Petal29
24-08-13, 21:28
Hello Everybody,
I find it a bit strange to write this down, speaking to people I never met and actually realizing it is time to sit down and jump over my pride and speak about my fears and worries. I do believe that each of you probably had similar thought of looking into google to find this forum and hope for help from other kind people out here. First to myself. I am a 30 year old girl (you are as old as you feel right) who is always up for a laugh and i love to make people smile. I do know that life is a wonderful thing and that i am so blessed to live in a nice and safe enviroment. I have a little boy who is 4 years old. My partner and i are happy and we have been together for nearly 3 years. He is not my child's father but he is the most amazing step-father as you can imagine. So, when you read this I can understand that you might thing... " ok so what do you want on this page if you tell me how great your life is"... well I am anxious. I am scared .. I am scared of letting my son down, i am scared of not being a good mum, i am scared of what people think of me, i am scared of not making enough money to support our family, i am scared of not being good enough.... but mostly i am scared of my partner leaving me or in better words i am scared of being replaced and not being able to be there. It sounds so silly but i am so scared of dying and my partner will get with someone else and forget about me. I am soooo scared my son will grow up without me and who will look after him. I can not think about anything else. To me my partner is the most amazing man and he is so lovely and caring that i can't believe he is with me. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful wee child that i sometimes struggle to put it into words. I am not lying , my son and I had a very hard time financially when his dad and i separated and because I was a student I didn't get any financial support as returned to college at my choice. It was very hard but we came a long way and my partner has always been very supportive to me. I had a health scare a couple of month ago and i could not cope with the idea not being there, being replaced and being forgotton. I panic about little things. In the past I went to councelling as I felt so guilty for not loving my child's father and i know it sounds silly but i needed someone to tell me that i am not a horrible person i just didnt love him. I do not even know what answer i am looking for. Maybe just writing it down. I really hope to meet lovely supportive people on this forum. |I am a very good listener as well and I am hoping to help some new friends.
Thank you very much for your time and support.
Petal29:hugs:
I find it a bit strange to write this down, speaking to people I never met and actually realizing it is time to sit down and jump over my pride and speak about my fears and worries. I do believe that each of you probably had similar thought of looking into google to find this forum and hope for help from other kind people out here. First to myself. I am a 30 year old girl (you are as old as you feel right) who is always up for a laugh and i love to make people smile. I do know that life is a wonderful thing and that i am so blessed to live in a nice and safe enviroment. I have a little boy who is 4 years old. My partner and i are happy and we have been together for nearly 3 years. He is not my child's father but he is the most amazing step-father as you can imagine. So, when you read this I can understand that you might thing... " ok so what do you want on this page if you tell me how great your life is"... well I am anxious. I am scared .. I am scared of letting my son down, i am scared of not being a good mum, i am scared of what people think of me, i am scared of not making enough money to support our family, i am scared of not being good enough.... but mostly i am scared of my partner leaving me or in better words i am scared of being replaced and not being able to be there. It sounds so silly but i am so scared of dying and my partner will get with someone else and forget about me. I am soooo scared my son will grow up without me and who will look after him. I can not think about anything else. To me my partner is the most amazing man and he is so lovely and caring that i can't believe he is with me. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful wee child that i sometimes struggle to put it into words. I am not lying , my son and I had a very hard time financially when his dad and i separated and because I was a student I didn't get any financial support as returned to college at my choice. It was very hard but we came a long way and my partner has always been very supportive to me. I had a health scare a couple of month ago and i could not cope with the idea not being there, being replaced and being forgotton. I panic about little things. In the past I went to councelling as I felt so guilty for not loving my child's father and i know it sounds silly but i needed someone to tell me that i am not a horrible person i just didnt love him. I do not even know what answer i am looking for. Maybe just writing it down. I really hope to meet lovely supportive people on this forum. |I am a very good listener as well and I am hoping to help some new friends.
Thank you very much for your time and support.
Petal29:hugs: