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View Full Version : Lonely Tonight. Hubby doesn't care



cat85pink
25-08-13, 22:03
hey, just feel sad tonight, and have nobody to talk to,

our friends are up visiting they arranged for all our girl mates to get together, i struggle with planned meets so i asked our visiting friends if we could go early so we could also see her new baby before bed, we missed dinner but was lovely seeing them, we picked up a takeaway on our way home,

15 mins after eating, hubby says hes meeting all the lads, he knew i was trying my best as i was hoping to meet the girls later (i cant think of going during eating or im to anxious)

he goes out 9-11.30pm every night anyway, i thought he'd just let me take my time (i wanted a lift off him though)

i asked him to just stay home as i felt a bit upset, but he just said 'well you know I like going out babe'

i got a bit teary, but he just slammed the door & went,

it breaks my heart that i sit in alone every night, i feel like he doesnt care, but without him i wouldn't even get out, since being with him ive got so much better, now i feel like i need him otherwise id have no quality of life, he might stay in a few days as he knows im upset, but it never lasts, i'm tired of feeling like this, we are looking to move house, trying for a baby, and im having CBT i feel like my minds gonna explode with all these emotions,

Daisy Sue
25-08-13, 23:05
Aw :( Sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable. Do your girlfriends know how difficult socialising is for you right now? Maybe you could ask them round for a girlie night in, & let hubby go out with the lads at the same time.

It won't be like this forever.. you've already proven that you can go out, albeit you feel you need your husband to achieve this just now, but hopefully you'll get your confidence back, and start to do little things on your own.

cat85pink
25-08-13, 23:10
hi yes my friends know, they dont understand but they try, they all have kids & we live 25min walk from theres so its harder for them to get to me, although they do now & then when hubby gives them a lift, i wouldn't mind him going out then, but every night is getting too much, i think he's being selfish, but maybes im hard to live with as when we do go out i have to be in control of time place etc, but he knew this when we married, he carrys on like hes single (with his mates, not other girls)

Daisy Sue
25-08-13, 23:14
Difficult one :( It might be that he just doesn't understand - through no fault of his own, sometimes people don't know how crippling anxiety can be unless they've ever felt it themselves.

Have you got any family nearby?

cat85pink
25-08-13, 23:28
yeah
my mum is 5mins away, and my sister & nephews 10 mins, my brother & sister in law 10 mins away, his sister is 10 mins away :) surrounded by good people :)
& his best mate 20 mins away who he sees every night :(

just don't feel right, think ive got too much going on at once, and my mind is running, i would like to go to relationship advice as i don't think we talk enough & he puts himself before me every night, its what he wants, a few times a week would be a compromise between us both, plus he says when we have a baby he will have to stay home more, but i think he'll just say well baby is a sleep he'll pop out & 7 nights week it gets lonely

Daisy Sue
25-08-13, 23:34
I think most wives/partners would be fed up of being left alone so many evenings.. I know I would!

Yeah, talking is the key to any relationship, & if you feel you can't do this without help, then I'd agree some intervention might be good for the both of you.

It's good that you have family members not far... I'd make sure they know how you're feeling - a bit of family rallying round might help a lot.

cat85pink
25-08-13, 23:40
my family are lovely but peoples opinion of whats good is different,

my sisters ex is a loser & never sees his kids, so she thinks im lucky my hubby is nice

my brother works full time & thinks my hubby is a little bit lazy & should only go out once a week,

my mum loves my hubby to bits but thinks im right to be upset but says its my fault as i put up with it, & if i want respect i shouldn't let him walk all over me & upset me, so should stop cooking & cleaning for him & say if he wants to go out like a single man with his mates then feed himself etc haha my dad was brilliant and him & my mum were together 40 years before he died & she never had much of an argument,

Daisy Sue
25-08-13, 23:48
Hmm.. well, I'm not too sure about your Mum's advice. She's right that you need to speak up for yourself, as your needs within the marriage are just as important as your husband's... but stopping cooking etc for him I think might only drive you further apart, which makes it harder to come back from.

Maybe just try and talk calmly to him, be truthful about everything & try not to point any fingers of blame.. If he cares about you and wants this to work, he'll listen.

Good luck honey.. I know it's hard, especially when we're not feeling that strong inside, but marital happiness is often one of those things that won't happen unless you work at it & reach mutual understanding & respect. x

cat85pink
26-08-13, 00:15
Yes I agree with you if I stop doing things then so will he and dont get me wrong sometimes he does things for me because I cant, hes had to drive me back from the shopping before and go back and get it alone as I was so anxious,

It just hurts more that he walk out when I was upset, and he should of been here to cuddle, we weren't arguing I just asked him to stay home,

Thanl you for all your help, its nice to talk to someone, youve really helped me tonight x

Daisy Sue
26-08-13, 00:31
:) You're welcome, & good luck. If you ever want to pm me, feel free. xx

cat85pink
26-08-13, 00:38
Thanks

Same goes for you, if you ever need a friendly ear pm me

:)

xvolatileheart
01-09-13, 15:43
I completely know how you feel. Last night was rough for me. My husband and I were meant to go to a party, but I just couldn't do it. I let him know I was feeling down but wanted him to go and have a good night. As soon as he left I broke down and cried. He didn't even come home, he ended up staying at his friends' flat. Now it's Sunday afternoon and he still isn't home. I don't want to burden him by forcing him to stay in the flat with me but I feel so lonely.

Communication is definitely key. Let him know how you're feeling, and hopefully you can reach a compromise.

cat85pink
01-09-13, 20:06
Im so sorry youre feeling lonely,

I always told my husband id never hold him back because I couldn't always go out, but he goes to his friends house every night, I go with him sometimes and have a chat with his friends wife, but I dont think asking him to stay in a few nights is anything to do with my anxiety, I just want to spend time as husband & wife,

Is your partner home yet? Must of been hard waking up alone?

xvolatileheart
01-09-13, 23:41
I think that's totally reasonable, and I'm sure he would understand if you told him that! Try to phrase it in a way that doesn't seem accusatory. Maybe say "I know you enjoy going out with your friends, and I'm really glad you get to do that. I would really like to at least have a couple of nights per week just as husband and wife, that would mean a lot to me."

He came home in the afternoon and we've spent the evening together after I had a little go at him. :blush: It was hard waking up alone, it worried me and I felt really upset with him. I think we've resolved it now though.

cat85pink
02-09-13, 03:59
My hubby knows how I feel we've been together 4 years and he's been going out just about every night ever since,

I can't quite put my finger on why he does this, sometimes he is rather childish not in a nasty way a little bit selfish, he enjoys playing computer games & has an addictive personally where he repetitively does something he enjoys, and sitting watch tv he does not, he fidgets and doesn't enjoy it,

The thing I find hard is how he chats away to online gamers & I've said before he talks to them more than me,

Don't get me wrong he's never aggressive or nasty, he just acts like a lazy boy

He didnt have a good childhood like myself hes learnt to keep his emotions in, and has a brick wall up, like he has no worrys & lifes all fun, sometimes this is a good thing as im over emotional & worry enough for us both, but we have some money worrys, trying to move house, and starting a family, all this on my mind & hubby lost in computer games maybes its easier to avoid things that way, but I feel it makes him distant & uninterested,

Im glad your hubbys back home, and youve explained how you felt, hopefully next time you'll manage to go with him,

xvolatileheart
02-09-13, 20:30
I think a lot of men are like that! I have to remind myself that my husband and I settled down very young and he's still not "grown up." He can be very selfish and not communicate in an adult way, but I do feel like he's getting there slowly. Do you think your husband is improving?

cat85pink
02-09-13, 21:16
My husband is 31 he had ADHD as a child & teenager so maybes he still has some of those issues

We have a very important fertility appointment tomorrow 40 miles to the hospital, im so nervous,

Hubby sat and watch a program we both enjoy this evening & then he put the next episode on, we end up watching 3 hours worth :-D

He's gone our now, but im ok as im gonna have a nice bath & iron my clothes ready,

I just hate this feeling of butterflys

Im glad it sounds like your hubby is improving im not sure men ever really grow up theyre just like big boys lol