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clio51
03-11-13, 21:07
Or Sam can't understand it you were doing ok ish at the start!

I've just been looking back when I was really bad in my diary,not eating,dry heaving,not sleeping,anxious as hell,very snappy(you couldn't speak to me)depressed and just not interested in anyone or anything,I was that anxious I'd just sit on the couch even to scared to have a shower sometimes!

It took me on venlafaxine 3 mths to see a little improvement! That was eating meals again,no more heaving,going to do shop(not anxiety free)
I still had really bad days,but I'd have a better(which I never had before)in between. If say it took a good 6 mths for the depression to lift, the anxiety slightly improved but as never gone. In fact I am know on proprananol x 3 daily, and still anxiety! And not to mention bms, thats so very unpleasant it adds to my anxiety state.

I suppose what I'm saying is, it might take you a good few weeks like me to adjust on it to get yourself passed the highly anxious state. Some people see improvement in a couple of weeks other a good few weeks.

I know it very very hard but try a give it a bit longer,and use your diazepam and zopiclone to help you through. This is how I got through the beginning,otherwise I couldn't of done it without them no way!

Wishing you the best of luck Sam. Take care xxxx

nicola1980
04-11-13, 06:32
Oh hun Im so sorry your feeling so bad :bighug1: i agree with clio it took me a good 3 months to settle on venlafaxine and believe me i felt like giving up on numerous occasions i felt so bad, the anxiety and panic was constant it truly was horrendous, try and stick it out for a bit longer, use your diazepam to help you through, thinking of you and sending love and hugs :bighug1: x x

Tufty
05-11-13, 10:07
Thank you all for your kind comments :D

I'm at a loss to know what to do. Yesterday was horrendous, I scraped through the day and tried to act as normal as possible, apart from walking the dog I did little, but it was tough. By 8pm I didn't know what to do with myself, I used the forum lots, read a little, tried to watch TV, did some meditation but the physical feeling of electricity running through my body was unbearable. I took 7.5 Zopiclone and tried to sleep but it was like having a constant panic attack - indescribable fear. I laid here, didn't wake my husband and waited for it to subside which is did after about an hour. I feel desperate and have lost hope in getting better.

I even considered taking another 7.5 Zopiclone to try to escape the feeling but I knew that wasn't sensible. I woke after about 5 hours sleep, feeling highly anxious and crawling out of my own skin. The physical sensations are unpleasant to say the least, but I won't dwell on them, its my psychological reactions that are distressing me. I don't know how much longer I can hang on, I am crying as I write this as I feel there is no hope.

It has been pointed out to me that I 'react' to every new medication and I know it's true, whether its a physical or mental reaction I don't know, but it's real to me. I'm never happy with any medication, I'd like to take a pill to take the edge off the anxiety but nothing fits the bill, they either make me a suicidal mess or at the best, depressed. Last night if someone had an injection of Lorazepam I would of gratefully received it, I thought about getting drunk or taking more sedation just to escape the torture - that's desperate. I am untreatable. 9 Meds in 12 months - that's crap, it frightens me to think that I am not going to survive this and there is nothing anyone can do to help.

I feel exhausted, I haven't slept well in weeks. I'm loosing the will and strength to keep going. I've even looked into private psychiatric inpatient services this morning, there's nothing local and we cannot afford it, we'd have to try to borrow the money which is unlikely given I've been off sick for 8 months, and my family would find it very traumatic. I know I've recovered from this before but this time it's been worse, last time I was admitted for a month to a psych unit but I'm worse now than I was then. I'm too scared to take any more antidepressants now. I refuse to take anything that turns me into this hysterical monster, it doesn't bother me if antidepressants have little positive effects, it's the negative effects that are intolerable. I know it's impossible to know what is me and what is the effect from the meds but from my 17 year history with antidepressants only 1 out of 15 has helped. If I was just starting out on the anxiety/depression medication route I would probably be stronger and be able to tolerate the side effects better, but after being on the roulette wheel for sometime I feel beaten and too weak to keep trying. I've tried my hardest and really don't know what else to do.

Todays going to be a tricky one, I aim to walk the dog, even if its just round the block. I will do my meditation and somehow survive each minute.

Sorry for the despairing post, but I need to get it off my chest as I don't have anyone to talk to here.
Sam

Her Indoors
05-11-13, 10:53
Hello there Sam,

We're here to talk to, please don't despair. Could you get in touch with your Consultant or the mental health people and tell them how you are feeling? Sorry if this is stating the bleeping obvious, but you sound like you need some more help.

Try and get out and walk the dog if you can, it will help, (rich coming from someone who sat in their pyjamas all day yesterday!) even if it is only round the block, it is an achievement.

Can you get a trusted friend or relative to come and sit with you for a bit?

Please don't give up Sam, there will be a way out of this, and there are loads of medications out there, something WILL work for you, you just haven't found it yet. Could you get some kind of therapy from the NHS, probably a waiting list, but maybe a talking therapy would help you. Sorry if this all sounds obvious, just trying to think of something. I mean well, and I completely understand all you have said.

Sending you loads of:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

Message me if you want to Sam, I do understand.

Love J xxx

Tufty
05-11-13, 11:19
Thanks J

I don't have a consultant or MHT, I've been under the crisis team twice this year and seen 2 psychiatrists as an outpatient, but the policy here is to discharge you back to your GP with guidance on medication. There is no community support for people like me. I am waiting for psychotherapy, I tried CBT but it wasn't helpful as I was too ill to participate fully. The last psych did think that talking therapy would be the most helpful for me as I am so 'reactive' to medication but he couldn't give me a time scale of when that would start. He did write to my GP with a list of medication to try, I know there are others but I've become drug phobic, I've lost faith in them.

My mums just phoned and offered to come round but somedays I'm better by myself and I think today is one of them. The kids will be home at 3.30 and I will try to get up in a bit and walk the dog - she's pulled all the stuffing out of one of her toys so the hoover may need to come out too :mad:

I know you've been poorly for sometime too J and have tried different meds, it's not easy is it? Do you mind me asking what drugs are you taking now?

I have emailed my GP to ask for his advice, poor bloke doesn't quite know what to do with me, but for now I'll take a little Diazepam to help me through the day.

Thank you for your kind advice, I'm good at giving advise but never listen to my own

Sam

bernie1977
05-11-13, 12:43
Oh Sam I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, my heart goes out to you. When we're on the merry go round of trying all these different drugs and none help, infact they make us worse, it can be soul destroying. I really think you should rely on the diazepam on a short term basis to see if they can get you through this rocky period. Obviously I'm no medical expert but it's what I would do.

I'm glad to hear you've contacted your GP as he needs to know how bad you're feeling and he may be able to offer some advice.

You keep fighting through this girl. Sending you best wishes and lots of :hugs:

Her Indoors
05-11-13, 13:42
Thanks J

I don't have a consultant or MHT, I've been under the crisis team twice this year and seen 2 psychiatrists as an outpatient, but the policy here is to discharge you back to your GP with guidance on medication. There is no community support for people like me. I am waiting for psychotherapy, I tried CBT but it wasn't helpful as I was too ill to participate fully. The last psych did think that talking therapy would be the most helpful for me as I am so 'reactive' to medication but he couldn't give me a time scale of when that would start. He did write to my GP with a list of medication to try, I know there are others but I've become drug phobic, I've lost faith in them.

My mums just phoned and offered to come round but somedays I'm better by myself and I think today is one of them. The kids will be home at 3.30 and I will try to get up in a bit and walk the dog - she's pulled all the stuffing out of one of her toys so the hoover may need to come out too :mad:

I know you've been poorly for sometime too J and have tried different meds, it's not easy is it? Do you mind me asking what drugs are you taking now?

I have emailed my GP to ask for his advice, poor bloke doesn't quite know what to do with me, but for now I'll take a little Diazepam to help me through the day.

Thank you for your kind advice, I'm good at giving advise but never listen to my own

Sam

Hi Sam,

That's good you have got in touch with your GP, he should know what's going on. Could you ask to be referred back to the Crisis Team? I know they only help in the short term, but think someone needs to help you now. I was under the Crisis people but was referred to what they call the Recovery Team here and have been having weekly or every other week visits. My husband had to ring around quite a bit to get me referred to them, but they seem to be very good and my Consultant is excellent and gives me hope when I see her. It seems a bit of a lottery when it comes to healthcare in this country, unfortunately.

Of course I don't mind you asking about me. I am now taking Pregabalin which has recently been increased to 300 mg daily, had a major blip last few days, not helped by the fact that what I thought were 50 mg tablets, were in fact, 25 mg, so I had been only taking half the dose I was supposed to :doh:. This morning I have taken the full dose and do feel a little better (tentatively). I was previously taking Sertraline, which unfortunately didn't help with the anxiety at all and Mirtazapine. I have come off these two medications and now am taking Trimipramine for depression and the Pregabalin for anxiety. Fingers very much crossed and jury out on that.

Take some of your diazapam and hopefully you will begin to feel a little better by the time your family come home. Really feel for you, so much of what you say, is so familiar to me unfortunately, but you WILL get better and there are medications that can help.

Wishing you all the best and loads of :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

Love J xxxx

ps Showered and dressed and not sat in my jammies! No make-up but not going out, so can't frighten anyone!

Tufty
05-11-13, 14:01
Thank you both, today is one that won't go down in my memory bank as one to be remembered.

My GP emailed me back - continue with the meds for 2 more weeks.

I've emailed the Samaritans and phoned NHS Direct, I was that desperate. The NHS direct chap was helpful and phoned my local hospital and found out that my GP would have to assess me and refer me to the crisis team. Even though it's a big hospital with a psych unit they don't like assessing people there, they prefer everyone to see the crisis team first. So he's phoned my doctors surgery and a doctor will phone me back.

I don't want to be admitted and know that is unlikely but I need some support. Actually I wouldn't mind being admitted now, I would like to be somewhere secure where they can review my meds and give me the support I need if they feel I need to change meds. There is a recovery home team here too but I've never been offered their services, this time I will push for it. I don't want someone coming round everyday, I just need some support in times of crisis like this and each time it takes days, I have to go round the houses, through GP's or phone lines just to talk to someone.

Pregabalin is good for anxiety J, I took it for 8 months and it worked brilliantly to start with. I always felt the effects pretty quickly too so hopefully you won't have to wait to long to notice the improvement of that correct dosage. I don't know where I'm going to go with meds next, each time I plummet into crisis it seems to be when I start meds but maybe that's all my head :scared15:

Diazepam it is for now then, it's strange I feel anxious but dopey at the same time, not a nice feeling.

Sam x

I'm dressed (just), no make up and think the dog will have to suffice with the back garden today

Her Indoors
05-11-13, 14:34
Hi Sam,

That's good something is being done to help you. Let us know what happens. Pester your GP and he will have to refer you on to get the help you need. The Recovery Team are brilliant and refer back messages, etc. to the Consultant.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Thinking of you and sending you best wishes.

J xxxx

Well done on getting dressed, the dog will forgive you, give him/her a big hug x
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

nicola1980
05-11-13, 15:50
Hi Sam, just wanted to send you a :bighug1: and let you know Im thinking of you, when i was at my worst i also considered being admitted but with the help of the crisis team i fortunately managed to stay at home, push for extra support you need it at times like this, we're all here for you too :bighug1: x x

AnxiousBaker
05-11-13, 16:47
I hope you get everything sorted soon Sam, i am sure you will!

clio51
05-11-13, 16:53
Sam :flowers: :bighug1:

I've been where you are hun, I too wanted to be admitted just so I was in the right place and with the right people to sort me out!. I used to ask my mht worker what it was like, I couldn't get it out of my head I needed help!

I too was going to go down the private route and even rang the priory, which was way way out of my league(we have private insurance but only covers £1000 on psych things!) So it's cost £4800 a week aghhhh, my sister was going to pay but I couldn't let her do that. But God was I desperate. My gp asked me did I want to go in for a rest at the very beginning.

Don't take no Sam (I'm sure you won't) if you want to go in to be looked after and for reassurance do it! Thoughts just go round your head constantly,reading things,contacting drs,mht team etc because we are so desperate and out of our minds with worry because we WANT to be well. That's not a lot to asks.

Please use your diazepam this will help and not just 2mg that won't touch you hun,defo take some before bed if no zopiclone used don't know if you can use both! Deal with coming off when your a lot more stable.

I don't think I could off coped without diazepam and zopiclone they were a life saver for me.

Rest as much as you can at the moment,and don't focus on getting out there doing things! It's not the right time that will come later when your more stable.

I really do know what your going through, and reading your blog brought it all back to me and what desperation I was in! I couldn't move sometimes because I was filled with fear and sensations.

I'm not good by any means but can cope better know, anxiety is still high.

Peed off this afternoon, phone call from psych Secretary to say
My appointment today(er what!) No it's the 19th I go, story short they changed it for today but I got no letter!! And they rang to say don't come as she was behind and 3 patients waiting!
So I've NO appointment now and it will prob be after Xmas now as there like gold dust bloody NHS.

Don't bottle it up Sam come on here there's always someone one you will know.

Take care hun, thinking off you xxxx

Tufty
05-11-13, 17:21
Thank you all, it really does help to know people have been through this and come out the other side. I've been in this situation 5 times this year, too scared to live and I've come out the other side each time but it's worn me down and this is the first time I've seriously considered a stay as an inpatient.

My experience in 2003 as an inpatient was awful and I always said never again, I could recover at home no matter what with the aid of Diazepam to get me through the tough times but it's just not cutting it anymore.

A GP called me back, he was helpful and was sending an urgent fax to the MHT to ask for some support and advice re meds. He was shocked that I didn't have a CPN or any support after all I've been through this year, he kept asking what happened when they discharged you, why didn't they give you a support worker, when are they going to see you again? I cried throughout our convo and he said he would ring back but hasn't yet. I still feel wired, but a little easier as the children are home. My son is off tomorrow and it does help having them around, the distraction and having to pull it together a bit for them is good for me.

I've still got the inner agitation and feel like electric current is running through my body. I wish I could switch off the electric for an hour, to relax and not feel so tense. I'm saying calming mantras to myself, concentrating on my breathing and surviving a day in hell by the skin of my teeth. Right I'm going to cook tea, empty the dishwasher and try to act normal :wacko: for 20 minutes
Sam x

SarahH
05-11-13, 17:58
Flippin 'eck Sam I just replied to your PM then saw this on your thread!!!!!:ohmy:

I have only just got in from a long day and did not realise you were having such a terrible day.....so sorry.

Sending you:hugs:. I think you should have been having lots more support in the last year, the minimum a CPN!!

You know that I was in a psych unit in April and had a very positive experience....but it may be different in your area.

Samaritans I am told are brilliant if you need to talk to someone urgently.. and there is always someone on NMP

Hang in there Sam xxxx

Tufty
06-11-13, 20:17
Guess what? No contact from the GP or MHT :lac: After phoning NHS Direct and them saying I needed a crisis referral yesterday, I'm still sailing this boat alone - well with you guys too.

Today has been very slightly better than yesterday, but only minimally. I have had a shower, walked the dog round the block and made a lasagne - ta dah. I feel like shit though, I'm back to puffing, got chest pain, electric shocks, numbness, palpitations blah blah blah. I am drinking herbal teas and forcing food down. I've spent most of the day lying in bed, I really believed I would be feeling a bit better than this by now. I did four weeks like this on Dosulepin and am devastated to be back down to rock bottom again.

Not so many suicidal thoughts today, I feel unwell but I know that these thoughts are the desire to escape feeling so bad. I feel less hysterical today and haven't cried so that's a positive too. Physically feeling so unwell is distracting me from the mental torture a little too, it adds to it in one way but it makes the suffering more real and understandable.

I'm going to do some mindfulness and try to accept the physical sensations and float with them

Sam x

clio51
06-11-13, 20:57
:) hiya

Bloodly typical sam, when were desperate we pin all our hopes on the people who we think will help us! And we hang on thinking they are sorting something out that day when they have forgotten or one of them passes the message on but the other person is too busy! WE NEED HELP NOW

Really glad you felt able to get out of bed today, although this must of been really hard for you.

It will get better it's just perseverance! Mine took 3 months just for me to stop heaving,eating again! You really need to give it weeks more than days I know it's hard Sam but it should pay off.

Well see what tomorrow brings! I'd only give it till lunch though then I'd contact the same gp or if you know the office of the mht ring them.
Your intelligent Sam and know how to speak correctly so tell them that action speaks louder than words and you want some help through this and not just a crisis help for 2 weeks then passed onto a gp. That isn't acceptable! You want to be monitored to see you through the unstable stage.

Well done for getting out,I never went out for about as month I was petrified of the symptoms and the depressed state I was in.
As for cooking, I couldn't for weeks until I stopped heaving with the smell of the food I used to have to go upstairs in the bedroom till they ate there tea.

Well done hun, keep going. Xxx

karenp
07-11-13, 08:09
Sam you poor luv....I felt weirdy on Traz, I must admit, it's hard to explain now but I remember having palpitations bad too but they did go away. Then I got moved onto the Escitalopram when I moved gp's.
I do feel for you, I remember those desperate calls to NHS direct and often used to just take myself off to the crisis team and refer myself.
Hi Clio, how are you huns? Oh I know, I can never eat either when I am suffering with anxiety really bad....it's terrible though I have ended up the thinnest I have been for years so that is the only plus side of being an anxiety sufferer, I have a nice figure at last again.
Sam, it's a year ago since I took Traz now but at first it was a really odd drug side effect wise and I was only on 50mg's but the side effects did die down, I just never got on an higher dose to know how well it acts as an ad/anti anxiety meds so have my fingers crossed this is the one that can get you finally right again, you do so well considering though, you really do xxxx

Col
07-11-13, 08:57
Tufty, really glad you've told your story. Bless you you've had a very very hard time.

Well what can I say about the nhs/ gps etc.

I've recently had an incident which is outrageous. I'm going to call them and formally complain. It's shocking. Even gps seem now to let patients slip under the radar????

You defo need to chase their tails xxxxx

Times like this & reading your last post thank God for Nicola & NMP !!!

daisydaisy
07-11-13, 09:11
Hi Sam,

Just wanted to send you hugs :hugs: and say I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. You're so strong Sam and you will get through this. I know MHT and Doctors can be rubbish but hang in there and also as others have suggested call them back and don't stop until you get an answer. You need an urgent referral to give you a break from the daily stresses and strains of life.

I was treated from May this year for depression. I was put on Prozac then Mirtazapine- I am not trying to scare you in any way but I knew something was wrong so I took myself off the meds and tried to go cold turkey. In August I had seizures and I think you know the rest of my story but I wondered whether a head MRI or something like that would be useful for you. I really hope I don't sound condescending but I'm wondering whether that would give you some clarity over what you are going through right now. It may be nothing serious but it sounds like you have suffered for a long time with not much relief and I wonder whether that could be of use to you perhaps? I'm really sorry if you've already had one of these.

I am praying for you and I hope that you get a resolution soon. As I said you are one of the strongest ladies I know and I'm really wishing you well. Take it one day at a time. Feel free to PM me if I can help with anything.

Lots of love xx

Tufty
07-11-13, 10:29
Thank you all.

No change. I've lost faith in the medical profession, apart from the lack of empathy and care, I do question their knowledge of MH problems too. I can't refer myself back to the crisis team apparently it's got to be done by a GP.

I think my problem is just anxiety and depression Daisy, about 13 years ago I did have a MRI of my head after getting numbness and dizziness after a long period of stress. I learnt that it was just anxiety and have accepted it as that. The Trazodone has caused me to have migraines, a tingly, numb face and a some strange vision but the same thing happened with Dosulepin and the headaches and vision problems stopped when I stopped the drug.

Interestingly a friend of mine started experiencing panic attacks about 8 years ago and was put on Mirtazapine which helped. Over the next few years she went through periods of wellness but increasing episodes of panic, nausea, headaches and felt unwell and had to resign from her job. 4 years ago she went for a eye test and was found to have a brain tumour. She says as soon as she woke up from the surgery she felt different and better and although anxious at times she has never had a panic attack since. She's had radiotherapy and chemo and is OK. I'm not saying that everyone with panic symptoms has a medical reason but that sometimes Dr's are so quick to put everything down to anxiety that they fail to do the basic medical checks.

I've struggled on and off with anxiety and depression for 17 years and have had more problems with medication than success. If it was anxiety alone I think I could manage it medication free - maybe with the odd Diazepam, if it was depression alone I could work with it and get out there and do things to help lift it. It's the combination of both that is debilitating and I find so hard to live with. My life is good, I have a great family and friends, we laugh lots and have lots in life to enjoy but I feel unwell.

I'll survive the day, I have no other option.
Sam

AnxiousBaker
07-11-13, 19:05
I`m sorry to hear that the trazodone isnt working for you! I agree that most GP`s are only trained in the basic MH issues and they all seem to have a top 3-4 go to meds for all problems. This is something ive noticed form my experience. If their chosen meds dont work they seem a little stumped or reluctant to dish out something more costly. Then the wait for a psychiatrist or CBT etc can be so long, if you get a referal that is!
What meds have you tried before Sam? It might be worth asking reception if any of the doctors at your surgery have MH experience if you are not happy with your current GP.

daisydaisy
07-11-13, 22:11
Thank you all.

No change. I've lost faith in the medical profession, apart from the lack of empathy and care, I do question their knowledge of MH problems too. I can't refer myself back to the crisis team apparently it's got to be done by a GP.

I think my problem is just anxiety and depression Daisy, about 13 years ago I did have a MRI of my head after getting numbness and dizziness after a long period of stress. I learnt that it was just anxiety and have accepted it as that. The Trazodone has caused me to have migraines, a tingly, numb face and a some strange vision but the same thing happened with Dosulepin and the headaches and vision problems stopped when I stopped the drug.

Interestingly a friend of mine started experiencing panic attacks about 8 years ago and was put on Mirtazapine which helped. Over the next few years she went through periods of wellness but increasing episodes of panic, nausea, headaches and felt unwell and had to resign from her job. 4 years ago she went for a eye test and was found to have a brain tumour. She says as soon as she woke up from the surgery she felt different and better and although anxious at times she has never had a panic attack since. She's had radiotherapy and chemo and is OK. I'm not saying that everyone with panic symptoms has a medical reason but that sometimes Dr's are so quick to put everything down to anxiety that they fail to do the basic medical checks.

I've struggled on and off with anxiety and depression for 17 years and have had more problems with medication than success. If it was anxiety alone I think I could manage it medication free - maybe with the odd Diazepam, if it was depression alone I could work with it and get out there and do things to help lift it. It's the combination of both that is debilitating and I find so hard to live with. My life is good, I have a great family and friends, we laugh lots and have lots in life to enjoy but I feel unwell.

I'll survive the day, I have no other option.
Sam

Hi Sam,

I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. You've really been through the ringer with all this and I just wish you could get some relief. I know it's cold comfort but you really are coping with things everyday. I'm sorry that the MRI didn't show anything but also relieved too- you can beat this I promise you. I know it might not feel that way but we're all here for you. Keep going or as I read in the new Bridget Jones book- Keep Bugg***** On! KBO!

I'm so sorry to hear about your good friend. I can't believe doctors sometimes- BTs are so rare that I think they cannot always (and don't have the time) to make a proper diagnosis. I don't blame my GP but a speech and language therapist I have met along the way said that they have about one in seven thousand patients that gets a brain tumour and for me I didn't have any of the typical symptoms apart from the depression and extreme panic and the seizures when they started. My doctors had the decency to write me a note to say sorry but ever since when I visit them they are still so blasť! I think it's because I asked for a second opinion for the surgery but that's another story! Sadly I think it all comes down to money these days and whoever shouts the loudest.

Anyways I hope that you have got somewhere today with your GP surgery. Keep calling them and keep updating us all here. We're all here to support you through. I know it gets lonely and it feels like nobody understands but we do. Massive hugs hun :hugs: you'll get there I promise. Try and do things you enjoy, take deep breaths, mediate and go for long walks- I sometimes find a routine helps. Some days I would lie in bed as that can help too I think but also keep focussing on you and getting better. I promise it has to happen- there is no other alternative.

Lots of love xx

clio51
13-11-13, 21:01
Hi Sam,

How's it going? Any better?

:hugs: xx

karenp
02-12-13, 08:00
Sam I am so so sorry you feel so terrible still, I feel for you totally darl as we all do knowing how terrible this illness is. You have suffered so much. Just take the Diazepam if it helps, whatever it takes to feel normal, I have taken Lorazepam for over a year now and one pill is like 10mg of Diazepam and I aren't worrying over addiction at all, I will deal with that when I feel I no longer need it and slowly taper off. Same goes for the Zopiclone, I have been on it on an doff for 20 months now and am currently on a 2 week break and may even try to cope without it now I am much better anxiety wise.
I used to want to be admitted to hospital too just to feel safe but they would never take me in unless I refused meds the crisis team said but as I was taking the pills and not threatening suicide or ringing up for help every time I had those kind of thoughts, they said I was ok as an out patient because there was no real signs of danger to myself, it was just the irrational thinking tat goes with the illness snot real risks of self harm. And when you do begin to feel well again you see that more clearly xxx But I totally identify with those desperate feelings that lead you to call the NHS, which always help me.
Most of all Sam, from my point of view looking in at you from the outside, you are one strong lady so never forget that!!! I know it won't feel like it to you but you are very strong to have coped feeling so terrible, I admire you girl and you will get through this in the end hugs Karen xxxx

nicola1980
09-01-14, 15:12
Hi Sam, just wondering how you are as you've not posted for a while :bighug1: xx

Tufty
13-06-14, 10:57
I'm sorry I haven't posted, answered any messages or been on the site for so long, I needed a break from NMP but wanted to report back.

I sadly got much worse and did the unthinkable and took an overdose on 10/11/2013. I won't go into details as it's too distressing but 10 days in an acute psych unit (which was traumatic) and 6 weeks in a brilliant community rehab unit and I slowly got better.

I now take 30mg Mirtazapine and 150mg Venlafaxine and Clonazepam as needed. It's been a bumpy ride with many medication changes. I was on Mirtazapine 45mg alone but with little effect, within 36 hours of adding the ven I felt better. Initially I improved quickly but the Ben has had to be gradually increased to 150mg. I have good days and not so good. I've been back at work for 5 months, I went back before I was really ready because of pressure from work to resign but works been OK, it keeps me busy and distracted.

Sadly in my area there is no psychological therapy available on the NHS so I am saving to see a psychologist privately which I hope to be able to start shortly.

I'm going through a blip at the moment but will post on the ven forum for advice. Thank you for all your help, good wishes and support over the years. I guess I wanted to say never give up, there is always something that will help you.

Sam

bernie1977
13-06-14, 16:06
Sam I'm so sorry to hear all that you have been through. It's sounds like things are on the up for you now and well done in getting back to work that's an excellent achievement after what you've been through.

Sending you best wishes xx

Bramwell
14-06-14, 20:53
Glad to read you're okay Sam.
Gently, progress onward and upward. x

swgrl09
15-06-14, 00:59
Wow, I'm so glad you are ok. Look at the progress you've made - going back to work and everything. You got through this so you can get through anything.

SarahH
16-06-14, 21:03
WOW..Sam so glad to hear from you at last....I have looked for your posts for months and been worried about you.

Keep in touch

Sarah

Emphyrio
08-09-14, 15:47
Any updates Sam? I'm going through something similar to what you've been through - trying various medications with little success. How are you doing now? Are you stable on your current meds?

karenp
28-08-15, 05:49
Sam, how are you? I have started using this forum again a lot as my anxiety has flared up coming off Lorazepam. I am so sorry about how ill you got, I hope you are feeling much better now darl x