 miles to visit a friend, I walk the dog even though I feel my legs won't carry me, I cook and wash clothes, today we're out for supper even though I don't want to go, I do these things so that time passes and I'm closer to feeling well again. I'm trying but it's very hard, the hardest thing ever. Give me a marathon to run, labour to deliver a baby, wisdom tooth extractions, hysterectomy - nothing equals the pain and brutality of anxiety and depression.

Thanks for your kind thoughts girls, I'm sure the light will come back but I'm still struggling big time at the moment.
Sam

clio51
06-04-13, 10:53
Sam. Your a demon girl, I couldn't do what your doing no way! Pretending to be happy and all that crap that goes with it is sooo hard,sometimes you just feel like crying.

Still takes me all the time just to run the house, and that gets me down at times thinking am I the only one who bloody cleans!

Don't forget yourself in all this,you need rest too it's ok being busy but it takes it out of you too.

Don't know what to say, just keep plodding and hope one day we get up and hey ho we feel different.
Do you think as we get older(know your not as old as me) that we forget and get mixed up and think of our life when we were in our 20s I think this sometimes and have to say I am not that person any more where nothing bothered me,more energy etc it's frightening.

Take care.xx

Tufty
06-04-13, 11:03
Thanks Brenda I am resting, infact I'm still in bed trying to muster up the enthusiasm to get up. The dogs torn up a wash mit and there's bits of towelling all over the bed and floor, so will have to get the carpet out and can't face it at the moment.

I believe that I am still 18 and should have that energy and enthusiasm, my husband does, well maybe not the energy :blush:. When you said about winning the lottery would not make you happy, that's how I feel at the moment but even when I'm well it doesn't make me really excited. My hubby on the otherhand, has great plans and dreams of when he wins the lottery, when he retires what he'll do, he loves life. I wish I could feel what he does :mad:

Take care
Sam

clio51
06-04-13, 18:58
That's weird you saying that about your husband, because my partner loves life he gets up 7.30 everyday regardless.
As a passion for tennis,speedway,motorbikes,walks every single night come rain/shine,just very enthusiastic and lots of hobbies.

Where as me!!! Couldn't care less,no hobbies really. I like reading but then can give and take it, watch a lot of tv, surf the net, don't even drink anymore!!
Never really been an over enthusiastic person(sound a right miserable get don't I)
I'm a right home bird,I love it after tea just settle back watch tv or do whatever.So the lottery wouldn't make me go places as I'd prob just buy a big house by the sea,with swimming pool,nice sports car and that's me.

Hope you start feeling better soon. Xx:bighug1:

karenp
07-04-13, 07:58
and I will never ever even win this lottery as I don't buy a ticket, ha ha! But your house with the pool sounds good to me Brenda (:
I am usually a really happy person too Sam but when this thing hits me it's just so hard to snapback out of it, I hate people who say that too, "just snap out of it, don't let things get to you so much" like it can be cured by a magic button.
Sam I am so proud of you, its such early days on an evil SSRI (because they are evil before Godsends!!!) and you are fighting this thing with all you have even though I know it is a struggle and a toil of pleasure at this stage but you will begin to notice changes soon hopefully, one more good hour, then two and so on. Remember it is normal to feel worse before better, SRRI start up is merciless but you aren't laying in bed all day all day feeling totally sorry for yourself, as my old GP used to say when I lived on the East Lincs coast, occupying the brain is the best medicine as are walks, never let the mind completely take over you ...you control it and fight the depression and anxiety back as the pills are only one part of recovering!! So you are a star despite feeling so poorly because you are strong Sammy and you are gonna beat this thing, it's just been a mare for you not getting on the ad for you!! Did you have to come off the Prozac because you grew tolerant to it??? Or did you want to come off but started to feel ill again which is what has always happened to me wen I have been on Citalopram.
And Brenda you do not sound a miserable get, ha ha, at all. You've just been unfortunate to be one of my fellow anxiety/depression suffers and it must be nice to be one the lucky ones who never ever goes through it.

---------- Post added at 07:58 ---------- Previous post was at 07:57 ----------

hope you feel that bit better Sammy and if not keep hanging on in there as you can do this (;

Tufty
10-04-13, 16:31
I thought I should update my blog but it's not good news.

I took my last Sertraline on the 6th April, I'd had some awful days leading up to then - well weeks really but had been determined to stick it out but I didn't. I'd started taking Propanolol, Zopiclone, Diazepam, Paracetamol to help with the symptoms I was getting but it was getting worse. I'm a tough cookie and have overcome agoraphobia to a great degree, I would say I'm a fighter but I was unable to function and I'm ashamed to say death would of been a release from the torture I was feeling.

I saw my GP on Monday who said to stop the Sertraline immediately, it's my 3rd SSRI in 12 months and the 9th drug I've tried. He said he would not prescribe any further SSRI's for me as it was clear I did not tolerate them. We agreed that I would continue the Pregabalin, increasing the dose to the previous level and review it in one month. I believed that once stopping the Sertraline I would withdraw as I did to Escitalopram where I had 48 hours of symptoms and then would start feeling better.

It appears the withdraw of Sertraline is not similar to Escitalopram even though I have been on the Sertraline for half the time. Physically I'm tired, achy like flu, twitching muscles, electric shocks, sore tongue, nausea, shaking and shivering, headache.
Mentally I'm up and down, frequent panic attacks which can last for an hour, high anxiety, I feel I'm in a fog and cannot think straight, feeling hopeless and depressed.
The past four days I have made myself get out of bed, dressed and out of the house. I have cooked tea each day and been to the local shops. Somedays I've only been out of bed for 2 hours all day but some evenings I have felt better and sat with my family.

So again I am forced to take time off work, which is my distraction, my therapy and keeps me going. I couldn't possibly work at the moment, I didn't shower for 3 days! But this time I am not going to return to work until I am ready, until I am 80% well for 2 weeks. I love my job but am aware that I have become unreliable and the pressure of work is not helping my anxiety. I have been signed off for 5 weeks so I will use this time to think about my position, I dearly hope to return to work but I think it's time to consider all my options and do what's best for my health. I have enough to do at home, with the business, my family, interests and hobbies to not be bored. I know I need to keep doing things and not stay in bed, the crippling physical symptoms I have at the moment are not aiding my mental health and I hope they start to subside soon.

I feel sad, ashamed, guilty and disillusioned for not continuing with Sertraline, it's another failure and more time wasted.
Sam

Emphyrio
10-04-13, 18:22
I feel sad, ashamed, guilty and disillusioned for not continuing with Sertraline, it's another failure and more time wasted.
Sam

Don't be - it sounded like you were having a bad time on it lately. Why subject yourself to something that was making things worse? Lots of people have these kind of reactions to SSRIs. I had to stop taking half a St John's Wort tablet because it was causing me confusion, believe it or not! I also lasted just 11 days on clomipramine - that was nasty stuff.

Hope that things pick up for you soon :)

clio51
10-04-13, 23:06
Hi Sam,:bighug1::flowers:

You've nothing to be ashamed about, it wasn't for you.

Just do as your doctor says and carry increasing the pregablin and see how that goes alone,and give the ssri a rest.

You need to concentrate on your health now,let everything else wait till you feel ready.health is the most important thing without it you have nothing.
Like you say you have more than enough with the house,business,kids and anything else that crops up,slow down I mentioned this to you before how important it is.

Just wait now till the horrible symptoms go,and concentrate on yourself for once 're kids are old enough to get things to eat,let your husband help out more and get more takeaways for the time being give yourself a break I'm sure they will all enjoy a change.

You will get better,you have before remember and you will again. Just give it time.

Thinking of you. Xxx

Tufty
10-04-13, 23:27
Thank you so much Brenda and Peter,

Today has been very tough, I record my moods each day and have done since this episode started 13 months ago and today has been a 1.5 - that's the lowest it's ever been. I feel defeated and scared but your messages mean a lot to me, thank you.
I've taken Diazepam, Pregabalin and will probably have to take Zopiclone to get some rest tonight, my body is buzzing, my mind is racing and my body hurts. I'm hoping tomorrow is just an incy bit better, I'm not expecting miracles but another day like this would be soul and spirit destroying.
Love
Sam

karenp
12-04-13, 09:36
Oh Sam, you poor poor love!!! Do not feel a failure or guilty....I couldn't tolerate Sertraline when I was prescribed it in 2002. I ended up at A&E with a panic attack after the first pill and panic attacks are horrendous things. Everything you have said is how I felt on it and then like coming off Mirtazapine last Autumn time which was like start up in reverse. I know it is the hardest thing ever but remember it is a chemical imbalance causing all these horrific symptoms and the more Sertraline leaves you, the symptoms will ease. Take your Diazepam and Zopiclone and Pregabalin which should hopefully start easing the anxiety soon again to help you get through this.
We are all here for you Sam and understand what SSRI's are like to start up and if you couldn't tolerate it, you coulndn't do not ever feel bad as you tried it, that is the main thing which was very brave knowing how bad you react to them.
Let us know how you are getting on won't you when you can and we are all rooting for you.
Hugs Karen x

nicola1980
12-04-13, 09:41
Sam sending you huge :hugs: i really hope you start to feel better soon, this illness is awful, thinking of you and sending you lots of love x x x x

Tufty
13-04-13, 12:11
Thank you girls.
This week has probably been the worst of my life and I don't say that lightly, it has been awful. It's up there with being on the psych ward in 2003, it has been an ordeal with very few moments of respite. I don't know if it's the Sertraline withdraw or just me but it's not been pretty. I'm not sure if I'm getting any better yet, but I know time will help, nothing stays the same.

I stopped the Sertraline 6 days ago so my body should of cleared it but I still have very sore joints, aching muscles, no appetite and anxiety, I could understand it if I'd had these symptoms before taking it but I didn't :wacko:.

So I saw my GP yesterday who suggested referral to a psych, I have stalled him at the moment saying all they do is prescribe meds and he can do that, he said he wasn't an expert - very honest and lovely of him - but he has agreed to wait and see how I am in a week or two. We discussed my options which are:
1. Stop Pregabalin.
2. Stop Pregabalin and start Mirtazapine
3. Continue Pregabalin and start Prozac (again)
4. Continue Pregabalin and start Mirtazapine
5. Increase Pregabalin

Because I feel proper poorly I am not keen to introduce another drug into my body. So I took a script for Mirtazapine but haven't filled it and I'll see what the next few days bring. I have reduced the Pregabalin by 75mg down to 275mg as my anxiety was high and it didn't seem to be helping. I can always increase it if it increases further which seems impossible given its recent levels!

I don't want to start another drug really. I've started to think more about psychological therapies again, I had some years ago which didn't seem to help at the time but I'll try anything and there has to be some underlying reason(s) as to why I'm like I am and some faulty thinking that is keeping me this way. My GP wasn't able to refer me for that, it's a self referral system here so I will do that on Monday.

Part of my survival practice of the last few days has been to plan a minimal amount of non stressful things to do, ie walk the dog, cook tea and break the day down into sections. I've realised that apart from my family that I live with and a few dog walkers I've not spoken to anyone for nearly a week. That has to change or I'll be getting depressed.

Sorry for the depressing post, it will get better. I hope everyone is doing better than me :shrug:
Love Sam

SarahH
13-04-13, 22:34
Just read all this thread...............hang in there Sam:hugs:

Tufty
13-04-13, 23:51
Bloody well done Sarah, you deserve a medal for reading it all.

Another day from hell over, not one I'll want to relive in this life or the next. I ended up getting the Mirtazapine after all but haven't taken it as there's been stuff going on at home and if I took it now I wouldn't see tomorrow - which wouldn't be a bad thing :wacko:. I did take more Pregabalin in an act of desperation, I'll try to stick at 400mg for the next 5 days as that is the therapeutic dose. I've also taken Diazepam today which I'm always reluctant to do but it did help for a few hours.

I had a serious chat with a friend about the psychological stuff that I've been thinking about and my thoughts re having some more help. This probably hasn't helped my mood today and I now realise that I'm in too deep a crisis to begin unpicking these issues which are over 30 years old, I need to get myself back to some kind of normality before I can deal with these. It's a bit of a catch 22 but I've been able to shut off these 'old wounds' and function pretty normally for 30 years with the occasional blip, I know these issues need addressing but I'm going to shelve them until I am stronger.

Sam

little wren
14-04-13, 07:51
Oh tufty hope you feel better soon...you sound like you are really going through the mill at the moment. Just to say whilst you are feeling so bad it is probably best to concentrate on getting the medication sorted first as soon as possible...if you still don't feel better by your next GP appt. maybe a psychiatrist could help - they know the latest on what medication is available and can prescribe at higher doses. Maybe just by making an appointment with them it will help you feel a bit better - feeling like you can control the situation a bit. Just get yourself to a better place before opening up any old emotional wounds. The affects of withdrawal from sertraline and upping/lowering pregabalin is a horrid rollercoaster - I hope today is a much better day for you, little wren x

hanshan
14-04-13, 10:52
Hi Sam,

I didn't realise that you were in such a bad state that even miso shiru can't cure.

I can only say what has worked for me, and that's a combination of mirtazapine and pregabalin, both at maximum dose.

There are side effects, both temporary and lasting, but this combination has brought me back into the workforce and enabled me to take up a position in Japan, which I really don't think I could have done otherwise.

From earlier posts, I know that both you and I have experienced sibling bullying. I hope you don't mind me saying this. It's something that most people don't understand. I've mostly come to terms with it - it's something that must come out in one way or the other.

As always -take care.

karenp
14-04-13, 10:52
Sam, don't be scared to take Mirtazapine as it comes with virtually no side effects, it was the easiest ad I ever took even though it didn't work for me or did for about 3 weeks when I felt great but then it pooped out which it can do with some people, others it works wonders for. All it will do is make you feel really chilled out and you will sleep, the next day you may feel zonked but each day gets easier. Unfortunately it wasn't right for me and I have been much better on Escitalopram but just can't seem to get there on that even properly. Do you think having issues that go way back can really make us feel how we do all these years later??? I have often wondered myself. Will pm you at some point darl x
Are you not feeling better at all even taking the Pregabalin again??? I'm not sure how Pregabalin actually works, I did read up on it once as I asked if I could try it out but my doctors said NO but I know it has to build up in your system to help anxiety, it's not an instant thing I gather like a benzo??? Maybe you are still going through Sert WD and worrying over the Mirtazapine but really that will just make you sleep. The only warning sign to watch out for is if you are anything like me, it made me feel instantly better for 3 whole weeks but then I started feeling terribly weepy and it all went down hill from there (terrible panic, depression) so I should have quit it but listened to my doctor and upped my dose to the full 45mg max but it had just stopped working and never started working again, so I may as well have been taking chalk. My friend is on it though and in no time at all felt wonderful on it so we are all so different hey!!!
Thinking of you as always xxx

clio51
14-04-13, 11:19
Hi Sam,

Sorry your going through a rough time again, I agree with little wren just deal with the meds first and get yourself a little more stable.

I don't think going from one med to another as helped you, you've had that many drugs in your system lately it needs to stabilize.
I can understand your thinking you want this horrible thing to ease, why not try just the pregablin at the therapeutic dose for a while and use diazepam as an when needed. See how you go for a couple of weeks,if no change what so ever then try the mirt.

You perhaps should of let the doctor ask for a psych appointment, because it does take a while and who knows by the time it comes through things might be better just a thought.

I did exactly what went through your mind about therapy, I wasn't happy with myself and how I was feeling. So I booked an appointment privately to see a phychologist(who also worked for the nhs) to see if there was a reason why my anxiety/panic/depression keeps reoccurring sometimes years later.
I went twice and went back into my back ground etc, after going twice I felt worse than ever! Was nothing like that when I went and wished I'd never gone.
I have this thought I should be a better person than I am,more self esteem,outgoing but I can't change my personality it's me. I was going through two deaths in my family in such a small space of time,hence bringing me down etc

Hope next week is your turning point Sam,and things start to get a touch better for you.

Thinking of you.
Brenda xx

SarahH
14-04-13, 13:37
Hi Sam

Hope you are feeling a bit better.
We all seem to give different advice because we are all "different"!!! What works for one can be terrible for another...it's so hard.

I found looking at my past and talking to psychologists and CPNs really helpful because it gave me understanding about why I am like I am, if that makes sense. For me knowledge is control and understanding. But I do understand how when the anxiety is seemingly out of control it's sooo difficult.

Please hang in there and maybe just try Pregabalin, you can up it to 600mgs, and diazepam/lorazepam to help those terrible attacks.

best wishes Sarah

SarahH
15-04-13, 15:00
How are you doing Sam?:)

Tufty
15-04-13, 21:53
Thank you both and I agree knowledge is understanding and can help but I have come to the conclusion that I need to start feeling better before I can tackle those deeper issues.

Day 1 Mirtazapine 15mg, Pregabalin 400mg, Propanolol 80mg

Mood 4/10 (yesterday was a 1/10)

It is true what they say, you will sleep after taking Mirtazapine. I took the first one at 8pm last night, had an Epsom salt bath and couldn't keep my eyes open by 10pm. I slept well, I had a few undisturbing dreams and woke at 7 and had a cup of tea and then slept until 11am. I woke feeling less anxious and dizzy, but not scared about being dizzy so it was OK. I haven't felt safe enough to drive a car, but have walked for 3 miles and cooked and done stuff around the house.

I started feeling anxious again about 6pm and it lasted until about an hour after taking my 2nd tablet at 8.30. I now feel nicely relaxed and ready for bed. The Mirtazapine is getting rid of the physical symptoms of anxiety like a tight, heavy chest, shaking and tense jaw. My knees and legs are less achy today and the muscle twitching is less, but that may just be as the Sertraline has left my body. And no munchies yet.

So far, so good (written this several times in this thread when starting meds :blush:) and an improvement from yesterday

Sam

nicola1980
16-04-13, 01:45
Hi Sam so pleased your trying the mirt, it was fantastic for me for sleep and the daytime drowsiness and dizziness does wear off after a couple of days maybe a week or so but you should still sleep well, its the one thing i miss about the mirt the lovely drowsiness relaxed feeling i got about an hour or so after taking it although the higher up in dose you go it isn't as sedating, I've got everything crossed for you that this med is right for you and will give you the relief you need and deserve from this truly horrific illness, you've been so brave trying different meds and you need a break, lots of love hun x x x

karenp
16-04-13, 14:04
Well done Sam for going for it, as always you are so brave. When I took Mirtazapine the first day was worst for me with regards to feeling dizzy and drowsy but as Nicola says, it soon eases off but always gets you off to sleep quickly...I miss it for that too Nicola.
I only ever had one nightmare on it in 7 months Sam but all ad's make me have vivid dreams, some very funny ones too as I recall. I wish it had worked for me as it was so easy to start up on. All the very best of luck with this one!!! One of them has to work (;

karenp
18-04-13, 10:26
I just wondered how you are getting on Sam???? (:

sealover
20-04-13, 09:58
i,m on Pregabalin 150mg twice a day but found its not helping at all been taking um for bout 3 months now starting off on 25mg, maby time for a change or do does any one think i should give it more time??

SarahH
20-04-13, 15:54
Hi Sealover, You may want to put this question on the Pregabalin site:)


But a quick answer for you, although there are others on the forum with greater knowledge than me, is its seems like a low dose you are taking. You could try increasing the dose!

sealover
20-04-13, 16:18
oh right cheers for letting me know :)

Tufty
21-04-13, 10:20
Day 8 Mirtazapine 15mg and Pregabalin 400mg

Thank you for your kind messages x

I haven't been on the forum this week, I don't know why but I haven't felt the need or the interest. It's like the Mirtazapine has switched off the desire to communicate with others! I've not been answering my phone or replied to texts either but things are looking up and this week I am going to be more active and arrange to meet with friends and get back to living.

The Mirtazapine start up has been easy, I sleep for up to 12 hours at night, I sleep for maybe 2 hours in the day - which is great if the weather is good as I can lie in the garden and sleep, I have started to eat more in the past 48 hours so I will keep a check on that but otherwise it's been without side effects. I've read that it takes 4-6 weeks at 30mg to be effective but I am seeing some improvement already, physically the anxiety symptoms have lessened, I've still got some twitchy muscles but they are less bothersome and the other symptoms have gone. Mentally I feel more content, I am no longer counting the hours or chalking up the days as another one survived, I hadn't realised just how low I had become and this past week has been the turning point. I am not doing much with my days but think that's probably what I need at the moment, some time to recover. I read lots, play games, jigsaws, walk the dog for hours and am content doing this.

I have been referred to a psych now, I have a telephone consultation with the CBT team booked, I am seeing a psychologist soon and having some eye desensitization booked too. I hope that together with the drugs these things will help me recover and resume normal life. Before starting the Sertraline I had mild depression, I still felt hopeful and had motivation to do things. It's just over 5 weeks since I started the Sertraline and 2 weeks since stopping them, weeks 2-4 of this period were the worst imaginable, I was in a dark and scary place. Maybe it's just me and not the drugs to blame but whatever it is, the Mirtazapine so far seems to be bringing me out of this.

Love Sam x

SarahH
21-04-13, 10:31
That's great news Sam. Really pleased things are looking up.:D

clio51
21-04-13, 10:43
Hi Sam,

So glad your having better time of it,you deserve it.

Hope this is the one for you,it been a long road for you but hey this just might be the turning point.

That's a lot of therapy going on there,just be careful you havnt took to much on! I can see you logic you won't to get it sorted now your sick of it but take it slowly. Is all this via the nhs sam

I used to fill my days as first with word search and colouring never thought me doing that,but quite enjoyed it.

Now the weather is getting a bit better I've been in the garden, think I did to much the other day couple of hours work but in boy were the backs of my legs aching it's taken 4 days to ease. Must be unfit!!!

Anyway glad your back on the scene. :)

nicola1980
21-04-13, 10:48
Hi Sam so pleased things are looking up for you, you deserve it, have been thinking about you and kept checking in to see if you'd posted x x

hanshan
21-04-13, 12:35
Hi Sam,

Great to hear things are looking up.

Emphyrio
21-04-13, 18:00
Good to hear the mirtazapine is helping Sam. I don't blame you for giving up the Sertraline. Its nasty stuff - I'm currently taking roughly 12.5mg a day as 25mg was having a lot of nasty side effects, including confusion and a feeling of hopelessness. I'm going to give it another week and if things haven't settled down then I'll come off it completely.

I'll keep mirtazapine in mind for when I next see the doctor - sounds like it is a lot more tolerable than those nasty SSRIs.

karenp
22-04-13, 17:54
Sam I am so happy for you, I really hope Mirt works for you and doesn't poop out like it did on me....I'm sure it won't and I was just unlucky!!! It's supposed to be an excellent ad and a very kind one, I just react better to ssri's (: Any how, keep getting better every day xxxxx

ElizabethJane
22-04-13, 18:42
Hi Sam I have only recently read your post. I am really sorry that you have had such a rough ride. I hope that you begin to feel better soon. I have been on 45mg for over four years now and it has been great for alleviating my depression and helping me sleep (initially) Mirtazapine can take up to four to six weeks to work so it needs to allow time. I have succumbed to the munches but I am on yet another diet. Mirtazapine has helped me with my suicidal thoughts and obsessive thoughts. After the first few weeks it is not sedating.EJ ps I still have my Tufty club badge too. x

Annip
24-04-13, 08:42
Hi Sam
This is such good news for you. Having read many of your posts I know you have had such a tough time. I 'm sure this is the AD for you..brilliant news I am so pleased
Anni xx

Tufty
25-04-13, 20:34
Day 12 Mirtazapine 15mg and Pregabalin 400mg

I've not felt so good the past couple of days, with increasing depression and anxiety. It's not helping that I feel so doped up, the sedated feeling has got worse over the past 2 or 3 days which has made getting up and doing anything difficult. I'm sleeping for 14 hours + a day and feel dopey for much of the time I'm awake.

I saw my GP today who suggests continuing on the 15mg and increasing to 30mg in a weeks time if no better. I said I'd heard that 30mg may be less sedating but he didn't believe that. Does anyone on here have any experience of the increase from 15mg to 30mg? I feel that I'm getting the side effects of drowsiness and increased appetite without much improvement and really want to believe in this medication.

Sam x

pinkdove
25-04-13, 20:42
:hugs: :hugs: for you sam, really hope you start to feel better soon, god knows you have been through he mill. take a day at a time, and remember things do get better, i found that once i got the right med at the right dose, i felt so much better, but you know there are up and down days, but you will start to have more good days than bad, stay with it, and good luck xxxx

ElizabethJane
25-04-13, 20:48
I found that the drowsiness continued throughout the day. This does wear off but it might take three to four weeks for this to happen. The real effects will not be felt for four to six weeks. Mirtazapine is less sedating on the higher doses ie 30-45mg. I would definitely give it a go. I am trying to reduce to 30mg and that is my choice. If I feel worse then I'll up the mirtazapine again. Not sure what to do about the munches. Try to eat healthily and deal with the diet when you are feeling better.EJ

karenp
26-04-13, 16:22
Sam I hope you feel better in a few weeks, you're not feeling really tearful are you at all?

hanshan
27-04-13, 05:02
Hi Sam,

From an article on the web in a reputable journal (including the fragmentary first sentence):

Dual-Action Antidepressants: Mechanisms of Action and Clinical Use
Gin S. Malhi, MB, ChB, BSc, (Hons.), and Philip B. Mitchell, MD

"At 15 mg/day or less, histamine-mediated side effects, particularly feelings of drowsiness. As the dose is increased, enhanced noradrenergic neurotransmission counterbalances some of these side effects and the recommended dose for treatment of depression is 30 mg/day."

I've seen similar information in a number of locations, and prescribing GPs should be aware of it.

Tufty
27-04-13, 10:19
Thank you all for your comments.

Day 14 15mg Mirt and 400mg Pregab

Day 12 was not good, I had a migraine in the evening so I took some analgesia and woke up feeling much brighter. I had a few wobbles yesterday afternoon as I'd been busier than I had been of late but I saw them through and I felt normal for the first time in 6 weeks or so. I've had a headache the past few days, not the migrainous one I had on Thursday but apart from that I am starting to feel better - more optimistic and energised. So I'll keep with the 15mg for another week or so, I am still tired but didn't sleep as much yesterday and I feel much less doped up. I daren't speak too soon as I've been here before at the start of meds but fingers crossed this one does the trick

Sam x

hanshan
27-04-13, 13:10
Sounds good. Don't be afraid to increase the mirtazapine to 30 mg per day if necessary.

clio51
27-04-13, 23:23
Hi Sam

Well after a bad start, things seem to be looking up for you now.

If your not as tired now and more energy sounds like the dose is levelling now.
Bet your so glad after all this time, I know it's early days yet but I really hope this is the one for you. You have gone through the mill with side effects and deserve a break.

I'm at the psych on Tuesday, don't know what she will say as I've still got that horrible metal/salt taste and my tongue and roof of mouth is really sore.
Tried googling it and it comes up with burning mouth syndrome. Plus I still have days of no motivation, more me pushing myself and i can get waves of anxiety out of the blue. The joys!!

Take care xxx

little wren
28-04-13, 07:01
Good luck sam - it is hard trying to find the right meds at the right dosage - hopefully this will be the right combination for you.

karenp
01-05-13, 08:04
Sam, how are you today? You sound to be doing ok all in all. All quite normal on this drug. I got terrible headaches too but just took a couple of paracetamols. Fingers crossed this is the one to get you well again (:

Tufty
02-05-13, 09:53
Day 19 Mirtazapine 15mg started reducing Pregabalin from 400mg to 350mg a day,

Thank you for your kind comments girls

I'm in a much better place than I was 2 weeks ago but still a way to go. The sleepiness from the Mirtazapine seems to be lifting, I still sleep really well at night and struggle to get up in the morning but I am trying not to return to bed in the day. It is easier with this sunny weather as I can lie in the garden but as usual I have been over doing it and am finding it hard to keep my eyes open by 8pm. I am doing more and thinking less, hence I'm spending less time on NMP, I think it's the drugs numbing my emotions and thinking, but that's OK, I'll get over this blip and reconsider what to do.

I have gained a stone in weight in 3 months and have started reducing the Pregabalin - very slowly. I know both drugs can cause weight gain but consider the Pregabalin to be the easiest one to decrease. I am seeing a counsellor too, this is emotionally hard but I hope it will help in the long term, just talking about me has made me realise how ingrained some of my faulty thinking is.

Love to all
Sam

karenp
02-05-13, 13:47
Sam you are doing great...and it's all perfectly normal the sleep thing..I used to fall asleep every 2 minutes when I was on Mirtazapine and couldn't even stay up for Coronation street most nights, lol...but it does start to ease off and you feel more with it. For me it just didn't really help with anything else other than sleep though which is why I eventually switched to Escitalopram.
I always walked for an hour every morning and couldn't eat much at all during the day but come night time when my anxiety had vanished, I used to hit the fridge or cupboards but never put on any weight because of how much exercise I was getting and only eating at that time. In fact I went really thin but have got a much rounder face now I notice, lol.
One other thing you mentioned was feeling emotionless, at first I used to sit there and feel absolutely no emotion at all at times on Mirtazapine. This didn't last long at all though but was a odd feeling I didn't much like whilst it was happening. Other times I couldn't stop crying so just watch out for that one.
It's really good you are staying occupied as I think that all helps too so good luck lil lady and pop on whenever you can to le tus know how you are getting on, love Karen x

Tufty
18-05-13, 20:48
I've been on Mirtazapine for 5 weeks and Pregabalin for nearly 4 months. I've tried decreasing the Pregabalin a couple of times but get increased anxiety so have quickly returned to 400mg a day. I have recently increased the Mirtazapine, I tried increasing it last week but had a lot on and with the decrease in Pregabalin my anxiety was very high so I delayed it until this week. So I am now taking 30mg Mirtazapine and 400mg Pregabalin.

I am getting some better days but the bad days are still very bad, with deep depression and high anxiety, I'm hoping the increase in Mirtazapine will help with this. Today has not been a good day, I became very down and agitated about 5pm and didn't know what to do with myself so I took 15mg of Mirtazapine and I feel a lot calmer and my mood is brighter, I will take the other 15mg tonight. It's as though 24 hours between dosing of Mirt is too much, but again hopefully in time this will settle.

I have my 1st appointment with the psych on June 10th, I hope by then to be settled on this combination, if not I don't know what she will suggest and that worries me.

I'm still off sick from work, on my good days I think about returning but on my not so good days I realise I am not ready. I am keeping busy though and seeing friends and not isolating myself. I had my CBT assessment this week and am starting the programme (over the phone) next week. I do feel I am making progress but it is slow and bumpy.

Love Sam

Tufty
22-05-13, 09:29
My depression has deepened since increasing the Mirtazapine to 30mg. Why does this always happen to me at about the 5 week mark when I increase an antidepressant??? I don't get it, this is usually the stage I give up but I know I need to see this through and give it a fair chance but 8 weeks is a hell of a long time to feel depressed. I don't know what to do with myself, I'm having a quieter week and not seeing so many people as last week I didn't stop and the thought of seeing people this week terrifies me, I did go out with a friend on Monday and felt absolutely dreadful, she knew I was feeling bad but it was difficult.

My anxiety is generally quite low but I feel helpless and so low. I'm going to walk the dog and do some housework before my telephone CBT and then a doctors appointment. Yesterday I even went for a run to try to boost my mood - it didn't work. I hadn't run for 18 months and it's 2 years ago today that I did a full marathon and my life was good. That seems a lifetime away now, I've been off work for 8 weeks now and am further away from being well than I was two months ago. I will soon go onto half pay because I've had so much sickness in the past 12 months. When does it get better?

SarahH
22-05-13, 11:45
Sam,

Stick with it, it's so tough but it will get better:bighug1: Sometimes I find that if I do too much one day/week I feel worse after. I try to watch comedies (a few episodes of Friends does the trick for me). If you can remember happier times then you know that you can be that way again.
I used to run 6 miles a day (years ago) and when I tried to start running again to boost my mood it infact made me feel worse because I was crap at it and it made me think badly of myself. Walking is now my therapy as I can use Mindfulness which helps me, alongside my CBT.

Take care Sarah

clio51
22-05-13, 13:31
Hi Sam,

Just seen your post as you havnt posted for a while so forget to look.

Think you should stick with it for the longer time, as you don't wont to be changing to something else and getting a start up of new se. I think you've had enough of them to last you a life time.

I think we still get the days where we can do things/places etc then the next time it feels like a nightmare to do them. It does for me still and I've had this episode since July 11, think with me the high level anxiety caused the depression.

You well get there, just don't keep counting the weeks, it will only go when it's ready.
Just try and do what you can when you can, it's a battle.
Sorry I wish I could wave a magic wand for us all and it would go.

See what the doc says later, no don't you don't feel like the cbt today ( maybe you do) I know with me if leaves me with the not interested mode.

Keep in touch, let us know how your doing and don't be to hard on yourself it takes time you know that yourself.

Take care. Xx

Tufty
23-05-13, 09:39
Thanks girls, yesterday was a pretty bad day, I seem to of had more of those in the past 6 months than I have in the past 9 years - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger I guess.

I survived the day without taking any Diazepam so I am proud of that, I did the phone CBT and cried through most of it (which is most unlike me) but she feels I'm doing the right things to help myself and gave me lots of praise which was nice. I have to continue with an action diary, where I have to plan to do things everyday in the routine, pleasurable and necessary groups even if I feel awful and don't want to do anything she said it's important to do some small things to see if it will improve my mood. My GP has added some hormone treatment to my mix of drugs and suggests sticking with this dose of Mirtazapine for another week if possible.

I am almost looking forward to my appointment with the psych on June 10th, I didn't have a good experience with them in the past but am hoping that she will be more empathetic and have a greater understanding of anti anxiety drugs, the appointment can last for an hour and a quarter so I am hoping it will be positive.

Today I feel more anxious and am sweating more and still have diarrhoea, typical symptoms of anxiety I know but also typical of me with SSRI drugs. I know Mirtazapine isn't a SSRI but I think by increasing the dose it has increased my serotonin and that's why I am getting some of these symptoms now. So, I will continue until next Tuesday at 30mg, if I'm still the same I will decrease to 22.5mg. I couldn't tolerate Prozac at 20mg a day but at 20mg every 36 hours I didn't have any side effects and minimal anxiety and no depression - if only I knew now back then I would of continued with that impractical regime.

Right, I'm off to do my planned activities for today, walk the dog (pleasurable), then to do some bookwork at my husbands shop (necessary), do the weekly shop (routine), go for a run (supposed to be pleasurable but not!)

Sam

hanshan
23-05-13, 10:10
Hi Sam,

I'm so sorry to hear of your week 5 problems. From my limited understanding, mirtazapine is a bit tricky as it affects histamine, serotonin and noradrenaline neurotransmitters differently at different levels. This may make getting the right dose difficult.

Persist on to week 8 or so. By then, you should know if it's working for you or not.

Good luck.

SarahH
24-05-13, 22:43
Keep going Sam:hugs:

clio51
24-05-13, 22:47
Hi Sam,

How's it going ? What you been up to today, any better for you. X

Tufty
25-05-13, 10:59
I'm still here! Thanks for your kind words and advice.

It's 6 weeks today since I started Mirtazapine and I'm still struggling. I am getting some very low moments but I have improved during the day for the last two days so hopefully that means that it is coming right. I'm sticking to my behavioural therapy - acting my way out of depression but it's bloomin hard. Yesterday I walked the dog with very dark thoughts, then went into town and took some things back that I'd been putting off and started to feel better.

We then had my daughters leavers assembly, we had to be there for 1.50 and were sat in the middle of a row with approx. 15 people each side of us at the very back of the hall, with our backs against a wall and approx. 200 people sat in front of us. The children didn't start coming in until 2 and it went on for an hour, I had the start of a panic and had very cold hands and feet and felt sick but I did it :D. I didn't give myself the option of fleeing, I told myself no matter what I had to sit there and let the panic do its worse as I wouldn't let my daughter down and the panic couldn't harm me. I even stayed and chatted with some mums for half an hour.

To celebrate her leaving school we later went out for dinner, we hadn't gone out as a family since March. I was a little anxious on arrival at the Indian restaurant she chose but we were seated next to a table with two very, very drunk men and immediately my heart skipped a beat. They were talking loudly, swearing lots and it me uncomfortable, not that my children are that young but I dislike being around very drunk people. I almost ran, I wanted to say to my husband - look I feel very uncomfortable with those men and can we go somewhere else - but I didn't, I asked the children if they were bothered by them and they weren't so I sat it out. The panic did decrease and I made lots of conversation to drown out their drunken ramblings. Luckily they left before us and the waiters apologised for them but we understood that if they were confronted about their language and behaviour it could of made the whole thing worse. So if wasn't a great night but it was OK and I did it :yahoo:.

I'm still feeling anxious and depressed but it doesn't seem quite as bad as earlier in the week. Weekends can sometimes be worse for me as there is no routine so I'm going to carry on with my behavioural diary and try to continue planning my day.

Sam

clio51
25-05-13, 21:28
Well done Sam! Give yourself a pat on the back you done brilliant.

Think mornings are the worst for us anxiety/depression peep, don't know why is it because subconsciously we are hoping we are ok and without knowing it were checking ourselves through without realizing. The when we get started were not so focused on ourselves. Uh I don't know, just know it's not a good feeling.

God time goes so quickly doesn't seem that long since you started the mirt.

Bet you can't believe she's left school, how does she think she's done in her GCSE does it come natural for her. Is she going college or work Sam.
Nice you were able to go,and then the meal even though it was a bit nosey and you stayed well done don't know if I could of stayed my anxiety would of been high I would of probably gone into myself and gone quite so great that you kept talking.

It is hard to push yourself to go and do things, I try to do this when anxiety not to high otherwise I would just flee so that way I feel I'm doing something. Just got to start seeing people now instead of thinking I'll panick and show myself up.

Take care. Xx

nicola1980
26-05-13, 00:16
Well done Sam it sounds like your coping brilliantly you should be proud of yourself, when i was on mirt i noticed my mood plummeted when i went up to 30mg hence me coming off it but in hindsight i was doing ok on 15mg so maybe i didn't need to increase? Your being so brave and strong hun, keep it up and we'll all get there in the end x x x

Tufty
26-05-13, 14:47
Thank you girls your comments and support are really helping at the moment and keeping me going.

My daughter is amazing Brenda, both my children are good students but she is very academic and will go on to study A levels and then Uni all being well. She's is very focused on her studies and is revising as we speak, even though it's half term, she has a boyfriend and sees her friends and they are all the same, they all realise that to get anywhere now you need good grades - it's a bit different from our day, I don't know about you but I couldn't wait to leave school.

Yep, my mood has definitely plummeted Nicola, since Christmas this has happened 3 times - after 5/6 weeks on Escitalopram, 2/3 on Sertraline and now week 5/6 on Mirtazapine. I was managing OK on the 15mg too and will drop back down to 22.5 and see how that goes I think.

So 6 weeks in and my mood is as low as it has ever been. I feel close to tears 24/7 and cry easily, I am mute and find it hard to find the energy to speak or find the words I need my voice has even changed in its pitch and tone, the left side of my face is numb, my wrists and hips ache and I feel weak - climbing the stairs wears me out (and to think 4 days ago I went for a run) my left hand is swollen and I feel crap! I could go on but you get the picture.

I can't go on like this, it is not right and fair on me or my family so I am going to decrease the Mirtazapine to 22.5mg and see if that makes a difference. I'm starting to think that psychotropic drugs and me do not get on at all, even on the Prozac which I took for nearly 9 years I had joint pain, low mood and increased anxiety if I took it at the therapeutic dose so I took it at low dose and stayed well.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sun wherever they are

Sam

clio51
26-05-13, 22:01
Hope your days improved Sam, excellent your children are like that about their education.
Yer I was the same as you couldn't wait to leave in my year at school I could leave at the Easter due to birthday as I was already 16 then.

Take each day as it comes,the psych may have some different idea's at meds as doctors can only prescribe certain meds and it's not long off. My first visit wasn't a good experience,she had to go out to see somebody and wasn't there. I started to get upset I was that desperate to see her,any way she came back whilst I was still there and then told me she only could give me 10 mins!!! No way I thought I'm here now and you'll listen to how bad I feel.I was in for 40mins! Just shows you,10 mins!

Don't feel guilty and hard on yourself as your family know how hard it is for you at the moment and understand its very hard for you and you wouldn't be like that normally.
Your doing brilliant considering all the SE you have had to put up with.

Well I've been to Blackpool this afternoon, God there are some sites there!. Just had a nice leisurely walk down the prom,stayed about hour and half then came home and had take away curry.

Wished I lived your way or Cornwall,love all those quaint village's and coves and lovely beaches. Would love a cottage near the beach, when I win the lottery.

Take care xx

nicola1980
27-05-13, 00:24
Sam hun Im sending you huge :hugs: you've fought so hard this year with different meds its so unfair :-( i hope the decrease helps you but at least you have an appointment with a psychiatrist now so they should sort your meds out, stay strong chick, i know how hard it is, lots of love x x x

Tufty
29-05-13, 09:49
6+ weeks on Mirtazapine now and still taking Pregabalin at 350mg

I reduced the Mirtazapine to 22.5mg after an awful 10 days, it's not much better to be honest and I feel very low, fed up and hopeless.

Last night I came to bed at 7.30 as I was achy and tired and slept until 8.30 this morning, I have mouth ulcers and feel horrible. I've got my telephone CBT at 2, before each call I do a questionnaire to monitor my anxiety and depression and in the 3 weeks I've been doing it my depression has increased dramatically.

I'm trying to do everything to help myself, like exercise, relaxation and seeing friends but it's becoming really hard again. I've got to the 'what's the point' again, everything I take seems to make me worse and nothings going to help me - bloody drugs, I wasn't this bad before starting on them.

12 days until the psych and I am praying that she is a good one, that I can have faith in her and she listens. I know not to expect miracles and I am not sure what she will be able to offer but I desperately need some hope at this point

Sam

daisydaisy
29-05-13, 11:13
Hi Sam,

I wanted to post something here as I read your thread from start to finish and I felt so inspired by your bravery and determination to get there and the way in which even on your worst days you have got on with life or whatever needed doing. I don't have much I feel I can offer in the way of advice as it seems like you are doing everything you can and you have a psych referral which I hope will be useful and good for you and your recovery. I just wanted to wish you well and I hope you have a better day today.

I have recently switched from fluox to Mirt (day 5) so all very new to me. I had a pretty rubbish day yesterday and stayed in bed but today I am determined to get out. I am walking the dogs with my mother in law and going to costa- I really don't want to do this but I know I should at least try.

Wishing everyone a good or better day.

Xx

karenp
31-05-13, 06:37
Sam I am thinking of you as always, no one should have to suffer like this so much. I agree with Nicola so so much.
Clio I now what you mean about Blackpool, ha ha! It's no longer the family town it used to be is it? I only went for the day the other week too and spent over £100 on nothing, well we did go in the wax works I suppose.
Sam I'm just thinking back to when I took Mirtazapine,it made my mood very low indeed and my anxiety through the roof so do you think this is another one not helping at all? It may also just be that you need longer on it as my ex Hubby took it and it worked very well for him in the end but like all ad's it didn't happen over night but I just look at my own experiences now that if I start getting good days quite early on the the meds has a good chance of getting me well but if not then it's wrong for me. Good luck yet again you poor luv xxx

SarahH
31-05-13, 07:20
Sam,

thinking of you...please stay strong...the Psych will have another idea..they always do!

Tufty
31-05-13, 09:15
Thank you all so much, your comments really help me when I feel crap.

I'm down to 15mg Mirtazapine without any problems so far but early days, the crying I was getting at 30mg has stopped. I feel shakey and low and scared but trying to keep going - there's no other option I know but the days are difficult to survive. It's 7 weeks today on the Mirtazapine, I don't know how much longer to give it Karen, I feel less depressed on the lower dose but a long way from well.

I'm managing to go out and try to do normal stuff as I know it is the only way to get better, but I am starting to avoid seeing friends as a)I'm worried that it will make me feel worse and I'll panic and b)I'm embarrassed as I'm off work and feel guilty too. It's been half term week here so I've had less structure to my day too which doesn't help.

I truly hope this psych can help me, I feel a lost cause at the moment and desperately want to get better

Sam

SarahH
31-05-13, 09:26
Sam,
without wishing to sound in anyway annoying. Please try to hang onto to positive thinking.. YOU HAVE gone out with friends, YOU ARE trying to be active and your are NOT lying in bed all day. CBT teaches to hang on to positive rather than negative thoughts. This will pass :bighug1:

Tufty
31-05-13, 09:39
Thank you Sarah, wise words I know. My boss cancelled lunch with me the other day and it set me off crying, I've lost perspective and it sometimes feels like the whole world is against me :wacko: I'm normally a positive person and don't worry about much at all, which is odd as I get panic attacks I know. The feelings of panic always come from a place within me and not from anything in the outside world, I'm good in a crisis, capable and fast thinking.

It's the feeling of going backwards that is upsetting me and making me feel hopeless. I guess I need to turn that around and think about how strong I will be when I am better, how much a have learnt and I am amazed at how much I have gone through already but am still here.

This will pass, I will feel well again and appreciate life so much more

Thanks again
Sam

How are you Sarah?

and Joy how are you? Haven't seen you on here for ages but often see your posts when I'm trawling through the site! I think you've been on every medication that I've tried, how is Prozac suiting you?

clio51
31-05-13, 11:06
The mind is a mystery things pop into our head from out ofv nowhere sometimes which as an effect on how we feel and act all very bizarre! My psych once said to me there doesn't have to be a reason that triggers off our anxiety/depression, because I kept saying I don't know why I've got this I don't have any major things going on in my life ie redundancy,divorce,house move etc

Sam you are very very determining person, a lot of people would be bed bound and become agoraphobic by now but you have kept going which shows you are a very strong person.
It's very hard dealing with feeling s..t everyday and it pulls you down no wonder we end up depressed. We won't to feel better so much and quickly that we count the days even now the 7/8 month I've been on venlafaxine I still have days when I feel like I'm back to square one and I'm no better. But I know I am because I was a real mess but it still goes through my mind. Sometimes I think I've got dysthymia as I can't really remember when I could say to myself God I was really happy then, everything is just ok or alright with me.

Don't lose faith Sam it's very hard I know but just think 10 more days to your psych appointment I'm sure she will add something in.when I went I cried most of the appointment and felt sick a real mess I thought I was ready for the psych ward.even when she said the next week I'll see you in 3 months I freaked aghh no that's ages away but she wanted to see how I went on the increase and I had my worker to contact in emergency. But I still wasn't happy bloody NHS now.

Don't put pressure on yourself there's carrying on but there's a time when you only do what you have to.

Take care. X

SarahH
31-05-13, 18:30
Sam,

I am no psychologist but I spent 7 years in therapy (you name it I've done it...really:shrug:) I can only say what I have experienced. I know for me learning what was deep rooted, my fears and life experiences, gave me understanding about "why" my anxiety would come from nowhere. Knowing the "why" helped to stop it.......which helped lift the depression :hugs:

---------- Post added at 18:30 ---------- Previous post was at 18:22 ----------

....oh and I am better each week Sam. Just saw the Dr today and my HAD score for depression is down to 3 from 11 and HAD score for anxiety is down to 8 from 18!!!!!! And considering ALL my family have flown off to Sardinia for my nephews wedding (today) and left me behind as I could not cope with flying at the moment that's a bloody miracle.

Keep posting Sam, even if it's asking questions...we may be able to help xx

karenp
03-06-13, 20:43
Oh Sam, I am so so sorry Mirtazapine's not really helping you...it made me very depressed too and dare I say it, suicidal at times. I used to cry all the time on it as well, are you going to continue and hope everything evens out or come off it? You must be so fed up now you poor luv. I cam e n this thread hoping you'd finally feel so much better xxx

clio51
09-06-13, 18:59
Hi Sam,

Hope things have been a touch better for you, just want to say hope all goes well tomorrow for you.

Xx

karenp
10-06-13, 06:52
Sam thinking of you as always xxx

Tufty
10-06-13, 14:54
Thank you for your kind comments girls x

8 weeks on Mirtazapine and 4 months on Pregabalin

I reduced the mirtazapine back down to 15mg 2 weeks ago after being on 30mg for 2 weeks and I started to feel better after a few days. The crying stopped as did the feeling empty and drugged up. I have continued the pregabalin at 350mg but took 400mg for a couple of days last week when I had an increase in anxiety and a panic attack for no apparent reason. This did help the anxiety and I am going to go back up to 400mg regularly.

So today I saw a psychiatrist, it was for an assessment only which I didn't know, they do not see you regularly, basically they write back to your gp with advice and refer you on to CBT if necessary. It was OK but not brilliant, I went with the belief that I wanted to go back onto Prozac as I am not happy taking so much medication, it seems odd to be taking two types of tablets when I was taking one Prozac every other day and it had the same effect, well better to be honest. The psych took my history, although an hour isn't long when you've had anxiety and depression for nearly 20 years and have run the gauntlet with drugs. Anyway, she said I was on an excellent combination and should stick with it for another two months. In her opinion Mirtazapine takes along time to reach full efficacy and I should stay on it as I've had so many changes of meds and this is the easiest to tolerate. She recommended going up to 400 of pregabalin and increasing to 600 if I have any further panic episodes. I complained about the weight gain and tiredness and she said to take both drugs at 6pm with another dose of pregabalin at 7 am to combat the tiredness and said the weight gain would stop now and I should loose weight with the exercise I am doing.

So I'm not overjoyed with the consult and it's outcome but it went as I expected really. It would be great if she said there's this brand new drug out that will banish anxiety and depression with no side effects :D but not today unfortunately, we live in hope.

Life is still not easy and I don't feel happy much but I am hoping this will come as the weeks pass, she has given me more faith in the drugs if nothing else. I'm now in a conundrum as what to do about work, I could go back and see how I am in two months and if I need to change meds then take more time off as I don't tolerate the SSRI start up side effects well or I can stay off sick - which is a no brainier really - if I stay off sick I won't know if I'm better cos I will have too much time to ruminate.

Has anyone on mirtazapine found that they continue to improve at the 8-14 week mark? Interestingly she said that the lower doses do work better for some people and to stick at 15 if that seems ok to me, she said more time rather than more drug was needed.

Sam

clio51
12-06-13, 20:43
Hi Sam

How's it going? ,you made any discision regarding work. What about going working in your shop for couple afternoons to break you days up just to see how you manage rather than going back to work and finding it to much. Just a thought

take care x

nicola1980
12-06-13, 20:52
Hi Sam, sounds like you got on ok at the psychiatrist, i couldn't tolerate mirt any higher than 15mg, when i went up to 30mg i got worse but the 15mg was great for sleep and Would've ideally liked to have combined that with the venlafaxine which is possible but my psychiatrist wouldn't let me so i have to relay on zop if i want a decent nights sleep :-( quick with it hun your doing great and don't rush back to work take your time x x x

Tufty
12-06-13, 21:02
I want to go back to work 2 half days a week in two weeks time, I go to my husbands shop when I can and the distraction does help but when I'm feeling low it doesn't help and I don't manage to stay there long. I spoke with my manager today about my return and she is in agreement that I take it slow and if I need time off in the future that it will be OK.

I expected to feel down after the psych doc review on Monday but it has hit me hard. I wanted her to agree to my suggestion that I stop Mirtazapine as I've been on it for 9 weeks without improvement, but she disagreed. I decided to accept this and compromise at taking it for another 3 weeks and if I didn't improve to then ask my GP for a change. However since Monday I have felt awful, I feel detached, I cannot concentrate, my anxiety is higher and today I have felt on the verge of panic all day. I have continued to see my friends as planned and chatted and walked as normal but that uneasy feeling has been with me all day.

I'm scared and don't know what to do. If I go back to my GP and say I want to stop the Mirtazapine I think they will say I am going against the psych instructions and won't allow me to change. I know we should always follow our docs instructions but don't you think that sometimes we know ourselves better than any one else and only we can decide what is best for us. I feel like reducing the Mirtazapine and seeing how I feel. I don't think I could feel much worse, tonight I came to bed at 7pm as I couldn't form words properly, was shaking and feeling like I was on another planet completely, it's distressing not only for me but for my family also.

Sam

I

Snoodlester
12-06-13, 21:26
Hi Sam
Sorry you're still struggling with mirt - I am too to be honest. I've now gone to another GP (this is the 4th now!) and feel he's actually listening to me. He's prescribed propanalol to help with the physical symptoms and said that if that doesn't help, to go back and see about changing the mirt. None of the GPs has ever mentioned help other than CBT which I started last week, but at this stage I'm not sure about it. As you say, we know our bodies best, and can feel when something isn't working - maybe go with your gut instinct?

Sue x

clio51
12-06-13, 22:39
Hi Sam,
Regards work if you feel low and can't manage to stay in the shop how you going to manage work? If you feel work will doyou some good then go for it,you've nothing to loose if your manager said it's ok if it doesn't work out.

The physcharist visit, I think we go there with the idea in our head that there the best person and think we will be sorted. So when we don't get the answers we won't to hear it effects us. When I went back last time yer I'm nothing like I was in the the beginning(suicidal almost) I still came home and felt really down and couldn't be bothered talking and miserable,I felt like this for a few days and I cancelled my care coordinator coming to see me as I couldn't be bothered! Why I felt like this I don't know.

I must say though Sam It took months for some change in me, I was still not really eating,crying,in a world of my own. So maybe it's still early days on mirt? Mine started back in Sept 11 remember that's nearly 2 years for me and I'm only just feeling myself some days. There isn't a time limit on depression/anxiety, so concentrate on getting better not how long it's been.

I really feel for you,feeling like you do its a horrible place to be.You will get better Sam time is a great healer. You have got to of been through it to know what your feeling it's an horrendous feeling.

Take care you, xx:hugs:

SarahH
13-06-13, 13:39
Hi Sam,

Sometimes after seeing a psyc in my experience it can make you feel worse for a while.

Why not go back to work for a couple of hours a day rather than full days which could be a struggle. I kept being told "little steps" are better than large one which can then mean you do the old 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.

Your post after seeing the psyc seemed upbeat and positive but the next post seemed less so...........9 weeks is only a short time on this combination, your could give it a little longer just to see :bighug1:

daisydaisy
14-06-13, 22:38
Hi Sam,

Don't know if you have read my thread in the Mirt section but I have recently returned to work (phased) and like you have wondered what the Mirt is doing for me other than making me sleepy in the evenings etc but I haven't been taking it as long as yourself. If you really want to reduce or come off Mirt then you have the right to a say in what happens its your body and I agree you know in yourself how you feel. I would say to see your doctor and discuss it but yes he/she may side with your psychiatrist as they have started a plan for you. The alternative is that you could carry on until your next psych appt and then say that you have given it a shot and enough time and could you now try the reduction? I think the problems with these meds is that they do take time and it is a bit of a stab in the dark with regards to what doseage will be therapeutic for any of us and in what combination. Looking back at your thread you seem to have been through so much with meds and different combos and you really are at a stage where you should have say over what you want to happen with support from the relevant medical teams. I think some of it has to be psychosomatic too in the sense that if you don't feel a med or doseage is working for you it could have adverse affects anyways if you see what I mean as we lose faith but that's just my opinion. Prozac worked for me first time around but not during this episode so that's when I switched to Mirt.

I was out of work for 6 weeks in total with one attempt in between to go back which was not timed right and looking back I don't know how I did it but this time around we agreed to a very gradual phase. It wasn't easy as I started this week- I had a lot of anticipatory anxiety but once I got going again it went ok (I work in recruitment) I felt better in the sense I wasn't just alone with my thoughts and it gave me a purpose. Prior to this I was spending a lot of time at home alone as my partner works long hours. For me this time around it has been the right decision to go back phased but I am all too aware that I could relapse at any point but just trying to go with it. I started counselling around 4 weeks ago too through my employer and this had helped somewhat. I have just been offered some phone CBT too- not very hopeful for this but going to give it a shot.

Could you perhaps start back with some very reduced and phased hours and a time table of stuff to do e.g something like work 10-2pm with some activities built in to your day and perhaps in your first week back or for two or three weeks some non working days so working maybe a few days with some rest days initially? Perhaps if this is successful it will give you the confidence to get back full time or if you can manage perhaps you could go part time as reading your thread before it did seem like you enjoyed work to some extent and have a supportive team and manager. I think either way if you don't try you may never know and like your manager has said they will support you either way.

I hope you have a relaxing weekend and I wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide.

Daisy xx

karenp
15-06-13, 09:11
Sam I am so sorry you are still feeling so ill, I was really rooting for you that Mirtazapine would help even though it never helping me either. Just wanted to let you know I had popped on to see how you are, hugs Karen xxx

Tufty
17-06-13, 22:04
9 + weeks Mirtazapine and 5 months Pregabalin

Sorry to report the Mirtazapine still hasn't improved my mood or anxiety levels. I've read the published blurb and it all says that Mirtazapine is the fastest working antidepressant with improvement often seen within 2 weeks which can continue until the full effect is felt at 8 weeks. So 9 weeks in and I'm out, I had a brief respite at weeks 1-3 but it's been all downhill since then.

The past week has been crap, I expected to feel deflated after seeing the psych last Monday but I mentally put that behind me and decided to get on and continue with the meds. On Wednesday my mood plummeted and has been very low ever since. So I am now reducing Mirtazapine and I feel no better, no worse and I look forward to getting off it. My weight is increasing again, it had levelled out but now I am heavier than I have ever been, even when 9 months pregnant and it's not helping my mood. I feel fat, miserable, bloated, anxious and ill and bloody fed up.

I can't even think about further meds at the moment, the Pregabalin isn't doing much for the anxiety at the moment but I'll save judgement until I'm off the Mirtazapine.

I'm going into work tomorrow to have a coffee and a chat, I'm not feeling well enough to go back now, I don't think I'll be reliable enough I'll wait until I'm off the Mirt. It feels like my life is on hold until then.

Thank you for all your kind messages

Love Sam

clio51
18-06-13, 00:22
Or Sam I feel for you,you are amazing no way could I be trying all those meds!! I know I would freak out big style. You have girl power lol, and you havnt crumbled under it all.

Like you say "what next??" I can't imagine how you feel you must be driving yourself mad with it all. It's horrible when you don't know where to turn to next and hit a brick wall it really stresses you out.
Try not to bring yourself down,your a demon! Theres not many who would carry on like you have been doing doing your a fighter! There's no doubt about it.

Like oh said don't be rushing back to work right now as this could have big impact you need to get yourself stable first.

Take care,keep posting were all here for you. Xx

Tufty
18-06-13, 17:04
Thank you, thank you, thank you Brenda :hugs:that's just what I needed to hear. I am a bloody minded, strong person (and modest too:blush:) and this is part of the reason I find meds such a nightmare, I want to feel me, be quick thinking, motivated, alert and most importantly in control, and these meds aren't allowing this. Low dose Prozac was the only one that allowed me to function at a level I am happy at.

I went in to work today and explained how I feel and how I feel about work and it was obvious that I'm not ready, so I'll have another 3 weeks off at least. I think I'll need that time to come off these meds before tentatively thinking about starting Prozac again.

Thanks again Brenda - oh and my burning mouth is still fizzling and tingly away, I sometimes poke my tongue out in the mirror as I'm sure it must show signs of this constant burning feeling put apart from being red around the edges it looks normal - it should have fireworks exploding from it.

I saw a psychologist today and am starting eye movement desensitisation next Tuesday. He was certain that it will help me so I'll keep you posted. I felt better just talking to someone about past problems. I am still waiting to hear from the local NHS psychology support service as my CBT has finished, luckily I was able to see the psychologist today through a work based scheme.

I also got the letter from the psych today, a copy of the letter she sent to my GP, there were many errors in the information about me but I won't dwell on that, it said to continue with the current meds but to consider a change if they are ineffective in line with Maudsleys prescribing recommendations. So I have looked up Maudsley's recommendations re switching or stopping antidepressants and it says if there is no improvement after 4 weeks increase the dose if appropriate (which I did and I failed to improve, and actually plummeted) and if this is unsuccessful to consider stopping and switching. I don't feel too bad now about deciding to stop Mirtazapine but it would be nice for some medical support. I don't have a doctors appointment until next week, I will tell her what I've done and reasons why and hope she understands.

I still feel crap but I feel less sedated, I am able to think faster and that in turn makes me less depressed. The anxiety is about the same, I had a numb/tingly face whilst driving to see the psychologist, I don't know if it was anxiety or the effect of Pregabalin, it lasted for about an hour but went whilst I was in the waiting area, which I would imagine would of been more anxiety provoking, I just can't work this anxiety out - it has a schedule of its own I think

Love Sam

clio51
19-06-13, 12:11
Hi Sam,

It's bloody true lol ! No way could I have tried all those meds.

I too like to be in control of things, do you think that's one of anxiety suffers problems control!

don't mention burning mouth syndrome!!!! My tongue is white??? Horrible taste from one to another, very dry ,sore roof of mouth oh and the tongue aghhhh.

Good you try ing something new, I say try anything if its free! Let's know how you get on

're doc, she can't say much Sam it's not like you havnt given them a go is it.

I find its hard to determ weather symptoms are med related or anxiety? How the he'll do you know? Like you with the face tingling and then like you say waiting room and it had stopped
And me with this mouth syndrome is it anxiety or med,but I have been much more anxious to the state of panic and not had the mouth syndrome????

If you think to much about anxiety! It's even to send you mad lol

Take care xx

SarahH
19-06-13, 17:32
Hi Sam,

EMDR is very good and helped me enormously with anxiety about my past.
Good luck with the Mirt withdrawal...you seem to know what you are doing and if it makes you feel so bad lets hope you will feel alot better off it. Maybe the pregabalin alone will be effective. It keeps me calm and when I have a bad attack of anxiety I take 0.5mg of Lorazepam which seems to do the trick.

You are such an upbeat person so stay strong Sam.

:bighug1:

karenp
20-06-13, 07:09
Good luck with your wd Sam, if it does get bad all I can tell you is it soon passes...I went right up to 45mg's too and it just seemed to make me more poorly. I really am rooting for you that there is another medication that can help you out there somewhere or the Pregablin on it's own works as I would def say Mirtazapine caused me to feel much much worse than better. Zillions of hugs to you darl xxxxxxxxx

hanshan
20-06-13, 11:48
Hi Sam,

If you're nine weeks in and still suffering, then it's either (a) doing nothing, or (b) making you feel worse. If you stop, you have to take into account that you may get withdrawal symptoms that make you feel even worse.

If you decide to stop, go reasonably slowly (not too slow). Then you can decide whether you feel better or no better, and go from there.

clio51
23-06-13, 11:13
Sam, how's it going hun?

Tufty
23-06-13, 11:53
Thanks for the comments and advice everyone :)

I'm OK, better than I have been for the last month. I reduced the Mirtazapine to 7.5mg for 6 days then to 3.75 for 3 days and have had none for 60 hours or so. I started feeling nauseas and dizzy on the 3.75mg dose, in the hours before the tablet was due and had a couple of bad panic attacks but since stopping them the nausea and dizziness are improving.

It was 10 weeks on Mirtazapine, I think I gave it long enough and do not regret stopping them at all. I feel more anxious for sure but not as depressed, I feel more hopeful again. I am sleeping well and feel more like me, I felt slowed down and always sedated on Mirtazapine, I'm starting to feel livelier. It's early days and I have read members accounts of coming off Mirtazapine which sound awful, so I am hoping that I've been lucky and the Pregabalin I'm taking has softened the withdrawal symptoms.

Does anyone have any experience of coming of Mirtazapine, if so am I likely to experience worsening withdrawal symptoms? I took 15mg for 8+ weeks, 7.5 for 6 days, 3.75 for 3 days and this will be the third night without taking it and I feel OK :shrug:

I'm unsure where to go next. My sleep and appetite are normal. I wake feeling anxious but not climbing the walls with panic. I worry that I took Prozac for so long that I am dependant on that for feeling OK, when I stopped it last year I became down after 6 weeks off it. I know I haven't got any SSRI left in me now but still have the Mirtazapine, I couldn't feel it doing anything positive but it must of affected my brain chemicals. When I take the medication I feel worse and suffer with many side effects and feel better when stopping but then the self doubt and negative thinking start and the cycle begins again!

So, I'm still undecided. To restart Prozac or not? I've been off work for 11 weeks now, I know my wellbeing is the most important thing but work is part of the jigsaw to help me recover and I want to return to work but don't want to go off again and if I need to restart Prozac that is likely. I was on Prozac for nearly 9 years and had some really good times on it but also had some anxious times particularly when traveling away from home. Prozac got me out of a very low and frightened place in 2004 but I'm not convinced about it's efficacy as an anti anxiety drug for me but I never took it daily so I guess there may lie the problem. Oh the decisions.

Love to all
Sam

clio51
23-06-13, 22:59
Really hope things improve for you this next coming week,you seem to be doing ok on the withdrawal hope it continues for you. As you say it my be because you are still on the pregablin who knows!

You say your sleeping and eating normally, has anxiety never effected your sleeping or eating?only asking as it does me dramatically what's your worse anxiety symptoms?

Maybe you might be better off on none! And say use something for as and when anxiety? As you say you don't feel as depressed now just a thought.
Are you still staying on the pregablin? Or reducing that in time as well.

You have a few decisions to way up which are not easy,see how you go on that will deter where you go next I think.

Take care xx

nicola1980
24-06-13, 02:38
Hi Karen hun i came off mirt, in the space of 2 weeks i went from 30mg to 0 and i did get pretty bad withdrawals but they came on immediatey so id say you would have them by now if you were going to get them. I really admire your strength and determination and you should be very proud of yourself as you have shown immense courage over the past few months, there's not many people including myself that could cope with all the med changes, your a strong person hun and you will come out the other side, remember you've beaten this before and you will again, take the time off work to recover as you must be exhausted and get lots of rest, things will improve i promise, it just takers time and patience which you've shown you've got, life can be very cruel at times and if your anything like me you'll be asking yourself why me? Well my signature says it all that's what i like to think anyway! I really hope you start to feel better soon, lots of love and hugs x x

SarahH
24-06-13, 18:31
Hi Sam (this thread now :)) How about not taking prozac for a while and giving yourself a break from all the mixing of drugs? Maybe the low mood/depression is because of all the changes to your body over the months. Anxiety made me low/depressed and tired. Now I am trying to tackle the anxiety I dont feel depressed.

I know I am not a Dr and you know yourself better than anyone so it was just a thought:blush:

Sarah

Tufty
27-06-13, 22:53
So back to the beginning I go and back to my old friend Fluoxetine.

Things that I have learnt in my 8 months off Fluoxetine are
1) All SSRI's exacerbate my anxiety in the early weeks of taking them
2) All antidepressants seem to lower my mood before it starts improving
3) I do not like feeling sedated
4) There is no 'best' pill, it's what gives you the least side effects that is best for me
5) I am stronger than I believed
6) Taking Diazepam in the early stages of an SSRI is a good thing and I do not need to tough it out
7) I can spell Fluoxetine
8) I should stick with a drug for 12 weeks before giving up :blush:

I feel embarrassed that I'm back to the beginning but it's me that's put up with the horrible side effects of the drugs so I could kick myself. Looking back I have no regrets stopping Sertraline or Mirtazapine - I felt awful on Sertraline. my mood plummeted with no windows of hope and Mirtazapine was not a good experience either. I wish I'd stuck with Escitalopram for another week, I was in a very bad place when I stopped it at 6 weeks and didn't think I could continue taking it and my mood bounced back as soon as I stopped it, but who knows it may of settled.

I stopped taking Mirtazapine a week ago and have had few side effects. I started Fluoxetine a few days a go and am feeling rubbish, but I'm not thinking it is the Mirtazapine withdrawal but I may be wrong. I feel sick, constant nausea where I've had to lie down for most of the day. I wake feeling panicky - but it's not as bad as I've had in the past with SSRI's. Tonight I felt a wave of panic, combined with a low mood and feelings of helplessness and became distraught, but 1mg Diazepam, my normal 150mg Pregabalin, 40mg Propanolol and a bath and I feel better again. That's the thing I remember about Fluox my mood seesaws quite quickly but dramatically.

I'm only taking 7mg Fluox, I'm doing the Cranzac method. I aim to go up to 10mg in a week, this had usually been enough for me but I'll see how I am after 2 or 3 weeks on that. I have to return to work in 3 weeks time, I can't afford to be off any longer and am on half pay so I don't want to delay my recovery further by staying on a too low dose but know that 20mg can make me quite jittery, so it'll be trial and error again to see what works best. My doctors not offering me any support and my CBT person was referring me to a psychologist but failed to phone me last week to tell me when I would be seen so I'm going to have to tough it out again.

Hopefully this will be it guys, no more changes. It's not going to be easy but I need to stick this one out.

Love Sam

clio51
28-06-13, 00:04
Bloody hell Sam you took some finding you lol:)

really feel for you, hope going back to cipralex does it again for you!! You are desperately due some restbite from all this anxiety/depression s...

Eat some ginger biscuits to stop the nausea,if it doesn't go ask your doc for anti sickness tablets or go to the chemist.

Think like you say you have too stick with this now for 12 weeks at least to give it a really good time to get into your system.

Pity you havnt got any support! As I think we all need reassurance(even if we do know what there saying)you could do with a cpn or support worker just to talk about how you feeling and doing.

Take care hun,and look after yourself xxx

Ps where do you find all your info from. Ie cranzac.

SarahH
28-06-13, 11:54
We Will give you support Sam!!!!! I know it's not the same but we will try:)

What is the Cranzac approach?

My Dr said I should not be afraid to take my valium and also to take it BEFORE the anxiety gets really bad as it's harder to come back down from an extreme high. You could try the propananol, give it 30 mins then if that doesn't work take the diazapam.

Good luck....and stick at it....keep posting :bighug1:

Sarah

Janine
28-06-13, 12:13
e Sam I have been reading your threads and all you have been going through with all the different drugs, You sent me a message when I first when on Fluxotiene last September and I was really going through a really bad time with the side effects, I really was at rock bottom many a time with it but at six weeks it started to turn around, I am on 20mg which is what I started on, looking back now I should have used my diazapan more to help me, I am on 160mg propanolol slow release which were upped from 80mg when I was really bad and that really helped so much. I am lucky as I have a brilliant doctor.

Just wanted to help a little bit as how you say you are feeling at the minute is how I felt, I could not eat or have any energy and spent many a day rocking on the sofa or bed but there is light at the end of the tunnel hopefully for you this time.

xx

Tufty
28-06-13, 12:20
Thanks girls, you're both spot on with your advice but I'm one step ahead! :D My daughter got me some ginger biscuits yesterday and I've eaten two today so that's better than yesterday and I took 3 x 40mg Propanolol yesterday and have already taken two today and it does seem to take the edge off the panic.

In this UK Prozac only comes in 20mg, so the Cranzac method allows you to start at a low dose and build up to that. You open the capsules and poor the powder into a fruit juice, (cranberry is the preferred one) one capsule for 20mls of juice so you end up with 1ml juice = 1mg Prozac. With a syringe from the chemist I am taking 7mg a day and will build up to 10mg and stick at that for a few weeks. The solution is stable in a fridge for 20 days, according to people that have investigated it. I didn't want to jump in at 20mg and opening the capsules and taking half is not very accurate so I thought I'd give this way a go - it tastes foul though :)

Thank you all for the support, I have phoned the CBT place back this morning, she apologised for not phoning but said I am 10th on the waiting list for more intensive help. I don't know what this will be, it depends what the therapist decides after assessing me again. She thinks I should hear in the next week or two as there are lots of therapists in the team and the waiting list moves quickly.

I cancelled the EDMR today, it's an hour travelling each way and I couldn't face it with the nausea. I have explained why and hopefully I will make it for next weeks.

I haven't made it out of bed yet, still nauseas, achy and tired and have a feeling of wanting to be left alone. I feel different than when on Mirtazapine though, I feel sharper and I can feel more emotion - this is not a good thing at the moment but in the long run this is what I prefer than feeling sedated and numb, that just wasn't me at all.

6 weeks seems a long time at the moment, when I have the moments of overwhelming despair I can't imagine surviving 6 weeks but I know I can and will - there is no other option. I took 2mg of Diazepam yesterday but none so far today, I'm going to get up, put the washing out, walk the dog and sunbathe - it's beautiful here but supposed to rain over the weekend.

Thanks again for the support, I think this has gone on so long this time that everyone is fed up of me. I so want to be able to tell people that I'm better and OK and hate telling them that I feel ill. I'm lucky to have family and friends but they know they can't help me so most of them are staying away, I think I frighten them.

Love Sam

SarahH
28-06-13, 13:23
:):):)

clio51
28-06-13, 16:00
:flowers::flowers::hugs:

Glad you're able to cope a little better today, just take each day as it comes just doing what you feel you can cope with doing without putting pressure on yourself.

Out in the sun! What's that we've had solid rain for two days!!!!

Your lucky to get seen that quick Sam, up here it took me 6 mths plus for cbt(which personally didn't help me) it wasn't anything I didn't know.

Post when your up to it,and let's know how your doing. Xx

daisydaisy
29-06-13, 12:06
Good luck with the fluox Sam, I really hope this helps this time around. I know SSRI start up can test us but considering how strong you have been though everything so far I think soon this will be another memory and you'll be on your way.

Xx Daisy

little wren
01-07-13, 09:31
Sam - Just an idea but you could get prescribed prozac liquid to build up slowly. This is what I have as I cannot take pills. May I just ask what you are getting CBT for - is it anxiety or depression and also are you finding EDMR effective?

You have quite a following on here because you help so many people even when you've felt bad yourself. LW x

Tufty
02-07-13, 21:55
Thank you everyone x

LW - I guess I could of asked for liquid Prozac but am starting 10mg Prozac tomorrow so it is easier to work out, I have lots of tablets left from last year too which are still in date. At £8 a prescription and getting Pregabalin, Propanolol, Prozac, Diazepam, HRT and sleeping tablets (when allowed :)) I'm trying to keep it to a minimum. I did buy a prepayment certificate but it's run out. The CBT was for depression but the psychological wellbeing practitioner (I guess she wasn't a trained psychologist) decided that it wasn't working for me and I needed more intense therapy. I got an appointment through but today they phoned and cancelled it so it'll be another few weeks, which is fine with me, I feel happy being left alone to my devices at the moment. I would like some support with the start up of medication without being pressurised into challenging my fears until I feel stronger - I know it's chicken and egg stuff but I know when I feel settled on the medication I will feel able to get out there and start doing stuff again.

The EMDR is ummm, difficult. I went again today which I didn't think I'd be able to after having an awful week but I made it, I drove for an hour and arrived fairly calm. We decided to focus on my panic attacks and I concentrated on my feelings of panic whilst have EMD and it sparked off a big panic - quite understandably and I couldn't cope with it. You are supposed to keep thinking about your feelings and thoughts of panic, not distract from them or ignore them and just see them through. I couldn't, we tried for a few minutes but I felt overwhelmed, I asked to leave and went for a walk before returning and saying I couldn't continue. I'm booked again for Friday. It has left me shaken and panicky and wondering whether I would be better leaving this therapy until I am more settled on Prozac, I'll see what the next few days bring.

I'm on day 10 and it's been horrible but I've had worse. I spent days 4-8 mostly in bed just getting up to do the essentials, the nausea and dizziness are settling though the EMD didn't help that today. The panic hasn't been to bad, whether it's the Pregabalin softening the Prozac start up I don't know. I have taken more Diazepam today and sleeping tablets for the last two nights as insomnia has struck, I try to think that it means that the drug is doing something and when the side effects lessen I will be feeling better.

I am booked for a haircut tomorrow, not quite sure I'm going to make that yet but trying not to push myself.

Love Sam

SarahH
03-07-13, 07:18
Sam you are doing brilliantly and so strong, although you probably dont feel like that right now. Not long now and hopefully the pozac will kick in :)

Tufty
03-07-13, 09:39
Day 11
Prozac 10mg, Propanolol 40mg x a day, Pregabalin 300mg (trying to reduce it but stuck at this dose for the mo) Diazepam 2mg as needed.

Not a good night or morning. I took 2mg Diazepam at 8 last night due to increasing anxiety but couldn't sleep by midnight so took Zopiclone on top. I woke this morning with a panic, a burning, heavy feeling in my neck and chest, that creeping cold skin feeling and feeling that I just can't cope and I won't make it through the day. So another 2mg Diazepam taken at 7.30, cup of camomile tea, another of peppermint tea and toast, Propanolol and Pregabalin taken and it is calming a little. I have cancelled my hair appointment but have to attend a family funeral later today, which I will do no matter what but this is adding to my anxiety.

Thanks for the kind words Sarah, I am a strong person but I think this is half the problem - I'm stubborn and it's a bit all or nothing, either I believe that I'm OK, the drugs will work and everything will be alright or it's the complete opposite and everything's awful, I don't cope well with the unknown and like to be in control. Learning to accept and float doesn't come easily to me but it may come in handy today, I've taken my meds so all I can do is accept that I don't feel brilliant but float through todays events.

I'm going to read back over some of my old posts from last year to reassure me that I have felt this crap before and come through the other side.

Love and hugs to all those feeling anxious, tearful and they can't cope this morning

Life will get better
Sam

nicola1980
03-07-13, 10:40
Hi Sam, really sorry to see your still struggling, just wanted to send you hugs and let you know Im thinking of you :hugs: hopefully the side effects will lesson soon but keep taking your diazepam to help you through, remember your a strong person and you will get through this :hugs: x x

SarahH
03-07-13, 14:41
Blimey Sam your last post could have been written by me!!! WE are VERY alike. Those feelings you describe were exactly like me yesterday....BUT today I feel fine. And the strong people are are the ones that crumble...they are also the survivors:)

After 13 years of this I have learnt "go with the flow" MOST of the time. I am guessing that if you are reducing the pregabalin at the same time as adding the prozac this could be making you feel worse....withdrawal/start up effects. Why are you reducing the pregabalin?

:hugs:Sarah

clio51
03-07-13, 22:14
Hi Sam

hope you managed today, and it wasn't to distressing for you.

You know I think we struggle because we like to be in control and feel in control that's why we struggle so much!

I remember when I was in labour and they ask you do you what anything
And me being me said no I had to be induced with a drip to quicken the Labour up. Well long story short, got to bad and the nurse said try gas and air OMG hated it felt so dizzy like I'd was drunk and pushed it away!! I needed to be in guess what CONTROL lol

Hope your anxiety as come down and your feeling slightly more relaxed than this morning hun. High state anxiety is soul distroying and effects us terribly, but we must be strong people to put up with all the nasty symptoms it gives us.

I'm not to good myself after a few copeable weeks, I've got a few ailments that are really bringing me down and getting to me. I get fed up of saying saying to myself come on don't let anxiety win. Trying to find answers and professionals to help is exhausting.

You have done brilliant getting to 10mg already, it's just the waiting time now Sam for it to start working.

I'd of thought hrt would would of given you some help, levelling your hormones out so there balanced. Not like me ,I've got none left lol.

:bighug1: take care Sam xx

SarahH
04-07-13, 19:08
Thinking of you Sam...keep going:hugs:

little wren
05-07-13, 08:29
Good luck with the EMDR today (don't know if you are attending or have decided to wait until the prozac kicks in). Hope those side effects are easing a bit. That is a really good idea to read through your old posts so you can see they will eventually subside. I am sure everyone who has ever experienced the strong side effects of prozac feels for you sam.....they are a nasty business (to say the least). I hope you have an easier time of it today x

clio51
05-07-13, 11:37
Keep going Sam your a trooper!

Really know its horrible,nasty but with your strength you'll come through.
Just rest when you've had enough! And carry on when you feel like it.

Xxx :flowers:

Tufty
10-07-13, 18:49
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement.

Thought I'd better update you all but it's not good.

Day 18 Prozac 10mg

It's been 2 weeks now since I took to my bed, not all day, every day but most of the day. The nausea and aching is reducing but my appetite isn't good. I am sleeping reasonably well though so that's a positive. I feel ill though, headachey, tired and with relentless high anxiety and disabling panic surges.

I was coping reasonably well I think (modest as ever) until last Tuesday - so 8 days ago. I went for my 2nd EMD and freaked when I was there, which is not like me but I had to leave the clinic and go for a walk until I had calmed down. He was asking me to focus on the panic and it overwhelmed me, normally I'm good at distraction and to sit and concentrate on the physical feelings had me scared, shaking and brought me into full panic mode. I promised to return later in the week but have since postponed that appointment as there is no way I can drive anywhere at the moment and the clinic is an hour away. I think this has contributed to my current breakdown.

So for 8 days I have felt daily high anxiety for most of the day, some days I've managed to do some household tasks and walked the dog for 20 minutes but others I have not left the house. I have been agoraphobic before and worry that this will reoccur so am forcing myself to go out most days, however I wonder if this is doing more harm than good because I feel so unwell and am having frequent panic attacks and this is making me less likely to go out.

Today has been the worst day by far, I have had indescribable panic, I cannot even begin to verbalise the terror. I know most of us have felt it and it's the kind of terror that makes you beg for relief, I have thought about going to hospital to ask for an injection of sedation - which I know they would not do but that's what irrational panic makes me do. I've been taking Diazepam for the past 10 days, trying to restrict it to 2mg a day and then having one day without any every couple of days. Today I've had 6mg which has taken the edge off but left me feeling low which is better than begging for help.

I've been here before with Prozac and it hasn't lasted for more than a week and that knowledge has kept me going. Every so often I think - it won't work this time and this is all for nothing but as the evening comes I see things a little clearer and my resolve to continue with Prozac returns.

Hoping tomorrow is better
Sam

Kim51
10-07-13, 19:40
So sorry to hear things are not good, I was in that place a few weeks ago, desperate and climbing the walls, I was ready to be admitted to a psychiatric unit, so I know where you are coming from. I really hope things improve soon. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

SarahH
10-07-13, 19:59
Oh Sam.....so sorry you are so rough at the moment. That fear really is horrendous. Hang in there if you are sure this is the right medication.

Thinking of you xxxxx

nicola1980
10-07-13, 20:28
So sorry your having it so tough, i know exactly and what your going through and it is pure torture :hugs: stay strong hun, the worst will be over soon x x

Tufty
11-07-13, 22:14
Thank you for your kind words and support, they are much needed at the moment

Day 19 Prozac 10mg

It's worse than yesterday, I took 2mg Diazepam at 10 and another 4mg at 2pm and it's been hellish all day. I'm also taking 300mg Pregab still and 120mg Propanolol. I haven't left the house today and have hardly left my bed. My husband and daughter have done the weekly shop and the dog is very unhappy at being stuck with me or in the garden all day.

It feels like when you've licked a live battery, I'm sure we've all done it, but it's all over like a cold/tingle/shiver from my feet up to my head, creeping through my skin. Diazepam is helping me a little but today I'd had enough and ready to jack in the Prozac. I'm battling with myself whether to continue with it, my family have mixed feelings about it and I have made a drs appointment for 9.30 tomorrow. Goodness knows how I'm going to get there but I have to do something.

If I can get to 6 weeks I think I'll be OK but that seems impossible at the moment. I'm going to ask the doc if there is anything else he can give me, other than Diazepam, I don't know if any of you remember Laura48, she had an awful time with the SSRI but eventually stuck at one with the help of something else - I can't remember what, but I think it's an antipsychotic and I just feel I need something stronger to take the fear away. It's nothing like the normal panic attacks, it's a constant terror and ruminations that I'm never going to get better.

Tomorrow has to be better, just a tiny bit better will do.
Last year when I restarted Prozac I remember one morning the fear just went - lets hope this happens this time and tomorrow is the day, if not I think a reduction to 5mg may be the next step. I don't want to give up on drugs completely but do feel this is my last chance with them.

Different doctor tomorrow, he's a bit younger so I'm hoping he may be able to inspire me and give some good advise
Love to all
Sam

daisydaisy
11-07-13, 23:27
Hi Sam,

I'm so sorry what you are going through with fluox start up. As I said I had to quit after 17 days second time around as I just couldn't get on with it this time. I have since switched to Mirt but not sure if that's the one for me either. At my worst on fluox I did read Laura's posts for some reassurance and comfort but I'm not sure what the other medication was. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. If your Doc has any good suggestions then I would be pleased to know. I have a doctor friend of the family who has made suggestions to me what I could ask for but my current doctor seems to have a 'mother knows best' approach with me and I'm too scared to ask her - I don't know why. This has caused me further anxiety as I am thinking about changing suregeries now before my next review. I'm starting CBT after some good counselling but 6 sessions was the tip of the iceberg. Anyways sorry for high jacking your thread just wanted to say good luck. X Daisy

nicola1980
12-07-13, 00:13
Hi Sam, so sorry your having such a rough time, i was just the same when i tried to reinstate cit, Laura takes olanzapine which i do too, its a very low dose 5mg of an anti psychotic which is often prescribed in small doses to help with severe anxiety, it was a godsend to me when i was at my worst and really helped, Im still in contact with Laura and she still takes this along with 225mg of venlafaxine and seems to be doing well on that combination, good luck at the docs hun and stay strong, your strength amazes me hun, don't give up x x x

clio51
12-07-13, 00:52
Hi Sam

It's so crappy this illness!! Hope your doc comes up with something for you.

To add to what Nicola says about olanazpine, that was what my psych was going to add in next for me at 2.5mg. I'm not sure but I think only psych can prescribe antipsychotics I might be wrong.

Take care xx

SarahH
12-07-13, 19:49
Oh Sam so sorry you are having such a bad time...we are all rooting for you....How did the Dr's go today?

:hugs:sarah

Tufty
13-07-13, 21:57
Day 21
I wasn't able to get to the doctors yesterday, I woke in a panic that lasted for most of the day. I phoned and cancelled a doctor phoned me back, I explained how I'd been feeling for 2 weeks and he advised me to hold on and take up to 10mg Diazepam a day to get me through this bad period. I somehow made it through the day after taking 12mg Diazepam, I had to move constantly, was rocking on all fours, crying, desperate. At 43 I had to phone my mum to come round and hold me as I was so scared.

After 12mg Diazepam and 7.5mg of Zopiclone I didn't sleep well and woke with the same feelings. Distraught I felt helpless and overwhelmed. I spoke to a doctor and a mental health nurse and tonight the crisis team have been round. They will arrange for a psychiatrist to visit me at home on Monday to make a plan of how to manage this crisis but for now to continue with the meds including Diazepam as needed.

When asked what I would like them to do for me I said I wanted some respite from the shaking and fear but they said it would go by itself eventually and I have to sit it out. I am exhausted. One of the nurses did suggest that a medication holiday would be a good idea but to wait for the psychiatrist to assess me. I feel a little more assured that I have their number and they are phoning me again tomorrow.

Today I have been shaking, had leg jerking, nausea, tingling cold skin and very high anxiety all day, it has been relentless, I did sleep for 2 hours after 4mg Diazepam earlier which was the best part of the day. The crisis team advised us to have someone with me all the time and try to keep as normal as possible, which would be easier if I didn't feel so sick. I haven't cooked or done anything around the house for 4 days now since the anxiety escalated.

I'm trying not to think about tomorrow, everyday I think the next day will be a bit better but each day has got progressively worse. On the positive side I have lost nearly 1 stone in weight and only taken 8mg Diazepam today.

If I can survive this, I can do anything. I truly believe this. After my last crisis I moved jobs and retrained to a higher level and ran a marathon. This time I'm going to be stronger than ever and a triathlon sounds painful but fulfilling, if you can live with this amount of suffering you can do absolutely anything.

Sam

Janine
13-07-13, 22:30
Sam, I have just read your post and I just have to tell you that when I went on this medication I was exactly like what you describe, and it came and went over a few weeks, rocking on all fours all day and evening and all the rest, it is not easy and I hit rock bottom so many times, it is just getting through each day and you will have some better ones and then some the same again, just ride it out, I know it is hard and it is not easy, take it a minute at a time, dont worry about things you can't do, I tired to be normal but a lot of the time I could not be and was a jibbering wreck, you do feel desperate. glad you are getting some help and use your diazapan, i wish I had used mine more.

xxx

nicola1980
14-07-13, 01:33
Oh Sam Im sending you huge :hugs: i know exactly what your going through and its pure evil, i remember trying to reinstate cit and sitting in the corner crying and rocking as the panic and fear was so intense, i scared my Hubby to death, use your diazepam to help you hun and Im glad you've got the crisis team, they helped me out when i was at my worst, stay strong you can beat this, lots of love x x x

Camike88
14-07-13, 09:43
I just spent around 4 hours reading through this entire thread. How are you doing Sam?

SarahH
14-07-13, 21:59
Oh Sam, I just dont know what to say :hugs::hugs::hugs:xxx

SarahH
16-07-13, 17:01
Hi Sam,

Wondering how you are feeling today and if the SE's are easing a bit ?xxxx

clio51
18-07-13, 00:36
Hi Sam,

how's it going? Is it a little better this week? Not seen you on this late before? Can't you sleep?

Take care xxxx

Tufty
18-07-13, 10:20
Thank you for all your kind wishes

I'm still under the crisis team and hanging on by the skin of my fingers.

The psych came out on Monday but he was a man of few words. He didn't ask me much but could see the state I was in, I had been awake since 3am with the shakes and decided that I had akasthia - an inability to stay still brought on by the medication. He told me to stop Prozac immediately and take 15-20mg Diazepam a day and to continue with Pregabalin and Propanolol.

Tuesday was a little better, I was very dopey but the shakes lessened and I slept for 6 hours. Yesterday was awful, the shakes had stopped but I was unable to wake up properly and when I did I felt very, very depressed, so much so that I started to believe that my family would be better without me as I am so much of a liability at the moment. So far today I feel a little better, less sleepy as I didn't take the Diazepam last night due to the sleepiness all day but have the shakes back this morning and higher anxiety.

The psych is coming back today. The crisis team nurses have been in contact with me everyday and have been great, very reassuring and kind but it is a short term service and I know they will want to discharge me as soon as possible, within days.

As for the meds I really don't know. The psych guy was keen for me to go drug free and see where I went, which I agree with in principle but the reality may be more difficult. I'm not even sure about Pregabalin now, it was great for anxiety to start with but it made me very introspective and that's not really what I want or need at the moment. If I could just get back to work and out to see friends, walk the dog, all that normal stuff I could then reassess what medication I may need.

At the moment, I feel like my life is on a complete hold. I feel physically and emotionally exhausted but if I withdrawal from life any more the depression will overwhelm me.

Today for the first time in a week I am going to walk the dog with my daughter. I am going to put some foundation on my face and brush my hair. Make our bed and sit in the garden for 15 minutes. Baby steps, I feel like taking sleeping tablets and letting the day pass in a blur but I know this is unhelpful and dangerous for my mood, so I will continue to float with constant anxiety and depression and hope they bugger off soon.

How's everyone else?

Love Sam

clio51
18-07-13, 11:03
Or Sam, you are going through the mill arnt you.

You must be so frightened and so mixed up not knowing what's for the best next.

Theses people are so good at just saying stop this take that! But it's us that hAve to deal with the the shot not them.
Maybe the diazepam was a too bigger dose(was it spread out or one dose Sam)
Now you've got all the trouble that goes with withdrawal bloody hell


Don't really know what to suggest as this illness is so debilitating. Make sure you are happy with what the psych is saying as there so good at saying try this do that. It's your body and you have to deal with it they just walk away.

How come the nurses don't come to your house? Mine does and has for the last 2 years. If your not happy them going tell them you need more support,don't just take it Sam it's hard getting it in the bloody first place.

Take care xxx

SarahH
18-07-13, 14:24
Hi Sam,

So so sorry you are having such a terrible time at the moment.

Maybe the psych is right and a break to "see where you are at" is a good thing. The diazepam at such a high dose maybe what you need right now to come off the prozac. but that could be the cause of the depressive thoughts. I know when I take lorazepam (just 1mg) it makes me very low.

It's so difficult to decide what to do at the moment i'm sure but upping the pregabalin, knowing those SE's will pass within a few days could be another idea.

Hang in there Sam :bighug1:

Sarah

karenp
24-07-13, 09:38
Sam, you poor love, I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling so badly and hope the crisis team are helping you a little, I know they used to really help me just having them to chat to. I'm blipping a bit at the mo but it's hormones every month with me. Fingers crossed you will be fine in no time xxxxx

SarahH
24-07-13, 15:11
Hi Sam,

You havent updated for a few days so I was wondering how you are doing?:hugs:

Tufty
24-07-13, 16:43
I am much the same.

I have been off Prozac for 11 days and am not taking any antidepressants.

I am taking Pregabalin, Propanolol and Diazepam daily though.

I see the crisis team nurses every other day and am seeing the psych again tomorrow. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, what will help, if the Pregab is helping at all, I just don't know. I don't know whether to give something like Trazadone or Amitryptyline a try or just sit tight. Like the rest of us, I want a magic pill or a wand to take away the panic and depression but that's not going to happen.

I've started seeing a CBT therapist and will see him weekly for up to 20 sessions. I've done CBT before and it was helpful but I'm open minded about it, I feel I've sunk too low for it to be wholly effective by itself.

I have made baby steps since this time last week. I have put on make up, I have been out of the house everyday even if it's only to drive my kids to the beach everyday, I've done some housework and cooked and eaten most evenings.

I feel horrible though, tired, achy, tearful, hopeless and fed up. I so want to get better, I want to go back to work, I want to go for a swim in the sea, I want to go out for a meal, I want to feel well.

I've started every sentence with the term 'I' - I have become self absorbed and selfish during this miserable time in my existence.

Sam

clio51
24-07-13, 22:45
Hi Sam

It's only natural to feel self absorbed in yourself, as it's you that's suffering this horrible illness. I think we have that many sensations happening to our body who wouldn't be.

I think that's a good idea trying med free,and it is very early days without any anti d's. You've had that many over the last year put in your system it's no wonder your heads in a mess. You maybe a person that rejects anti d's , in a few weeks why not try 5htp or st John's wort.

Don't be hard on yourself to be happy and pretend there's nothing wrong,this is a nasty illness and powerful. It's all about balancing not to much yet not doing nothing.

Good luck at the psych tomoz,don't let her push meds at you if your not happy with it as some can be med happy take this take that. You seem to have a lot going on at the mo,just try to space it out so that your not getting stressed seeing to many people in one week as this can get to you.(well it did me,felt like I was seeing loads of people and talking about my illness all the time when I wanted to forget about it sometimes)

Keep you chin up,:hugs: xx

nicola1980
25-07-13, 01:17
Hi Sam, so sorry your still having a bad time, can you remember how bad i was last year? I felt just like you do now i even had to move back with my parents i was so poorly, i truly believed i would never get better but slowly and surely i did, it took me 3 diff med changes and it was getting the dosage right with the venlafaxine which i still think needs tweeking slightly! I used to shake all the time with my teeth chattering and sit literally rocking back and forth in a ball as the anxiety and panic was so intense and i remember feeling absolutely petrified, you are so strong and so brave and i promise things will get better, please don't loose hope, its baby steps like you said, just take things steady and use your diazepam to help you, don't think twice about it just use it, thinking of you hun and sending love and hugs x x

SarahH
25-07-13, 16:00
It's ok to use the "I" term when you are feeling like this because it is about "you" at the moment.:hugs:

Hang in there Sam you are doing so well. It may not feel like it but you are doing well at least better than last week! You have started by taking care of your appearance AND you are driving and cooking. You are right they are "baby steps", but better than last week yeah?

You know yourself well by now and the drugs you have tried so far. Could you try upping the dose of pregabalin to see if it helps with the anxiety?

I am guessing that 11 days off Prozac means that it will still be in your system and you could be suffering from withdrawal symptoms..

If you feel up to it keep posting and we will all be supporting you when we can.

Thinking of you xx

Tufty
26-07-13, 13:51
Thank you so much girls, all your advice is very helpful and true.

I saw the psych yesterday, he is not a drug pusher at all :) He doesn't believe that antidepressants are right for me, for whatever reason I get more negative side effects than benefits, even if I start them thinking this is the one 3 months later I'm stopping them due to the side effects. He believes talking therapy, using Diazepam, continuing with Pregabalin and time are the answers. I'm still unsure, I'm kind of pleased he didn't say start this one and this will work but it seems that most people recover with antidepressants and I am not convinced I can do it without.

The nurse that came with him talked about pain and suffering and keeping a diary, I'd switched off by that point! It all felt pointless and I cried buckets. But when they'd left I had lunch with my son (after filleting 6 mackerel - skill in itself!), cut the dogs fur - she has had fleas and I couldn't take her to the groomer and hoovered upstairs and I felt a bit better.

The late afternoon and evening weren't so great but I have started on the CBT work my therapist set on Monday and am keeping a diary. Last night I wrote a short list of easy things to achieve today - like seeing a friend, having a blood test later, sorting out some travel insurance for my daughters trip abroad and slowly I am doing them, having a goal seems to help me. I like lists and goals to work towards, when I used to run it was to complete a marathon, I only go to the gym so I can look reasonable and like to set the machines to a timer. I don't know if long term this is helpful but certainly for the minute, setting goals and small tasks to do is making the day a little easier.

My friend came round but I felt unable to go with her to walk the dogs and didn't feel up to meeting her for coffee in a café but she came here and we chatted for an hour and I felt much better for it.

I think you may be right about upping the Pregabalin Sarah, I had reduced it thinking I'd be better off everything but the anxiety is worse again. I asked the psych yesterday about dosage but he said keep it the same, so I'm back to 300 today and will see how that goes and possibly ask him about going back to 400 next week. I am still taking daily Diazepam but very low dose 1-3mg, so 'nothing' according to the crisis team but it is helping, funnily when I was on Prozac 12mg of Diazepam hardly touched the anxiety.

Thank you again for all your support, Nic I think you've done amazingly well, I cannot imagine 2 weeks abroad. My well meaning friend just suggested that hubby and I go away for short break to Spain - I can't even imagine it, staying alive, fairly sane and not petrified is hard enough here, I'll stick with the baby steps I think.

Love Sam

SarahH
26-07-13, 14:27
WOW! Sam you sound more positive already:D

I am so glad to read your post as it already seems better than last week.
I keep a small journal/diary and it helps me enormously. Just putting moods each day (score out of ten) helps me focus on each day. I can also look back and see how I have improved.

Having the support of medical teams really helps me too. I see my brilliant GP/psychiatrist for the last time today which is sad as she has been with me from the day I was admitted to hospital but I now have a clinical psychologist who i see weekly....EMDR next week!

Anyway enough about me this is your thread:ohmy:

Great way of thinking about the small list of "to do things". Mine started off being things like "have shower", "walk dog", "eat lunch"!!!
I am a list person too...it helps.

I think think the physical and emotional battering you have had over the last year has shown how strong you are and I just know you will get through this.
People recover from depression/anxiety without medication, just "talk therapy".
And how great you have been able to reduce the diazepam:yesyes:
Perhaps the 300mgs of pregabalin will be enough but you know you can go higher if you need to.

Well done Sam soooo pleased you seem a little better.

See you on the pregabalin thread:winks:

Sarah

SarahH
29-07-13, 18:32
Hi Sam,

How are you feeling today? Have you been out and about?

Sarah

Tufty
29-07-13, 23:28
Thanks Sarah,

I've kept a record of my mood daily for the past 18 months, scoring it out of 10, 0 being the worst and it does help to see that it normally goes up and down but its when you see the downward trend that it gets unnerving. I had one day two weeks ago where I'd scored 0 - which was the first time since starting recording my mood, it's hovered between 1-3 for two weeks but over the past 4 days has been a 4, so it's definitely moving in the right direction.

I'm being seen by the crisis team tomorrow and will be discharged, I'm not longer in a crisis and not suicidal. I feel more confident in my ability to cope with how I feel and have some hope that I will recover given time, talking therapies and mindfulness.

I went out with the dog for an hour today, the most I have managed in a long time. I also painted a small wall in the hallway, something I've wanted to do for ages but haven't had the inclination. I don't feel happy and am still anxious but no panic attacks and I feel more able to work on the low mood by doing things that will make me feel better. Physically I tire easily though, painting the wall today may not of been the best idea.

10 years ago when I was recovering from depression and anxiety I found I ached a lot, had headaches, tired easily etc. typical depressive symptoms but was told I had ME. I didn't want to believe this and would never describe myself as having ME but I did find out more about it and the one piece of useful information I read was about pacing yourself. I think it's the same for ME, depression, anxiety and probably lots of other illnesses, you've got to gradually increase your activity or exposure and pace yourself, doing too much one day may put you back and you'll find yourself exhausted and demoralised the next. By pacing myself and basically taking care of myself, listening to my body over several months I recovered last time and that's what I must do again.

Over the years I have increased my daily activity to exhausting levels, people ask me how can you work, run a business/shop, manage a house and family etc. and I just replied that it was just what I had to do, but I now know that it was detrimental to my physical and mental health and I have to slow down. I have had little time for socialising, I used to enjoy going out regularly but in recent years my husband and I have been constantly tired from work, bringing up children and renovating the house and we no longer go out. A lot of things I used to enjoy have gone by the wayside and I intend to pick them up again. This psych may of done me a favour in refusing to prescribe further antidepressants, I'm finding the will and resources within myself to pull myself up out of this pit.

The CBT stuff my therapist gave me is helping, it's just a reminder of stuff I knew but forgot and the list of things to do each day is a good motivator and subsequent mood lifter. My negative thinking is diminishing even though I haven't started working on that part of CBT but increasing my activity is improving my mood.

Onwards and upwards from now on :)

Sam

SarahH
30-07-13, 15:05
That sounds great Sam!

I do exactly the same, having a little journal and scoring my mood out of 10....how strange.
And I agree with the overdoing it one day then suffering the next!!

I think you have probably exhausted the antidepressant road. I cant take them either.

You seem very clear about what you are doing and Sooooo much better than last week.

:D Sarah

Tufty
03-08-13, 17:15
I had a better few days the beginning and middle of the week but have had increased anxiety for the past 3 or 4 days, very high anxiety and for the first time have a lump in the throat feeling. It feels like a tablet is stuck there, it's not painful but it feels uncomfortable and like breathing is more difficult, anxiety sure does like to throw us new symptoms all the time to test us, I've had anxiety for 16 years and never had this one.

I've not taken any Diazepam for nearly a week but think I will have to today. The longer I feel anxious the more anxious I become about anxiety and it's a vicious circle and I need a break after 3 days of near constant high anxiety. I'm also feeling very low again. I'm taking Propanolol regularly and Pregabalin 300mg - but think I really need more as I was on 450mg earlier this year. I'm booking to see a doctor again on Monday and am hoping they will sanction an increase. I think my GP will be unsure of where to go next, after being discharged from the crisis team, I no longer have a psych dr, only a CBT therapist so any medication problems have to be sorted by my GP who admits he doesn't know what to do with me! Great :blush:

I see my CBT man on Monday for the 2nd time, I've done all the work he's set me and will be interested to see if he thinks he can help me improve my mood and anxiety by talking therapy.

Sam x

SarahH
03-08-13, 17:28
Hi Sam.
Great to see your update but sorry to hear the anxiety is a bit worse.
"Lump in the throat" symptom I had on and off last year for months. It's horrible I know. Everything I read about Globus Hysterius (sic) said that the more you think about it the worse it gets....but how do you stop!!!! In the end it just disappeared one day. The of course other symptoms came along:doh:
Good news about the diazepam. To be honest I have had to take my Lorazepam for the last few days (only .5mg a day) but I have stopped beating myself up about it now. If I need it i will take it. But i know exactly what you mean about getting anxious about the anxiety!!! Why do we do that????
I have found distraction is now another technique for me ( and of course a little Mindfulness which calms me down pretty well).

I hope the Dr's appmt goes well this week and that and increase in pregabalin is useful.

Do you think you are feeling a little depressed because of constant anxiety making you low?

Sarah

clio51
03-08-13, 20:17
Hiya Sam,

Sorry to hear not much change with you at the mo,but you will get there just a matter of time! We all know you can't hurry anxiety.

What Sarah mentioned feeling depressed with the anxiety lasting so long! This is exactly what happened to me. I felt I had high anxiety for months with feared symptoms,that before I'd even realized it hit me depression! Maybe you have? As we're only human and can't continue forever with high symptoms and feeling without it eventually effecting mentally.

The throat symptom you have I've had that not this episode so much but previously yes I got it! I used to call it my gremlins, it felt to me like cattarah but you couldn't swallow it just stuck and I'd panic thinking I couldn't swallow but when I was getting better and less anxious it wasn't there.

My anxiety symptoms this time are my mouth! Never had this in 30 years.
I have a tast(I can't even describe it now) roof of mouth feels so sore and now New one front two teeth have like a nearvy feeling in them it's horrible.

Regards the diazepam, take them Sam Don't let your anxiety build up and get worse nip it in the bud at first sign. Your not on big doses of it, proprananol didn't do it for me only diazepam.

In Devon do you not stick with the crisis team/psych till your better,I've been with mine 2 years think it will be coming to an end soon though! You could really do with them even to talk to maybe you've done talking as it gets on your nerves sometimes. I done talking psych asked me last week do I want anymore talking therapy she mentioned CATS said I would think about it.with me eventually I get fed up talking about my illness it brings me down and I like to forget about if I can.

Good luck at doc's on Monday,hope he can suggests something as you say he doesn't know what to do!
Take care thinking of you. Xx

karenp
11-08-13, 07:20
Awwww Sam bless you, you have had it so rough, I don't feel great at the mo, not anxious but depressed but luckily it does go once I am up and about and I just need to increase my Escitalopram I think to come ok. So the Prozac isn't working either? You poor thing, this has to come right on it's own some day surely.
I agree with Brenda, just take Diazepam If you need it, you can worry about getting off it when you feel ready to, that is how I see my Lorazepam which I have taken now for 9 months every day but have tapered off it in the past without a prob, as I did Diazepam last year after every day use.
My local crisis team would only see me for about a month Brenda but you would think your gp would refer you to the hospital Sam to see a consultant????
It is funny your panic began when you had your baby as that is exactly when I started with anxiety too so often wonder if being pregnant has really messed up my hormones or do hormones just go back to normal after having a baby??? Maybe it's just a case of having kids makes you more stressed as you no longer just have yourself to worry over but little people too???
Any how Sam you do whatever it takes to feel relief each day until you kick this thing again. Hope your GP increases the pregabalin for you xxxx

Tufty
12-08-13, 22:24
I'm still here, still struggling on :)

I saw a GP last Monday who increased Pregabalin to 350mg, by Friday the anxiety was even higher so I saw another GP who increased it to 450mg and told me to take regular Diazepam until I am over this episode. I do have faith in the last GP though and am seeing him again next week to review my meds and see how I am. My weekly CBT is OK, but not great. I'm functioning at a reduced level, pushing myself to go out and do normal stuff but I feel exhausted, fed up and very scared most of the time.

I don't like posting negative stuff so I won't go on.

Sorry to those friends I have made on here for not messaging - I'm just getting through each day and trying to distract and keep myself away from reading about anxiety.

Thank you for your kind messages and posts, I'll get there it's just taking longer than I had ever imagined.

Love Sam x

clio51
12-08-13, 22:41
Sam,

It's not negative,it's how it is and I think all of us have bad times and at the end of our tether with it.but sometimes(not always) I come on and I don't feel alone in the symptoms I get and that I'm not going mad and there normal for depression/anxiety suffers even though I should know having had it on/off 30 years.

It's a long hard road! And it's very hard to decide what to do next. We do just battle/plod on each day and it's bloody hard going. Anyway good to hear from you, was thinking how you were going on especially when I havnt seen you post.

Take care xx

SarahH
13-08-13, 15:56
Hi Sam,

Keep going! I know what you mean about sometimes not coming on NMP. I feel like that too sometimes.
I hope the pregabalin increase is working for you

xx

Tufty
23-08-13, 10:03
Same old I'm afraid. I increased the Pregabalin to 450mg and I felt more motivated and less worried about the anxiety for a few day but now it's back to the same level as usual. I'm carrying on as normal, except work which I haven't been at for 5 months now, I'm doing all the normal day to day stuff despite having a feeling that my chest is about to explode, a numb chin, lips and cheeks (face not bum!), palpitations and generally feeling naff.

The CBT is continuing, I recognise that sometimes my negative thinking is exacerbating and on some occasions causing my anxiety and am working on challenging those thoughts. However, the physical feelings of anxiety are there nearly constantly - if I wake in the night, when I'm occupied and distracted, it is very draining. I think the numb face thing is Pregabalin induced and adds to my feeling of unease.

I saw my GP yesterday who has suggested Dosulepin. I thought he was going to suggest increasing the Pregabalin to 600mg he said if it wasn't working at 450mg then 600mg was unlikely to work. I am inclined to agree after reading the posts on here and the evidence regarding Pregabalin. So I am to start 25mg Dosulepin tonight and continue with the Pregabalin. I am more anxious today, unsurprisingly but it has been increasing for the last few weeks and although it feels unbearable I know I can cope with it and it will subside at sometime during the day.

I will report back after a few days on the Dosulepin, I'm expecting a good nights sleep, to feel drowsy in the day, dry mouth and constipation, those side effects I can cope with, I just pray it helps with the agitation I am feeling.

Love to all

Sam xxx

BobbyDog
23-08-13, 11:45
I only take 300mg of Pregabalin and I find it a suitable dose - nothing will take the anxiety away, that is up to ourselves. Easier said than done I know!!

SarahH
23-08-13, 15:43
Hi Sam,

Sorry the pregabalin is not working as well as you hoped. Not heard of the new drug you have been prescrided but I so hope it works for you.

hang in there and I am sure you will eventually find the right drug combo.

:hugs:

Sarah

---------- Post added at 15:43 ---------- Previous post was at 15:39 ----------

Ah! just looked it up...it used to be called Dothiepin... a Tricyclic.......hope it works Sam.
You may feel dizzy as it lowers the blood pressure which is why I could not deal with it as I have low blood pressure anyway.

Sarah xx

clio51
23-08-13, 21:49
Hi Sam,

What can I say! Sorry thing's are not much better for you yet!!
Your attitude is excellent well done as I know it's extremely hard trying to carry on as normal(is there a normal)

Wish you all the luck with the new med luv, I will be thinking of you.

Look forward to your update, and take care. Xxx

hanshan
24-08-13, 21:36
Hi Sam,

Hope the pregabalin-dosulepin combination works for you. Pregabalin can be combined with other medications, so it's worth a shot.

Tufty
25-08-13, 11:55
Thank you for the kind messages everyone.

Bobbydog - I am more anxious on 450mg than I was on 300mg funnily enough, I get facial numbness and more palpitations at the higher dose but distinguishing what is the drugs and what is my own anxiety is impossible. I'm hoping these new drugs, which are sedating, will help me forget the anxiety for a while as even though I am continuing with normal day to day activities my anxiety is nearly constant and very draining. I don't expect them to take the anxiety away, but I would like some headspace to be able to function without the constant feelings of dread.

Sarah - I've tried tricyclics in the past but not this one and they did make me feel faint. I've been started on a low dose so hopefully I can manage the side effects. I am disappointed with Pregabalin, it really was wonderful for the first 6 weeks but I don't think it's doing anything now and as I mentioned above, I think I'm getting more side effects than benefits at 450mg.

Brenda - this has been a long and bumpy road has it not? Luckily I don't feel depressed and still feel motivated and want to try different drugs in the belief that they will help. It's not from want of trying that I'm still on this bloody road!

Hanshan - thank you. I knew Pregabalin and Mirtazapine were a popular duo but wasn't sure about it being combined with other drugs, but I trust my doctor. When I tried it with Sertraline and Fluoxetine it didn't seem to do much and I still had the start up anxiety and now it seems to have pooped out. If this new drug does help me get a grip on my panic and anxiety I won't know if it's the synergy of both drugs or the Dosulepin alone but in the future I will consider reducing the Pregabalin first.

So far, OK ish, 2 days of 25mg Dosulepin. Anxiety is still high with even higher peaks during the day. I am sleeping deeper though and feel tired on waking, a little light headed when first getting up but basically no change to my level of anxiety. I start each new drug expecting amazing fast results - that's the positive thinking me :D and maybe I set myself up to fail because the drugs don't live up to my expectations. Anyway, it's slowly, slowly with the new drug, I am due to increase to 50mg on Monday night but have an occupational health appointment at 9am on Tuesday so will probably postpone that for another day.

I am feeling a little despondent, I think that's due to having high anxiety for over a week now with no little let up. Sometimes I feel like my heart may actually beat out of my chest, it's no fun being anxious all the time.

Love Sam x

SarahH
25-08-13, 12:07
Hi Sam,

If you can keep updating us that would be great...but obviously you may just want to focus on yourself at the moment. Good luck with the Occ Health appointment. You could try reducing the pregabalin slightly if you think it is giving you more anxiety....take care xxx

clio51
26-08-13, 22:30
Hi Sam,

Don't know when you'll read this so hope everything goes/went well with occ health.

Hope it's not to stressful for you.

Your strength is amazing and to not be depressed with feeling like you have over the last few months is fantastic. Well done chick!
My thoughts are with you, take care. Xxx

Tufty
27-08-13, 15:46
Thank you ladies.

Occ Health was OK, although I found it very stressful to start with and didn't think I'd be able to stay, I was climbing the walls. She was understanding and supportive and gave some good suggestions about accessing further help. I have referred myself to the staff counsellor again, I saw her last year and she was good but it was just as I started to feel better and I didn't think I needed to see her. I am not finding CBT helpful this time around, I am doing all the behavioural stuff and I am knackered trying to keep going all the time when I feel so crap. My CBT therapist isn't interested in that, he just sees me as doing stuff and says is I keep doing it I will improve. OH suggested that I request a review of the CBT as I'm not finding it helpful and ask him if there is any other therapy I could try.

My anxiety has increased over the past two days and I have resorted to Diazepam once more, I can't believe it's due to the Dosulepin, that is supposed to be sedating but I am having trouble sleeping again and the somatic and psychic anxious feelings are constant. Tonight I increase to 50mg and I'm praying the anxiety decreases. I only managed the OH appointment and went for lunch with my family with the help of Diazepam.

I'm back to how I was 4 weeks ago, so not at my worst like when taking Prozac but still a step or two backwards. I am wishing my life away, counting the hours until bedtime, until I can take another pill to get rid of my bodies anxious feelings. I've read lots of negative stuff about Dosulepin as like most of us when ill I start trawling the net for peoples experiences of treatment, but I do believe it may be the one for me.

I hope everyone else is OK or at least coping with life
Love
Sam

hanshan
28-08-13, 03:43
Hi Sam,

Dosulepin is a tricyclic AD. The tricyclics are usually slow to show a positive effect, so it may not be until some time in September that you notice an improvement. Hang in there, and don't give up.

Tufty
29-08-13, 12:13
Thanks hanshan,

I'm not giving up on Dosulepin, I am going to give it my best shot, I've been on so many antidepressants that I haven't got a huge amount left to try. I do believe that if I can get over the first month I will be OK but the first week hasn't been easy. My anxiety continues to increase and I have hardly left my bed for the past 2 days but I hope this is my body getting used to the Dosulepin.

I've slept really well for 2 nights, my appetite is OK but not great and my mood is OK too, it is just the bloomin anxiety that is keeping me down. I am now reducing Pregabalin as it is not effective, my Dr said to reduce it by 50mg every 4th day, I am disappointed as it worked so well to start with but I still have the paraesthesia to my face and neck 2 hours after each dose and it seems pointless taking an antianxiety drug when it's clearly not helping my anxiety.

I am reluctantly taking regular Diazepam again which works well for about 2 hours but then seems to wear off, so I'm left for hours with very high anxiety before my next dose, I hope that as I continue to take it that its action lasts for longer. It's getting me through these tough days though, thankfully my GP is being supportive and understands that the benzos have their place.

Hanging in there (just)
Sam

SarahH
29-08-13, 17:04
Hi Sam,

I am astonished with your strength and determination......keep going mate...this is the one!!

Sarah

Tufty
01-09-13, 17:06
Thanks Sarah - I am holding on to the belief that this is the one although my body is trying to tell me otherwise. My anxiety has continued to rise and I am in a constant place of near panic, it's very scary. I am taking Diazepam which is knocking me out for a few hours and it's becoming a constant cycle of feeling very anxious, taking Diazepam, sleeping, waking up and feeling out of it - getting up doing a few chores and then it starts again.

I thought Dosulepin was supposed to be sedating? My GP's on holiday next week, he's said I can email him and he'll reply but I think that's taking liberties really so I'm going to try to stick with the 50mg dose for another week. I am getting worried about my Diazepam use though and don't want to get addicted to that, I'm coming off the Pregabalin, starting Dosulepin and the thought of becoming addicted to a benzo is scary.

I feel pretty much the same as when I started Prozac, physically knackered - racing heart, sweating, nausea, faint, increased anxiety and generally naff, I'm hoping this means it's doing something positive in my brain and when the side effects wear off I'll be tickity boo. I've never been someone who takes antidepressants, has no effects good or bad, I seem to be very reactive!

My moods not too bad though, it is lower than normal after living with high anxiety for so long. I was made to realise today just how long it's been since I've been able to function at a normal level - 11 weeks, even though I've had anxiety for much longer, it's only in the past 11 weeks that my life has been severely affected and I've not been able to do normal things like shop.

Before the school holidays started I was very poorly, under the crisis team and missed some important school milestones of my children but I rationally said to myself it's OK, by the time they go back to school I'll be much better. Now it's time for them to return to school and I'm still not well. I had told my son in June that we would get his new uniform when I felt up to it but that has not materialised. Today my husband took him to buy new trousers and shirts and it's struck me that I'm not improving and I'm gutted.

3 weeks ago I was starting to return to do big shops and go into restaurants and now I'm struggling to walk the dog and sit with my family at meal times. There is only so far I can push myself and I'm tired, CBT is good if you're depressed and helps you get out there and doing stuff but I'm not finding it useful for anxiety. I can have the same level of anxiety laying in bed as standing in a supermarket queue - there is no rationale to it and I no longer question why, it just is. At this moment in time I would cut off my right arm to be free of anxiety, I've floated so bloody much I'm up there with the clouds yet I STILL FEEL SCARED ........... :doh:

Any advice would be most gratefully received :scared15:

Love Sam x

clio51
01-09-13, 19:24
Hi Sam,

Don't think I can give you any advice hun.

I know it's been a long hard road for you and like Sarah says your determination is brilliant!

The high anxiety for so long may well be that you have tired one drug for a few weeks found its not for you, then had the high anxiety start ups again for a few more weeks. Hence the vicious circle of high anxiety! Just a thought.

Don't try and look back at how long it's been or what you intended to do, as I think this just makes us feel more annoyed with ourselves.

Cbt didn't work for me Sam, I was to anxious and scared at that time. It was only when I felt my anxiety lowered that I was able to try things. To this day it is still a battle! Up and down.
Just the other week from no where wham! Anxiety hit me so high I freaked I've never had it that high for a while, I phoned for a psych appt and back on the diazepam for a few days. It was horrible.
It's nearly two years for me so just to let you know it's not a quick thing when it's servere.

The tiredness you feel is because the things your doing is taking so much effort it's using all your energy.
Do things when you can,pamper yourself when your in the mood(just nice bath essence for the bath)chill out watching tv.

Maybe when your off the pregablin and just on dosulepin things might be different. You won't be addictive to diazepam I got off them and just use them them as and when. Use them! Don't put up with that horrible tensed up feeling.
How much diazepam are you on a day?

Again Sam you know the ropes one day at a time hun.

Take care thinking of you xxx

SarahH
01-09-13, 21:19
Hi Sam,

Hang in there matey you have come so far and you WILL get through this.
Anxiety is exhausting and I think that is why you are so tired.

Also, I think reducing the pregabalin will be giving you withdrawal symptoms so it is not necessarily the new drug. When I was reducing the other week I felt my anxiety increase slightly for the first 5 days and you are reducing every 4 days. I think you cannot judge if the the new drug is working until pregabalin is out of your system. Luckily it has a short half life and should be out quickly. I think Mark13 came off 600mgs in a week! Hopefully he will see this and confirm that fact.

Also, dont worry about the diazepam usage.If it gives you a break from anxiety for a few hours then that is great. From memory you have only used 2-5mgs a day right?? So that is not in the grand scheme of things a huge dose.

It sounds like you have fantastic family support and you have missed ONE school holiday/uniform trip....one only!! You can make it up to them at half term:roflmao: Personally shopping for uniforms when my rugrat was small was a flippin nightmare!!!:doh:


This time will pass.....when you look back it will seem like a blip in time and you will be better and be able to look forward to the future teenage shopping trips:scared15:

Take care Sam :bighug1:

Tufty
02-09-13, 14:47
Thanks Sarah and Brenda.
Strangely it was the last school uniform shopping trip, my youngest is starting his last year at school :huh: It's just a shock going from supermum to jibbering wreck, can't leave the house mum. I much preferred the old me! I'm frustrated because I want to do so much, I want to walk my dog along the coast path, I want to go to the gym, start running again, go to Zumba and get back into shape, I want to bake cakes, I want to clean the carpets, I want to go to work - I love my job, yes, I actually want to do those things but I'm knackered getting dressed and brushing my teeth :shrug:

Patience isn't a virtue I was born with, waiting for the drugs to work and tolerating the side effects doesn't come easy. Since reducing Pregabalin the facial paraesthesia has gone and I can't tell if I'm getting any withdrawal or increase in anxiety as I felt anxious beforehand.

You're both right about anxiety being tiring, I fight it though and end up exhausted so today I've done nothing - well I am dressed, have done a load of washing and fed the dog, but nothing else. I'm going to take this week off, I will get dressed everyday and do my hair and makeup because that makes me feel better but I don't plan to do anything else (the Tesco online shop is booked and I will have to put the washing machine on)

I cancelled my CBT today, I'm not finding it helpful and thought I'd be better off resting, so that is what I have done :shades: I have rebooked for next week.

My Diazepam usage is very low between 2-4mg a day, I am a real lightweight when it comes to benzos. Today I've only taken 1.25mg but feel faint everytime I stand up so I think that's the Dosulepin doing its stuff, I don't feel too bad if I lay down with my eyes closed though and continue to sleep for 8 hours+ right through each night. I ache all over too, especially my thighs - all that adrenaline rushing to my legs in preparation to flee I imagine and my jaw is sore from clenching - goodness knows how that helped in cave man panic mode:shrug:

Thank you for your ongoing support

Sam

SarahH
03-09-13, 16:51
Always here:D

How many days have you been on the dothiepin now? and what doseage?

From what I remember thats how I felt on that drug...I just couldn't function. But then my blood pressure always hovers around 90/60 so any drug that lowers my blood pressure floors me!!!

The fact that you "want" to do things Sam is really positive. I too feel better when I have my "face on" and hair done. Keep going Sam and try to let this one settle in.

Take care
Sarah

Tufty
03-09-13, 22:01
12 very long days Sarah, still at 50mg, my BP is normally low too and although it doesn't usually bother me I have fainted when on tricyclics and had problems with a heart arrhythmia and was admitted to a cardiac unit. I was on Lofepramine in 1996 and Imipramine in 2003 both made me feel awful and I vowed never to go on another drug in that class, but ever the optimist I thought Dosulepin would be different.

I feel faint everytime I stand up and have managed the total sum of about 40 minutes vertical today, the rest of my time has been spent lying in bed. My heart rate is up but I don't have a BP machine, I've always been fit and healthy. I'm sweating copiously too. The general anxiety is about the same but if I postpone taking my Diazepam when it's due I'm getting panic attacks too, it's soul destroying.

I've spoken to a GP friend and a nurse friend today, both are at a loss at what to suggest. Do I keep on in the hope that the side effects will settle or am I just very unlucky with drugs?

I'm taking it day by day, hour by hour, sometimes I think I've had enough and am going to stop the drugs and at others I feel more optimistic. It's hard on me but also hard on my family seeing me as a shell of the person I normally am. I wake each day with the belief that it will be a better day and a 5/10 rather than a 3/10 but at the moment I'm feeling worse every day, even the hair and makeup are beyond me.

Sam

clio51
03-09-13, 23:39
Hiya Sam,

Only you will know when you can't take it any more! The thing is your doing two things at once here starting the new tablet and decreasing the pregablin. So maybe hence the high anxiety, what dose are you down to now on the pregablin? Work out how long it will be before off it completely and then say give it say 2 weeks alone on the new med. That should be a good indicator what your like on it,as now I think you've got anxiety from both meds(if you know what I mean)

You shouldn't be feeling faint though? Is that a se?
I actually fainted on my first tablet of quetiapine within 30 mins which freaked me out. Ended up in a and e and told to stop them.

It's so sole destroying this illness for us all, sometimes you don't know if your doing the right thing and it plays havoc with your mind should I this should I that you feel drained thinking about what to do.

I've still bloody got all the symptoms of bms and it's so debilitating I can't drink hot drinks, I have a taste still,the roof of my mouth is so sore and then my tongue. All last week my gums really hurt spent a fortune at chemist. Then past 2 nights have had bad throat like glass when I swallow which is making me more anxious and snappy. Don't know what's worse this or anxiety!

2/4 mg is still very low Sam, I was on 6mg a day for a month or so then between 2-4 for a while and was fine. I just take them as and when now.

Oh regards to the leg aches, my quads used to aches like mad. Every morning I'd get up and it would start, God did that drag me down felt like crying I used to go walk thinking that would help never did though.

Really hope you see some improvements soon hun, get plenty of rest like you said.. xx

nicola1980
04-09-13, 00:30
Hi Sam, Im so sorry to hear your still suffering, your strength and determination amazes me, not many people would carry on feeling like you do, i lasted 4 days on imipramine as i just couldn't hack the side effects and my sisters just been started on it and she's really struggling too, use your diazepam to help you hun, at least to get you through the first few weeks, this older tric meds are supposed to be very good for anxiety and panic so hang on in there, you've been suffering so long and i know how overwhelming and soul destroying constant anxiety is but you've got better before and you'll get better again, have faith in your meds and in yourself, your a strong person and you've proved that this year, i know you feel in a pit of despair at the min but that lights not far away hun i promise just hang on in there even its by the skin of your teeth because you'll get there, thinking of you x x

SarahH
04-09-13, 14:44
Sam,

Only you know what is best about whether to stick with this med. I hope you realise how inspirational you are to the rest of us, your strength and determination astound me and I am sure others who follow your story.

The thing is, a few weeks ago you were going out and doing so much more each day!

Do the SE's of this drug wear off with time like others? Or is the low blood pressure going to be a permanent thing? Are the Recovery Team in contact with you as they may have the answers to these questions which may help you decide.

You know I log on to NMP everyday to watch yours and Steveos progress (no offence to anyone else) and think about you both everyday also.

Take care Sam x

Consider
06-09-13, 08:17
Please Sam, hang on! It was 2 months before mine started working! Drugs are weird that way, I was running through 4 different antidepressants before I found mine. You can do this! I know how you feel, you want to do so many things, so did I. I kept persisting till I found my right cocktail of CBT and medication, and it was all worth it at the end! I kept telling myself, "This is my life and I will fight for it.". To this day, I am glad I did what I did.

Let the medication take its course, Sam. You WILL feel better soon. Rest, take it easy, give yourself a break. Keep pulling through, you will get there soon.


Elisa (Consider)

:)

Tufty
06-09-13, 11:49
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement

Day 15 and struggling. Nothing new to report. I spend most of my day in bed or lying on the sofa watching mindless TV. When I do things I feel faint, sweat a lot and my anxiety increases. I sometimes feel better in the evening and think - tomorrow I will be able to walk the dog and do a bit of shopping but so far I've not managed either.

Brenda - I've still got BMS too, it has been worse though. I first experienced it 10 years ago and it went when my anxiety went, it came back when I had occasional minor blips but I know it's my anxiety that causes it. It is better in the evenings too, when my mood improves so at least it's not constant. Thank you for the advice about Diazepam - I know I'm on low dose and didn't take any on Wednesday because I feel I need to have one day without to prove to myself that I'm not addicted. My GP is confident that I won't become addicted because I'm so worried about it and cautious with medication, I hope he's right.

Feeling faint is a side effect of Dosulepin but that is not as prevalent now. From today I'm taking 200mg Pregabalin a day, I am due to be off it completely in 2 weeks time. I'm not sleeping as well as usual now, I think that's due to the Pregabalin withdrawal but so far I've not taken any sleeping tablets or Diazepam to sleep because I am always tired in the morning and find it hard to get going.

Nic - I found Imipramine more sedating than Dosulepin but the side effects were much worse, I hope your sister is getting on OK with it. I slept really well on it and it helped my anxiety immensely but I didn't feel well on it and stopped after 4 months. I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth, several times this week I've thought - that's it, I've had it with this drug but fortunately by the evening when I take my tablets I feel better so don't consider not taking them :) I forget things very easily which is helpful given my current feelings.

Sarah - the side effects should lessen in time and I can handle most of them, it's the anxiety that's crippling me. I was discharged from the crisis team and I cannot be under the recovery team because I am having CBT with another service provider, all the NHS but you can't be under the care of both at the same time :shrug: Steven had the same problem, I think it may be a Devon and Cornwall thing. I cancelled my CBT this week but am due again on Monday, at the moment I cannot imagine getting there but I will try my best. I am not finding it helpful but he is my route into the community mental health team - he can refer me to them if he thinks that's what I need. I don't know what I need, a new head would be good!

Thanks Elisa - that is good advice. Everyone keeps telling me I'm doing OK and just stick with it but I feel like I have gone backwards since starting this drug. I know I would feel better if I stopped it but then go backwards again. I will be more patient and give this one chance to work.

A doctor friend yesterday came round and said I need to stick with it for another 2 weeks, if I can see some improvement by then I should continue to improve but if I'm no better it would be reasonable to quit it. So on that basis - I'm halfway through this, I'll feel better either way in 2 weeks. I've told my husband that by the time I am well I will be a masterchef, know what antiques and houses to invest in and be able to trace any lost relatives - all thanks to daytime TV, so not a wasted experience after all :unsure:

It's still very hot here and I am praying for rain and some cooler weather. I would go for a short walk if it wasn't so hot.

I hope everyone else is well

Love Sam

clio51
08-09-13, 23:13
Hi Sam,

Hope you have managed to have some restbite this weekend?

Regards your bms how do you switch off from it?

Mine is constant 24/7 even in the night my tongue is so dry it feels like it's got craters in it!
Thing is mine only started when I took an antipsychotic promazine and from day three it affected my mouth and since then 6mth on it gone worse. I'd been on venlafaxine then 5mths.
This weekend it's been really getting to me making me more anxious and lots of thoughts to the point I don't want to sit still. Hence me asking how you switch off
Don't think I can carry on much longer with this, but oral consultant just suggested nortriptyline do I really won't to be on 2 antidepressants er no!

Take care :bighug1: x

Tufty
16-09-13, 11:52
Brenda - my BMS is not too bad these days, I find it's better after I've eaten and if I chew gum. I have had times that it's driven me to distraction and know how distressing it can be, as I say it does tend to come and go with my anxiety though so I'm sure there is no medical cause or cure - if I could reduce the anxiety it will go again. I tried mouthwashes, sucking ice, avoiding anything spicy or hot but they didn't help, I take inositol, magnesium and zinc and it is better but I can't say it is down to any of these as I'm really not sure.

Day 25 on Dosulepin and still crap. I felt a little better on day 18 and 19 and managed to leave the house, do a bit of shopping and get a few jobs done. I increased to 75mg on day 19 following my doctors suggestion and I felt more anxious after, I continued with it for a few days but by day 21 I was climbing the walls and with my doctors agreement am back down to 50mg.

I am taking regular Diazepam, Propanolol and still on 150mg Pregabalin as when I reduced to 100mg I felt worse with nausea, diarrhoea and insomnia. I'm still spending most of my time in bed, it is where I feel most comfortable, safe and able to cope. I push myself to go out some days, when feeling stronger but most of the time I feel weak, nauseas, faint and generally unwell. My anxiety is variable, obviously depending on how much Diazepam I have taken and how I physically feel, but my mood is now low, I'm not a lying in bed kind of person. I'm a fighter, a doer and like to be busy, I am frustrated and depressed with feeling unwell for so long.

I have come to the conclusion that it is not working and I think when you believe that when you've lost hope in a drug it makes it a lot harder to be positive and for the drug to work. After a horrible weekend where I've cried, panicked, felt overwhelmed, desperate and hopeless I am considering stopping the Dosulepin.

My GP is contacting the local mental health people again today for an urgent opinion, he thinks a mood stabiliser may be a better choice of drug for me. Naturally since he's suggested this I have googled mood stabilisers and frightened myself :blush: However after trying all the drugs that I have, I can't imagine them being much worse than some of the reactions I've had. The scary thing is that mood stabilisers are usually suggested with bipolar disorder, I am confident I do not have bipolar 1 - that is the typical manic depressive bipolar but there is a lot on the net about bipolar ii, a milder disorder, without the extreme highs of type 1. I do have some of the indications of bipolar ii according to the good old trusty interweb.

I don't care for labels and a name of why I feel like I do, I just want to feel well again and I know mood stabilisers are occasionally used in panic disorder so I'll go along with whatever the doctor suggests. I still don't get why antidepressants make me depressed but as this has happened after taking Fluoxetine, Sertraline, Escitalopram, Mirtazapine, Imipramine, Lofepramine and now Dosulepin although I start them with the belief that they will work for my panic and anxiety and be the 'one', there must be something in my brain that doesn't like antidepressants. No one in my family have ever taken anti psych drugs so I've no indication of what may be the best one for me.

The only good news I can share is that I have lost just over a stone in weight since stopping Mirtazapine and reducing the Pregabalin, although I'd rather be overweight and happy and the drugs didn't achieve the latter :).

I hope everyone is coping with this horrible condition and hope to post some good news soon.

Love to all

Sam xxx

SarahH
16-09-13, 17:28
Hi Sam,

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad at the moment. I am sure that this is "a moment" and that given the right meds you will get better. Your strength and courage has been incredible...stay positive:hugs:

clio51
26-09-13, 20:27
Sam hello just noticed your on, how are you doing hun any slight change.
Did you manage anything with the mht.

Take care hun:flowers::bighug1:

Ps Sam you don't have to have a positive post were all here for you anytime. Just hope you find the right med. Not to sure if I have, I'm better but still fuelled with anxiety most days

Tufty
26-09-13, 21:10
Thank you, I'm not doing too well :weep:

I lasted 4 weeks on Dosulepin, my GP called the crisis team back and the psych instructed me to stop it as I was worse than when I started it. I stopped taking it last Wednesday, so 8 days ago. The crisis team psych is nice and knows his stuff and spent a long time discussing what drugs I've tried and what's available. He didn't believe I needed a mood stabiliser, he said that's only used when all the antidepressants have been tried. I remembered back to 1997 when I took Seroxat for a few weeks (before falling pregnant again) and it worked well without any memorable side effects, so he recommended Seroxat or a MAOI. I couldn't decide so he chose Seroxat.

For the first few days I was anxious but OK and managed 3 days without taking any Diazepam. But now I have deteriorated even further and am taking more Diazepam than ever before. I've lost half a stone in a week due to nausea, I feel depressed, anxious, achy, tired blah blah blah..... today I haven't left my bed for more than 30 minutes. I can't even be bothered to put the TV on or read, I've just laid here with my eyes closed. I know it's not helpful but I'm so darn tired of fighting this thing, I just lay here and meditate and concentrate on my breathing.

The crisis team discharged me on Tuesday, they only see people for a few days to avoid hospitalisation, I have stopped my CBT as I have cancelled 3 sessions and I hate wasting a therapists time and it was agreed that I'm not well enough at the moment to get the most out of or participate in CBT. I'm waiting for an appointment with another psych, I saw one in June but it was a one off.

So sadly nothing positive to report, I'm holding on still but it's bloomin hard at the mo. The past 5 months have been the worst but I live in hope that time will heal. All these drugs I've tried have just made things worse, the psych said it was like rolling a dice with medication and not knowing which one would work for me, after trying so many I'm not sure they're the answer for me.

Seroxat apparently works quickly, if it's going to work, I'll hang on a bit longer and then will go med free until I see the psych. I am now only taking a token 50mg Pregabalin but lots of Diazepam and regular Zopiclone.

Thanks for asking Brenda, I hope things improve for you soon too
Love Sam

clio51
26-09-13, 21:59
Or Sam I totally feel for you, this illness is so sole destroying and ugly.

You are so strong to be able to try all the meds you have , really don't think I would have the strength and willpower. You certainly are strong willed.

You would really think in the 21st century that it would be easier to get right, or some boffin to come up with one the suits all or maybe a test of you DNA to match up with something God that would be brilliant.

Really pray it works sam, do try and eat small and often when you can. I lived off rice Pud,weetabix and soup for weeks lost loads of weight, I hated the nausea feeling but it killed me to get something down but the empty rumbling feeling in your stomach is horrible.

Come on seroxat do it for Sam

Take care hun, don't feel alone through this thinking of you. Xx

nicola1980
27-09-13, 00:30
Oh Sam hun, please don't give up your strength and determination is amazing, there's not many that could hack what you have, seroxet is supposed to be an excellent med so i have everything crossed for you, you deserve a break, this illness is so bloody cruel and just robs us of our lives but you'll get there hun, sending lots of love and a big :bighug1: x x

SarahH
27-09-13, 21:14
Hi Sam,

So glad you have posted....I think of you every time I come on here. Please hang in there I am sure the right med will be there for you.

:hugs:

steveo
30-09-13, 16:31
Really lovely to know you're still here Sam!!!

I've been thinking about you an awful lot, wondering how you are!!!

Really really sad to hear how bad you are right now!!!

Keep fighting the good fight!!

xxxxx

Consider
01-10-13, 05:25
You can do this Sam! paxil/seroxat is a really good med, so your chances of feeling relief are pretty freaking sweet! Sorry to hear that you feeling awful. Be kind to yourself during this time, I got faith in you sam! :) :hugs:

karenp
01-10-13, 07:24
OH Sam I feel for you, you must be at your wits end by now darling....I think you have tried every drug going hey bless. So sorry to hear nothing seems to be helping...don't worry about diazepam. My Mum was on it 20 year sand came of fit fine by tapering and I have been on Lorazepam a whole year soon and aren't one bit worried about stopping it, it helps me and I live for the here and now. Really pray this new drug helps you for once xxxxx

Tufty
11-10-13, 11:46
Thank you all for your kind messages, I haven't been on for a while and thought it was time to update the thread.

I lasted exactly 10 days on Paroxetine, same old story with the SSRI's - the first few days were OK, I then became panic stricken with constant high anxiety which Diazepam wasn't touching, twitching, shaking, suicidal, scared to live feeling.

So 13 days ago I stopped Paroxetine, 11 days ago I stopped taking Pregabalin completely after a very slow withdrawal after taking it for 8 months, I haven't taken Zopiclone for 8 days. The only med I am taking is Diazepam, I've been taking it pretty regularly since July with an increase in the past 8 weeks. I saw a new psych last week who said not to stop taking it and that I'd need a withdrawal schedule, we then didn't talk about it any more and I forgot to ask about it when our time was up.

I had been told by the crisis team and my GP not to worry about taking Diazepam as I was in crisis and it was for a short period only but that period grew and I became desperate for relief. When the psych said I couldn't just stop it I realised that I needed to get off it, when I've taken it in the past I'd become depressed and I wanted to see how I feel without any meds (I am stubbornly determined and sometimes refuse to accept orders that I don't think are in my best interest :noangel:) Since stopping Paroxetine I have gone from a maximum of 12mg Diazepam a day down to a tiny 0.25mg a day, I've dropped from 6mg to 0.25 in 6 days without too many problems, it's been easier than my experience of SSRI start up effects (fingers crossed).

I am sleeping well and dreaming normally, my anxiety has decreased though I am not doing much to evoke anxiety, I am eating OK but don't have much appetite. For the 6 weeks I was on Dosulepin and then Paroxetine I had virtually taken to my bed, I would get up for between 30 minutes and 6 hours a day and lay on the sofa, I wasn't cooking, cleaning, eating meals with my family, shopping, walking the dog - I was non functioning, towards the end of taking Paroxetine I didn't get dressed, brush my teeth or leave my bed for days. In the past week I have slowly started building myself up (again), I am able to walk the dog, do small shops, cook, read and drive again.

However, I feel close to tears a lot of the time and cry frequently (I'm not normally a crier) I feel depressed and lack motivation - I know this could be due to any one of the drug combo I have stopped/reduced or just my 'normal' mood returning, which is a scary thought. The strangest and most debilitating symptom I now face is pain. At first I thought it was because I went from being vertical and non-functioning and the pains I were like a post viral illness fatigue thing and it would soon pass. But the aching in my thigh muscles, buttocks and knees have continued and for 4 days I have had back pain the like of which I have never known. It's not my spine it's the muscles either side of my back just below my bra strap and my lower back too, hot baths help but I'm trying to stay off the painkillers in a bid to become med free. I'm wondering if the pain receptors in my brain have been somehow sensitised, I'm thinking the Pregabalin may have something to do with it. I didn't have any pain last November/December when I was completely med free and have never suffered with pain, I had two children without pain relief and was still exercising regularly up until June of this year without problem. I now feel like an old lady hobbling around and it's adding to the mental despair. Anxiety and depression are amazing, I would never of believed that they could evolve and cause so many symptoms.

Luckily I have a caring GP now who in desperation referred me to a consultant psych, he did the referral last Monday, the psych phoned me on Tuesday and I was seen last Friday - I don't know what the referral letter said but it obviously did the trick. It was the first time I'd left the house in weeks and I didn't think I'd get to the clinic but with my mum driving and Diazepam beforehand I got there and thankfully didn't have to wait too long. He was good, better than the one I saw in June and the crisis team psych only did home visits trying to get you over the short term. He wanted to hear about my childhood, my first experience with panic attacks and anxiety and listened as I cried, apologised and talked.

Firstly he said I would benefit from psychotherapy which I was supposed to have 10 years ago, I was on a waiting list but I didn't hear anything, I got better and didn't pursue it. He said it is very, very difficult to access any psychotherapy through the NHS but he would phone the psychologist himself and persuade her to see me, though this may take some time. Secondly he said medication would help me overcome this period of time until psychotherapy was available and helping. We went through my extensive list of meds tried (an unlucky 13) and he explained the options available, he didn't think mood stabilisers were needed and it boiled down to a reversible MAOI - Moclobemide or Trazodone. I opted for Trazodone, I have the tablets ready but he was happy for me to start them when ready and understood that I wanted to get off all the other meds first. Although he won't see me again unless my GP requests it he was going to write to my GP with a list of options to try if the Trazodone (when I eventually take it) doesn't work and said he would see me again if my GP thought it necessary. So still no ongoing psych care, no CPN etc. but I have a plan and options which has given me some hope.

So things are a little better, I'm not OK but I feel better able to cope, I feel more in control of how I think about how l feel, I feel sad but that's OK at the moment, even the pain is tolerable compared to the angst of anxiety. I've started reading my self help books again and more about compassion and schemas after reading a post on the forum about them, and they sound promising. I'd love to take a pill to help and no one can say I haven't tried but for now I'm practicing acceptance.

Thanks again for the kind messages

Sorry for the essay - makes up for my absence :)

Love Sam x

SarahH
11-10-13, 21:33
Great to hear from you Sam.......been thinking about you alot this week.

You are a tough cookie. If you want some more support send me a PM. You can do this!!!!

:hugs:

Bramwell
11-10-13, 22:35
Keep battlin', Sam. x

clio51
14-10-13, 21:20
Hi Sam,

First I want to give you a :hugs: you so deserve one

So glad you posted like Sarah says we are all routing for you and look to see how you are.

You are certainly not good with ssri! That's a fact. No wonder your anxiety was high dropping the pregablin,diazepam as well as coming off seroxat,gee no wonder you were climbing the walls with anxiety! You certainly have tried. There is no way I could off done that!


The aches your getting do you think it's you being tense, only saying because I had aches last year for weeks in the fronts of my top of legs(quads) and think that was because of high anxiety holding myself tense(not realizing) and it was horrible really got me done. I can still get things like headaches, backache oh and weirdest one under my armpits towards the back
But with me not only anxiety but as I get older I develop a different health symptom nearly every month and I think being menopausal does not help!

Can't suggest anything because you've tried nearly everything, just try not to let everything you do or read be about anxiety! We need a break when we can from it.

I know it's a long hard road but I hope things are easing slightly this week for you.

Keep us posted Sam on your recovery, take care xxx

Tufty
16-10-13, 10:12
Thank you for your kind messages. It helps to know that others understand and believe in me when I've lost faith in myself.

I'm off the Diazepam, haven't taken any for 5 days now. I've had a few flashes of panic but nothing major, however I'm not sleeping well, it takes me an hour or so to get to sleep and then I wake after 4 hours and spend the rest of the night restless and anxious. I've always slept well and since childhood have slept at least 8 hours a night, I'd sleep for 10 if I could and when doing shift work used to come in at 3pm and sleep for another 2 hours. Sometimes I wonder how I managed with two children under the age of 18 months, but I slept when they did and was OK.


I took a Tesco own brand herbal night sedation last night, it contains hops, valerian - basically the same as kalms and nytol but cheaper and it more active ingredients, I still woke before 4 but was able to go back to sleep for short periods and was less anxious.


I still ache a lot too, mainly my back but yes, my quads often ache too Brenda. Over the past 2 days my wrists hurt as well, it seems to be constantly changing. But no burning mouth, haven't had it for a few weeks? It's very strange, not that I'm complaining.


Mood wise, I'm still low, not as weepy but have little motivation, energy or enjoyment in anything. I am reading more and got into watching a few tv programmes. I walked the dog for 2 miles yesterday, further than we'd been for 2 months and I am doing more but most of the time feeling miserable.


I've got drs tomorrow, first time I've been to the surgery in 8 weeks, I'm interested to see what the psych letter says regarding meds. I'm still unsure about the trazodone and am giving it until Saturday, as I have to be able to get up by 8am on Saturday and I understand the first few weeks in trazodone can be very sedating.


I'm hoping to go swimming today, I thought it would help my back and general fitness. I don't feel like going but know, just like walking the dog, I will feel better after doing it.


Love to all
Sam x

Tufty
20-10-13, 09:55
No better, 3 weeks without any antidepressants and a week without any Diazepam.

I did go swimming the other day, managed 2 lengths, wanted to jump out and run home which isn't advisable in a bikini but I didn't, Tufty by name toughty by nature, I stayed did another 20 odd lengths (very small pool) had a jacuzzi and calmly went home.


I saw my gp on Thursday who said I could try without any meds as I was better than I was on them but could start Trazodone if I wanted. He didn't have a copy of the psychs letter on the screen so he couldn't tell me what my other drug options are, I know the next choice was Moclobemide but I'm not sleeping well at all at the mo and that can cause insomnia so probably not the best choice for me. So Trazodone it is then.


The anxiety has been worse since Friday and combined with the depression it has got me to the point that I am ready to start meds again. Last night I took a Zopiclone but still work at 5am. I need an antidepressant, of that now I am certain. I've been trying to clean out a kitchen cupboard, one each day for the last 10 days but I've got no energy, motivation or concentration to do this - I know it's hardly a pleasurable task but I've lost all my va va voom.


So I'll move this thread to the Trazodone forum, any positive comments about Trazodone would be gratefully received. I'm expecting to sleep well and feel groggy for the next week or so, just something to take the edge off my anxiety so that I can work more on the depression and self esteem. Right now I feel like I'm loosing the battle and need a hand back up into the normal world. I don't expect miracles or to feel ecstatic, just to be able to plod along, without the constant rumination and deliberate pushing myself to do things to get by each day.


Love Sam

Tufty
21-10-13, 09:59
Yesterday was not the best, I had high anxiety all day, I took 2mg diazepam at midday which helped a little. I have a numb/tingly mouth, chin and neck again, I thought it was the Pregabalin that was causing it but I've been off that for 3 weeks now so it wasn't, it's just good old anxiety.

I took my first 50mg Trazodone last night at 9.30. I got into bed and read for about 30 minutes and started to feel sleepy, turned the light off and dozed until 11.30 when my other half came to bed, I then woke at 1am went to sleep until 3am and have not been back to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time since. I did feel anxious in the night but no panic attacks, my thoughts were flitting from one thing to another and I couldn't switch off and now I feel exhausted. So much for a good nights sleep.


I feel a bit dopey and a little dizzy when standing but nothing major. I'm going to get up and dressed, walk the dog and do some online Christmas shopping I thinks, I'm so bored but don't feel like doing anything, it's a strange feeling.
Sam

Tufty
22-10-13, 12:41
Day 2 Trazodone 50mg

Yesterday wasn't great, it was crap until 2pm when I started feeling the stirrings of panic so I ignored it and did some relaxation, I thought I was overtired and needed a sleep but the panic symptoms continued. I took 2mg diazepam and got up as I was so restless, I then started getting flashing white lights in my eyes, I couldn't read the words on my laptop or see my sons face when he came home. It only lasted for 30 minutes but it was pretty scary, I've not had it since but have a headache. I don't know whether it was caused by medication or the start of a migraine with aura. It shook me up and made me question whether to continue with Trazodone but I took my 2nd tablet at 10 last night.


I slept for 7 hours so much better and although the anxiety level is the same I feel more hopeful, probably because I'm taking something that I think will help.
Sam

AnxiousBaker
22-10-13, 17:05
Hi Sam,

How are you finding the 50mg trazodone? At this dose you shouldnt get any side effects really. Maybe a dry mouth in a morning now and then. Hardly a worry this.
Did your doctor say it was ok to take diazepam with trazodone? I have taken 2mg before but never at the same time as trazodone. I think that isnt such a good idea.
If you want to chat about trazodone feel free to PM me.

SarahH
22-10-13, 17:19
Hang in there Sam.

Thinking of you

:hugs:

ricardo
22-10-13, 18:36
I am so sorry Sam that I am so wrapped up with my own problems that I hadn't even read your thread. You have been very supported to me and I hadn't realised what a tough time you are also going through xx

nicola1980
23-10-13, 00:40
Hi Sam, thinking of you hun, hang on in there your doing great :bighug1: x x

Tufty
24-10-13, 09:40
Day 4 Trazodone 50mg.

Thank you for your kind messages everyone.


I'm doing OK, waking with a feeling of dread and fast thumping heart everyday but no worse. Still not sleeping as well as I normally do which leaves me lacking energy in the day, which adds to my low mood.


I've got a drs appointment tomorrow and will probably increase to 100mg over the weekend, I'm scared that I will get some side effects though and am torn between staying longer on this tiny dose or reaching the therapeutic dose quicker. I know I've increased some meds faster than I should of and it added to my anxiety, but I'm inpatient with all of this now. I'm not really living, I'm just getting by each day, life has become something to endure rather than participate in and enjoy.


I'm tired of thinking and feeling, I just want to live without the constant introspection. I'm pushing myself to go out everyday and act normal and it does help, I feel like the days, weeks, months, are passing and I'm no better. Even the most usually easy and mundane tasks take a Herculean effort to start and complete. I've conquered this before and will again and it can't happen soon enough, so it's not today but I will survive, accept and float.


Sam x

SarahH
24-10-13, 19:54
:yesyes::bighug1::flowers:

bernie1977
25-10-13, 18:29
Hope you're ok today Sam :hugs:

clio51
25-10-13, 21:27
Hi Sam,

Hope the doctor's went ok today?

God luck with the traz, and really hope this is the one!
Your determination is brilliant keep it up.:)

ricardo
26-10-13, 07:45
Sam

Like you my sleeping pattern is awful, I rarely get more than 4 hours a night.

When I was last at my GP she suggested I try Trazodone 50mg for a week. As you know I can't take any SSR1's but I take Alprazolam( .50 grms x 4 a day) which I know is addictive but is the only thing that helps my anxiety,though only to a certain extent.As you know this is more potent than valium but the point being is that one can take Trazodone with valium but it might make one feel extremely sleepy for most of the day,depending on the dosage of both drugs.
This was the exact effect on me and quite honestly it didn't help me sleep any more,so I stopped taking Trazodone,but as I have stated many times before no drug or combination of drugs suits everyone as we all react differently.

Tufty
27-10-13, 21:48
Thanks for your comments and good wishes everyone.

Day 7 Trazodone 50mg

I'm doing OK, there's been a subtle change in my mood over the last few days. I wake with a racing heart and anxiety but I feel less depressed, I'm sleeping better and I feel more hopeful. The anxiety comes and goes throughout the day, it isn't constant anymore - I have minutes where I forget about it, I am not consumed by physical and mental anxiety. I feel I am functioning at a much better level and not just surviving the day. Fingers crossed that this lasts. I've felt well enough to be able to start practicing a 8
week meditation programme outlined a book, it's based on mindfulness which is supposed to be good for anxiety and depression.

My GP appointment went OK, he said I can increase the Traz as and when I am happy to, up to 150mg in my own time. He's OK with me taking regular Propanolol too. I'm going to stick at 50mg for another few days at least, so far it's been easier to start than other drugs and I don't want to increase and reverse the progress I've made.
x

clio51
27-10-13, 23:22
Awh great Sam sounds positive stuff!

Like you say don't rush it, thinking more is better!
Really routing for you,

Xxx

bernie1977
28-10-13, 13:41
Glad to hear you're getting on so well and I hope it continues. Best wishes xx

SarahH
28-10-13, 15:49
That's good news Sam.................hope it continues......................Mindfulness is brilliant stuff (when I remember to do it). I am told that it needs to be a "way of life":D I try to do a few minutes 4 or 5 times a day when I walk the dog,clean my teeth,drive,wash dishes....it works:D

SarahH
31-10-13, 15:58
Hi Sam,

Thanks for your advice the other day. I needed that kick up the a**e.

How are you doing on the Trazadone?

Sarah

Tufty
31-10-13, 19:19
Thank you all. Well done re the smoking too Sarah, that's quite a feat when suffering with anxiety and depression :yesyes:

Day 11

Still kinda pottering along, depression is much better, my mood is better than its been for about 3 months. The anxiety has been worse for the past few days though, I've not taken any Diazepam but it's been close a couple of times. I increased the Trazodone to 75mg last night, I didn't feel any more drowsy this morning and the anxiety was possibly a little lower. This afternoon I had a panic attack though - one of those drawn out ones, that came in waves for over an hour. I sat through it, talking with a friend but it's left me shaky, cold and exhausted. I hadn't had a panic attack like that since the first day of taking Traz, and am hoping by slowing increasing the dose it will settle the anxiety down.

I have accomplished more in the past week than I had in the previous 3 months :) Yesterday I went to Asda - I felt uneasy but stayed longer than necessary just to allow my anxiety level to lower, I had an appointment at occupational health - I was anxious but I ignored the voice in my head that said you must leave here now, I've been into town shopping and had a good browse around Debenhams for clothes - something I could not imagine doing just 4 weeks ago, I've been down to my husbands shop for several days, just an hour or two at a time to sort out stock and do the accounts - in September he bought the accounts home for me to do as I felt I couldn't leave the house, I'm walking the dog for 2-4 miles a day and going further away from home - sometimes with an increase in anxiety but sometimes not. I've been doing the meditation twice a day, I don't always feel like doing it or enjoy it and my mind wanders a lot but I'm learning that that's the point of practicing and it's OK.

I feel that I'm back to how I was in June which is considerably better than the past 4 months, onwards and upwards.

Sam x

Annie0904
31-10-13, 19:22
I am pleased that you are starting to feel better Sam and it sounds like you have accomplished a lot today...well done :)

SarahH
31-10-13, 19:50
Fantastic news Sam...really fantastic. After all you have been through it's great to know that things are looking up.:yesyes:

bernie1977
31-10-13, 20:31
Brilliant news Sam and well done on the increase as I know that was making you nervous. Xx

AnxiousBaker
01-11-13, 08:19
Glad the switch to traz is helping you Sam, great stuff.

karenp
01-11-13, 08:58
Sam, hi darling, I am rooting for you that Traz helps...I was on it before Escitalopram but only for a couple of weeks so have no real experience of how good it is. It helped me sleep and I found it quite easy to tolerate but didn't feel any improvement as such in that fortnight but was on 50mg's or something silly so nowhere near therapeutic dose. Well done you for getting out there and trying to fight this illness, you are such an inspiration! I hope you keep improving every day as you go up the doses....hugs Karen xxxx

clio51
01-11-13, 22:40
Great news Sam, May the improvements continue.

Tufty
02-11-13, 19:54
Thank you everyone, your kind comments really lift me.

Day 13 - 50mg Trazodone for 10 days, 75mg Traz for 3 days

The panic attack on Thursday afternoon wasn't a one off sadly, since then my anxiety has been very high almost constantly. I've been sleeping poorly, the hours decreasing and waking frequently, last night I slept from 11-1 and couldn't get back to sleep and took a Zopiclone, I thought Trazodone was sedating and good for sleep :shrug: it seems similar to Dosulepin with me and I'm not happy. I took Diazepam yesterday after tolerating the anxiety all day. I've got no appetite, the burning mouth it worse, got chest pain, back pain, tingly numb limbs, lump in throat, palpitations, shaking, sweating - all the normal suspects. Mentally I feel crap, I wake with a feeling of doom, am more introspective and mega anxious.

I'll give it a few more days, see if it improves. I'm carrying on like normal even though I feel like staying in bed and hiding, I don't want to sink back to where I was. I can't cope feeling like this for too long and won't put up with an increase in anxiety from a drug that isn't supposed to cause any. I haven't felt this anxious since taking Dosulepin and Paroxetine.

:weep: Sam

SarahH
02-11-13, 21:33
I sent you a PM......:hugs:You were doing so well on 50 mgs...........................why not drop back to that dose?

Sarah

bernie1977
03-11-13, 10:00
So sorry to hear this Sam, it so upsetting and frustrating when we feel another drug isn't working for us.

The recommended dose for depression and anxiety is 150mg so maybe 75mg isn't enough to stop it. If you can carry on and increase to 150mg only you know that. When I was first put on Trazodone my psychatrist told me I needed to give it at least 6 weeks on the full dose to see if was effective. I know it's easy for them to say that as its not them who are suffering in the meantime. I'm surprised you're not sleeping better as it works wonders for me sleep wise, but then we're all different and what works for one might not work for another.

I'm sending you best wishes and truly hope things improve xx

karenp
03-11-13, 15:12
When I was prescribed Traz it never helped with sleep with me either apart from the very first night when it would knock me out but after that I needed Zopiclone too again. I never got chance to go up to 150mg's though Sam before I was switched to the Escitalopram. I'd def give it a go too If you can. I'm on week 3 of my final increase on Escitalopram and have got anxiety today for the first time since I increased but it's tolerable though I feel for you so much as you honestly forget what an annoying, horrible, scary feeling it is and I just want it to go away and the headache I have but you have had more than a life times share of feeling totally poop now hey, bless ya. xxxx